A/N: Sorry about the delay in updating. Life has been freakishly hectic for me at the moment. Thank you all for the reviews though! They always make my day!
"Just leave Puck", she whispers, all the anger draining from her body. She watches him close the door behind him and then collapses onto her bed in hysterics.
He was never supposed to know.
She doesn't know how long he'll be gone for. After all, he can't go back to his own apartment, and she has no idea how long he'll respect her wishes and stay away.
What's worse is that she can't stop the tears from rolling down her cheeks and Brittany will be home within half an hour. If Brittany sees her crying, she'll ask what's wrong, and she just can't tell someone else, not even part of the story. It takes too much out of her.
So she runs.
(She scrawls a note for Brittany and attaches it to the door because she owes it to the blonde).
She doesn't know many places in New York, only what she learnt from the guide books she studied with Finn all that time ago. She doesn't know where the hotels and motels are (doesn't have enough money to afford one); doesn't know anyone who lives in the city.
She can't go to Santana's apartment just in case he decides to show up there, and she has nowhere else to go. She didn't realize this year would be so hard... she thought she was finally owed a little bit of happiness.
She walks aimlessly around the university, sticking to the shadows on the side of the footpath and ducking into buildings every time she sees someone that looks even remotely like Puck.
This year was supposed to be easy. None of them were supposed to know; none of them were ever supposed to look at her with pity in her eyes; none of them were ever supposed to know her as more than Rachel, the girl from Ohio.
(She should have known that he would be the one to ruin it).
S
he calls a taxi after she's been walking for over an hour. She gives the driver the first address she can think of, and sinks back into her seat, pulling her mobile out of her pocket.
Brittany [2.30pm] Rach, where are you? I got the note on the door but you didn't say where you were going, or when you were coming back.
Brittany [2.40pm] I know you haven't gone back to Ohio cos all of your stuff is still here... that must mean you'll be coming home soon, but can you just text me back? I'm worried about you Rach.
Brittany [2.45pm] Rachel, call me now!
Brittany [2.47pm] This isn't funny Rachel. Call me.
She sends her a quick message back (I'm just going for a drive Britt; I'll be home as soon as I can), and then switches off her phone. She doesn't want to hear from anyone tonight, especially not Puck.
She hands the cab driver a handful of money, hoping that it's enough because she doesn't have the time or the extra money needed to satisfy an angry cab driver.
Her eyes fill with tears as she sets foot on the footpath, her eyes roaming over the street. There's a kebab store, a small tattoo parlour, a small convenience store, a chemist and a handful of clothing stores, but she's not there for any of them. Her eyes focus on the neon sign; sure that it flashes during the day, but right now, it dully announces the location of a small mechanics shop.
Finn's mechanic shop.
If she closes her eyes, she can almost imagine Finn wearing overalls covered in oil as he sings along to an old Journey song on the radio. Her heart aches at the thought of the life they could have had… the life they almost had.
She reaches for her neck, and delicately undoes the clasp of the necklace she never takes off. A small silver key cuts into her hand as she runs her thumb over the grooves in the metal. Burt was kind enough to get in contact with his friend and ask for a copy of the key, just in case she ever needed it.
Tonight's the first time she's ever dared to go here, and she knows why. It hurts so much to be around the future that should have been theirs.
This isn't supposed to be her life.
The door creaks as she opens it, and she remembers all the times Finn almost got caught sneaking down the stairs late at night because he always forgot to miss the bottom stair. She can almost feel him with her tonight, and she's not sure if it's because she's upset or because there's a clearly defined link between him and this place.
She feels blindly for the light switch on the wall, her fingers prickling at the feel of the uneven plastered wall. The light burns her eyes as it casts around the room, but that's not the most surprising thing.
Sound asleep on the small sofa in the corner is Carole Hummel, Finn's mum and Kurt's step-mother.
It doesn't take long for Carole to wake up, her eyes widening at the sudden intrusion of light, and her jaw dropping when she sees whose standing in front of her.
"Rachel…"
"Carole, what are you doing here?" she asks, still surprised that Carole's in New York. She hasn't heard from her second-mother in weeks, and it breaks her heart that she didn't even let her know she was coming to New York.
"I'm just checking in on things", Carole answers, her eyes trained on the calendar on the other side of the wall.
"Checking on what things?"
"You of course. I still pay Finn's phone bill so people can call and leave a message if they're having a really bad day, and sometimes, when I'm having a really bad day, I'll check the messages. I heard yours and I knew that I had to come and visit. I didn't tell you because you would have promised you were fine, and got upset if I mentioned coming to check up and you, but I just had to do it Rachel", Carole says softly, her eyes trained on her almost-daughters face.
"I was just having a bad day. I don't need help. I have friends here. They can take care of me"
"Do they know about the accident Rachel? Do they know about Finn, and Kurt, and Tina and Artie? Do they know what happened to you – how much you have had to survive?"
"One of them knows. We got into an argument and I accidently mentioned Finn's name, and know he knows that my boyfriend is dead", she whispers, her voice breaking as tears start to fill her eyes.
Carole doesn't say anything, merely pushing herself off the couch and walking over to Rachel, wrapping her arms around the now sobbing girl. "Rachel… you have to tell at least one of them. What if you get into an accident and one of them needs to give a medical history? What if they find a photo of you and Finn one day and don't understand who he is? You have to let them in Rachel… I know you're scared but you can't keep everyone at bay forever"
Rachel's back stiffens and she pushes herself away from the older woman. "I can't tell them. You don't understand. People look at me with pity in their eyes when they hear my story, and I can't deal with that anymore. I've only just moved away from everyone looking at me like I'm Rachel Berry, girl with the dead friends, and I can't go back to that. The people I know here don't look at me like that – I'm just Rachel, the girl from Ohio"
"Rachel…"
"Carole, I really appreciate everything you've done for me. You're the closest thing to a mother I've ever had, and I've missed you so much since I moved here, but if you don't agree with my decision, I think it's best if you go back home. This is the only way I can cope with what happened and having you here, questioning what I'm doing… I can't deal with it. Please Carole", she begs, her eyes still shiny with the unshed tears.
"I'm leaving in a few days anyway Rachel. I was planning on doing some sightseeing, buying some gifts and coming to visit you, but I understand if you can't deal with that"
"I want to see you – more than anything – but I just can't. When I see you, I see Finn, and it just reminds me of all I've lost, and my heart can't take this anymore. I don't even know how it's still beating because it hurts all the time these days, but seeing you… it gets so much worse", the brunette girl sobs, her heart breaking as she explains herself to Carole.
"I understand. If you don't mind, I'll still e-mail and call you from time to time… I don't want to drop out of your life forever", Carole says softly. What's left unsaid is that Rachel is the last link Carole has to her son, and she can't let go of that, at least not permanently.
"Of course. I'd hunt you down if you didn't call from time to time", Rachel replies before stepping back into Carole's open arms, both of them knowing that this will be the last time they'll see each other for a long time.
Neither of them says anything, choosing to just stare at the other, until Carole presses a handful of cash into Rachel's hand. "Take care of yourself Rachel", she says quietly, before walking back to the couch and snuggling back under the thin blankets, squeezing her eyes shut so she doesn't have to see Rachel walk out of the door.
The taxi journey back to the dorms flies by. She doesn't know why it was so easy to find a taxi and she doesn't know why her driver insists on breaking every single speeding law, but within twenty minutes, she's hesitating outside her dorm room, trying to hear if Puck is still inside.
After listening to complete silence for a few minutes, she realizes that there's no more than one person in the room, if that. The radio and television aren't on; there's no sound of life, and definitely no talking.
She opens the door quietly, gasping a little when she sees Brittany sitting on her bed, legs crossed, with a furious look on her face.
"Where have you been Rachel? I texted you twenty times and called you thirteen times. You can't just run off like that!" the blonde screeches as soon as she realizes that the door is open.
"I left you a note and I told you I was okay Britt"
"Don't Britt me! I waited for hours and hours, and called everyone, but no one had seen or heard from you. I was terrified Rachel... I was about to call the police because I thought someone had hurt you!" she yells, before promptly bursting into tears.
"Britt, I'm sorry", she whispers, walking over to Brittany's crying figure. Brittany didn't reply, choosing to wipe her nose with her sleeve before attempting to straighten up. "Puck and I got into a little argument and I just needed to clear my head. I guess I just lost track of time"
"I was so worried Ray. You have to pinkie promise not to do that again cos your one of my people now and I'd be really upset if I lost you", Brittany explains before sticking out her pinkie finger. Rachel doesn't hesitate before shaking it, her eyes soft at the sight of Brittany so upset over the thought of losing her.
(It reminds her so much of Tina).
They talk for a while, Brittany skirting around all the questions she wants to ask about just what happened this afternoon.
It's two in the morning before either of them feels even remotely tired and Rachel wordlessly pulls back the covers of the quilt and they both crawl under, sighing at the sudden warmth.
The last thing she hears before she falls asleep is Brittany's soft whisper as she squeezes her hand, and her eyes prickle. The blonde falls asleep instantly and she follows quickly, her nightmares replaced with dreams of her and Brittany, smiling and laughing.
("I thought you weren't going to be back in time for my birthday Rachie")
A/N #2: Yeah, I'm back. In this chapter, there was something important mentioned that will crop up later in the story. If you guess what the thing was correctly in your review, you win a prize... either one question about any of my stories that I'll answer 100% truthfully (unless it ruins the plot of this story, but then you'll get another go) OR a one-shot request of your choice. The winners will be announced when I post chapter 8, and then they can PM me with their question/request!