DISCLAIMER: I own nothing.

It was hard coming up with a title for this one, but I finally settled with Last Resort, cuz of the lyric: "cut my life into pieces".

Last Resort – Papa Roach

April 2002
Alex: 13
Jay: 15

"She'll be OK. We'll need to keep her in over night though. This is very serious, and its good you got here when you did. She's been hiding this self-mutilation for a while now, and God knows how long it could've continued for if you hadn't have found her."

Alex heard the nurses words, but they were meaningless to her. Was she supposed to be some big superhero now or something? Ellie was lying in her hospital bed, hooked up to the life support machine, the steady beep of her slowly beating heart her only companion. Alex clung to her friends hand. Her skin was cold, as if she were laying there dead. Alex ended up believing her own evil thoughts, even though she knew the beeping meant Ellie was OK. She felt guilty for stressing so much over her troubles with Jay. All this time she was obsessing over something that was ultimately so trivial, when Ellie was sat at home alone slitting her own wrists because she was so unhappy with life. One cut too far, too deep, too close, and she could be gone...

The ride in the ambulance was different. The last two times Alex had been in the back of an ambulance, one of them had been accompanying her mom who was writhing around in sober pain on the stretcher with a dislocated shoulder and elbow. The second time, it was another dislocated shoulder. This time, it was Alex's own left shoulder that had been relocated to another direction.

But this wasn't about her this time. For once. No, it was about was about her friend. Who she'd neglected, and didn't even notice was going through something so horrible. Alex wondered if she could still be considered a friend? Wasn't a friend supposed to be someone who is always there, and someone you can trust, rely on and even depend on? That didn't sound much like Alex's actions of late.

The room was basic. Gray linoleum, off-white walls, harsh fluorescent lights and no warmth or comfort to the place at all. Alex looked around in despair, trying to imagine living with the guilt if Ellie didn't make it.

A knock on the door made Alex jump. She looked toward the porthole to see a familiar face peering through the glass.

"Sean!" Alex exclaimed, her voice coming out a throaty whisper. He opened the door a fraction then opened it wider and stepped in. His eyes were red raw bloodshot.

"I'm sorry I didn't realize before now." Sean said, getting straight to the point. He stayed stood by the door, not inching any closer to his butchered girlfriend.

"It's not your fault." Alex said flatly. She planned on elaborating, but she couldn't find the words.

"I've been a shit boyfriend... I'll never forgive myself if..."

"Sean, don't beat yourself up about this, OK?" Alex's tone was effortlessly stern. "You didn't cause this. None of us knew about this, we all let her do it. We're all to blame."

"That doesn't make it any easier."

"It wasn't supposed to be easy. If life was easy there'd be no point in living."

"You sound so cheerful." Sean muttered sarcastically.

"It must be being in a hospital." Alex quipped.

"Where's Jay?" Sean asked, changing the direction of the conversation completely.

"Urgh..." Alex hadn't thought about him in a while, now he was back at the forefront of her mind.

"Another falling out?" Sean asked as if it were common practice.

Alex battled between the long winded version, and the abridged version. "I don't know where Jay is, and I don't care." She settled with that, and made sure her tone was firm. She pictured Sean going back to Jay at his secret hide out and reporting back, planning yet more schemes and plotting more lies to make her look like a fool.

"Why what's he done that's so bad?" Sean asked, looking genuine enough.

Oh yeah, like you don't know! "Nothing. It's a long story."

"He must have done something for you to be acting like-"

"Sean! I'm here for Ellie, not to talk about that loser, OK?" Alex snapped, raising her voice.

Sean looked hurt. "Sorry, I didn't mean to shout. But I just can't think about Jay at the minute, it's... it's complicated, OK? Please just drop it."

"OK..." Sean squeaked in a small voice.

Jay ambled up to Sean's place rather worse for wear. He'd been on his feet for hours, he had no money. He didn't remember the walk to Sean's being so long. He was grateful when he turned the corner onto Breward Street and saw Sean's place looming ahead of him. He'd only been here twice, and with his absence last year while he was in Oregon, he was unsure of the number.

342, 344, 346, 348.. Tracker's motorbike was parked outside number 348. Jay could see a "Wasaga Beach" sticker emblazoned across the kitchen window. This had to be the place.

He knocked twice, and there was an answer almost immediately. Tracker looked flustered.

"Jay? What are you doing here?" Tracker spoke quickly.

"Looking for Sean." Jay said, looking at Tracker as if he'd just grown another head.

"He's not here, dude." Tracker said as if Jay should know that. "His girlfriend's in the hospital."

Jay's heart began ticking faster. He had to think for a second, Sean's girl? That redhead chick that was friends with Alex. "Ella?"

"Ellie." Tracker corrected him. "I can tell Sean you stopped by when he gets back if you want."

"No, I should go up there, see how they all are." Jay said decisively.

"OK, man. Later." Tracker shut the door in his face, and Jay was more than a little disappointed that Tracker didn't try and dissuade him.

- - - - -

He knew he was wrong to think it'd be OK going up to see Ellie. It was horrendously easy for him to get past the security at the hospital. Ellie was on floor four, room eighteen. Jay meandered aimlessly up stairs, down corridors, round corners. He turned the corner onto the ward and hoped that this end was the small numbers. But no. He could see room eighteen from where he stood. He edged slowly toward the room. There were no sounds, no people chatting, no-one at all, it seemed. He feared the worse... What if this girl died? He didn't know her, but still. No-one deserved that. He was dying to know what happened to her. Then he felt guilty for using the word 'dying' under such circumstances. He stood at the door, not realizing he was holding his breath in. The redheaded girl was lying motionless in the bed, he saw a broken down Alex sat rigidly in the uncomfortable chair, Sean sat across from her looking like a stone statue.

He reached up to knock. His sweaty palm shock uncontrollably as he tapped, barely coherently on the glass. Alex shot up from her seat. Jay could tell he'd scared her. Now he felt worse. She didn't come to the door to let him in though. He wasn't sure if he should wait to be granted access, or to let himself in. Sean stayed sat in his chair, not even looking up. Alex stood by the window, the sunlight drowning her so Jay could hardly see her. He pushed the door and it opened a creak, the noise causing him to shudder, like finger nails down a chalk board.

He stood in the tiny alcove between the door frame and the door. He didn't say a word. No-one did. He kept his eyes on Ellie, lying still as a grave. Her eyes were shut, her lips were pale and her skin was white as a sheet. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Alex. She had turned a few degrees toward him, but still she wouldn't look at him, or talk to him, or even acknowledge his presence. No doubt he deserved it, though. He was the poorest excuse for a boyfriend he'd ever known, and he knew some real wastes of oxygen. Maybe he should go pencil his name onto that list.

The deafening silence in that tiny room was like water seeping in. The higher it rose, the closer to doom they got. Jay had to say something, for fear of going insane. "Is she OK?"

Sean winced at the sound of Jay's voice, and Jay saw Alex tense up, but no-one answered him. He was smart enough not to repeat himself though.

Sean eyed Jay discretely and sent him a sympathetic look. Jay wondered how much Alex had told him. What did he know. Was that look saying "good luck getting Alex back", or "God, you don't deserve to walk the planet" or...

"Why are you here?" Alex's poignant voice broke the silence and interrupted his thoughts. The sound of her voice was almost alien to him, he felt like he hadn't heard her in so long, when in reality had only been a matter of hours.

"I, I uh went to see Tracker. I was gonna ask Sean if I could crash, but he told me you were here, then he told me about Red-" Jay was ashamed to say he was unsure of her name, was it Ellie, Ella, Ellis...? "- and I needed to come up here and see for myself."

"Like you care." Alex shot back her voice dripping in venom.

"I do care." Jay fought back weakly.

"You don't care about anyone or anything but yourself, Jay." Alex muttered, her gaze missing him by miles.

Sean was astounded by Alex's devilish tone. It was bordering on vicious.

"Alex, I'm sorry for what happened to your friend." Jay declined to mention that he still didn't actually know why Red was in the hospital. "And I'm sorry for what you heard before. But I don't wanna go on about it here."

"Did you ever think I don't wanna talk about it? Ever?"

"Don't make a scene, Lexi."

"It's Alex, by the way." She said sharply.

"What have I interrupted?" A weak voice spoke up, different from the two that had just been involved in the heated debate.

P/S- As time went on, I started liking writing this chapter more and more. Writer's block just seemed to melt away, Thank Lucifer!

Anyways, enough of my kooky randomosity, please review folks, I need feedback! I wanna know what you guys think! So please review, please!!