A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews. Pretty much all of them said that they were still enjoying the story; a couple of people said it was a little boring/lack lustre, but rest assured, the action is going to start now! With the exception of chapter 1/2 and parts of other chapters, it was really just setting the scene, establishing friendships etc. This point onwards is where everything interesting starts to come out to play.
I'm also on school holidays now, so the updates should be coming a little more frequently! And the next time you get an e-mail regarding this story and it's next chapter, it'll be under a different title, so don't freak out! The poll is still up if you want to vote for the title I choose... I won't be deciding for another couple of days!
The dorm room is really too small for four girls, but it was Brittany's idea and Santana was quick to second it, mainly to make her best friend happy. Quinn just went along with the plan to continue with her efforts to get back on Santana's good side and she had no choice because it was, after all, her dorm room.
Brittany seemed to think that the four of them sharing a room for the weekend would make them closer, and now that she and Santana were no longer fighting, Santana seemed to think it was a good idea too.
That's why she's spending her Saturday night stuck in the dorm room, eating pizza and listening to Brittany telling ghost stories.
"... and the girl was never seen again", Brittany finishes, her voice trembling as she tries to scare them all.
She bites back a smile because telling ghost stories is not Brittany's forte, and she can see Santana and Quinn doing the same. Her smile fades as she looks at Quinn because right behind the blonde is Finn.
He's wearing a suit – the exact same one he wore to prom – and he's holding her corsage in his hand. He looks amazing and she remembers telling him that the first time she saw him wearing that suit. He had been speechless when she walked down the stairs in a black dress, and she had never felt like more of a princess than that night.
She blinks and shakes her head, expecting him to disappear, just like he did that time when she was re-learning to walk. He doesn't disappear but his outfit changes and he's suddenly wearing jeans and a t-shirt. She hates the shirt he's wearing, and he only ever wore it to tease her. It's ratty and old – the shirt he wore for his first ever Glee performance (they first time they ever sung a duet) – and he was wearing it on the night of the accident.
Her eyes fill with tears as he smiles at her softly, and she blinks again, trying to make him disappear. He can't be here... he's supposed to be gone. He's dead. He isn't supposed to be standing behind Quinn Fabray, looking at her like she's the most important thing in the world.
He's still there when she opens her eyes but he's bleeding, a large gash on his head causing blood to drip down his face. She lets out a tiny squeak as his face goes pale, and she bites at her lip to stop the tears from flowing as she sees him dying in front of her all over again.
"Rachel!"
Finn disappears and she's left staring at a spot in mid-air with Quinn staring at her curiously. "Are you okay Rachel? You zoned out on us for a moment there" Quinn teases but she can hear the concern in the blonde's voice.
"I'm fine, just tired" she responds, wondering if any of them can hear the lie in her voice. If they can, they don't comment on it.
"Yeah, I'm kind of tired too", Quinn agrees. "Do you mind if we go to bed early tonight Britt? I'll take us all out for breakfast tomorrow... I promise"
"That's fine! I'm really tired too", Brittany agrees. "Can we go somewhere that sells pancakes for breakfast?"
Quinn nods and Santana shoots a grateful look in the blonde's direction. It'll take a long time for the two of them to become friends again but Santana clearly knows that Quinn's trying and she's at least a little bit grateful for it.
The next hour turns the room into a disaster zone. Santana and Brittany are both trying to fit in Brittany's tiny bed while Quinn is grumpily setting up the spare mattress on the floor. When Santana and Brittany finally manage to both get in the bed, one tiny movement from Brittany sends Santana flying off the bed, and she lands with her elbow in the remains of one of the pizzas.
"Damn it!" she growls as she attempts to wipe off the tomato sauce and cheese. "Why is your bed so goddamn small, Britt?"
"You could share with me", Quinn offers teasingly, seizing her opportunity to wind-up Santana. "This mattress is a little bigger than Brittany's"
"Shut it Fabray"
"You can have my bed if you want it Santana", she offers. "I'll sleep on the floor next to Quinn"
She knows from experience that Santana gets horrendously grumpy if she doesn't get a good night's sleep, which is why they generally try to accommodate her needs. God, a normal Santana is grumpy enough – a sleep deprived Santana is practically the devil in disguise.
"You sure Rach?"
"Just take it before I change my mind". Santana doesn't need to be told twice – she quickly pulls off her jeans, her oversized shirt reaching mid-thigh, and crawls into the bed.
"G'night bitches", she says sleepily, and within seconds, she's asleep. Brittany soon follows her and both she and Quinn chuckle when they realize that even their breathing is in sync.
"God, that's just sad", Quinn teases, even though they both know that Quinn wants what Brittany and Santana share more than anything else in the world.
"Good night Quinn", she replies, a small smile on her face as she climbs into the sleeping bag. The floor is hard and uncomfortable and her back aches already. At first, she thinks her discomfort is the reason she can't get to sleep. She tosses and turns trying to find a piece of carpet that doesn't irritate her back and eventually drifts off to sleep. Within an hour, she's awake again, and no matter what she does, she can't fall back to sleep. She tries counting sheep and listening to the sound of her friend's steady breathing, but her eyes refuse to shut.
"Stop fidgeting", Quinn says grumpily after about ten minutes. "You're driving me insane"
"Sorry Quinn... just having trouble sleeping, that's all"
"Get in", she grumbles, her eyes still firmly closed. "You're tiny so you won't take up much room, and I'm about five seconds away from snapping and killing you, so really, this is the only alternative"
She obeys and slides in next to Quinn but her back still aches and her eyes still remain open.
"Why aren't you sleeping Rachel?" Quinn asks after a few more moments, and she slowly opens her eyes to unleash the mother of all death glares.
"I have no idea Quinn. My sleeping pattern has been all over the place recently and I guess it's decided that I won't be sleeping at all tonight", she jokes.
"Well, I can't sleep with you twitching like that", she moans as she throws her hand dramatically over her eyes.
"I'll just get back into my sleeping bag then"
"Don't be like that Rachel... that's not what I meant. We could play a game until you feel tired if you want? We don't really know each other all that well... it could be kind of fun", Quinn offers as she slowly removes her hand from her eyes and stares at her. "What do you think?"
"Sounds like fun Quinn", she whispers, still fully aware of the fact that Santana and Brittany are still sleeping, and slightly terrified of waking Santana up who is the lightest sleeper she's ever met.
They play 'Would You Rather?' for a while, and she finds herself chuckily quietly at the blonde. Quinn's witty and sarcastic, and even though she doesn't realize it, really quite funny. She's just getting into the routine of asking Quinn a question and then listening attentively for the answer when Quinn's eyes slowly shut and she's the only one awake again. Quinn's soft snores fill the room, and she has to bite back laughter because she's sure that Quinn wouldn't appreciate being laughed at after she's done her best to be accommodating tonight.
Why did you live? Why do you get to grow up and get married and have children? What makes you special?
It's Kurt's voice in her head this time and she reaches for Quinn's hand and squeezes softly. Quinn merely mumbles in her sleep and she silently hopes that Quinn will wake up so that she can ignore the voice in her mind.
Her eyes finally drift shut but Kurt's voice is still there. He's singing along to the radio and he's doing some weird dance move that's so Kurt. His seatbelt is drawn tightly across his chest, and her heart aches at the sight of her friend. She's missed him so much.
She's sitting in the passenger seat of the car but there's no one else there. The car is driving itself and there's no one in the back but Kurt, whose sitting proudly in the middle. She smiles at her friend as he laughs at himself, but her smile fades as the car spins out of control.
Kurt's screaming, and oh god, this cannot be happening again. She tears her seatbelt off and throws herself into the backseat to push Kurt out of the way but by the time she's there, there's blood everywhere and Kurt's pale and he's not breathing, and oh god, please, not again, she can't survive this again.
Her eyes start to fill with tears and suddenly, his eyes open and he's staring straight at her. You can't save us Rachel. You can't save us, just like you can't save them. They're going to die and it's going to be your fault; just like it's your fault that we're dead.
She wakes up sweating. Her hands are clammy and Quinn jolts awake next to her. "Are you okay, Rachel? You look kind of freaked out"
"It was just a nightmare", she reassures the blonde. "I probably shouldn't have watched that horror movie with Mike and Matt yesterday"
"Oh, I know all about that", she says softly, laughter falling from her lips. "Mike, Puck and Matt used to challenge each other to find the scariest movie of all time, and then they'd make me, Britt and San watch it so that they could comfort us", Quinn explains. "God, I used to hate Puck because he always went for gory movies instead of suspenseful ones because he knew I hated gore"
"I know the feeling. Finn always used to bring round scary movies on movie nights when he knew Kurt and I loved musicals and that Tina was turned into a shaking mess whenever anything remotely scary happened", she tells Quinn.
Quinn doesn't say anything in response, but looks at her in shock. "You're talking to me about Finn?" she asks, her voice quivering.
"Oh god Quinn, I'm so sorry if I've overstepped my boundaries. I should have known you wouldn't want to talk to me about boyfriends and friends"
"Rachel, that's not what I meant. I'm just surprised that you were talking to me of all people when I know for a fact that you haven't told any of the others any specific details about your past"
"It just felt kind of natural to be talking to you about it. We were talking about boyfriends and friends and I just felt like I wanted to share it with you"
Quinn squeezes her hand softly as she drifts off to sleep again and her heart starts beating rapidly as Quinn's snores start to fill the room again.
We loved you Rachel. We never did anything to hurt you, yet you let us die.
"I tried to save you... I really, really tried"
You didn't try hard enough. You left us in that car. You wanted us to die.
"I didn't, I promise. I tried to make the paramedics save you. You have to believe me".
We were your friends. All we ever did was love you. What did we do to deserve this?
The room starts to spin and she feels dizzy. She can see their faces in front of her and they're all glaring, all wanting to know why she left them in the car. That's when everything goes black.
She wakes up the next morning to Brittany and Quinn bustling around the room while Santana is doing her best to hide under the covers with little success.
"Rach, you're up! You better hurry because Quinn's taking us out for pancakes soon!" Brittany squeals.
"The pancakes better be accompanied by coffee Fabray", Santana growls as she climbs out of bed, "otherwise there will be hell to pay"
Quinn just smiles in return, accustomed to Santana's attitude in the morning, and Brittany continues throwing clothes around the room in her attempts to find the shirt she's looking for.
Santana throws her hair into a messy ponytail and pulls off her sleeping shirt before searching through the clothes on the floor to find something to wear. She's gorgeous.
Quinn's changing into a pair of jeans on the other side of the room and she somehow manages to wriggle into a pair of skinny jeans without looking like an idiot. She's perfect.
Brittany's standing in her bra and underwear as she grabs an oversized shirt and pulls it over her head, before pairing it with leggings. She has the most amazing dancer's body, even though she hasn't danced for years.
She grabs a shirt from her drawers and walks as far away from the other girls as possible before pulling off her pyjama shirt. None of them look at her, too busy applying make-up or tugging their hair out of their faces and she's insanely grateful. She used to be proud of her body – it used to be the result of hours of dance lessons, and she received compliments for it frequently – but now she hates looking in the mirror.
Her back and upper thighs were destroyed in the accident. Her back is a mess of burns and the skin is all puckered, and has a strange pink tinge to it. She hasn't let anyone see her back since the accident and sometimes at night, she can remember the way the flames licked her body. She can remember trying to crawl back to the car and watching it explode in front of her, and she can remember the way the flames jumped and danced, caressing her body.
They somehow missed her face and arms, something that the doctors said was a small miracle, but they burnt away at the flesh on her back, even going so far as to touch the edges of her stomach.
Her upper thighs are covered in scars which is why she only ever wears jeans or long pants. She hates the way they look – hates the scars left behind from all the stitches she had to have on her legs from the hundreds of pieces of glass that got embedded into her skin.
She hates her body.
"Rachel, come on! Its pancake time", Brittany pouts from her spot at the door. "You look fine so get your butt in gear! I'm starving"
She follows Santana, Brittany and Quinn outside, trying to ignore the way her hands are trembling.
"Oh, and Mike, Matt and Puck are planning on meeting up with us", Brittany exclaims, her child-like excitement bringing a smile to everyone's face, although she knows she isn't the only one with reservations. This will be the first time Matt and Santana have been in the same room since their talk, and the first time Quinn and Puck have been together since the car journey home.
She's more than a little worried because Puck always seems able to see straight through her act and she just can't deal with this today, not on top of everything else.
All we ever did was love you.