I.

"Dad, Dad come on Dad!"

"Your son wants to practice." Sarabi reported.

"Before dawn he practices on you…" Mufasa retorted.

"Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad!" Simba grabbed onto his father's ear and pulled. "Oh, Dad - Oof!" It turned out Simba was pulling too hard. His father was head butted. Butt, butt…

"You promised!"

"All right, get your butt out of here."

Mufasa yawned and did it with Sarabi before meeting his son outside.

"Everything my cock touches, is unclean."

"Wow."

"One day Simba, I will no longer be able to fill the lionesses with gene-mutating sperm.

After which, you will get laid."

"And this will all be butt-fucked?"

"Everything."

"Everything your cock touches…"

"What about that shadowy place?"

"That's the resistance, Simba. You must never go there."

"But I thought a king could butt-fuck whoever he wanted."

"Well there's more to being a king then just fucking around all the time."

"THERE'S MORE?"

"Hahahaha, Simba." Mufasa paused. "No, not really."

The lion further explained things as they walked.

"Everything you see exists in an incestual balance, and as king, we need to understand that balance and respect all living things; which means we don't breed with them, understand?"

"Sorta. One thing though, we mate with our family but we're against interspecies sex?"

"Yes, now you see Simba, we are all genetically flawed in the Great Incest of Life."

"Good morning, sire!" Zazu flew in at that time.

"Good morning Zazu!"

"Checking in with my gay-ass report!"

"Blather away!"

Zazu proceeded to blather away.

"Yes, that's very interesting." Mufasa glanced at Simba. "What are you doing son?"

"Humping."

His father leaned down. "Let an old pro show you how it's done."

"Cheetahs always cough up…"

"Zazu, will you turn around."

"Yes sire." blah blah blah blah.

"Stick your butt up in the air." Mufasa whispered.

"What are we doing sire?"

"A humping lesson."

"Oh yes very good, humping. HUMPING!.? Oh sire, you can't be serious…"

Mufasa took his index claw and poked it into his other paw suggestively.

"This is so humiliating…"

"Try not to make a sound…"

"What are you telling him Mufasa? Mufasa? Simba?"

The cub jumped up, Zazu flew away and before everyone knew it Simba was going home.

"Don't worry, young master. One day *you'll* be king, and you can hump the shit out of

Those Perverted, Pathetic Potential Pedophiles."

To be continued…

~ Lavenderpaw ~