I.

"What do you see?" Rafiki pointed at the water.

"My fucking reflection. Can I go now?"

"Nooo!" He grabbed Simba's jowls and thrust his face into the big bluish black surface.

"I'm looking harder," The lion managed to grunt out from between squeezed wind pipes.

"Good. Now have yourself a big fucking revelation and let's get on with it."

"Simba…" Mufasa appeared in the sky.

"Da-Daddy?"

"Simba, you have-,"

"Da-daddy… is it really you?"

"Simba," Mufasa said patiently. "Don't start crying like a little bitch."

"I'm a LITTLE bitch!" He blubbered.

"Yes, but you're my little bitch."

"Daddy! Daddy I love you. DADDY!"

"Simba, I've been watching. I can't say I'm very proud of some of the things I've seen."

"You mean," Simba was now wide-eyed; and red-eyed. "That time I was alone with…"

"Yes, Simba. I saw that."

"And that time me and Timon went…"

"Yes. And I also saw that time with you and Pumbaa… and the coconuts."

"Uh, actually Dad. That wasn't me. It was my evil twin cousin clone, Bimba."

"Bimba! Listen. You will go back to Pride Rock and face down Scar to become king."

"Pfft! Please. I'm down here and you're up there."

"What?"

"Uh, Simba," the monkey guru intervened as the lion laughed. "Let's not do the tauntin'."

"Guys, he's a cloud." Simba said to him. "What's he gonna-?"

A bolt of lightening struck the top of the tree directly above Simba.

Mufasa turned back to him, stern faced. "You were just saying?"

"Uh… I love you Daddy." the younger lion cowered back.

There was no sound for a moment as Mufasa's wrath grew stronger.

"You love me?" he boomed in a low voice.

"Yes, and I'll be your little-,"

"BULL FREAKING SHIT YOU LOVE ME!1111111"

"Daddy, Daddy please have mercy!" Simba begged.

ZAP!

The lion flew through the air clutching his steaming backside.

(A few moments later…)

"Hakunnah Matata!" Mufasa yelled out in a harsh, off key voice, zapping all the trees.

"What a WONDERFUL phrase!" He zapped the bushes and the grass.

As the smoke rose and Pumbaa and Timon clutched at each other sobbing, he continued.

"It means NO WORRIES!" Mufasa torched everything in sight.

"Daddy, please stop! I'm goin' I'm goin'!

"FOR THE REST OF YOUR DAYS!" He finished with zapping all the grubs.

Pumbaa and Timon wailed louder into the night as Simba fled the burning refuge.

Yeah, it was time to go back to the Pride Lands. O_O

"You don't have to take it out on me!" Rafiki ran after Simba. "I'm only a ped-,"

ZAP!

To be continued…

~ Lavenderpaw ~