A/N: OK so this is that chapter that I warned you about. In this chapter, there is a rape occurring. Now, no need to worry as I have made it all italicized. Therefore, if you would rather not read it, you don't need to. During that section, all thoughts will be in regular text.
The reason I felt it necessary to include the rape and not just say "this character was raped", is that you, the reader, need to understand how horrible this was for the character, how it affected her, and what happened during it. However, if you so choose, you can skip it. You just won't understand full how seriously the character was affected.
I want to say thank you to the betas that braved this chapter and helped me make it better. The amazing betas at PTB are always looking for new chapters to check. Be sure to check them out if you need their assistance.
Also, I wanted to thank all the wonderful reviewers who said such kind things about the last chapter. I truly appreciate it.
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As I walked down the road in Diagon Alley to Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes a week after the family dinner, I was still upset over what I'd said to Ron. He hadn't spoken to me since that night.
I knew when I said it that I was wrong. How could I say that? What would drive a person to say something they knew would cut so deep? I surely didn't know the answer to these questions, but I knew that I had to apologize. There was one problem: Ron wouldn't talk to me. So many times I had tried to contact him, but he avoided me at all costs. Owls were rerouted back to me. When I went to his apartment, his door was unseen to me, which I am sure he had help with. It was crazy the lengths he had gone to to shut me out.
It was my only wish that he wouldn't shut me out tonight. I wasn't leaving the shop until he talked to me. Bound and determined was I that I would apologize and end this argument tonight. I wanted to be able to move on with our lives together. How was I supposed to plan a wedding if the groom wouldn't even talk to me?
Slowly, with my head down, I walked in silence. It was just after nine in the evening. The whole of Diagon Alley was deserted at this time of night. Typically, I loved walking the streets when they were this quiet. It allowed me time to think, but tonight, thinking was a bad thing. I couldn't help but put myself down more with every step.
I hated what I had done to Ron, to our relationship. How could he ever forgive me for what I had said to him? I don't think I would be able to forgive him if the roles were reversed.
Stepping into the alley to take a short cut to the joke shop, I didn't pay attention to anything around me because of the guilt-filled haze that encompassed me. Beating myself up was the only thing that mattered. I never even noticed how dark it was.
Suddenly, I was thrown into the wall to my right. My face smashed into it. Shock filled my body through my every pore. What the hell is happening? Blood spurted from my nose. Whatever hit me must have pushed me so hard that I broke my nose.
As I cupped my hand under it to catch the blood, I tried to turn to see what was going on. It was useless as someone clutched my shoulder so hard it would bruise. His other hand held a wand to my cheek. I got the point: don't turn around. "Who are you? What do you want? Why are you doing this to me?" I asked to no avail. He remained as quiet as the mice around us.
It occurred to me that someone was assaulting me, and I didn't even know who it was. I would probably never know who was hurting me. I just turned back around and set my forehead against the cold stone of the building praying to Merlin that I would make it out of whatever this was alive. Maybe if I don't move, he won't hurt me.
My body was shaking with fear as I put my forefinger to the bottom of my nose to try stupidly to stop the rushing blood. With a shaking, raspy voice, I tried to plead with my assailant. "What – what do you want from me? I don't have any money on me. Please just leave me alone."
He didn't answer but yanked my robes from my body. Oh, Merlin. Please don't let him be planning to rape me. PLEASE! I can't take it. His hands were rough as they found their way to the back of my neck. He was strong. I couldn't try to run if I wanted to. With his hand on the back of my neck, trying to push me further into the wall, I couldn't see anything but the emptiness at the end of the alley.
No one is going to find me. This man is going to take everything from me and leave me for dead in this filth. Tears began rolling down my face as the disparity of the situation hit me.
He still hadn't made a sound. Can he even talk? Was he hit by some weird spell that made him a mute? None of that mattered as his hands came around to my front. He grabbed the front of my shirt by the buttons and yanked. All the buttons of my favorite shirt went flying. I had only worn it today so I could look good when I groveled to Ron. Now, I'll never be able to where it again.
His hands found my breasts through my bra. They squeezed and pulled at my nipples through the fabric. His movements were so forceful they were painful.
That snapped me out of the stupidity I had been sitting in. I wasn't someone that would just sit by while someone raped her! I had to fight no matter how futile it seemed. I was Hermione Granger. I faced a troll in the bathroom of Hogwarts and dozens of Death Eaters. I could face down a rapist!
With my shirt flapping in the wind, I steeled my emotions and determined myself to fight back. I slapped his hand away from me and snapped my head back and tried to hit him in his nose. Unfortunately for me, his head wasn't in the right spot, and he avoided my hit. Instead, he quickly moved his arm up and wrapped it around my throat, cutting off my air, chocking me. A wave of wind hit my nose at his movement. I recognized that smell.
My eyes became large and shock once again encompassed me. How? Why? "Harry? Oh my Merlin! Harry?" I rasped and tried again to turn around, to confirm my suspicions, but again he halted my attempts by pushing me into the wall. "Harry, if that is you, you can stop now and nothing will happen. You know this isn't right. OW!" I screamed as his he pulled my hair.
Why is he doing this to me? How could he do this? My mind was reeling as I tried to fight against his hold on my hair. I scratched at his hands and tried to pull my hair out of his grip. I felt him wrap it around his hand. It was useless to try to fight against his grip after that.
What would cause my best friend to act like this? To do something so disgusting? As I was thinking, he used my hair as a leash and pushed me over to a stack of boxes. At least I could breathe again! He forced me into a bent over position. He let go of my hair, and I felt something being shoved into the back of my head. I could tell from the feel that it was the end of a wand.
"Move, and I'll hex you," I heard a hoarse voice say. Why is he trying to disguise his voice? I know it's Harry. Why's he trying to hide now?
He reached under my skirt with his other hand, and I cringed, almost losing my supper all over the ground of the littered, dirty, mice-inhabited alleyway. I began screaming at the top of my lungs hoping that someone somewhere might hear me and come to my rescue. I screamed for help, but no one was there to hear me. So, no one came. I screamed for Merlin to save me, but he didn't. I wasn't worth anyone's time – even his.
Harry grabbed my knickers and yanked them, ripping them down the sides. Letting them fall, I felt his hands come back to my arse.
My knees buckled, and I fell to the ground. I couldn't keep my legs under me as the gravity of what was happening crippled me. I felt hands on my hips that tore my legs from the cold, unforgiving asphalt and forced me back to my feet.
Sobbing, I tried to plea one more time with the rapist that had taken over my long-time friend. "Please. Please don't do this. You can still stop. I know you don't want to do this! PLEASE!" My head fell onto my arms that tried to hold me up from the boxes as I sobbed.
The only response was a push on my back that forced my face into the stinky boxes and a rough "SHUT UP!"
I brought my foot up behind me and tried to hit him in his groin. That didn't work either. Instead of the reward of seeing him writhing on the ground and running for my life, I was hit hard on my back, right in a kidney. I fell forward onto the boxes, crushing some of them, crying harder and cursing myself for being so stupid.
How did I not see this side of Harry – that he was capable of this? Why didn't I watch my surroundings better when I was walking? Why didn't I take a Muggle self-defense class? Why didn't I … do SOMETHING? Every part of my body was beginning to tire. Whether from the exertion of trying to fight and not getting anywhere or the stress of the situation, I didn't know.
He forced himself inside me and it hurt horribly. My virgin body wasn't ready for something to be shoved inside it. I felt myself tear and him moving inside me. My screams of pain seemed to mean nothing to him. He was cold and hardened against my sorrow and my pleas for mercy.
In and out he moved. It seemed like hours since this all began, but was more than likely only mere minutes. Will it ever be over? I continued to cry. Tear after tear ran down my face. Every time I tried to move, he would punch my back. Will I ever be able to move again? Let alone, trust anything or anyone?
After he was done, he still kept himself inside me. I felt him lean closer to my ear. "That was better than I had dreamed," he whispered to me, "and I dreamed of it in a lot of different ways over the years."
I couldn't hold it back anymore. I turned slightly and tossed my supper all over his shoes. That angered him more than anything else, it seemed. He pulled himself out of me and punched me over and over in the face and back. Then he backed away from me. I sighed in relief but it was premature. A spell he had learned years ago, that I had warned him against at the time, was used against me. "SECTUMSEMPRA!" I heard him yell.
My eyes slammed shut as the pain hammered into me multiple times, and I fell to the ground. I could feel knives slicing into my skin. Screams tore from my throat, making it hurt, too. My skin became wet as the blood soaked and spread on my clothing. I heard a loud POP that meant Harry was gone, leaving me to die.
Screaming so loudly began to scratch at my throat making it impossible, after a time, to continue my cries for help. Dry sobs wracked my body. I had no tears left to shed.
As I lay there dying, something occurred to me. It never should have mattered if Ron and I were ready to have kids. It was the fact that we loved each other, that we meant so much to each other. He wanted to have a baby with me! Shouldn't that have been enough?
I guess I'll never know. I'll never be able to tell Ron how much I love him. I am dying and the last thing I said to him was that I was ashamed of him. How horrible is that! The truth was I wasn't ashamed of him. I just never wanted our children to feel the ridicule from people like Malfoy that we did in school. I wanted to shelter them from that, but I went about it in the wrong way. My fears and concerns cost me not only the man I loved but also my life. I could only hope that one day Ron would forgive me.
If I had not said what I did that day, I would never have been walking that night; I would never have been raped by my best friend. I would have just apparated home. How am I ever going to get through this? There is no hope. I will die here in filth at the hands of someone I loved.
"I love you, Ron," I whispered. Just as I lost consciousness, I thought I saw shoes at the end of the alley.