-1 CHAPTER 8: Zim and the FBI

Well, here is the chapter you've all been waiting for since day one. Mulder and Scully finally meet Zim. Prepare for insanity, insidious government conspiracies, and some surefire questions to prove if someone's really an alien. Enjoy, I own naught.

Feb 12, 4:31 pm

Mulder and Scully exited the impala and stared at the house before them. Set between two bulky concrete buildings, the house had a strange carnival-like look. The two agents noted the outlandish blue-green color of the house, and the picket fence, that while on any other house would've given a warm, welcoming Americana feel, just made this structure all the more foreboding.

"Wow," Mulder commented. Scully looked at him questioningly. "Looks like Martha Stewart was having a hangover. Whoever lives here has to be an alien."

"Are you sure you want to do this, Mulder?" Scully asked as they walked toward the house.

"What do you mean?" Mulder asked.

"Well, since we've worked on this investigation, you've been acting more and more like a little kid in a candy store." Scully said as they reached the front door. "I'm aware that there are more oddities in play in this case than in any other investigation we've been on so far, but I'm worried that you're becoming overly involved in this case, and it will end up jeopardizing our findings."

"Don't worry." Mulder assured. "Just because I'm trying to make the most out of what is possibly the largest interplanetary contact event in history, doesn't mean I'm not going to take it seriously." He gave a little grin. Scully was just about to say something, when they heard a crash from within the house, followed by a voice screaming:

"GIR! I told you not to touch that! You'll atomize us both!" Mulder nodded at Scully, and drew his Glock 9mm from its holster. Scully drew her Walther PPK, and knocked hard on the door.

"FBI, open up!" She called.

"F…B…I?!" The voice called from inside. "Ummm…just a minute!" There was some clattering, and what sounded like mechanical whirring, and then the door opened. The agents put their guns away. They looked down on the one person whose existence had been debated for so long, who would hold the key to this entire mystery. Before them stood Zim.

"Hellloooo, FBI…" Zim said. "What can I do for you today?"

BlacklandAgriculturalResearchinTempleTexasisacoverforagovernmentconspiracy

Residence of Zim

Feb 12, 4:33 pm

The two FBI agents sat on the large couch in Zim's living room, taking mental note of the inside of his house. Of course there was the 60" LCD flat screen television just opposite the couch, but that was quite normal compared to the toilet in the kitchen, the "I eat food" poster, and the large painting of some green monkey-like creature on the wall above the couch. Mulder raised his eyebrows at Scully, who gently shook her head. Zim came out of the kitchen, drinking from a soda can with a strange symbol on it.

"Sooo," Zim said, looking between the agents. "What brings you to my perfectly normal home this lovely earth day?"

"I'm sorry, but it's…not earth day." Mulder said.

"Yes, I knew that." Zim said, looking from side to side. "I just…wanted to see if you did."

"Yes, well…" Scully began. "We're here to ask you a few questions, if you don't mind."

"Of course." Zim said with a smile. "Let no one say that Zim does not cooperate with the FBI. Now, begin your questions."

"Oookay…" Scully began. "First, would it be alright if you told us the nature of your skin condition?" Zim suddenly looked a little nervous.

"I don't like to talk about it." He replied.

"Please," Scully continued. "It's pertinent to our investigation, and I am a medical doctor."

"I have a rare disorder." Zim said. "It's a pigmentary disorder that makes my skin green. Instead of my melanin acting like normal, it acts more like chlorophyll."

"Exposure to sunlight turns you green instead of brown." Scully said.

"Yes." Zim said in a disheartened tone, looking at the floor.

"I'm sorry." Scully said

"What about your…" Mulder began.

"My ears and nose fell off when I had leprosy." Zim snapped. "Happy?" Scully flashed Mulder an impatient look.

"We have reports that you have been present at several crime scenes, Zim." Mulder said. "Ranging from property destructions to arsons to bank robberies. Can you explain this?"

"Lies!" Zim shouted. "Filthy lies! I have better things to do than to destruct property and robbery banks! Whoever told you these things has a head full of brain worms!"

"I see…" Scully remarked, now seriously doubting Zim's sanity. She looked around for a moment. "Zim, where are your parents?"

"My mom is on a business trip in…Guam."

"And your father is…?" Scully asked.

"He's…he's in the war."

"Which war?" Mulder asked with a raised eyebrow.

"You know…" Zim replied. "The war. You've seen it on the TV. The war on horror."

"You mean…terror." Scully said.

"That's what I said!" Zim snapped back.

"So who is taking care of you in the absence of your parents?" Scully asked.

"Oh, I have a babysitter. Oh what a babysitter I have." Zim replied nonchalantly.

"Can I have their name?" Scully asked, jotting the information down on her notepad.

"Ummm." Zim said thoughtfully. "Her naaaammme iiiis….Hillary."

"Hillary." Scully repeated.

"Yes." Zim said. "Hillary Duff." Mulder ran his hand through his brown hair and shook his head in disbelief.

"Hillary Duff?" Scully asked. "The actress Hillary Duff is your babysitter?"

"No, she has the same name." Zim replied. "And she eats bagels." Mulder pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to keep himself from either breaking out in laughter or crying, he couldn't determine which he wanted to do more at this point. Scully, despite her obvious disbelief of anything Zim had said after the skin condition bit, simply wrote the information down with a sigh.

"What is the nature of your relationship with Dib Membrane?" She asked.

"What has the Dib stink been saying about Zim?" Zim yelled angrily. "Ah! That filthy worm baby! He speaks madness, and lies, and filth!" He regained his composure. "I mean…we get along okay. We have the same class, and sometimes even see each other after school."

"Okay." Scully said. I think we…"

"I actually have a couple more questions." Mulder interjected. "Zim, do you like outer space?"

"Yes, I find it fascinating." Zim said, uninterested.

"Have you ever wanted to just stand at the edge of a black hole, and look inside?" Mulder asked dreamily. "You know, just to see all of the matter just swirling down inside it?"

"Do you know nothing?!" Zim exclaimed. "That close to the event horizon, and your matter would be stretched out into infinity, and time would cease to exist! In that eternal moment before you got sucked in for being so….ssssstupid, you would at least have the honor of defying your limited knowledge of physics!"

"Oh yeah…" Mulder said with a smile, "I forgot about that."

"Anything else?" Zim asked impatiently.

"Oh," Mulder said. "Are you an alien?"

"Mulder!" Scully said scornfully.

"Lies!" Zim screamed. "More lies! I am nothing more than a normal human child, leading a normal human life. It's that Dib, isn't it? Always lying about me, making up his…hideous stories. Oh, you should hear the insane tales that spout from his mouth like so much corn!"

"I see." Mulder said. "Well, we have to be going now, Zim. We'll be in contact."

"Yes, yes, I'll assist in any way I can, you know the way out, goodbye, it was nice meeting you." Zim said quickly in one breath. Mulder and Scully walked to the door, and opened it. Scully turned back into the house.

"By the way, who were you yelling at earlier?" She asked, looking around.

"Oh…" Zim chuckled. "That was just my dog, GIR. I have in in the…." His eyes grew wide. "Ohhh noooooo!" He ran to the door, and hastened the FBI agents out, slamming the door behind them. They stood on the sidewalk for a moment, taking in all that had just transpired.

"Wow." Mulder said. "That…that was the single most unusual experience of my life."

"Don't tell me you believe that he's an alien." Scully chided.

"Don't tell me that you believe he's not." Mulder argued. "Because that was no normal human kid.

"I know, Mulder." Scully said. "He's obviously suffering from a laundry list of psychological problems. Did you notice his outbursts? He probably has a documented variation of tourettes syndrome that causes him to scream random thoughts. He's also a habitual liar. Did you notice that he hardly answered any of our questions honestly?"

"No?" Mulder asked with a smile. "And just when I was hoping to get Hillary Duff's autograph." Scully looked at him sternly.

"My point is, a child with so many physical and psychological problems shouldn't be left unsupervised. I'll get C.P.S. to…" She looked at her watch. "Damn, it's too late today. I'll get social services out here tomorrow to look into it."

"Meanwhile, shouldn't we set up a stakeout?" Mulder asked. "I mean, if Zim really is the head of some high tech gang, militia, or alien bent on world destruction, shouldn't we try to catch him in the act?"

"Good idea, Mulder." Scully said. "We'll come back at about eight, and set up surveillance, maybe get some of the local police to cruise the neighborhood."

"Okay, but I gotta go see someone at midnight." Mulder said.

"Who?" Scully asked. Mulder thought of the business card that he found slipped under his motel room door. It was black, with a depiction of a large blue eye on it. It had a time and location on it.

"Someone who might know a little more about Zim." He said. "And I wanted to stop by and see Dib again. He said he'd be up late tonight working on something."

"Alright," Scully said. "Lets get back to the motel. It's going to be a long night." The two agents climbed into the impala, and drove off. A few houses away, a white van sat. Inside, manning the plethora of listening equipment were three men. One of them took a long draw off of a cigarette.

"The others want to know what their orders are." One of the men said. The cigarette smoking man took another puff.

"The situation is still in our control." He replied. "Tomorrow, make sure agent Scully gets in touch with our man in CPS. I want full surveillance on both of them, as well as Zim."

"As for Dib?" The other man said.

"Forget about him." The smoking man replied. "I've been monitoring the boy since he first called the FBI. Agent Mulder is the only person who believes him at this point. He is not a threat to our mission."

"As for the creature?" The first man asked. He listened through his earphones for a second. "Red team is ready to mobilize at any time."

"No." The man replied calmly, drawing the last of the cigarette back to the filter. "We will speak with him. Suppression measures will be taken only if he does not cooperate."

"Yes sir." The two men said. They began typing at their keyboards. The cigarette smoking man let the smoldering filter fall to the floor of the van before putting it out with his heel.

Some dramatic build up, huh? I bet you're all wondering what will happen next. Well, you know how I like to keep you in suspense. I will tell you, however, that it involves more of the cigarette smoking man, some one sided DATR, a blazing inferno, several minor characters from the show, tapioca pudding, and Seether. Really got your mind going now, don't I? Hee hee hee. I'll try to get the next chapter up in a couple days. So until then, cheerio, my loyal readers.