El'Jaid shivered from the cold second skin that was wrapped around her. She quickly shed the soiled and sullied garment, and once it was gone she looked at the black soft shell laying on the floor. She let out another violent tremor as she peered in to the reflection of her naked body on the fish tank's glass. Her olive skin reflected an ashen tone in the tank's blue light. Her eyes roved over the light stitch work of scars which were dimly alight. She was completely naked, and alone. To add to it she felt numb, as if everything that had just happened just a few hours ago was nothing but a day dream. Yet she knew it wasn't a dream as her hands continued to ache.
I had to act...I had to act. She thought as she walked in a haze to the shower. She stepped in to the scalding water. She let it burn her. Let the torrent of water turn her skin red. So many because of me...but I did it for the many... She thought as she inhaled deeply the humid air.
The same humidity that she was trying to lose her self in had killed him, and memory faded to remembered reality once more. No sooner had she gotten back abroad the Normandy from the surface of Tuchanka, then they were racing across space towards the Citadel. Thane was dying. His condition had only proceeded to deteriorate no matter what Dr. Chalkwas tried to do for him. His time was ending, and all that El'Jaid had wanted to do was for him to see his son again.
He had to see his son again.
Dad...why couldn't I save you... She screamed in her mind as the boiling water cascaded down her face.
She remembered seeing Thane for the last time.
She didn't know the Drell who was on the bed before her. Each breath he took was labored. Thane had always moved with grace and perfection. Not one motion ever wasted. This Drell's skin was a sickly pale green to near yellow. Thane's was always a mesmerizing green. This Drell's eyes were nearly a gray. Thane's had always been a glorious obsidian or a near black-green. Thane's hand's had been those of an Artisan. Strong. Skilled. Precise. This Drell's hands were weak. They shook with every cough that racked his body, and fumbled every time they reached for her hand.
It hadn't been easy, but she trusted Thane with her life. At first to her, he was nothing more than a contract killer. A simple gun for hire. El'Jaid understood the 'necessities' for such professionals. She also understood that in general, guns for hire were fickle, a weak point that could be exploited, and more often then not, unreliable.
But as she worked with him, and he shared his life with her; she found more then just a simple Assassin, but a professional as well. She saw a deeply religious man who's view of work brought him peace and yet troubled him greatly. A man who poured every ounce of his energy into his craft. He believed, truly believed, that his craft could be used for good. A being that mirrored her closely, in many ways, but at the same time was very different.
El'Jaid had never been known for subtlety in combat; but he had shown her that there advantages to subtlety. Like wise she had shown him that it was better to try and fail, then never to try at all. Kolyat was a testament to that.
"Siha...I am sorry that I cannot be with you when the storm finally comes." He said heavily.
She frowned as she continued to hold his hand. He shouldn't have this weigh on him now. Not after all he did...
"At least my soul will rest easy now. I will now be able to go to the sea without the shame of a wasted life." Thane said softly.
The air reeked of antiseptic. Medication. Sickness. It was too quiet. The only continuous sound was the oxygen machine that continued to feed Thane through a cannula. El'Jaid should have been angry. Thane had concealed his deteriorating condition ever since they had returned through the Omega 4 relay. She should have berated him for it.
But she couldn't. She understood him. She understood that there is a time for living, and a time for passing on. But I don't understand it... her mind spoke looked back in his graying eyes, her's were an imploring blue. Rest easy, you have had a hard life. They spoke.
Thane's look in return said more then words could ever express. A Father had found his Son. A Soul had been saved. A life redeemed.
"Don't speak. He will be here soon." Garrus said nervously. He was stationed near by. El'Jaid knew that Garrus and Thane had struck up a kin-ship of sorts, mostly around Thane's Son Kolyat. Garrus had contacts who had help keep him, and by extension, Thane informed of Kolyat.
The door to the Normandy's medbay opened and Kolyat rushed to his father's side. El'Jaid reluctantly released Thane's hand and Kolyat took her place.
"Thank you...Commander...for getting here as fast as you did." Kolyat said.
El'Jaid smiled thinly. "I'll leave you and Thane alone." I won't say good bye. She thought as her eyes returned to Thane for the last time. She snapped a salute to him and then she turned crisply and left.
As soon as the doors closed she calmly, but quickly, made her way to the weapons bay. Just as quickly the doors closed behind her and she slapped the lock on. The space was empty and silent without Garrus' presence. It's lighting more subdued than the rest of the ship. In times past she had gone there to talk with Garrus or simply just be away. She came crashing down on a stack of crates. Her head in her hands, her face burning with the pain of loss. She sat there in the silence. Enjoying for once, listening to nothing.
"Killing. Killing, I'm comfortable with." She hissed. There was no one else to listen to her; to hear her, but it didn't matter. "Killing is easy when the other person is your enemy trying to kill you in turn." She exhaled. "And I have no problem ordering people to their deaths, if needed, to accomplish a goal..."
She held quiet for a while. Listening. At first she heard nothing but silence. But the break of the quite came in the form of a howling wail. The kind of cry that only a Son can have for a Father who has passed. Leaving him alone in the world.
"Yet Death...death disturbs me. I understand it, but there is something unnatural in Death. The cessation of life, of motion, of 'forward'...is alien to me. Even more so when the memory of my own death is only of blurry vision, of screaming lungs, and beyond intolerable cold." And yet my second life began with blurry vision and a screaming body."
The cries continued to ring in her ears as the present wrapped around her again as she stroked a comb through her wet hair. Her eyes reflected back at her in the bath room mirror with a somber red, and a faint blue. "And yet my second life began with blurry vision and a screaming body. And I didn't ask for. Any of it. Not my death. Not my rebirth."
What would three hundred thousand people crying out at once sound like? She wondered morbidly. I can only pray that they never got the chance...
She walked out and went to her clothes cabinet and proceeded to silently dress. She chose a simple Cerberus cut formal suite, but the logos like the ones on the rest of the Ship had been removed. The outfit was simple, yet formal. Comfortable, yet harshly cut to the eyes. She needed to look crisp, even if just for herself. She knew she didn't have too much time before the Alliance representative from the SSV Everest would be on board, but she still had time.
...far too much time...
She remembered seeing both Garrus and Samara off. It was just after Thane had been cremated. His remains had been given to Kolyat who wanted to spread them across the sea of stars. He felt it would be a tribute to a man who had lived and worked for better things while in the midst of shadows.
Garrus had looked polished in his new set of Silver armor. His broken and battered blue one had outlived its usefulness. But he also looked conflicted. "Shepard...I just hope you don't think I'm leaving without a good reason. That I'm abandoning you...Its just I promised..."
Shepard smiled warmly to him. "I understand Garrus. I appreciate that your rejoining C-Sec and looking after Kolyat. I know Thane would want you to keep an eye on him."
"I just know what it's like to have no one to really rely on, and I don't want Kolyat to have to deal with that." Garrus said trying to assuage his guilt." But it not like I'm trying to play a father figure or anything...I mean I really enjoy serving under you."
"Oh wait...that really came out wrong..." The Turian said his mandibles swaying around in embarrassment.
Shepard shook her head in amusement. "I get it Garrus. Besides if you didn't leave I was going to ask you. I need a pair of eyes and ears I can trust on the Citadel. Someone outside of the Council."
Garrus' eyes flashed at her acknowledgement. At her request. "I understand Commander." He said solemnly and he bowed deeply.
"Take care of yourself." She said as she shook his hand.
"Will do." He said cheerfully satisfied.
Shepard turned then turned her attention to Samara. The Mission was over, the Justicar had fulfilled her oath. El'Jaid admired how beautiful Samara looked. Gone was the Justicar's typical red armor, instead she was in a simple, yet elegant silver robe, her gold circlet still enclosed her neck, and she still bore her red facial 'tiara'. Samara held a serene look to her face, but her eyes burned with judgment.
Shepard felt a tightness in her chest.
"Where will you go from here?" Shepard asked.
"Back to Asari space. I have traveled for many years. My task is done, and I long to see Thessia again." Samara said airily. "Besides, I feel that we will not have long to rest before darkness comes."
Shepard 's eyes fell to the ground and she nodded solemnly. She still felt Samara's questioning gaze on her. The Justicar stood looking upon Shepard, inspecting the being that stood before her. Who had helped her, and who had Commanded her. Samara had seen much, she had seen the depths of this being's very memory.
"So what is your Judgment Justicar?" Shepard asked.
Her question caused Samara to snap back in to the present. She thought for a moment longer then she spoke.
"Commander Shepard. I have witnessed your kindness, and your cruelty. You have shown benevolence to those who are in need, and displayed your malice towards those who stand in your way." Her tone was categorically dispassionate.
"Your methods are seen as harsh. Wicked. You have tormented the shackled, and wounded the innocent. You have courted the evil, and danced with the Shadow." She said acidly, her eyes narrowing.
"Yet you have saved colonies, saved souls, and redeemed those who are hated by others. You have righted many of the Galaxies ancient wrongs. You have defeated enemies that would swallow the galaxy whole. Greed is not in you, but a Code. A silent Oath you swore in a life now dead." She said lightly. "So what is my Judgment you ask?" She smiled sweetly. "That may the Goddess smile on you, and your Star continue to be your guiding light." Samara responded softly, her eyes glowing with admiration.
"Do you always speak in riddles?" Shepard smirked, and she crossed her arms over her chest softening her stance.
Samara beamed. "How else is there to speak when passing Judgment on a life both past and present?"
How would Samara Judge me now? El'Jaid thought as she finished wrapping the tunic around her torso. She couldn't help but feel that she was wrapping her own straight jacket around her. That the collar that enclosed her neck felt like an encasement. That the cuffs felt like binders. I had to make a choice...the few for the many.
"I played God...I have become Death. The Destroyer of Worlds..." She gritted as a wave of pure hatred poured of her. She collapsed on to the bed and held her head in her hands. I had a chance...I could have made the call. Just that one call! Her mind screamed as a tremor ripped through her body.
"Commander." EDI's blue orb bounced in to the room. "The party from the SSV Everest is in the communications room waiting for you." The AI said in a detached tone, and before El'Jaid could ask anything else the orb dissipated.
Part of El'Jaid wanted to ask who was waiting for her. Yet she thought better of it. She need to calm down and get a hold of her self. It could be Systems Alliance Intelligence Agents, any member from the Admirals and Generals Staff. Hell I wouldn't be surprised if Counselor Anderson was waiting for me. She thought as she moved to the door of The Loft, and then she froze. Her mind spirited her back to the last time she had seen Anderson.
The view of the Presidium beyond Anderson's office had been as breathtaking as it was structured. Organic as it was planned. As artificial as the 'sun-light' that poured down. At one time she was impressed by it all. Now she detested it. She knew what it was, she knew what it's true intended purpose was. It was nothing more then a vial trap that people continued to live in without as so much of a thought so to it's purpose. This cruel joke of existence, and creation. She had come alone, and had been quickly shuttled in to his office. The shocked and amazed glances she still got from people who recognized her made her shiver. She hoped it was the armor, but in the back of her mind she knew the truth.
El'Jaid hadn't had any contact with Anderson after her first time to the Citadel, and that had been before Horizon.
"Shepard. I am glad you stopped by." The voice behind her was warm.
She turned to see a smiling, but visibly tired Anderson. He walked up along side her and turned his gaze out across the expanse of the Presidium. She continued to look at him, expecting him to say more.
"I want to thank you for your work in the Terminus systems. We haven't had single a report of a Colony attack in Months." He said glowingly, but then his face turned serious. "I also wanted to give you my condolences about the passing of one of your crew."
She eyed him curiously. "Your very well informed Councilor." She said. Her voice sounded strained as she briefly remembered Thane.
"The Council knows. The Alliance knows. I don't need to tell you that information is power Shepard. Your current ship may have the original Normandy's abilities, but you still attract attention where ever you go." He said nonchalantly. "Though...as of late, you have become...harder to keep tabs on." He said cautiously giving her a critical eye. "The moment you arrived on the Citadel, the Council has been wanting to meet with you about Operative Vasir, and discuss her death on Illium."
The air had become like a thin sheet of ice. One wrong move, and it would have shattered. "I gave the Council my report. Wasn't that enough?" Shepard asked carefully.
"The Council just wants more information Shepard. Having two Specters on one operation is rare. Especially when one of the Operatives is killed during the operation. Reports have also been received stating that you were also seen with Dr. T'Soni, and that Dr. T'Soni has since 'disappeared'." Anderson said carefully.
Shepard could tell he was probing and she turned her face to look beyond. " Vasir died when she was protecting an innocent bystander from harm, just like I stated in my report." She responded quickly. "And as I said before; it was the Collectors who were attacking the Colonies. They were working for the Reapers. They were...constructing...a new Reaper from the colonists." She swallowed as she pushed aside images of seeing colonists being 'processed'. She handed him a data pad filled with information EDI had data mined from the Collector base before it had been eviscerated. "So now do you believe me?"
Anderson quickly scanned through the data pad and handed it back to her sighing heavily. "Shepard, I never said I didn't believe you. But you have to understand. The people can't know what Sovereign was. What was really behind the disappearing Colonies. If they did; its the kind of thing that would breed fear and hysteria to the very point which could cause society to collapse..."
Shepard's face twisted in to angry disappointment. "And your just willing to keep the people in the dark? To pretend that the Reapers don't exist? To do nothing about it?" She hissed. Her eyes lit a little brighter with fire.
"That is one concession I have had to give the other Councilors. To agree to...keep quiet...about the Reapers." Anderson let out a breath in frustration as a hand swept over his close cut hair. "Look Shepard. I believe you when it comes to the Reapers. But whether or not the other Councilors do is irrelevant. I also agree with their view point on trying to maintain peace and order right now. I am doing what I can. But, am I willing to keep the public blind and stupid to Sovereign? To protect them from themselves? Yes." Anderson heaved.
"And so you have decided to sell your soul for a modicum of peace? Is that why you didn't tell me about Kaidan? What that irrelevant?" Her words boiled with acid, as she pushed away from the all too 'pleasant' view.
"Shepard; he was on a classified Operation. I couldn't tell you where he was or what he was doing. I didn't know if it was really you I was talking to. You were reported dead for two years and yet you show up out of the starkness of space. Besides you were seen with Cerberus." Anderson said pointedly as he turned to look at her back.
She clinched her hands in to fists. "I served with you ever since Tanus, Captain. I thought I had earned your trust. I thought you were Soldier, a Defender of people. Not a politician." She seethed as she marched towards the door.
"Commander! Shepard! Please!" Anderson called reaching a hand out to try to stop her from going. "At least tell me that your done working with Cerberus..." he cried out desperately.
She turned her fiery head to show him one glowing frosty blue pupil. "I never worked with or for them. Even from the very beginning when I woke up to this 'second life'. To me, Cerberus was simply a means to an end. Good day, Councilor."