In front of El'Jaid the heavy steel doors shut the way in to the communications room. She took in a deep breath to calm the entity that roiled in her. She then stepped forward as the doors rolled open, and the sight stole her breath away.
"Commander. Its good to see you in person." The Officer gave her a quick once over with his eyes. "But you look like hell. When was the last time you slept?" The warm, calm voice spoke. The figure was standing at the opposite end of the communications room behind the other end of the conference table holding his hands behind his back.
I can't remember... Her mind creaked.
The Officer standing in front of her was impeccably dressed in Alliance Navy Blues. He wore just his rank stripes, and the name plant on the right breast spoke of the Uniform's owner. But it was all trivial. The pressed uniform, the shines boots, the stripes and the name tag said next to nothing. It was his face that spoke far more than his mere uniform ever could.
El'Jaid quickly snapped to attention, and a Salute. "Admiral Hackett. I wasn't expecting you."
Hackett's face neither hardened, or softened as she spoke, but remained passive. Hard to read, as were all hardened life long military officers who had seen so much of war, death, and secrets.
"Commander you did a favor for me, so I felt that it was only right for me to debrief you in person. " His stance softened. " I also came to thank you personally for stopping the attacks on Humanity's Colonies." But then his gaze turned hard. "Of course that was all before Bahak went silence and reports started filtering in that the Mass Relay was destroyed. What the hell happened Shepard? The operation was supposed to be a basic sneak and grab. You were supposed to get Dr. Kenson out of Batarian custody and return her to Alliance space." He said gruffly as he straightened his stance.
El'Jaid's face seared with flame at his rebuke. "And that is exactly how everything went, till I found out about Object Rho, and The Project."
"So that's what Kenson found. She only reported an incredible find. What was Object Rho and its purpose?" Hackett said with unease.
El'Jaid face turned serious. "My best conclusion is that it was an intelligent homing beacon. It informed the Reapers of a 'safe' access point in to the Galaxy, a side effect is that it sent off a beeping transmission that increased in rate and tone as the Reapers drew closer. It also had the dual function of being an indoctrination device. Possibly to protect itself."
"How do you know that Commander? How do you know that the object was Reaper in origin?" Hackett asked eyeing her crittically.
"It spoke to me as I fought off wave after wave of Kenson's people." She said in a detached voice. "Dr. Kenson, along with everyone else associated to The Project, was Indoctrinated. Object Rho knocked me out with some kind of energy wave and Kensen held me captive for two days. The had set up a timer that was counting down to zero and the Beacon's tone pulses had increase markedly from when I first arrived at The Project, to went I broke free of captivity." El'Jaid said sharply. Her eyes glowed with certainty.
"It spoke to you?" Hackett responded in a surprised and slightly unbelieving tone." You also believed that Kenson was Indoctrinated?"
"Yes." El'Jaid quipped. She didn't want to go in to the details of also 'speaking' with Harbinger, or hearing him when ever she had confronted one of his possessed Collectors. I don't need him thinking I'm crazy as well. She thought. "I killed Dr. Kenson when she tried to sabotage The Project."
The air in the room became very tense. Hackett was caught off guard. His face for a moment showed the looks of loss, pain, and anger all at once. Yet he said nothing. El'Jaid wanted to hear him say something, even berate her, but he said nothing. The moments spun like a rusted wheel, but he soon regained his composure.
"Tell me what the purpose of The Project was. Was it just to observe and Study Object Rho?" He breathed.
"No." El'Jaid responded coldly. "The Project was designed to stop the Reapers by destroying the Mass Relay in the Bahak system." She closed her eyes. "I fired the Project. I started the engines that shot the Asteroid into the Mass Relay. There were only moments to spare before the Reapers arrived when it hit and set off the massive supernova."
Hackett's shoulder's slumped slightly, and his eyes became slightly glassy. El'Jaid could tell that is not wanted what he wanted to hear.
"Admiral. I only bought us time...they're coming." She said softly but earnestly.
Hackett pulled his hand up to his head gently rubbing the top of his brow. "...and I don't know if we can stop them if they do come." He said.
His voice betrayed the exhaustion, torment, and the frustration that he had been struggling to contain. He lowered his hand and looked right in to her eyes. The Admiral always had the ability to make someone feel as if he could read their very soul. It was the same look he had given her when she completed the N7 program. When he had met with her after Torfan, and when he presented her the Systems Alliance medal of Duty and Heroism after the battle of the Citadel.
"Shepard. I don't need to tell you how many people were in the Bahak system when the Mass Relay went off." His voice grated. "The Batarians want blood for this. There is enough evidence linking you and the Normandy to what happened in the Bahak system for them to make this a reason to go to war with all of Humanity. It's not just about the Alliance. And if that happens, the Council will not step in. Regardless if your a Council Specter." He took in a deep breath, and lowered his voice. "And you know what will happen if the Reapers catch the Galaxy already embroiled in a war."
And icy dagger struck at El'Jaid's heart. I did it to buy us time...the few for the many...why didn't I make the call? Her eyes shone with a shallow and lost blue. "What are you saying Admiral?"
Hackett's eyes went crashing to the desk between them. The long divide. But he brought them back up to look at her square again. "The Parliament sent me to take you under arrest. You will stand trial for Bahak and in doing so avoid war with the Batarians. I can't stop this Shepard. I would if I could, but I can't." He picked his gaze up and looked at her again. "I am asking you to do you duty for the Alliance. I know you have, but I am asking for more because I have too. If I had my way, I'd give you a Medal. I'd even add a promotion to Vice Admiral for all that you have done. But you have also done a hell of a thing Commander."
I am a lamb for the slaughter... Her mind screamed.
El'Jaid closed her eyes. Yet no tears came. Only cold swept in to her. She was diminished. She felt the void; the cold of the space the sounded the ship start to creep in. The leeching tendrils feeling ever so sickly familiar. So this was her doom, her fate. For all her deeds both ill and good, she would be tried for the cause, but not the reason. For the initial shock, but not for the lasting effect. For The Few, but not for the many... It would not matter that she tried to stop the Reapers, for what were they to the average person? Figments of imagination and devils from stories long past?
I'm not a savior...A savior saves all...
She heard the Admiral walk forward. The sound of his boots heavy and she could sense the he was standing to her left. "Commander. I'll give you some time to settle your business on your ship, and then you'll have to come with me."
My ship...My ship...What is mine...
Shepard opened her eyes. They were now a hard red. Hackett had nearly reached the door. Nearly. "Admiral. If I had been in Kenson's shoes. Who would you have sent, if anyone, for me?"
Silence. Nothing. Quiet. But he was still stood there with his back to her. She could hear him breathing steadily. Her question was beyond insubordinate. Never had she questioned him. Never. He could have simply left. Yet he moved none at all.
And this is all I get? After everything I've done? Say something! Her mind hissed.
"No one. Your a Specter. Your a N7." He said warmly towards the door. Yet then his tone changed. It was cold. Cruel. His voice was no longer Admiral Hackett; war hero and common soldier's favorite. It was now one of the Council. Of Parliament. Of politicians. "Your a N7. Your a Specter. Your expendable. A celebrity distraction. A convenient scapegoat for avoiding open war. Your not part of the Alliance anymore. Not even really apart of the Specters; but a Mercenary gun for hire who has worked with terrorists. I didn't even know what you had done in Bahak till you told me just a moment ago..."
I'm something else...I was used...I am done...Her mind thought solidly.
Shepard turned to face him, her face filled with wrath and scorn. Her presence rose to dominate the room. "Admiral. I appreciate your visit, and what you have done for me. But with all due respect; get off my ship."
Hackett's stature never broke. He never shivered at the towering demon behind him. "I understand Commander." He said serenely and he walked out. She followed him.
Outside the room stood two of her crew. Both armed with assault rifles, and standing at the ready. Two of Hackett's own soldiers stood in similar fashion. The two factions eyeing each other. Looking for weakness. A reason to hate. It was a classic cold war standoff.
"Please escort the Admiral and his people back to their Shuttle." Shepard ordered calmly.
"Yes Ma'am!" They clipped.
The two Alliance marines gave a look of shock, but the Admiral shot them both a remanding glance. They followed behind the Admiral as they were guided away by Shepard 's people.
Once the group had left, El'Jaid steamed towards the elevator. Her face seethed with anger, outrage, and the pain of memory. They want me tried as a war criminal... The doors hissed closed. Three hundred thousand...sacrificed.. for trillions... The elevator groaned upwards. I saw them coming...The Reapers were so close...Too damn close...The elevator slowed. Their blood is on my hands...I was used...three hundred thousand gone...My call... The doors hissed open and she strode forward. The doors to her cabin slipped open as if you escape her wrath. I have become death. The destroyer of worlds.
She looked to her desk and upon it stood the white frame that held her old dog tags. At one time they hadmeant something to her. They had symbolized a challenge to her. To always do better then what had been done for her. She gripped them in to her hand which throbbed with pain. I'm a N7...I'm a Specter...I'm expendable...I was used... Her eyes looked to the glass panes that held the collection of model ships she had gathered over the past year. The same panes that had held Hackett's face when he 'asked' her to go after Dr. Kenson. He had asked her to go, he didn't order her. And like an obedient servant she had complied.
And they think they can just use me? Like they did before? Her pupils roiled away as torches of flame and fury. Her scars searing like Hell itself on her face.
"WHY DIDN'T I MAKE THAT ONE FUCKING CALL?" She screamed as she pitched the framed dog tags through the glass and towards her old helmet. Ever since recovering it at the site of the first Normandy it had been a sick reminder. A reminder she was tired of seeing at every waking moment in her room. Time slowed for her as the glass panes, the models, and the white frame exploded in to pieces. Debris flew everywhere. The tags themselves came loose and their chain disintegrated in to shrapnel as they leapt away from their dying container.
It was as brilliant and as harsh a sight as the stars burning in the oblivion beyond the Normandy.
Then, as if to respond to her fury, her cabin shook with an incredible force and the floor tossed below her. The jarring tremors acting on the Normandy around her threw El'Jaid back and she slammed her head against wall. Red is all she saw after that. Red had been the button she had pressed to launch The Project towards the Relay. Red was the armor she wore as she rode the asteroid towards the Relay. Red was on her hands. On her soul.
Then all went black and deaf.