Miranda watched as blue fingers reverently moved the few unruly red strands that rebelled from the head wrap. The touch was soft, warm and loving. The room was quiet, save but for the mechanical clicking and beeps of medical equipment paired with the natural melody of organic breath.
The aqua being walked away from the restlessly slumbering form of Shepard and peered down on her. The sleeping woman mumbled incoherently and in a alien tongue as she slept.
"How is she?" The Asari spoke. Her voice was tired, and fill with concerned. No doubt the untimely and long trip had taken a toll on her, but she had come as quickly as she could. She was dressed in a black turtle neck with a pair of baggy tan cargo pants. Both items were slightly large for her, and one could guess where she had procured them.
"Shepard will be fine Liara. She took a rather nasty knock to the back of the head, but I couldn't find any permanent trauma. I did give her a sedative that should allow her to rest for some time." Dr. Chalkwas said warmly.
Liara nodded an understanding but she still peered down at the woman laying on the medical bed. Concern, and worry were still on her face.
"Dr. T'Soni." Miranda breathed cautiously. "I think it's for the best if we allow the Commander to rest. I can have Jacob take you to the Starboard Observation deck where you can stay for as long as you desire.." Her tone was careful. She knew who she was dealing with, but at the same time, she didn't. Liara had changed so much over the past few years that Miranda hardly recognized the Asari in front of her. When she had first met Liara, she had been foolish and in error to think of Liara on the Human terms of just a young woman. Naive, inexperienced and sheltered. But after Liara had gotten Shepard's body away from the old Shadow Broker; and by extension the Collectors, Miranda and Cerberus had come to form an 'appreciation', or rather a 'cautious respect' for the Asari. Very similar in way one might treat a potential threat in an ally.
Now, with the aid of both Cerberus and most of all Shepard, Liara was the new Shadow Broker. She was the Mistress of the Galaxy's most extensive, and intrusive intelligence network. Liara didn't need a vast army or fleet to conquer. She had limitless amounts of information, facts and feeds that could implode every established government and organization.
...And Liara has Shepard...or is it that Shepard has Liara? Miranda thought as she looked at Shepard. Bile boiled up in to her throat. The Mission for which Shepard had been resurrected for was complete. The Lazarus cell had succeeded in it's final aim. Miranda should have been elated. Her finest work a complete success. The mission perfectly executed.
Instead she was terrified.
After Shepard had told the Illusive man to go to Hell, or follow her lead; Shepard had worked with Liara to move Oriana and her Family again; away from Cerberus. Now Miranda's sister was safe. Oriana couldn't be used by Cerberus as leverage against her. Oriana couldn't be used against Shepard. Miranda should have been overjoyed. She and her family were finally free.
But she was terrified.
She had seen the Commander work through the war torn station as if it just simple boot camp, and that was after waking up for being 'under construction' for two years. Miranda knew she had been cold to Shepard. She had to be. She couldn't let the Commander know impressed she had been. Or rather how startled she was. Through out the entire expedition after that, a nagging fear continued to grow. An ever increasing trepidation.
It had now amplified inside her to near critical level.
What have I created? Our salvation, or our destruction? She thought.
"...Miss Lawson?" Liara's voice broke through her.
Miranda gave a slight start as she looked up as the Asari. How long Liara had been trying to reach her she didn't know. How long had Liara had looked upon her as the 'cool and calm' Miranda ran around in her own head like a rabid animal; she didn't know.
"..erm yes?" Miranda said as she tried in vain to compose herself.
"The starboard viewing desk will do nicely." Liara said giving her a quizzical look.
Miranda berated herself for letting her mind wander. She looked over to Jacob to took the unspoken request.
"Please follow me Dr. T'Soni." Jacob said politely. He walked over to Liara's duffle back and picked it up. Miranda could tell that the bag was anything but light. Liara then rushed forward, and gently took in back from him.
"I appreciate the sentiment Mr. Taylor. But I am more than capable of carrying my own luggage." She said as she smiled at him and hauled the bag over her shoulder.
Miranda wasn't sure, but she swore she saw the tag of 'SHEPARD' stitched in to the canvas below.
"Please after you." Liara said offering an up turned hand to Jacob. Her tone was pleasant, but tired. Jacob smiled back and led the way as they both departed the Med bay leaving Miranda and Dr. Chalkwas behind with Shepard.
Miranda felt the ghoul of exhaustion as well. But it was mixed with something else. An over bearing presence wallowing in the room. It's nails softly raking across her skin. It's teeth and lips nipping and nibbling on her neck. She wanted to escape, run, hide. Like she had hidden after Bahak. Miranda turned towards the door and she began her stride towards it, but as her first step fell, the door locked. She turned to the windows looking out towards the mess hall as they all shut closed. Her route to safety was cut. Her view of freedom was severed. She was trapped with this fiend that would not let her have any rest. All she wanted was a reprieve.
"Lawson. I thought we could have a private chat." Chalkwas said behind her. The doctor's tone was friendly, but gone was her typical bedside manner as her voice held an icy chill to it.
Miranda swallowed and she licked her dry lips. "Doctor. I really don't think this is the best time. There are reports that need..."
"Oh those can wait I am sure." Chalkwas said as she opened a drawer and removed something.
Miranda was certain she saw a weapon and her instincts started to take over. No...No I won't be cut down. No here, not be her! Her mind screamed. But then she noticed it was only a simple data pad the doctor had taken out and she let out a sigh of relief.
Chalkwas gave her a, quaint, smile. "Tell me, do you know how much Sevoflurane I administered to Shepard just to sedate her?" Chalkwas asked Miranda. The doctor lazily walked up to her, her stature reminiscent of a cat playing with a mouse.
The question seemed simply academic to Miranda. She knew that 2.1 percent was the minimum alveolar concentration of the drug when mixed with pure oxygen to put out an average forty year old adult. Her mind starting working on a number by taking Shepard's body weight, her 'relative' age and the fact that she maintained a heavy regime of physical fitness in addition to her high metabolism contributed by her biotics...
"Ten percent. Lawson. Ten." The Doctor came crashing in.
Miranda's eyes when wide. Oh my god... Her mind screamed. "Ten percent? Doctor! Are you trying to kill her?" She raged, as she rushed over and put her fingers on Shepard's neck searching for a pulse. It was there. Strong and true.
Miranda could almost feel Chalkwas' smile.
"Any less and it wouldn't be enough. The amount has only increased with each application." She slapped the data pad down on her desk. " At first I thought she was getting used to the ever increasing dosages. Or that she was developing a resistance to it." She sauntered over to the chair and sat down. "But I ran tissue samples looking for any traces of the drug after Shepard had been awake for just a few hours. And I found something interesting. No traces existed."
Miranda strained her eyes closed. Its happening... She turned to face the doctor who had a serene look on her face. "What do you want." Miranda hissed.
"From you?" Chalkwas said acidly. She shoved the data pad forward catching Miranda's eye. "You could start by telling me why two days worth of data is missing." The doctor breathed. I noticed something when EDI sent me Shepard's medical readings from her armor that I requested. Nearly two days of readings are missing. Unless she stripped out of her armor and decided to enjoy Dr. Kenson's 'hospitality'. That of which I am most certain did not happen, at least not of her own volition." Chalkwas said coolly. "At the same time I haven't found any incisions, or injection sites on Shepard's body that would suggest that she was experimented on."
Malfunction? No. Live observation? Knowing Shepard not likely. Comparison... Miranda thought but she said nothing. She felt her heart beat faster at the chilling thought.
"Explaining to me why I have had to put in a continual stream of requisition orders for new instruments when ever I have had to work on Shepard. I've had scalpels, tweezers, even bloody pliers corroding after just one use! Explain to me why I have to use beyond dangerous levels of medication to help her; even if it just to make her rest! Explain to me Lazarus." Chalkwas hissed.
Bile burned at Miranda's throat as the Doctor's words cut deep. She even jumped as she heard Shepard give out a mumbled scream as she slept. "What do you mean 'explain Lazarus'? Doctor you were there for Lazarus." Miranda stated carefully.
"And so I was." Chalkwas said matter-a-factly. "And you gave me everything I needed to know...but not every I should know." She said hinting down at the data-pad. She stood up and walked forward with a slow grace. She passed Miranda by like a wraith as she went to Shepard's side.
Miranda crept forward to the Doctor's desk and looked upon the pad. The sight made her close her eyes in shame. The document that was displayed like an old corpse was complete, but pared down. Whole, but in pieces. Her eyes roved over line after line of 'redacted' information. It was the same data pad she had given Chalkwas years ago. The same incomplete testament about the person the doctor had been charged to heal, and had sworn to protect. She had allowed the doctor to simply fumble in the dark. To get by on knowing nothing about the being in her care. Greif threatened to over take her. The detesting feeling of self loathing. But the fear would not loosen it's grip on her...
Shepard had been brought by for a single purpose. To stop who or whatever was conducting attacks on the Human Colonies. She wasn't supposed to survive. No one who had been apart of the Lazarus cell was supposed to survive. But they had. She had.
The image of the last time Miranda saw the Illusive-man in person flashed in her mind. His face looked calm and collected. But she could tell he was contorted with fear. Not fear of the Reapers, or the Collectors, or of their armies and armadas. But of Lazarus.
Of what it could do.
"Lazarus was an amazing feat." Chalkwas said smoothly. The sound of her voice called Miranda's focus to shift back in to the room where her body stood rooted in place. "Lazarus was also a heresy. What you did flies in the face of every medical and theological theory and idea to date. Ms. Lawson, you didn't save Shepard from her doom. Heroically snatching her life from the very jaws of oblivion. No. You were like a thief. You stole her back from termination. You spurned human kind's mortal enemy. You spat in Death's very face."
Miranda's heart hammered in her chest. No...I did something far worse...
Chalkwas stood as Shepard's bed side looking down upon the woman's face. Shepard's beautiful olive complexion was etched by thin red fissures that glowed with the very beat of her heart. "Ms. Chambers...Kelly, has talked to me numerous times about her frustration in dealing with Shepard." The Doctor smiled thinly. "Kelly told me she had never met someone who so intrinsically defied every attempt for someone to get to know her. To try to understand her. Yet at the same time Shepard could purge entire tombs of information and knowledge from another."
"What is it that you want..." Miranda said weakly and quietly. She felt her cold walls shattering under the continual assault of the old Doctor and the essence that filled the room around her.
But Chalkwas seemingly ignored her request. "...but Shepard is a very open person to people she trusts, and who trust her. To her, trust is everything. Everything." She said softly as she reached and lovingly caressed Shepard's face with her hand. Her thumb gently wiping away a tear that streamed from the sleeping Specter's eye. "More that once she has told me she wished she was still dead."
The statement sent a chill into Miranda's heart.
"Just imagine if you will, being recalled to this present plane, and not of your own will. You wake up naked, confused, and completely terrified of your surroundings. And the cruelest part is that none of it was your choice. The ironic aspect is that it sounds very much like a birth. But the twisted part is that you remember everything; everything from your 'past' life." Chalkwas purred.
Miranda's throat was caught in her throat. "I did it...Cerberus did it...there were good intentions...Liara..."
"Don't you dare drag Liara in to this!" Chalkwas scorned as she turned on Miranda pointing a finger sharply at the raven woman's chest. "She may have retrieved Shepard's body, but you are the one who resurrected Shepard. You used Liara's feelings towards your own benefit. Don't you for one moment forget that Lawson. Never."
Miranda's face stung from the verbal slap. But she said nothing to respond to it, except ask her question again. "What do you want from me? Do you want me to explain everything about Lazarus?"
The Doctor's eyes flashed, and a quaint smile returned to her face again. "No. I don't care to learn anything more about Lazarus. Something's are better off not knowing about." She said as she walked away from Shepard's bed side and back to her desk. Shepard's breathing had steadied, her mumbling and whimpers had vanished. For the moment she only slept.
"Then what is it you want from me? If you won't tell me then let me go!" Miranda said tersely, her hands glowing with biotics.
Again Chalkwas ignored her. "The tragedy of being a Military Doctor is that I have seen so many people die on operating tables and in medical beds. The curse is learning to know which ones hold fear in their hearts when they pass and which ones hold to courage."
Miranda looked back towards Shepard and briefly wondered what had gone through the Commander's mind as she drifted helplessly in space. What was your binding thought to this world?
"Do you know what fear, real fear, does to a person? It is not mere caution or wariness. Fear causes a person to lock up. To not push on. To surrender rather then fight. To just take what ever is given to them rather then go for what they deserve. I can see this ghost that haunts you. How what Lazarus did, what you did, dominates your very subconscious." Chalkwas said pointedly. "You want everything to be 'prefect'. No 'surprises', everything according to whatever plan you have, no matter how bad the plan is." Chalkwas mocked.
Miranda's heart was pounding in her chest and her hands had long since turned to ice.
"And Miss Lawson, you fall apart the moment that something goes awry." Chalkwas said licking her lips as she enjoyed the moment. "I saw it back when Shepard collapsed after we had came back through the Omega 4 Relay. I've seen it every time you have looked at her since then. That revolting image of fear."
Miranda couldn't speak. It was as if the Doctor had frozen her voice, or filled her throat with cotton. But her eyes betrayed her, and the Doctor only smiled knowing she was correct.
"So all I have to say to you is that you either let go of whatever ghost is haunting you, or simply leave. Shepard needs people whom she can trust. She has no desire or use for simple loyalty, and by extension she has no use for anyone else who cannot trust her. Dark days are coming Miss Lawson, and as you already know; our friends are very few and fickle." The Doctor responded. The look of her face was as solid as stone. Her words cut like steel, and her presence was light as air. Miranda felt as it the Doctor was nothing more then the instrument of the Will that resided steadfast in the room.
Chalkwas reached over and unlocked the door. It opened and light from outside the medbay streamed in. It was a cue that it was time for Miranda to leave, whether she wanted to or not.
Author's note: I'm still working on the Sea and the Rose, but wanted to post this. Hope you enjoy.