AN: Simply breathtaking illustration of the storm in Riza's dream by the phenomenal Sonja Jade is now located on my profile. Please take a minute to check it out.

"Rebecca, how close would you say we were?" the blonde asks over a cup of steaming herbal tea, startling the brunette almost to the point of dropping her own cup.

It was a Sunday, and according to First Lieutenant Rebecca Catalina, the day to catch up on all the gossip. Captain Hawkeye wanted to point out that there was no gossip to catch up on and how such a meeting had huge potential to turn awkward, but Rebecca cut her off mid sentence, saying she could think of worse ways to spend a Sunday than sprawling on Riza's couch, drinking tea and being awkward. The Captain smiled at that and agreed.

Now, the woman opposite her looks thoughtful as she sips her tea, probably to give herself time to think.

"Why do you ask that?" she finally says, tucking a stray lock of hair behind an ear.

"I just wondered how we met, how close we were… were you the kind of friend I confided things too…?" The Captain is almost sure Rebecca will show signs of discomfort here just as Captain Havoc did. But to her surprise, Rebecca simply continues to look thoughtful.

"Well, why don't you ask, and I'll try to answer as best as I can?"

"Alright, how do we know each other?"

Rebecca's eyes light up as she smiles at the question. "The academy, we were together in East, but I was your junior. I was one of those spoiled girls who only wanted a husband from the military, but after I saw how good you were at being a soldier, I felt ashamed of myself and decided to work harder. The husband excuse still stands though."

The Captain nods, not remembering but imagining Rebecca as she would have been then, younger, fresh faced, always getting called out for wearing studs in her ears that were against regulation. She smiles. The last one had definitely been a memory. "I find it very hard to believe you came to me and told me you had such admiration for me."

"That's because I didn't," Rebecca answers with a raised eyebrow, setting her cup on the table as she contemplates the blonde sitting across from her. "I hated you. Was a downright bitch to you at first because everyone painted you as an example. Major Crawley was always saying 'Hawkeye this and Hawkeye that.' We had a secret bet going that one day he would tell us to use the latrine like Hawkeye did too."

The Captain can't help but laugh at her friend's imitation of the Major in question. It sounds familiar yet strange, but it doesn't sound awkward or forced – two things she was sure this conversation would turn out to be.

"Then how did we become friends?"

"Well, back then, the best way to gossip and spread a rumor was in the shower – about the only time we weren't being watched so we did all the verbal exchanges there. Except you were never around for any of that. In fact, you didn't have any proper friends other than Jean, and he was a bit odd so people usually steered clear of him. Same cadets – unfairly I might add and never myself – thought this enough of a reason to stay away from you…" The brunette trails off, her eyes glazed as if far away, and her companion knows she is reliving the scene.

"I got a letter one night telling me my cousin had been deployed to Ishval. I was pretty upset. I never had any real siblings, and he was the closest thing to a brother so as soon as I got word of the deployment, I went off for a walk to sort things out in my head. I made for the woods in the surrounding area, but where I was expecting peace and quiet, who do I run into but you and Jean throwing darts on a target? Jean was beating you four to five, and he would have tied had I not interrupted. He's called me his 'bad luck charm' ever since." Just the way Rebecca says it, the blonde understands that she is the "someone" Captain Havoc mentioned seeing when Riza asked him if they were ever romantically involved.

"You guys thought I'd rat you out –and I admit I did think of it – but throwing darts looked like fun, and I decided to join you two instead. We didn't become the best of friends that night, but that's how we started. We became very close over the next two years until you had to leave for Ishval."

The Captains shudders at the word, still at a loss to explain why she reacts so horribly every time it is mentioned. "Rebecca, what happened in Ishval? I don't know, but the word doesn't sit well with me…" she admits, voicing her fears for the first time.

"It's not your fault," Rebecca assures her, reaching for her hand. "All the Ishval vets hate that time. It was… well, it wasn't pretty, we were all asked to do some really nasty things for our country, and those who did were hailed as heroes while those who didn't were dishonorably discharged or worse."

Again, the words "Hero of Ishval" ring in her head, but she pushes them away, concentrating on the other woman. "So we remained friends through Ishval?"

"I wouldn't say that exactly… for myself anyway, Ishval existed out of real time. We did nothing through it save our job, but yes, if you want to get technical, we did. We didn't see each other while there, we only met once we were back in East after the civil war had ended. But you were so different then… we all were, I suppose. It took some time for everything to get back to normal. We were together in Eastern Command for a bit, but then I was transferred to Central. We still kept in touch over the phone. Sundays were still our gossip days," Rebecca finishes with a soft smile.

Riza sips her own tea, thinking over what her friend has just revealed. It makes sense, but it still feels incomplete somehow. So far, she has spoken to Captain Havoc and Rebecca, who admit to being her closest friends, but she can't help thinking something is still missing. The same feeling that overwhelmed her when she first woke up at the hospital has remained persistent over the weeks – that the pieces of her memories are still locked safely inside her, but she has lost the key to access them.

"Tell me, was I ever romantically involved with anyone back in the academy?" she asks carefully, hoping Rebecca's reaction would not be as awkward as Captain Havoc's. Again, her friend surprises her by remaining perfectly calm and answering naturally.

"Not at the academy, no. In fact, you always gave the impression that you were involved with someone from even before that. But I always thought it was because you weren't interested in dating."

"So I wasn't seeing anyone then, or after?"

"Well…" For the first time, the other woman sounds unsure. "There were rumors in Ishval – about everyone really, and half of them were so absurd you wouldn't believe them even if you saw them with your own eyes – but nothing more than that. The Major you were stationed with was known for his… exploits, and some jealous cadet probably started the rumor…"

"Are we talking about Major Kimblee?' the blonde asks plainly.

"Yes and no. Some rookie said he saw that psychopath coming in and out of your tent at odd hours. And later, when you were transferred to Daliha, people said you and the alchemist stationed there were pretty close. I remember laughing at the rumor when I heard it, saying I don't recall Riza having a thing for alchemists."

"My father was an alchemist," Riza says neutrally.

"Yes, but I didn't know that until quite a bit later, when Jean had officially started courting me," Rebecca replies evenly.

"You mean I never told you about my family?" the blonde asks, golden eyebrow raised in surprise.

"You didn't tell anyone about your family. It was one of those things that we all nonverbally agreed to never speak of.' the brunette explains patiently.

It does make sense, from what little the Captain has been able to piece together in her dreams and memories. She knew knows her childhood wasn't a happy one so why would she tell people about it? Still, she must have given something away, confided to someone. In fact, she knows that she has, she just needs to find out whom.

Riza sits up straighter on the couch as Rebecca finishes her tea. "I've been doing some cleaning lately, and I found something that makes me uneasy. I was going through some of the things at the back of my closet and I found a shirt – a male dress shirt – right at the very back. But it was folded neatly, not just shoved in…" The blonde wasn't surprised at first to see the fine white material in her closet, folded neatly behind all the clothes she assumed she never wore. It had looked oddly perfect amid her other clothes, and it was only after a few minutes that she decided to question its presence in her house. She took out, unfolded it and even smelled it. It smelled clean and… and another scent that had made her a little heady, but was otherwise it was just a shirt, worn soft and smooth over the years meaning she did use it - or at least someone did. But then why was it at the back? The article of clothing had no recognizable features that she could pinpoint, but she sat on her bed, breathing in lungfuls of the scent of that shirt later that night, feeling finally at peace for the first time since she had regained consciousness after the accident.

Riza might not remember Rebecca, but she knows when people are lying, and her friend is most certainly not telling the truth when she replies with, "I wouldn't know anything about that."

She doesn't know why, but there's an empty flower vase on her window sill that she always smiles upon seeing. The reaction is automatic, and she only notices it after days of smiling at said vase. She once wondered why she doesn't put any flowers in it, but somehow, the vase looks fine empty – and she can't help the niggling feeling that it will always remain empty. Whether it means something in a deeper sense or not, she isn't sure. She just knows it isn't her job to get the flowers.

Similarly, there are many more things around her small apartment that confuse and amuse her. For example, though she has been told that she has been working in the East for some years now, a lot of her things remain unpacked. A corner of her living room is dedicated to a pile of boxes, which she can only assume she hasn't opened since even before she moved since some of them have "Shipped to Central" labels on them.

She also has very few personal items in her home. A modest silver picture frame showing herself, Captain Havoc and Lieutenant Catalina from what must have been their academy days, and a group picture of her entire office, with her commander's face strangely blurred. She has no idea why parts of the picture are so damaged or even why she keeps such a picture, but she knows it isn't there to be thrown away. There are also plain white gloves and a lot of crimson thread hidden in a compartment at the back of her chest of drawers, and she has no idea what they're for. Does she have a secret fondness for embroidery? And if she does, why would she have to hide it so?

Perhaps the strangest discovery is the box of matches on her dressing table. She wasn't at all surprised to find that she doesn't own a huge assortment of hair ornaments, just a dozen plain hair bands and the clips that kept her hair up, along with a sensible brush to comb out her hair. But apparently, there are also a dozen matchsticks in a box next to her hair clips, insinuating that she actually uses them as hair accessories. But why would she – or anyone really - do that? Still, strange as it is, the sight of the matchbox never fails to reassure her, as if it is some sort of safety net she can rely on in an emergency.

Yes, there are many things at her own home that amuse and confuse her. The empty vase, the packed boxes, the damaged photograph, the shirt in her closet, the gloves and crimson thread. But she knows the secret to her past self is locked in these items so she doesn't attempt to change them. She doesn't get flowers to fill the vase, change the location of the shirt or throw away the photograph because they are all part of Riza Hawkeye, who didn't feel as incomplete as she does. If she is truthful to herself, the reason why her name doesn't sound familiar to her is because she isn't that Riza Hawkeye who knew and understood what all these oddities mean. And whilst the Captain has discovered sufficient evidence to know that Riza Hawkeye didn't lead a very pleasant life, she still wants that life back. Because nothing could be worse than stumbling day in and day out from one place to another, feeling as if there's a hole in your heart that refuses to be filled.

She knows for a fact that the former Riza didn't feel this way, whatever else she might have felt. Because if she did, the current one would remember. Some things are too important to completely forget.

That night, she dreams of a storm in a desert, the lightning flashing dangerously in the dark sky, threatening to split the entire world in two. But where others around her are running for cover from the pouring rain, she makes no move to seek shelter. She lets the rain soak her through, staring at the bolts of lightning, transfixed by their awesome beauty. She even wishes one would come down and touch her, so she could feel what it would be like to be burned like all the people who've burned because of her. She wonders if it hurts or if the pain is so fleeting, it is nonexistent. She doesn't know which is worse.

She wakes up shaking and scared, unsure of it's a dream or a memory, but absolutely sure of the fact that whatever it had been, she wasn't the only one out in the rain. There was another besides her who wished to be struck down by lightning as much as she did.

End Note: Feedback is very much loved.