AN: More artage by -xX Cookie Monster Xx-, go check it out on my profile!
General Roy Mustang knows he has to go back. He can't stay away from his unit for an indefinite period of time without taking official leave. He had excused himself on the grounds of official business in Central, but that excuse had ran its course two weeks ago. Then he phoned to say he was feeling under the weather and spent the next fourteen days with Madam Christmas and the girls, who didn't mind his brooding company or the alcohol he consumed on a daily basis. Once Vanessa tried talking to him, but his determination to say nothing thwarted her well-meaning attempts, and she didn't try again. Madelyn didn't even bother, saying there was nothing she could do when Roy boy was in one of his moods.
But even that period came to an end, and now only a physical injury will serve to keep him away from East HQ. He would be lying to himself if he said he hadn't considered it, but he decides in the end that over two months is enough time. Enough time for Hawkeye to settle into her new life and learn to live without him contently casting his dark shadow over her. The thought stings more than a little, but if he truly wants what's best for the only woman he ever loved, then he will have to get used to a lot more stinging like this one. A new life meant a life without him, where she would finally be happy, meet someone else, settle down and start a family while he… all he will be able to do is watch from the shadows, pretending his heart isn't breaking anew every time she smiles in the direction of another man.
If it was anyone but Hawkeye… but therein lay the problem, didn't it? It was Hawkeye, his Hawkeye and he would have to do it for her. Because no matter what anyone says or does, the fact remains that he doesn't deserve her, never has, never will. He has spent all his life as a parasite, leeching off her happiness, joy, love, attention, loyalty, all the things he has no right to. And giving her only pain in return. The alchemist shakes his head, knocking back the rest of his whiskey. No, he can't think about that anymore. Tomorrow will mark a new chapter in his life as well as Hawkeye's. But not theirs. The whole point of all this is so there will never be a "they" or "their" again. They will be two different people, not bound together by enough misguided pain and love to shatter the beliefs of even the most devout.
Roy himself has never believed in the almighty, and Riza was brought up similarly, but seeing Riza on certain days in a certain light always made him wonder otherwise. How else would a miracle like Hawkeye exist? One that has no place in his life after all the things he has done? He always wanted to worship her the way the Ishvalans did their deity, but he didn't, and now he had to let her go.
The raven-haired man sleeps through most of the train journey the next day, dreaming of storms and lightning and the wish to be incinerated by the fires of hell just as he doled out his own brand of stolen fire on those helpless Ishvalans. And when he reaches his destination, it is night time. The skies are clear and the moon is out, and Roy can feel the disappointment in his bones already. If only it was raining. .
Falman is the only one who has come to receive him at the station, and the General prefers it that way. Falman never sees fit to intrude on personal matters and is far too sensible to make conversation simply to fill silences. The white-haired officer salutes upon seeing his superior and expresses the hope that the General has had a good journey. He then walks with Roy over to the car in which he drives the Flame Alchemist to his modest home near the command center. Falman doesn't talk about Hawkeye, and Roy knows better than to ask. While the Lieutenant may say nothing unprovoked, he would have quite a bit to say when asked to speak.
"Will we see you at the office tomorrow, Sir?' Falman asks as the General exits the vehicle.
"Eight-thirty sharp," Roy Mustang replies, his voice full of steely determination. He has come this far, now is not the time to back out.
And if seeing Hawkeye makes him want to simply forget about his entire plan and just fold her in his arms, he will just have to keep himself in check. There is no excuse for what he has done to her all these years and for still wanting her by his side even if his future has been doomed by his own wish. No, there is no reason valid enough to justify what he has done over the years to the girl he swore to protect, the woman he swore to cherish and the human he eventually tore apart. He reminds himself that loving her with all his heart is not an excuse.
End Note: To Be Continued aka please don't kill me! The full story if going to be written in three installments so please keep an eye out for Fleeting, coming soon to a computer near you.
A huge thank you to everyone who left a review and/or added this story to their alerts/favorites list. As always, I love hearing from you so let me know what you thought of part one.
Future Projects: getting some sleep, Fleeting, reading all the other awesome FMA Big Bang entries.