Glittering Wind
Chapter Three
Everything I can see
And everything I can touch
May not be real
But I am definitely here
Perfume- "Electro World"
I'm worried about you, Yamato.
The note was handed to Yamato by Takamura, but he knew it wasn't from her. It was Taichi's handwriting. Besides, who else could possibly be worried about Ishida Yamato? He was the skinny, angry guy who followed Yagami around like a dog. Most people either feared his temper or admired his pretty face- from afar, of course.
It wasn't the first time Taichi had mentioned his concern for his friend's health. Yamato had always been too thin for his height, but when Taichi had cornered him in his bathroom and counted every one of Yamato's ribs (out loud), the situation got out of hand.
"I'm fine, Taichi."
"You're not fine! You look like an anorexic person!"
Unfortunately, they had learned about eating disorders in health class earlier that week, and Taichi immediately came to the conclusion that Yamato was starving himself.
For the record… he was.
"Ishida," Katsura-sensei snapped from the front of the classroom. "Pay attention."
Yamato's response was a frigid glare. The teacher flinched, then continued with her history lecture in a slightly less confidant tone.
Perhaps 'starving himself' was too harsh a term. He did eat dinner, mainly because it was the only time he had with his dad. Hiroaki left for work before the sun was even up, and dragged himself home after it had set. After figuring out that he was rather good at cooking (in that damn class Taichi forced him to take), Yamato felt responsible for providing his father with at least two decent meals a day. Hiroaki's lunch was always waiting for him in the morning (Yamato prepared it before going to bed and left it in the fridge.) and dinner was on the table when he got home. It was morbidly reminiscent of Natsuko's tending to her husband, but with more scowling and less pleasant conversation.
In any case, Yamato soon grew tired of making two lunches, and he rarely ate at school anyway. He usually just sat and stared at his food while Taichi and Sora chatted. Good food offered him little comfort anymore.
So he stopped making lunch, and that saved him time. He weaned himself off of breakfast, which saved him time, money, and his daily "Hey, cutie!" What little body fat Yamato had was soon shed, leaving him a brooding skeleton in the corner. It took Taichi a while to notice, but that boy was so dense he walked right past the train station at least twice a week.
Taichi was concerned, which made Yamato feel the tiniest bit of contentment. Then Sora voiced her own concern, and that contentment withered and died, replaced with yet another level of burning hatred for the girl.
As the star player on Odaiba Middle's soccer team, Taichi was very popular. Even if he wasn't an athlete this would have been true; it was near-impossible not to like Taichi. He was a goofy, cheerful, lovable dork with the biggest grin (and the biggest hair) in school. Hell, even the teachers adored him, despite his mediocre grades and love for abusing the dress code. He made them smile. He made everybody smile.
The bell rang to signal the end of second period. Immediately the classroom was abuzz with chatter, as Katsura-sensei sighed and began packing her things up.
"Alright, everyone," she hollered over the commotion, "don't forget your test on Friday! Study hard!"
A few students droned a long "Haaaaai!" but for the most part she was ignored.
"Yo, Yamato." Taichi swung himself on top of his friend's desk, letting his legs hang idly on either side. He fixed his friend with a disapproving look, which Yamato returned hesitantly.
"You don't have to worry about me," Yamato grumbled, in reference to the note.
Taichi narrowed his eyes. "Of course I do. You sure as hell don't worry about yourself. Look at you, man; you're wasting away."
Yamato ground his teeth together, trying to look anywhere but Taichi's face. He settled on his friend's arms… which were muscled and wiry and tanned to a perfect shade of brown, and that didn't help Yamato's situation at all and damn, Taichi had gorgeous arms…
"Why do you even care?" Yamato finally snapped. "God, you'd be so much better off without me anyway…"
Taichi looked like he had just been punched. "What?! Dude, where are you getting this shit? Have we or have we not been best friends since kindergarten?"
"We have…" Yamato muttered. "But I don't--"
"What? You don't want to be my friend anymore?!"
"No! That's not--"
"Oh, so you don't?"
"Goddamn it, Taichi!" Yamato roared, ignoring the horrified expressions from their classmates. "Stop cutting me off! This has nothing to do with you! It's my own fucking problem, okay?!"
Yamato was breathing hard. Taichi leaned back a little, looking more sad than angry now.
"But why can't you talk to me about it?" he asked quietly. "I thought… I mean, short of a psychiatrist, wouldn't I be the best person for you to talk to? Aren't we as close as I like to think we are?"
The thinner boy bit his lip.
The class bell rang again, and Taichi turned back around after a final sigh.
Yamato hadn't realized how hard he had been clenching his fists until he looked down. His eyes widened a little. There were little crescent-shaped cuts all along his palm, with tiny rivulets of blood trickling down his wrists.
Next to him, Sora gasped. "Ishida-kun! Are you alright?"
Yamato ignored her.
It wasn't until a few months later that Yamato felt the first tugs of insanity. Snow was falling lightly outside, powdery and romantic. It was a very picturesque Valentine's Day.
Yamato sat staring out the window, eyes feeling heavy. He hadn't slept well the previous night. His father had been out working late, and the next-door-neighbor yelled at him to shut the hell up when he started playing his harmonica out on the balcony. His CD player's battery was dead, and his sheets needed to be cleaned, but they were out of laundry detergent…
So he had ended up falling asleep on the sofa, watching enka performers yet again. Yamato couldn't care less if normal teenagers watched doramas and MTV. It wasn't like anything else he did was considered normal.
But on this morning, Yamato would've given quite a bit to be like the other eighth-graders of Class B. After his sixth confession and gift of handmade chocolate, he felt drained and fed-up with turning girls down. They just got stupider each time, too.
"Whoo," Taichi whistled, approaching his friend's desk and raising an eyebrow at the veritable pile of candy Yamato had amassed. "Someone's popular, as always."
"You want it?" Yamato asked curtly. "You could share it with the soccer team or something."
"You don't want any?"
"Do I ever?"
Taichi shrugged and sat beside his friend. "Maybe you should be a little kinder. I mean, would it be so bad to have a girlfriend?" He picked up one of the boxes and examined the card. "Eri-chan's cute."
Yamato glared. Taichi backed down, chuckling.
They both looked up as Sora approached. Her face was bright red, and she coughed a little. She was hiding something behind her back.
"Ah… T-Taichi-kun, I was wondering… I mean, I don't know if you… that is to say, I…"
Taichi laughed. "Spit it out, Sora-chan!"
Beside him, Yamato's heard plummeted. Oh, God, no, it couldn't be…
"Well…" Shyly, Sora, pulled a white box tied with a red ribbon out and held it up for Taichi's inspection. "I'm not a very good cook, but I tried my best, and my mom helped. So…"
No.
"… please…"
No, don't.
"… accept this chocolate I made."
Taichi…
Taichi's eyes bugged out. "Whoa, Sora-chan… seriously? Thanks!"
Sora giggled and sat, watching with delight as Taichi popped one of the chocolates into his mouth.
The athlete grinned, teeth covered in the stuff. "These are super good, Sora-chan! Nice job!"
"Oh, thank you! I'm so glad!"
The conversation between the pair faded away, and Yamato felt frozen.
Of course. Of course. I should have seen this coming. Maybe, in a way, I did. Takenouchi's sweet and cheerful, and she likes soccer. How many times have I had to avoid her at Taichi's games?
So… so they…
Yamato pushed his chair back and stood, quivering.
Taichi and Sora blinked.
"Ishida-kun…?"
"Yamato?" Taichi reached out with fingers covered in chocolate. "Dude, you alright?"
"I-I think I'm gonna throw up," Yamato managed, then dashed out the door.
He ended up on the roof somehow. It was surprisingly easy to get there. Yamato wondered faintly if the staff was planning on doing anything about that.
Having left his jacket in his seat, Yamato shivered and crossed his arms. He paced across the rooftop several times in an attempt to clear his throbbing head.
Before him stretched the expanse of Odaiba, gritty and covered in white powder. The sounds of traffic seemed almost muted. All felt still.
The tears clinging to Yamato's long eyelashes froze quickly, and his runny nose soon felt raw.
Will anything ever be okay again?
Then he stopped pacing.
… Was anything ever okay to begin with?
Yamato sat on the edge of the roof, rhythmically clenching and unclenching his fingers around his scrawny legs.
He wanted to scream.
He couldn't speak.
He wanted to die.
He wanted to play songs on his harmonica.
He wanted to be with Taichi.
He wanted Taichi to have the best friend he deserved.
My life isn't that bad. Yamato's mind began to reel. I have a dad who works himself to the bone trying to support me. My mom still has love for me (somewhere), and I have a cute kid brother who's always trying to cheer me up.
I have Taichi. I've never been anything but a depressing nuisance to him, but he still keeps me around. And Takenouchi is friendly to me.
"Because she likes Taichi," Yamato whispered to himself.
Those two…
Yamato didn't leave the rooftop until the sun had set. He might have fallen asleep once or twice.
No one ever came looking for him.
"Yamato," Hiroaki hollered from the den, "what's for dinner?"
The boy paused in his precise chopping of vegetables and wiped some sweat from his brow.
"Yakisoba," he answered.
"Oh, good. We haven't had that in a while."
In the back of his mind, Yamato guiltily realized that it was a dish his mother used to make quite frequently. But since Takeru was visiting that night, Yamato had wanted to cook something special.
He pushed the chopped carrots to one side and grabbed a head of cabbage. The doorbell rang, and Yamato barely had time to turn before he was landed with an armful of Takeru.
"Oniichan!" the younger boy shrieked, hopping up and down in his exuberance. "I haven't seen you in months and months and months!"
"One month," Yamato murmured. He awkwardly patted the top of Takeru's head.
The little boy beamed up at him. His face was starting to look older- not pudgy with baby fat like Yamato was used to. And he was already eye-to-chest with his brother at age eight.
"You're getting so tall, kiddo," Yamato said quietly.
Takeru nodded. "Uh-huh! I'm the tallest kid in my class, you know!"
Yamato snorted and ruffled his sibling's hair. "Go hang out with Dad for a little bit while I finish dinner, okay?"
"Hehe…" Takeru's eyes glinted mischievously. "You're like a mom, Oniichan!"
Yamato nearly dropped his spoon. "I… what?"
"You're a lot like a mom." With a smile that looked wise beyond his years, Takeru slowly backed out of the kitchen. "Sometimes… sometimes I wish you were my mom instead of my brother."
The older boy cleared his throat sharply. "Don't say stupid things, Takeru."
"Okay…"
As soon as Takeru was gone, Yamato rubbed his temples. What the hell? Honestly, where did that kid get such weird thoughts…?
Takeru was so intelligent already. Yamato was constantly amazed. Occasionally the grade-schooler would blurt out witticisms that seemed almost impossible.
Quickly, Yamato adjusted the stovetop's heat, lest he start burning the oil.
"Taichi officially started dating Sora later that year," Ishida said quietly. His voice was hardly louder than the sound of Hiroko's pen busily scratching away. "I… didn't do so hot after that. Everything basically went downhill."
The phone rang again. Yuuki went to answer it, oddly silent.
"What do you mean?" Hiroko asked the former idol.
Ishida would not meet her eyes for a few moments. When he finally did, his gaze was hollow.
Koizumi, the school's counselor, fussed with her blouse for a moment before turning her attention back to the waif of a boy before her.
"Ah… Ishida Yamato-kun, right?"
Yamato nodded shortly.
"And which high school are you aiming for, Ishida-kun?" she asked sweetly.
He shrugged.
Koizumi surveyed the student in her office critically. His teachers all said the same things: "Very bright. Not working to his full potential. No respect for authority." She had seen Yamato once or twice before, usually when she was making copies and he was sitting outside the principal's office. He was always glaring.
Quietly, Koizumi took a seat behind her desk and looked Yamato in the eye. "Ishida-kun, how are things at home?"
"Fine," he snapped.
Yamato's collarbones jutted out, and it almost looked like every vein in his white throat was visible. His uniform was hanging off of his frail body like a sheet.
"… Alright," Koizumi murmured. "You're doing well in your classes, Ishida-kun. I suppose you have a good chance of getting into any high school you try for."
Yamato nodded shortly, then turned to go.
"Ah… Ishida-kun?"
He glanced back over his shoulder.
Koizumi bit her lip. There was something about this boy that frightened her.
"… You should c-cut your hair. It's getting to be a dress code violation."
Yamato's lip curled. He left without another word.
Yet again, he ended up on the roof. This time, however, he was quite surprised to see someone else already standing near the edge.
It was a slim, frizzy-haired girl he had seen a few times before. She wasn't in his class, but she had friends who fancied themselves in love with Yamato. Her skin was tan, and her nails were painted black.
The girl was leaning on the fence, eyes closed like she was having a pleasant dream. Her skirt was rolled up so high that Yamato was very sure she too was violating the dress code. Somehow he didn't get the impression that this girl cared.
Yamato coughed, and her eyes opened. They simply stared at each other for a long, silent moment, before she smiled warily.
"I'm sorry. This is your spot, right?"
Yamato shrugged. "It's fine. It's not like my name's on it."
The girl chuckled and turned around so she was facing the horizon. "I see you come up here all the time. You skip a lot of classes, don't you?"
Yamato shrugged again.
"All of my friends think you're really cool," she continued. "You just give off this aura of not-caring. Or something like that. It's like nothing can hurt you."
Yamato had to laugh dryly at this. "A lot of things can hurt me."
"Yeah…" The girl trailed off. Her gaze was distant and unfocused. "Nobody's invincible, right?"
There was a cool breeze. Yamato took a few steps closer to the girl and nodded to her uniform. "Aren't you cold?"
"A little," she replied faintly.
"Why the hell do you girls wear your skirts so short?" Yamato asked a little snappishly. "It's dumb. If the principal doesn't catch you, you're just gonna end up flashing everyone when the wind picks up."
The girl blinked at him. "You know, most boys would think that was a positive thing."
Yamato snorted. By this point he was standing next to her, also leaning on the fence a little. "Yeah, well, I'm not most boys I guess."
After a few more seconds of introspection, the girl faced him.
"Are you gay?" she blurted.
Yamato froze.
"No, no, no, I mean…" She stumbled over her words hurriedly. "I mean, I don't care. I'm just curious. I guess I have no right asking you that, seeing as we just met, an--"
"Technically we haven't met yet," Yamato said. "I still don't know your name."
She quickly nodded her head, then threw a short, awkward bow. "Sorry, you're right. I'm Motomiya Jun. Yoroshiku."
"Yoroshiku," Yamato muttered. "And I don't really know if I'm gay or not. It doesn't matter to me particularly."
Jun tilted her head the one side. "Doesn't matter? That's kind of important, though, don't you think?"
He shrugged. "Not to me. I don't think I'll ever have feelings for anyone else anyway."
"Anyone… else?"
"Yeah." Yamato fixed her with an odd look. "Why are you asking me these questions?"
Jun did not answer. Her dark eyes fell to the ground, and her next words were so quiet Yamato almost did not hear them over the wind.
"Ishida-kun… do you think I'm pretty?"
Rather than give in to the surprise he felt at such a random inquiry, Yamato examined the girl.
Jun was not astoundingly beautiful, no, but there was a certain sharp loveliness to her face, and her neck was rather long and graceful. Her skin was dry from tanning, and her ears were a little large. But all in all…
"You're pretty," Yamato said. "But why does that matter? You shouldn't care so much about what other people think."
Jun's eyes became oddly glassy. "Thank you, Ishida-kun. I know it shouldn't be important, but I just wanted to hear it once."
Yamato felt an odd shiver at her choice of words, but he shrugged it off and turned to leave. "See you around, Motomiya-san."
"… Thank you, Ishida-kun," she said again. "Thank you."
Her voice faded into the wind as Yamato walked back down the stairs that led to the real world.
Hiroko jumped at the sound of the doorbell ringing. Yuuki went to tend to this, then returned moments later with a package.
"Dad, my new cleats are here. I'm gonna go try them out, okay? Is the goal set up in the backyard?"
Ishida nodded and waved her off.
Hiroko smiled. "Your daughter plays soccer?"
"Yeah," Ishida sighed. "You could say she breathes soccer. It's in her blood, though. I guess I'm not surprised."
The school was abuzz with frantic gossip the next morning when Yamato entered. He took his jacket off and hung it over his chair, raising an eyebrow.
"Yo, Yamato!" Taichi waved him over. He was standing with Sora next to one of the girl's friends, who was crying softly.
"What's going on?" Yamato asked.
Taichi looked shocked. "You mean you don't know? It was all over the news this morning."
"What?"
"It…" Sora cleared her throat and patted her friend on the shoulder. "One of the girls from class 5-A committed suicide yesterday."
"That's terrible," Yamato mumbled.
Sora's friend let out a sob, scrubbing at her eyes furiously. "W-w-we all knew something was w-wrong! She just got so thin, a-and she never talked about her home life, b-but we all knew she fought with her parents! And after Honda-kun broke up with her, she was so upset…"
Something was not quite right here.
"How did she die?" Yamato dared to ask.
The girl sniffled and looked up with red-rimmed eyes.
"Jun-chan jumped off the roof of the school yesterday, during the conference period. She told us she was going to buy a drink, but she never came back."
Author's Notes
I can't apologize enough for my long absence, guys. As soon as school began I got swamped with AP work and play rehearsals. Now I have a short break here during the holidays, so hopefully I'll be able to get a few more chapters planned out, if not written. Thank you to everyone who's still with me! :)
A couple of FAQs about the story:
Q: Who is Yuuki's mother?
A: GABUMON. (-shot-) Haha, seriously, though, you'll find out in due time. I swear that I have her parentage all figured out. Yuuki is the result of a series of very unfortunate circumstances, but in the end everyone comes out for the better because of her birth. :)
Q: Why doesn't Yamato end up with Taichi after all this shit you're putting him through?!
A: … When did I say they didn't end up together?
Q: Will this contain Sorato?
A: Not a bit. It wouldn't work into the plot I've envisioned at all.
Q: What about (insert pairing here)?
A: Okey-dokey, guys, the couples that I will use in this story have already been decided. Taichi/Yamato (main), Taichi/Sora, Jyou/Mimi, and a Daisuke/Ken/Miyako triangle. There is very little chance of me deviating from these.
Replies to Reviewers
Sumi19: Thank you so much! (Don't worry; your English is great. You have better grammar than most native English speakers I know.)
born a dreamer: Long, detailed reviews like yours mean the world to me. I'm just like you in the way that I never know what to say in a review… but thank you for telling me. It made me so happy I had to go hug something.
HIKED: Thank you! I'm glad you're enjoying it so far. :)
DarkMetalAngel of Destruction: (-is tackled-) Hehe, thanks! I tried to balance out the angst with a sprinkling of cuteness…
Devildelivery: Sorato has always bothered me as well. That's one less thing for you to worry about, though; there will definitely not be anything of that nature between Yamato and Sora in this fanfic.
Ooh, and you figured out Yuuki's name origin. I was hoping someone would. :D Thank you for reviewing!
Courage Sun: … You're going to share that cereal, aren't you? (-eyebrow waggle-) And Dai has no right to accuse you of sugar-overdose. That kid makes Taichi look zen.
I'm thrilled that you like the story so much! :D Yes, poor Yamato is all in love and stuff. Only gets worse from here on out, too.
Syrinx Flute: I like this review glitch! 8D Heehee, just kidding… Y'know, I hadn't thought of adding flashbacks later, but now that you mention it, that may actually be a neat idea. Glad you like it so far; thanks for reviewing (three times)!
krad: WAIT NO LONGER! Thank you for reviewing!
Necratoholic: This story hasn't even been up for very long, so no worries. :D I'm glad you like it so much! And yeah, Taichi's family problems are over for the most part. I don't want this fic to lean too heavily on the "abusive parent" subplot. Thank you for reviewing!
Vikertee: Yeah, I've been getting a lot of questions about Yuuki and her birth parents. Don't give up hope on a Yamachi ending, though. You might be surprised! (Oh, and thank you so much for reviewing! X3)
Saja: Hmm... Thanks! :) I'll be sure to look that up later.
Arty Sayres: I'm not quite dead yet! Thank you for the encouragement. I really have had absolutely no time to write since school started, but I'm going to try harder to make time from now on.
Plain Game: Domo arigatou gozaimasu! "Natural" is one of the top things I'm concerned about, actually. My biggest fanfic turnoff is when the story becomes completely unbelievable. (Oh, and for some reason Edit/Preview keeps deleting the "." in your name. Weird.)
AnimeFreak4261: Well, I don't want to give too much away... No, Tai never hates Sora. That isn't to say he ever loves her, though. And, GOD, no crossdressing Yamato! D: The very thought makes me want to cry. What horrible circumstances would lead up to that...? (In all honesty though, I can totally see Taichi doing it. XD Can't you?
Much Love,
Tisbee
p.s.- Does anyone else watch Junjou Romantica? Because I'm kind of freaking obsessed with it right now. Nowaki is my anti-drug. :3