I really hate writing accents. Reading them is a bitch as well. Just imagine the accents if you so desire. Lisps and slurs, however...well, they're a different matter to me. Baby talk is too much fun to write.

It took a week, but the letter made it to it's first stop. Admittedly, the residents of this house had nearly thrown it away, but the incredibly nosy neighbor Sean O'Kelly insisted on opening it. Most of the family viewed him as an unwanted brother in this family of five, save for James Kirkland. He was the only Kirkland who actually liked Sean.

As expected, it was Sean's idea to write those letters. He was waving the letter around one morning after dropping by (uninvited, but that's beside the point) for breakfast. He had fished the letter out of yesterday's mail, which would have been an illegal act if any of them cared. Malcom, the oldest sibling, was cooking breakfast(?) while Reese and James argued over who would do the dishes. Peter ran by his hip, caterwauling"Wah! Don't wet Awthuw get to me!" He ducked behind Malcom as Arthur, the second oldest, stumbled in looking hungover. Malcom shot him a look before taking the letter out of Sean's hand. He took one look at Alfred's letter and put it away.

"Bah," he said. "Why should we bother with this idiot? I tell you," he said, waving his cooking spoon warningly, "he's asking for trouble."

"Whatever, old man. You're no fun anyways," Sean said dismissively.

"I ought to beat the crap out of your sorry ass," Malcom said, squinting menacingly at the "other brother."

"I don't care. You wouldn't bother wasting energy on us anyways, old-timer." Sean shrugged. "C'mon James." The second-youngest Kirkland stood up and walked away with his friend. "We're gonna write a letter like real cultured people."

Dear Kid,

Howdy-do partner, or whatever you say in America. First off, it's "conniving bastard." That's the adult way of saying "a big jerk." Don't use those words. Secondly, girls-especially older girls- love glasses ;). Some sort of sensitive, smart sex appeal to them.

Wait, I never introduced myself. I'm Sean (with my friend James nearby), and we're gonna write you a couple of letters.

James lives with a bunch of brothers. I'm not even joking, he's got like a million of them. Well, actually there's only four brothers, then him, then ME. I might as well be family, what with how close I am. Anyways, I wouldn't be surprised if yet another Kirkland waltzes in any day now. I swear, his mother is quite the femme fatale. She had each of them in some area of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland or another and raised them so they would each have some accent. It's crazy! It's weird that a Scotsman (Malcom), two Londoners (Arthur and Peter), a Welshman (Reese), and an Irishman (James) can all be related AND live together-in Liverpool nonetheless! Between the regional accents and constant yelling, it's a wonder we all don't have chronic headaches.

As for me, I live with them basically. You see, they don't know this, but my mom died a couple years back. My dad wasn't really ever in the right condition to raise me. I kinda just float around. Thank God I'm 19. I don't have to go to school anymore, and I can get a job. It sucks though because I really don't have anywhere to go. Not even James knows. They're really nice people, and I kinda feel bad about the mooching, but I have to survive somehow. It taught me that people really aren't that bad.

I used to be the ultimate loner. It wasn't my fault! I had a super-traumatizing event in preschool. Stupid Brian Moore was a jerk. Fucking pushed me out window. I thought everyone was just as bad. I had maybe talked to three people outside of my family over the course of ten years, and they were short conversations made out of necessity (where the bathroom was).

Then, I moved to Liverpool. Here I met James, my first true friend. It took a lot of courage for me to approach him. He was one of those popular kids that were out of my league at the time. At the time, I thought popular kids were trouble, and they normally are. They're normally a bunch of dipshits. Not James. He's not very normal at all. He's a great guy. Hanging out with him really opened me up, and now I won't shut up.

By the way, great idea about the whole sending an anonymous letter thing. That's pretty brave, considering I now have your address and can stalk you. I might even be able to find you on Facebook. Eh, but that's too much work, so I'll just keep writing. The one thing I've learned in life is to take risks. Life's not worth it otherwise. True, there are limits, but you have to break some. Sometimes, it's making a new friend; other times, it's dealing with the girl you like. Go ask her out or something. Take initiative! Girls like a little initiative, especially in the bedroom. Wait, you're too young for that now, so forget I said that.

Anyways, I better quit holding up the computer. James seemed pretty eager to write a letter for some reason. Fucking child predator (just kidding!).

Sean O'Kelly

(signature above print)

To Alfred,

My name's James. I'm nineteen years old, and I was born in Northern Ireland, a division of the United Kingdom of blah-blah-blah. The name's too long. Oh, and it's not England. I really hate when foreigners mess that up. You don't hear us going around screwing up the name of YOUR country, do you? Haha, never mind.

Anyways, you said to give you advice. First off, girls like glasses if you get a sexy pair. No plain old Potter-esque glasses will do. Get a nice, sexy pair, and the girls will love you. Secondly, don't use the words your dad said.

Well, the only decent advice life has taught me is to place your trust in few people. However cynical that may sound, I mean it. Trust a few, but trust them wholly. That's all I can really think of. Once, I was ten years old just like you. I even had a crush on this girl. I told a good friend of mine, and he went and told everyone that would make fun of me. Dipshit. Oh, don't use that word either. Luckily, the next year came along and I met Sean. Really, he's probably the best friend ever. Once, these guys were making fun of me, and he called upon all my brothers to go beat the crap out of him. Even Malcom, and he's like 30.

Speaking of family, don't listen to what your dad says about Keegan. If he doesn't act like his dad, then it doesn't matter what your dad thinks of his dad. Yep, be careful about labeling. Just saying.

Anyways, just make good friends in life. Kids these days befriend the wrong influences, and before they know it, they're starving drug addicts trying to make it through life on the spare change they stole from their "clients'" pockets. Oh wait, you're too young right now to get the joke.

A good friend is going to be there for you whenever. You won't believe the stuff they'll do for you. Sean literally pulled me out of a pit after I swerved the family car. (I didn't do it on purpose! There were sheep in the middle of the road.) Then he helped me pay for the damages. Course, he teases me about the incident, but it's a playful thing.

Another thing: trust your family. They'll be there for you whether you like it or not. My own brother Arthur...well, he's not exactly the most reliable character. Yet here we are, supporting his expenditures. Aside from his bar tabs; he has to pay for those himself. But we still drive him home when he's drunk his ass off. Pop him a couple of aspirins, and that usually takes the worst of the hangovers. Mind you, that isn't enough, but it isn't your problem right now.

Well, that's all I can think of. Thanks for listening to the God-awfully boring story of my life. And Sean's boring life. Thanks for listening to that as well.

Sincerely,

James Kirkland

(Signature above print)

The two boys printed out their letters, neither showing their letter to the other, and slipped it into the envelope. Without looking back, they walked away from the envelope, open for more letters from the Kirkland family that may or may not come.

AN: Okay, I'm not so happy with this chapter, mostly because it's all OC writing and I didn't get the other parts in that I wanted. But school starts in two days for me, and I really wanted to get some stuff out there. I hope to bring the rest of this chapter soon, so please stick around!

Yes, I still need help. Unfortunately, I can't put as many current events as I want (such as the riots in London), but I'll gladly take suggestions for "predicted current events", if that makes any sense. Basically, what may happen. For example, I can totally foresee a WWIII, what with the tension and Korea and that stuff. Anyways, please leave tips (THAT MEANS REVIEW).