El'Jaid stood in the elevator as it rose. Even though she had been supposedly 'sleeping' for days, she felt exhausted. She barely felt a spark in her at all.
It comforted her to know what the crew of her ship still stood with her. After talking with Gardner she had taken a walk around the near empty CIC. Joker had been in his bunk, and the Normandy simply glided through space and time on autopilot. As she had passed by the spartanly crewed workstations; she over heard the conversation that flowered in quiet bloom.
If I wasn't here I wouldn't have believed it.
What do we do now?
Did we really stop the Reapers?
Was an entire star system worth it?
But she also heard,
Shepard made the only choice she could...
"The only choice..." El'Jaid said sourly as an old Ghoul rose with in her.
It had always been there since Torfan. Pulling at her mind's ear, looking back in to her mind's eye. It was the faint callous laughter that she always could hear, but could never listen to. It felt like an old unwanted friend. A familiar hollowness. It had survived tremendous victories, and even death to continue to plague her.
"No...it wasn't the only the only one I had..." She spoke aloud. Then she drew in a deep breath. "But...I have to answer for it. Like I should have answered for Torfan. It the only way I can warn them now..." Then her mind remembered that Liara was on board. She closed her eyes and leaned against the elevator wall for support as she stroked a hand through her hair trying to calm herself.
"Why did she come?" She let out a shiver as the thought of Liara came to her mind. Out of all the people she didn't want on her ship, right now Liara was at the top of the list.
"How can I face her after what I've done..." El'Jaid said dejectedly. "Why did she even come? To just collect information?...To reject me?"
The elevator stopped and the doors opened. El'Jaid stepped out and leaned against the bulkhead wall just outside of her cabin. All she wanted to do was collapse, and try to find some comforting dreamless sleep.
El'Jaid keyed open the door to her cabin, and she stepped in. What caught her attention was how impeccably picked up everything seemed. The room was not littered with the shards of glass and models. In fact only two models were still intact. One was of the Normandy SR2, the other of the Hagalaz. Liara's ship. Resting in between then was the broken and rented model of Sovereign.
The token brought a small smile to El'Jaid's face.
She looked over to the left, and the fish still swam around in blissful obliviousness, darting to and fro. Kelly has been busy... El'Jaid mused to herself. The tank bathed the dim cabin in a soft blue light, and it was comfortably warm. The light hum of the Prothean orb caught El'Jaid's ear. It's blissful tone never ceasing as she strode closer to the small set of stairs. She turned her head to look at the metallic sphere as it slightly levitated up and down.
It was then she realized that she was not alone.
There on the sofa laid a sight that defined peace, rest, and beauty as she watched the form's delicately crafted curves rise and fall with each breath. The being's eyes gently shut, and neutral expression held on her lips as slumber breath held the being in place.
El'Jaid's couldn't tear here eyes away from the picturesque sight as mind raced at what to do. Run. Yell. Break down. Rage. Scream with joy. All these thoughts and emotions roiled away inside her.
In the end she did the only thing she could think of doing. The only action she could bare. Turning around and walking out. She had nearly made it to midway to the door when a seraphim's song froze her.
"El'Jaid..."
She stopped dead in her tracks. She was caught in limbo. She couldn't turn. Part of her mind screamed for her to move. But the other part told her to stay. Rarely did she ever hear just her first name. It was a word reserved for someone else. Someone she had been, but who had burned away so many years ago. Another life time ago...
"El'Jaid...Please don't go..." Her Angel said again quietly.
El'Jaid simply stood in place, her eyes looking towards the shut door, but really just peering in to space. Her arms were at her sides, her hands clinched. She heard the soft padding of feet walking up behind her, and felt the warmth only two arms roping around her could bring. She felt the feeling of a head come to rest on the top of her back. They both stood not moving for minuets. Neither of them said anything. Yet in that time they spoke volumes to each other.
Pain and Anguish. Love and Comfort. Isolation and Despair. Redemption and Forgiveness.
"Please...talk to me." Liara gently pleaded.
"You shouldn't be here..." El'Jaid responded her tone lifeless and cold.
Liara strengthen her embrace of the Commander. El'Jaid in turn didn't move.
"I know Hackett sent you on that mission." Liara said softly. Her voice was like a warm blanket on a deep winters night.
El'Jaid tensed even more with her love's words. But said nothing.
"Please saying something. It's not your fault." Liara said soothingly.
"Not my fault?" El'Jaid hissed as she clinched her hands tighter. "Li, I obliterated an entire star system! That system is...gone...because of me!" El'Jaid started to shiver. Slowly her Commander's mask was cracking. What it contained underneath it, El'Jaid didn't know.
"EDI shared with me your conversation tat was saved your armor's OSD. It's not your fault." Liara said placing a soft kiss on El'Jaid's covered shoulder.
"Li...just go...please..." El'Jaid croaked. She felt so tired, so drained. Her body felt like titanium weights.
"It's not your fault." Liara said again a she kissed El'Jaid's other shoulder.
El'Jaid just crumpled to the floor, and Liara let go as she went down. El'Jaid crashed down on her knees as she continue to stair as the floor before her.
"...over three hundred thousand..." El'Jaid whispered. Rage, self rage tore through her. That goading mental image of the pedestal with the activate button continued to fill her vision. Of actions done, and choices made.
"AN ENTIRE STAR SYSTEM BECAUSE OF ME!" She screamed as she slammed her fists in to the floor like a sledgehammer. "I MADE A CHOICE! I FUCKED UP! I KILLED THEM!" She continued till her hands went numbed white with pain. Until she was heaping air in to her lungs.
But she had not shed one tear. Rage poured from her like scalding water.
Liara knelt down beside her on the right. El'Jaid felt the Asari's soothing warm hand on her back.
"It's not your fault." Liara said calmly again, and then El'Jaid struck.
She turned like a viper and soon had Liara pinned to the wall. She gripped her arms in a vice. Her red pupils dominating her eyes, the thin cracks of her face looking like fissures of lava. "You DON'T understand. You WEREN'T there..." She spat.
Liara winced under El'Jaid's hold, but the boldness of her own blue eyes never wavered.
"...Shepard...I'm sorry..."
El'Jaid relaxed her hold. The pupils of her eyes dimming.
"...I'm sorry you came back...I didn't want this for you...I didn't want any of this for you..." Liara said as she gently reached up and cupped the side of El'Jaid's face in her left hand. El'Jaid in kind leaned in to the Asari's soft touch gently closing her eyes.
"It's alright. I'm here. You can break." Liara soothed.
El'Jaid opened her eyes. No longer were her pupils ruled by shades of red or blue, but held within them the depths of night. Tears welled in her eyes, yet they still did not come. "But...I..." She settled back, crossing her legs in front of her.
"You can break." Liara soothed again as she drew closer. She wrapped her arms around El'Jaid pulling her close. "It's alright. Just break."
El'Jaid rested her hands on her legs as the first tears came sliding down her face. They fell like rain drops on her knees. Liara delicately nestled herself on El'Jaid's lap as the Specter's eyes continued to mourn. She drew the Specter close saying nothing as El'Jaid threw here arms around her Angel as she continued to break.
For the first time in her new life, Shepard had the chance to break. To mourn the life she had lost, the ugly deals she had made, the lives she had taken. To mourn what she had become. Liara in turn finally had a chance to at least start healing all of the damage she had caused. To finally be there for the woman she loved with her heart and soul.
How long they were there letting the pain flow and ebb. Just letting it run it's course neither of them knew. It didn't matter.
El'Jaid eased back and Liara again looked into El'Jaid's emerald and onyx eyes. They very same eyes she remembered from all those years ago. El'Jaid rubbed a tear from her nose and sniffled letting out a light laugh. "I'm a mess."
"No your not." Liara soothed as she combed one of her hands through El'Jaid's short fiery hair. "Still want me to go?" The Asari asked with a small smile in reflection to El'Jaid's.
Then El'Jaid struck again. She quickly rocked forward and soon had Liara pinned to the deck floor, her lips capturing the doctor's in a powerful and bruising kiss. Liara let out a moan as she wrapped her legs tighter around the commanders torso, and El'Jaid pressed herself more firmly down on her prey snaking her hands underneath Liara's tank top and finding warm, wonderful skin beneath.
They both shifted from release to relief as they look pleasure from the other and gave it in kind. Each enjoying the sweet pain of love and lust as their lips and tongues tasted the sweet taste of life. As their hands roved around tearing away the constraining and binding restrains of clothing and sheets as they remembered what touch really was meant to be. A foundation of understanding.
Through Melding they again each reacquainted with the singular being that they combined into when they joined. El'Jaid finally had the clarity to see the vast ocean of life that encompassed Liara, and not be blinded by overwhelming pleasure. Liara as well saw the guarded and closed flower that waited patiently for her. The haze of caution evaporating and the ropes of beautifully twisted vines she had seen before with El'Jaid giving way for her to truly see the beautiful rose that lay protected away.
El'Jaid stroked the waters edge coaxing gasps and trembles from Liara. The ocean El'Jaid saw ranged every color of blue and aqua imaginable. Liara slowly walked around the flower as she gently caressed it's stem and case. The screams of joy, and quakes of pleasure given that sprang from El'Jaid could only be paralleled to music for the Asari's ears.
Hours drifted by as they eased in and out of pleasure and release before they both found rest in each other with limbs coiled and bodies wrapped together as one.
[][][][]
As El'Jaid rose to the waking world, her head was clear and she felt at ease. At the same time she knew what she had to do. She looked at Liara's head crest surmising that the Shadow Broker was asleep. She breathed deeply as she continued to let her eyes rove around the mesmerizing image of her love.
"Your going to do it aren't you." Liara spoke softly.
El'Jaid closed her eyes mentally screaming a curse. She knows...
Liara turned over to face her, and she quickly paced a kiss on El'Jaid's lips. "I can't blame you." And then she drew herself close to El'Jaid, and El'Jaid protectively hugged her.
"I have to Angel. Its the only way." El'Jaid responded.
"I know. I already have done some digging, and I found a few interesting things.." Liara said as she gently pushed away and crept out of bed.
El'Jaid again couldn't help but watch Liara move as she walked over to the small coffee table. Liara moved with the grace of a dancer, and the entrancing motion of a willow in early summer. As Liara returned to the bed she caught her love's eyes.
"Enjoying the scenery Commander?" Liara smiled.
"I would be more inclined to call it art rather then scenery." El'Jaid smiled.
Liara let out a chuckle and shook her head. "Insatiable as always. When I was on Illium there would be mornings I would work from home and be so busy that I would forget to dress."
"I hope your memory doesn't sharpen now that I'm around you again." El'Jaid growled heatedly.
"Umm, only if your memory doesn't improve in that department either when I'm around Commander." Liara purred as she slipped back to bed. "But for now...our attention should be back on business."
El'Jaid just smiled and shook her head.
"So what do you have for me?
"Well seems that Humanity has a new Specter. It was quiet, happened just four days ago. No one really outside of the Council and top Alliance military and political figures even know about it." Liara said as she looked over the file she had built.
"Probably as to not make the situation any worse then it already is between the Alliance and the Batarians." El'Jaid reasoned. "Having another human Specter would make it look like the Council was in support of the Alliance. Any idea of who it is?"
Liara shook her head. "The informant wasn't able to provide a name, but another informant within the Alliance Navy has stated that the Alliance Dreadnaught K2 has been withdrawn from the home defense force. Orders came from the Parliament so it seems."
"The K2, one of the Alliance's newest Dreadnaughts. It has to be special assignment. No official orders or records given or kept." El'Jaid said as she too looked over the copper display.
"Actually the Alliance is saying it's for a good will tour." Liara said going quickly through the datapad. " The K2 was slated to move to orbit around Saturn for readiness drills and systems checks before heading out. This was three days ago.
"Humm, the Alliance is trying good old fashioned gunship diplomacy? That may have worked centuries ago with sailing warships, but not today. Yet it still presents a nice cover story." El'Jaid leaned back against the bed's headboard. "The new Specter has to be Kaidan Alenko."
Liara raised an eye brow sending her love an unspoken question.
"Makes the most sense. They won't make just anyone a Specter. Kaidan is experienced, dedicated, and has proven himself many times. He also knows me. Some of my methods, and tactics." El'Jaid reasoned.
"Then it means that his first task and the real mission of the K2 is to hunt you." Liara said solemnly. "And your going to turn yourself in."
El'Jaid only nodded her head as Liara tossed the data pad aside and snuggled closer. "I also know that the Alliance won't simply execute me. They want information. Information on Bahak, where I've been and what I've done. They want information on Cerberus. Information I have. So for that, regardless of what happens; I am more valuable to them alive then dead."
El'Jaid last words sent a chill through Liara, even though she knew that El'Jaid was right. "What will happened to the Normandy? I am sure the Alliance wants to take a look at what Cerberus, and you, have done with it." Liara stated.
El'Jaid's roguish grin started to creep across her face. "I want you to have it."
The Asari's face darted away in surprise. "Shepard you can't just give me your ship. I already have the Hagalaz to deal with."
"Miranda will have the Normandy in lieu of my absence. I am giving you Command though. I am sure the Shadow Broker will find the Normandy useful. It's crew knows the ship better then anyone else and I don't want the Alliance to have it. I also know you could use the extra firepower and resourcefulness of the Normandy if Cerberus tries to make a move against you." El'Jaid stated.
Laira scrunched her face into a small smile. "Your mind is like, what is that human saying...a steel trap."
El'Jaid smiled. "Your getting better Angel."
Liara scoffed as she straddled El'Jaid's torso with her legs. "I also don't need a protector." As she gently but forcefully planted a hand on El'Jaid chest holding her down.
"I know." El'Jaid said looking up in her Angel's eyes as Liara lowered down, her nose just an inch from El'Jaid's. "But I still have a promise to keep." As El'Jaid Captured Liara again in a lascivious embrace, and time melted away once more.
Soon it was time for them both to start the day, and they both unwillingly parted the bed, but not one another's company as they went through the morning ritual of gearing up for the day.
Liara chose the scientist jump suite that El'Jaid had never worn. El'Jaid couldn't help but notice how it fit her nearly perfectly the sight gave El'Jaid the feeling of deja vu as she remembered Liara as the coy shy scientist just a few years ago, but what could not have been another life time.
El'Jaid in turn was dressed in her typical strict cut high necked uniform. As she finished checking her reflection in the mirror her eyes lit a warm red as if to approve her appearance. A light reminder of who she was now.
With her eyes dimmed back to black she looked over to Liara. "Ready to go? I want to have a meeting with the crew in an hour."
Liara nodded. 'That will give me time to check for anything else important." But El'Jaid also noticed the return of concern to Liara's face and she strode over to her. "Hey. This isn't goodbye, and I'm too valuable for the Alliance to simply execute me. Besides I feel that we don't have much time left before they come."
"I know." Liara said softly. " It's just..."
"Just what?" El'Jaid asked softly.
There were no words in any spoken language to express what Liara felt. No music notes could paint the emotion she felt. Action was all that she could come up with for an expression. She gruffly shoved El'Jaid into the bulkhead wall and pressed into her, at the same time locking her lips in a crushing kiss as she clutched El'Jaid close. Their biotics mutually flared for a second and Liara roughly broke the kiss. "Don't you dare leave me again El'Jaid Autumn Shepard. You have a promise to keep."
"As the Shadow Broker commands." El'Jaid quipped with a soft smile as she knew exactly what Liara meant.
They both slipped in to the Elevator and departed their temporary oasis of rest and paradise.