….december sorrow chapter 10…

It's been five years since you left, Chelsea.

Five years of coming home to an empty house….. Falling asleep alone. Sometimes when I come home, I still call your name. "I'm home Chelsea!" Then I remember…. The December night you died.

You were on the bed…. It seemed as if you were just peacefully sleeping. But you were so pale.

"What about Ushio, Vaughn," Mirabelle whispered. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying.

"Keep her Mirabelle. I just can't take care of her…."

Mirabelle looked down at Ushio, who was soundly sleeping in her arms, "I understand Vaughn…"

I gave up my rights to be Ushio's father that night. I knew I wouldn't be able to care for her with out Chelsea… without Chelsea I'm just nothing.

That week was Chelsea's funeral. She was buried by her favorite tree up in the mountains; a place I would avoid for the rest of my life.

I would surround myself in work in the city. I would stay extra days; work after hours and try to forget. If I wasn't working, I was drinking or gambling. I'd stay at the bar until I passed out and the owner would make me leave…. This became my life… this is what happened every single day.

My nightmare has come true… and now the house is falling apart, the woman and the child now have faces and have told me goodbye. And I'm left alone in ruble…dying.

I came home today. I don't really know why; but I did. This house has too many memories I would like to forget. This is where I helped Chelsea out when she was sick, confessed my feelings towards her and this is where she…. Died.

The farm that used to flourish here is now gone. I had to sell the animals due to the fact that I couldn't take care of them anymore, and now I was wondering if I should just sell the entire ranch and move to the city. I then spotted a picture of Chelsea. A picture I took when on our first date.

I picked up the picture frame and tried not to cry. "I wish you were here, Chelsea."

I set the picture down and began to clean up the mess that's been accumulated over the past five years. After throwing away the last beer can, the door bell rang.

"Hello? … Mirabelle? What are you doing here?"

Mirabelle looked much older since the last time I saw her. She gently smiled at me and hugged me tightly. "It's so good to see you again… it's been too long."

"Is something wrong Mirabelle? How are you?"

"I'm fine Vaughn, I just heard you were in town and I was wondering if you would like to come get lunch with me."

I rubbed my forehead, trying to think of a reason not to go. "I don't know Mirabelle… I've been really busy –"

"Me and you both know that's a lie," Mirabelle said as she smacked me up side the head.

"Ok! I'll go!"

"Great! Let's go," Mirabelle shouted as she dragged me outside.

The town really has become a city now. New buildings have replaced the places I used to know… streets and cars now surround me instead of plants and wildlife. We stopped at a new café and started to talk about how it used to be.

"How have you been Vaughn? I haven't really seen you in five whole years."

I sighed; knowing all I've done was work and get wasted. Would my aunt really want to know that?

"Not much… I just work most of the time. How are you?"

Mirabelle laughed warmly, "Busy… my hands are always full now days. Ushio started school this fall you know?"

I gazed out the window and didn't say a word… I missed Ushio's first day of school? Well I guess I don't really have the right to, I'm not really her father anymore.

Five years goes by so quickly.

"Vaughn, I know it must be hard, but you have to see Ushio sometime."

I slammed my fist on the table and glared at Mirabelle, "You don't know Mirabelle! You never will!"

Mirabelle stared at me sadly and held my hand… she did it in such a caring way, I almost wanted to cry. She then reached in her pocket and handed me a small, orange ticket.

"What's this?"

"It's a train ticket. I want to take a trip as a family. Just you, me, and Ushio, how does that sound?"

The last thing I wanted to do was go on a family vacation… but I told her I would go anyway. The next day, I had an overnight bag and went to her house. It was terribly hot outside and I was beginning sweat as I knocked on the door. I knocked a few times, but no one answered. After standing in the hot sun for ten minutes, I just walked in.

"Hello is anyone home? Jeez… looks like no one's here."

I then heard tiny footsteps… running. To be honest… it was kind of creepy.

"Uh... is anyone home?"

I then saw a small little girl in a school uniform, peeking out from behind a wall. She looked just like Chelsea; from her chestnut brown hair to her sapphire blue eyes. I knew this was Ushio.

"Is Mirabelle here?"

Ushio shrugged her shoulders, "trip?"

I groaned and plopped down on the couch. Where is Mirabelle?

Ushio came out and ran towards me. She rocked back and forth on her heels and then pulled on my sleeves. "Do you know where Gwandma Mirabelle is?"

I nudged Ushio away causing her to flinch. "I don't know where she is. And it's pronounced grandma, not gwandma."

"Gwandma?"

"No, Ushio. It's grandma."

"Gwandma!"

"I give up," I said stiffly.

Ushio frowned then sniffled, "I'm sowwy. Can I play?"

"Go ahead Ushio."

Ushio smiled brightly and ran off to go play. I'm a little surprised at how much she resembles her mother…

I was reading the paper when I heard a loud noise… as if something hit the floor. I ran over to where the noise came from and found Ushio on the ground. I picked up the tiny girl and brushed her off.

"You alright?"

Ushio began to tear up, but quickly wiped the tears away. "Yeah… but Mr. Turtle isn't."

I looked down and saw a broken toy turtle. I picked it up and inspected it carefully. "I can fix it. All I need to do is super glue it."

"Pwease fix him?"

I stood up and made my way to the kitchen with Ushio closely following behind. I carefully re-attached the broken pieces and handed the turtle to Ushio.

"Now wait till he dries ok? If you don't he'll get ruined again, and I might not be able to fix it again."

Ushio nodded her head happily then ran away.

After about an hour, Ushio came running back with her turtle, once again broken.

"Jeez, Ushio, I told you not to play with him until he dried. I can't fix him now."

Ushio looked at her turtle sadly and handed it to me.

"I'm sowee; I wanted to give you Mr. Turtle as a present…"

I placed my hand on her hand and ruffled her hair. "It's ok. How about you draw me a picture instead?"

Ushio smiled and ran off once again.

I chuckled to myself… Ushio is so… cute.

Just like her mother, I thought.

It began to get dark and Mirabelle was still gone. I did find a note though… Mirabelle wants me to go on the trip with Ushio without her. She says it would be a good bonding experience.

Damn! Mirabelle tricked me! I decided I would just have to go on the trip with Ushio; otherwise Mirabelle would keep bugging me about it for the rest of my life. I sighed and made my way to the kitchen. Might as well get dinner started and get ready to go tomorrow. Then all of a sudden, Ushio came running out with a drawing of her and Mirabelle. Ushio got on her tippy toes and handed me the drawing.

I smiled as I admired every scribble. "It's very nice Ushio. Thank you."

"You're welcome Daddy!"

My heart stopped when Ushio called me that. It was the first time my daughter called me daddy. It was the very first time.

"I have to go potty."

That's one way to ruin a perfectly good moment… "Then go. Do you need help?"

Ushio shook her head, "No, I can do it myself!"

She ran to the bathroom, and after a few minutes she came back in the living room, looking very proud.

"I went poop all by myself!"

"Good job. I can too."

"Then we both get a good job sticker!"

I couldn't help but laugh when Ushio put a star sticker on both of our foreheads. Soon dinner was finished and Ushio began to yawn. After about an hour of yawning, Ushio finally fell asleep on the couch.

I shook my head, picked up the small child and carried her to bed. I gently tucked her in and I noticed Ushio smiling.

"Nighty night Daddy."

I smiled sadly at Ushio… my daughter. "Goodnight Ushio."

And I walked out of the room feeling worse than ever. I lost my wife… and out of stupidity, I lost Ushio in a way. I missed her first steps, her first words, all those birthdays, Christmases, her first day of school… everything. I'm never going to get them back again.

What have I done?

That morning we got on the train, not knowing where we're going to end up.

Across from us was a family; a mother, father and a son. The young boy was crying and whining to his mother about some ice cream and I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't stand seeing other families together like that. I think how unfair it is that they get to be a happy family… together and I can't.

"Would you keep your kid under control? No one wants to hear him yelling," I snapped.

The child looked frightened and the mother held him close, looking almost scared her self.

"I'm s-sorry sir, It won't happen again."

I rolled my eyes, and then I noticed Ushio running to the bathroom. I followed her, finding her facing away from me in the bathroom

"Ushio, you need to tell me before you go running off to the bathroom like that."

Ushio sniffled, fell to the floor and began to cry softly. I sat next to her and lifted her chin up. "What's wrong Ushio?"

Ushio smiled and shook her head. "Mirabelle told me if I wanted to cry, I have to come to the bathroom."

"Mirabelle seems very strict. Now listen, I'm sorry if I yelled. I'm just going through a hard time right now. Besides, Mirabelle is right; in the bathroom you can cry all you want without being bothered."

Ushio nodded her head gently, "Yeah, I guess so."

I then put my hand on her shoulder and looked her in the eyes. "Don't be afraid to cry Ushio. When you're an adult, you can't cry… even when you're very sad. You just have to stay strong… and that's not always a good thing to do."

We made our way back to our seats, and before we knew it… we were there.

At the train station, I decided to get Ushio a present. But Ushio didn't want to pick out anything, so I chose this small toy robot.

"It's not very girly. I could get you something else if you like."

Ushio shook her head no, "It's perfect!"

Ushio… you're such an odd child.

We left the train station and it seems we ended up in a small, familiar town. I wonder why Mirabelle wanted to come here and why it seems so familiar to me. I looked around and realized this was the town I grew up in!

I then remembered a very special place I would go when I was a child. It was a giant field, filled with flowers. I used to go there when I was feeling sad… I haven't been there for fifteen years. I decided to take Ushio to share this special place with her. Was this Mirabelle's intention?

When Ushio saw the field filled with blooming flowers, her entire face lit up.

"It's so pretty! Everything is so colorful!"

I smiled, "Would you like a better view?"

"Yes pwease!"

I picked up Ushio and let her sit on my shoulders. I felt like a father… I wish Chelsea could have seen this.

"Wow Daddy! It's even cooler to see it from here!"

After admiring the field for five minutes, Ushio wanted to go play in it. I let her run freely and kept an eye on her while I sat underneath the shade of a nearby tree. Ushio was happily playing with her toy robot when I saw something. It was like a vision… it was me as a child and my father; taking an afternoon stroll. I began to follow them…

"Ushio stay here. I'll be back in a little bit."

"Ok!"

I began to follow them and ended up in a park with the beach out in the distance. There, sitting on a bench was an old woman who resembled my father. I wasn't quite sure whether or not it was my imagination. She looked over at me and smiled sadly.

"Hello Vaughn."

I stared at the strange lady… "Do I know you?"

The lady kept smiling sadly at me. "You don't remember who I am? Well, I suppose it has been a while since we last saw each other. I'm your grandmother. Your father's mother."

I was unbelievably surprised. I had forgotten my own grandmother? And how did she know I would be here?

As if she read my mind, my Grandmother answered.

"Your Aunt called. She told me to wait for you when the time is right… so for the past five years I waited at this very spot at the exact same time for you to come. And you finally did. I knew you would."

My so called grandmother walked up to me and hugged me tightly. For some reason, I believed her… and I hugged her back.

She pulled away and looked out to the ocean. "I have to teach you something very important about your father. I know your relationship with him is very broken, I would like you to know more about what kind of person he is."

I remembered the vision I had of my father and me as a child and assumed this whole meeting had something to do with that. I waited for the bad news… I had come to expect this sort of thing when my father was ever mentioned.

My Grandmother sighed, and sat down on the bench she was sitting at before. "Your father was a good man."

I was taken back at this statement… my father a good man? I sat down next to her and listened intently on what she had to say next.

"I must say he is a very troubled man now, but he was a good father.

He was young when he met your mother, and he soon fell in love with her. After about a year of dating her, he asked her to marry him. Of course, she said yes. Soon everything was happy… and life was good for the young newly weds. Soon your mother was pregnant with you and gave birth to a healthy young man… named Vaughn. Life couldn't get any better. But when you were only two months old, your mother was in a car accident. She was paralyzed from the neck down, and slowly fell into a coma. Your father was heart broken when she finally passed away three days later. Your father began to drink and gamble but he tried to take care of you the best he could, he has tried so hard to be a good father. Look how you turned out… a handsome young man who has a job, family and friends… your dad… me, your aunt… we're all so proud of you. He loved you so much… I just wanted to let you know this."

We were silent for a long time… My father loved me. He did his best to raise me. He did better than I have so far… it was all sinking in. I then saw the vision of me and my dad again, this time walking away. I remembered that day. I was ten years old and Dad took me to that field for the first time. We had ice cream and he had just gotten me a new toy.

In the vision I looked up at my Dad and smiled…. In my father's eyes was something I now remember seeing all my life; love.

I knew what I had to do.

"I'm sorry, but I have to go. You can come if you like, though."

My grandmother got up and followed me to the field where Ushio was.

When we got there, Ushio seemed as if she was looking for something.

"Who's this beautiful young lady?"

I smiled proudly, "That's my daughter, Ushio."

I ran down to where Ushio was and I ruffled her hair. My grandmother smiled gently… "I see."

I sat bent down and looked at Ushio… she was beginning to cry.

"What's wrong Ushio?"

Ushio sniffled and wiped her tears away. "I'm sowwy Daddy! I lost the toy robot you got me!"

I chuckled as I wiped the new tears that were flooding her blue eyes. "Don't worry about it Ushio. I can just buy you another one."

"There's only one."

"But there were a lot of them at the train station."

"None of them are the same. That one was the one you picked out and bought for me.

First gift from Daddy."

I put my head down in guilt. I looked back up, now with tears in my eyes as well.

"I know I've been a bad Daddy for a long time now Ushio.

B-But is it alright if I live with you from now on? Just you and me, Ushio… we can finally be a family."

Ushio nodded her head, "Ok… but I'm still sad. I lost something very important today.

Mirabelle said there are only two places I can cry- the bathroom… and in Daddy's arms."

I held my arms out as tears slowly fell to the ground. Ushio came towards me and I held her tightly as she cried. We cried together….

But my tears weren't the tears you cry when you're sad… my tears were of joy. I had my daughter back. I had my very own family… it may be broken but we can become strong as long as we're together… right Chelsea? You're the one who taught me that.

"I'm so sorry Ushio… I'm so sorry…"

We soon got back on the train, the sun was setting, the ocean could be seen very clearly and the evening sun made the water shine like diamonds.

The only thing that could be heard was the sound of the train wheels tumbling on the tracks and the squawks of seagulls. It was very peaceful with no one else on the train.

I looked over at Ushio and I couldn't help but smile brightly.

"Ushio? Do you want to hear about Mommy?"

"Yes, pwease," She said as she sat closer to me.

I looked up and scratched the back of my head. "Let's see…where to begin? Well, Mommy was a crybaby…"

Ushio smiled as she waited patiently for me to go on.

"When me and Mommy met, guess what she said? She said, curry bread! That was Mommy's habit when she was scared or nervous… Mommy was a good person, weak, but very kind to everyone."

I then began to remember all the times I was with her… holding her hand, laughing with her, kissing her, being able to tell her I love her… everything.

"Chelsea…."

I looked down as tears rolled off my cheeks and slowly fell on my hand. "Mommy was…. She was…"

"Chelsea….!" And that's when I had to cover my face with my hand as I began to shake from crying. I missed her so much…

"Daddy?"

I looked over at Ushio, who was crying as well. "Silly. Why are you crying too? I'm sorry I was just remembering Mommy," I said softly as I wiped her tears away.

I wiped my tears as well with my sleeves and began to tell the story of us.

"Chelsea, I finally found it," I said to her as I held Ushio's tiny hand.

"I finally found something precious, something that only I can protect. It was here all along."

"We both miss you Chelsea,

I love you.

-Vaughn"