7
Margaret and Hawkeye had planned to leave on the same day together. Margaret sat in her room and started packing. It was the night before they were leaving. All of Serena's things that she had brought were scattered out on her bed. They included her teddy bear, locket, photo album, hair ribbon, and the daisy that she had given to Margaret the day before she died. It was still somewhat alive since she had been keeping it in water, but that didn't stop the rims of the petals from turning brown. Each item held something for her. A memory. Something that she could keep alive. She just sighed as she looked over everything. There had to be a way to put it all behind her, to some how move on. The problem was that, she simply didn't want to. She didn't want to accept the death of her daughter. To be able to say that she was over it and that she was fine with it.
"You certainly changed my life. That's for sure," Margaret said.
She took another moment to stare at the contents on her bed in front of her and then noticed her diary still sitting on her dresser.
"Just wait," she told her self.
"Hello."
Margaret looked up and saw Hawkeye standing in the doorway. His eyes as worn out and tired as hers, face unshaven. There was every sign that he had been suffering like she had been. They could both see it in each other's eyes, but there was nothing that the other could do. That only made the pain worse.
"Hi. You ready to go down to the cemetery tomorrow?" she asked.
Hawkeye just looked down at her. The blonde hair that hung loosely in her face, her red puffy eyes. The way that most people would never expect to see her, but sometimes the way that he knew she felt. Along with the way that she looked, he could sense the hesitance in her voice. She wasn't ready.
"You sure that you're ready to do that?" he asked.
Margaret shook her head. She couldn't answer that until she got there.
Hawkeye sighed and joined her on the bed.
"You know, I don't think that I'm ready to either," he said trying to make her feel better.
Margaret looked up into his ice blue eyes which now seemed to be a bit glazed over.
"You know, I never did thank you I don't think," Margaret said.
"For what?" he asked.
"Hawkeye, you come out here on a whim, you put up with my father for crying out loud! You, you stayed calm with me even though I kept the hugest secret in the world from you and kept you from seeing your daughter and finally tell you about her after she dies. And through all of that, you don't get mad at me," she said.
"You had the right reasons for not telling me," he said.
He smiled down at her. Who could get mad at her right now. She looked like a little child. Sweet and innocent. Her eyes wide open as she looked up at him. That small little smile that showed that she was appreciative of him. Also the way that she was so vulnerable. He knew that he said one thing wrong, it could send her over the edge right now, and that was something that he didn't want to play with right now.
They both stared into each others eyes. Both vulnerable and in need of some one else. In need something to fill an emptiness. Simply just to be in the loving arms of some one else. Without a moment's hesitation they leaned in and kissed each other.
"Wait!" Hawkeye said quickly backing up after their kiss.
Margaret got a look of confusion in her eyes. There was also a little bit of hurt which now made Hawkeye feel guilty.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
He grabbed her shoulders and held on to her.
"Margaret, we're both just sad and lonely right now. At least that's how I feel, and I'm sure that you feel even worse then me. But that's no reason to try and get into a relationship. The last thing I want to do is hurt you right now," he said.
"What makes you so sure that I would get hurt?" she asked.
"Look what happened the last time we kissed and we were alone," he said.
Margaret just sat back staring blankly at him. Rejected. That was the only way that she could describe how she was feeling. Hawkeye grabbed her and pulled her close as he embraced her.
"Look, Margaret, I do love you, I have no problem telling you that because I really do have those feelings for you. But I don't know if I'm in a position to have a serious relationship," Hawkeye said.
He looked down at her and comfortingly stroked her hair.
"I'll be there for you when ever you need me and I would do anything for you. But I can't hurt you by giving you some false promise," he said.
Those words did mean a lot to her, but it would never fill that emptiness. Then again, after she thought about it, she figure that nothing would ever fill that emptiness.