Greenlee's hand clung to the windowsill of the window that looked into the nursery. Bianca and Marissa had left her alone with Ryan. She kept hearing his words repeat in her head over and over again, "It's time we had a child of our own…a child of our own….a child of own….a child…" Her legs threatened to give out below her with each word racing through her mind. She her knuckles turned white as she stared back at him.
"Ryan…I can't." she finally whispered.
"Come on Greenlee imagine a little girl with your big brown eyes. Emma would have a little sister finally or even another little brother." Ryan kept telling her how great a new child in their life would be. How they would be a family with Emma, Spike, and the new baby. As he talked he paid no attention to the look in her eyes or he would of seen how are this conversation was for her. He just kept going on and on.
She couldn't take it anymore, "RYAN! I can't!" she screamed at him. He stopped mid sentence shocked at her sudden outburst.
"Greenlee….Greenlee I know Dr. Madden said you would never be able to carry a child to term. But Greenlee he lied to a lot of people. He only helped women get pregnant who he thought were worthy of a child. Maybe he lied to you Greenlee. It's time we saw another doctor got a second opinon." He got more and more excited with each idea that came out of his mouth.
"Ryan…I…" she tried to put the thoughts racing through her mind into words. She remembered the last night she carried that child. The hope that was growing inside her and then….then in one awful night her baby was gone.
"Greenlee I know what you're thinking." He interrupted her not letting her get her own thoughts out, "What if the doctor says Dr. Madden was right? What if you can't carry a child? Greenlee there are other ways to have a child we could get a surrogate. Pay another woman to carry our child."
Her eyes shot up at him. If suggesting her have a child wasn't painful enough now he was suggesting a surrogate again. "No Ryan I can't…I can't…I can't…" she shook her head back and forth anger and hurt building up within her. She couldn't hold on anymore. Her legs gave out under her the sudden stress on her body wouldn't allow them to hold her up any longer.
As her body collapsed to the ground she let everything that was going on inside of her. "Ryan you don't get it. You don't understand what it was like. What I went through." She felt the tears leaving tear stains along her cheeks.
Ryan had watched her legs give out and tried to stop her from falling to the ground but had been just a breath too slow. He kneeled down next to her and tried to pull her next to him. She pushed him away and lashed out at him claiming he didn't know what it was like to lose a child. "Greenlee I know I wasn't there with you when you lost our baby but I know what it's like to lose a child. I was with Annie when she miscarried our child. I had fallen in love with that baby even after a few short weeks." He then thought about his baby girl Sarah, "Greenlee you saw what kind of pain I was in when Madison and I lost our daughter."
"Ryan I know you loved those children and I know how much it hurt you but Ryan you weren't there when I lost my child. You abandoned me. You were there with Annie and Madison. You loved those children. You didn't love their mother's but you stood beside them. You abandoned me and my child. You left me to believe you were dead. I lost everything you my baby. Kendall tried to give me something back and then that child that I watched grow and fell in love with was ripped from me to."
"Greenlee…" He put his hand under her chin and lifted her head up so she was looking at him. His heart broke as he saw that raw pain in her eyes. He knew he was the cause of that pain. "Greenlee I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you baby. I left you and I'll regret that for the rest of my life and I'll never leave you again. I know part of you is afraid if we try and have another child together I'll leave you again. But baby I promise you that won't happen. I will do everything to protect you and our child." He picked up her hands and held them to his lips trying to comfort her.
Greenlee looked at him she wanted to trust him but the pain inside her was as real to her today as it was when he left her, when she lost that baby, when Kendall took her child from her. She didn't want to have this anger and hurt and resentment inside of her but she couldn't seem to let it go. She pulled her hands away from him. She hung her head, "I'm sorry Ryan I can't…I won't go through that again. I've lost so much Ryan. I lost Leo. I lost you. I lost my babies. I lost myself for so long I almost forgot who I was. I lost a year of my life. In my own hurt and anger I almost killed Spike in that car accident. I broke Kendall. I hurt Aidan and David because of my love for you. I won't go through pain like that again Ryan." She lost it all over again. She couldn't hold back the tears she started to release all the pain she had held in.
Jackson hurried down the hallway where he and Erica had run into Marissa and Bianca. He knew his daughter had been with them and hoped that she was still here. There had been something in Bianca's eyes that told him something was up with his daughter. He could tell in the tone of her voice that Bianca was holding something back. With Bianca, Marissa, and Erica in the chapel with the rest of Pine Valley he snuck away.
He approached the end of the hallway and turned the corner. As soon as he turned that corner his eyes fell upon the body of the person sitting on the floor. He saw her sitting on the floor her knees pulled to her chest. Her back resting against the wall. Her arms were folded on top of her knees and her head rested on top. Her shoulders rose and fell with each sob that escaped her lips. He could hear her trying to catch her breath. His son-in-law sat up on his knees next to her just staring at her.
Jackson ran up to her, "Greenlee! Honey what's wrong?" He placed his hands on her shoulders trying to calm her down. He watched as her head moved from side to side as she tried to tell him she was fine.
"Ryan what happened?" he turned to the other man.
"Nothing…" was all Ryan could get out.
"Nothing? This doesn't look like anything. Greenlee talk to me." He lifted her head so that she was looking at him. She couldn't stop the tears from flowing from her eyes. Beneath the tears and her blood shot eyes he could see the pain deep inside her.
"Ryan go get a Doctor!" he screamed at the young man next to them.
Greenlee shook her head, "No, Dad I don't need a doctor." She finally spoke to him.
"Greenlee where are you hurt? Did you fall and hurt your back?" He prayed that whatever had caused her such pain was something physical that could easily be fixed.
"No." she shook her head.
Jackson turned back to Ryan, "Go find a wheelchair we'll take her back to her room." He tried to keep his anger at bay until he knew what had gone on before he got there.
Ryan kept watching her not wanting to leave her like this. Reluctantly he stood and started to leave. Before making his way back down the hallway he turned back to the father and daughter sitting on the floor in front of him. He hated that he had caused her such pain.
Jackson sat down on the floor with his daughter. He pulled her close to him almost sitting her on his lap like a little girl. He held her head close to his chest her tears soaking his shirt. "Greenlee?" he said simply.
"I can't dad…I can't…." she cried.
"You can't what?" he knew she was trying to tell him something.
"I can't….give him….what he wants'" she said slowly. "He wants'….a…child."
Everything made sense to him all of a sudden. The pain in her eyes, he knew he had seen that look before. He held her a little tighter trying to offer her some comfort as he knew his words wouldn't be enough.
David stood looking down at his Grandson. The surgery had lasted longer than they had anticipated. The damage to his heart had been more extensive than they had thought based on the ultrasound they had done the night before.
David had stood back and watched the surgery unfold trying desperately to ignore the screaming in his head that told him to take over the surgery. He was a surgeon and standing back watching other people save someone's life was so hard for him. He needed to be in there using his skills.
When things got difficult in the O.R. he stood back and let Griff use the skills he had been taught. He walked the Pediatric Cardiologist through one of the more difficult parts of the surgery. They had worked together as a team to save his life.
Now hours after the surgery started David stood alone in the room with his Grandson. He knew Marissa was waiting to hear from the doctors about the surgery but he couldn't seem to pull himself away from the strong little boy that lay before him.