14
"Isn't that a good thing?" Hawkeye asked.
Margaret shrugged as she shook her head.
"I don't think that I am ready to even consider having a baby. I mean, Serena just died. I can't just have another baby," Margaret said.
Hawkeye was some what hurt by this. He was excited to hear that he was going to be the father. Now she's telling him that she doesn't want it.
"What are you saying?" he asked looking up at her.
"I don't know," she said.
"You're not going to get an abortion are you?" he asked.
"No, of course not," she said.
"That never even entered my mind," she said.
That relaxed him a little. He looked directly into her eyes as he laid his other hand on her knee.
"How do you feel about this?" he asked.
Margaret looked over at him and gave him a small smile as she laid her hand over his.
"No matter what, I will love this baby, it's just," she said and then looked over to the side.
"Serena just died. I feel guilty. Almost like I'm replacing her," she said and then looked back at him and stood up and faced him.
"I don't even know if I'm ready," Margaret said starting to cry.
"I mean, look at me! I'm a mess! One moment I'm happy and then once some little thing reminds me of Serena I loose it!" Margaret cried out.
Hawkeye looked at her with true sympathy. How could something that's supposed to over joy people punish her?
Margaret turned away and leaned against the post.
"I'm sorry," she said.
"For what?" he asked.
"You're happy about this baby and here I am fearing it," she said.
Margaret was scared. That and guilty. All she could do was think about Serena. The last thing that she would ever want to do would be to hurt her and now she felt like she was replacing her. Just completely taking her out of the picture. She was also afraid that something might go wrong with this baby to. There were so many things that could happen to a child. If anything ever happened and she lost this one to, she didn't know what she would do.
"Well Margaret, what do you want to do?" he asked.
Hawkeye wanted that baby more then anything. He had missed out on seeing his first child and he wanted to see this one. But he wasn't about to watch Margaret suffer from him or her. If she wanted to give the baby up for adoption or have her sister take care of the baby he would let her. It just wouldn't be the same as actually being the parents.
Margaret didn't know what she wanted to do. Right now she was just in a tough position. She knew that no matter what she was going to feel some guilt. How could she raise one child and then give the other one away? They might not know, but she would always know. She would also miss out on seeing them grow up. She would also be keeping something away from Hawkeye which he greatly deserved to have.
"I don't know," she said.
"Maybe you tell me," she said.
Hawkeye shook his head. He knew there was no way that he could do that.
"This is up to you. You already know how I feel," he said.
She looked down. The sky had begun to grow dark and the shadows were long. The remaining light reflected off her ring. She looked down at that. Right there was what was important to her. Hawkeye. He gave her the baby. Deep down, she really did want it. She wanted that chance to start over. The only thing was, she just didn't know if she could handle it.
"You know everything you said yesterday?" she asked.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"The wedding vows? How you said that you would always be there?" she asked.
"Yes," he said.
"Were you telling me the truth?" she said.
"You know that I was," he said.
"Good, because I'm keeping this baby, but I might need you more then ever," Margaret said.
Hawkeye smiled. He loved hearing that they were keeping that baby. He stood up and came from behind her.
"I love you," he said as he grabbed her shoulders.
"I love you too," she said.
He took his hands and slipped them underneath her arms and rested both hands on her abdomen. Margaret looked down at his hands and then looked back at him as she covered his hands with hers.
"I know we can make this work," he said.
He kissed her on the forehead.
"I know we can. We have to," he said.
"I know," Margaret said agreeing with him.