Bianca pulled her black BMW into the gravel drive way pointing the car towards the large two story house. It was a warm inviting house with a wraparound porch and soft blue shutters. It sat in the middle of a large field with a grove of trees nestled in the back. At first glance it looked like a small family home if not for the sign in the drive way they wouldn't have known it was a funeral home. Bianca had chosen this place because it didn't look like a funeral home. As hard as this time was they needed to celebrate the life of the little boy they had lost. Marissa needed to be somewhere that would allow her to mourn her son but remember the life they shared at the same time.

She stopped the car in front of the house turning the engine off. Bianca squeezed the hand she had held the entire drive. "Marissa?"

Marissa had been silent during the car ride. She didn't want to be here it wasn't right planning a funeral for her son. When she woke up this morning she prayed that it had all been a bad dream that she would turn over and see Bianca sleeping peacefully next to her. They would be in their new home the sounds of the children waking up would invade their quite moment together. As Marissa laid in the bed in the hotel she closed her eyes and imagined that intimate moment with Bianca she could see their children running into their room laughing as they climbed into bed. Marissa hated to wake up to make that dream go away. Now sitting in Bianca's car sitting in front of the funeral home it was all hitting her. To have a funeral meant it was all real that AJ would never come home they would never be a complete family.

"Marissa?" Bianca asked again as she stared at the silent woman sitting next to her.

Marissa turned and looked into Bianca's concerned eyes.

"Baby we need to go in." Bianca said softly knowing this was the last place that wanted to be.

They looked into each other's eyes for a moment silence surrounding them. "I can't Binx, I can't." Marissa dropped the woman's hand. She pushed the car door open and climbed out. She felt the cold air sting her face. Winter was fast approaching the air felt of the impending snow fall. She pulled her coat tighter around her body and walked away from the funeral home away from Bianca. She couldn't be here. She couldn't plan a funeral for someone who had barely had a chance to live.

The gravel crunched under her shoes. It was a long walk back to town but didn't care. Walking in heels down a gravel road sounded a lot less painful than what Bianca wanted her to do.

She heard the sound of the car door slam closed and the sounds of a pair of feet running towards her. "Marissa! 'Rissa wait!" Bianca's voice called after her pleading with her to stop but Marissa kept walking faster and faster.

Bianca ran after her friend and lover. She knew the pain that was in Marissa's heart she had felt that same pain years ago. She also knew no amount of running would make help her.

Marissa could feel Bianca growing closer and closer to her. As fast as she tried to get away she knew before long Bianca would catch up to her. She wasn't surprised when she felt the familiar hand on her shoulder.

"Bianca please don't…" Marissa kept her back to the other woman.

" 'Rissa you need to do this." Bianca's encouraging voice whispered in her ear as she put her arms around the woman.

"Binx I can't….I can't do this..." Marissa started, "I can't go in there and pick out a casket for my little boy. I can't give them his favorite suit….he loved that suit Binx. He was so proud to wear it to parties he said he looked like his Daddy in that suit." The tears she tried so hard to keep inside found their way out. She felt the warm tears streak across her face.

"How do I do it Bianca? Can you tell me how I'm supposed to go in there and tell those people how to prepare my son for his funeral and to be put in the ground forever? Damn it Bianca it's not fair! It's not fair. Why did my son have to die? Why do we have pick out a casket for him now he was so young and innconet. I shouldn't be deciding between the blue casket or the black casket. Or what type of fabric to use. He should be home with our girls fighting over what cartoon to watch or in the back yard playing soccer. If I go in there Binx it will…it will…" she stopped.

Bianca pulled Marissa close to her, "It will what baby."

Marissa stood in silence not wanting to admit what she was thinking. The only sound around them was the wind blowing softly and leaves of the tree's blowing. Marissa breathed deeply, "If I go in there…if I…if I go in there it will mean…it will mean he's really gone." Marissa finally admitted.

Bianca had expected Marissa to say that she had felt the same way when she thought she had lost Miranda. She turned Marissa around so the woman had no choice but to look at her. She gently whipped the tears from her cheek, "I know this is hard for you 'Rissa. If you don't go in there and honor your son it won't change anything. I'm sorry honey but he's gone."

"No…" she half said half sobbed. Marissa's mind told her Bianca was right that AJ was gone that nothing would change that but her heart her heart refused to believe it her heart wanted to believe that this was all a bad dream that they would go home and find AJ playing with Miranda and Gabby.

"Please Binx I can't do this. I can't. Just call Adam please."

Bianca noticed a circle of benches in the middle of the lawn. She took Marissa by the hand leading her to the benches where the two women sat together. "Baby I know this isn't the same but you know about what happened after Miranda and AJ were born. I believed my daughter was gone. I'll never forget Kendall telling me that we had lost her. I remember hearing this inhuman scream. I didn't know it then but that was me screaming crying out for my daughter. Like you I couldn't believe she was gone that the child I had carried for nine months and fallen in love with was gone. Kendall and Uncle Jack did everything they could to protect me to shelter me from that pain. But I had to go through it 'Rissa. One night I went back to the place where I believed I had lost her. It was one of the hardest things I had to do. There was a memorial that people had built in her honor people from all over had come to honor my child. In that moment looking I heard her 'Rissa I swear I heard her crying out to me. It was one of the most difficult moments of my life. Now I know what I went through is different because in the end Miranda was still with us but I still had to go through the same pain that you're going through right now. Baby I know this is hard for you but you have to do this. You have to honor your son. And no matter how hard it is honey you have to find a way to say goodbye."

"I don't think I can do it Binx. Adam should do it he loved AJ so much." Marissa continued to fight preparing to say goodbye to her boy.

"Yes Adam loved AJ very much and he needs to say goodbye just like you 'Rissa but if you leave this up to him it won't be about AJ. Adam will make this about the Chandler's and how AJ was a great Chandler and would have made a great Chandler man. He won't talk about how every night AJ would talk to his Mommy up in heaven. Or how that sweet little boy would bring you home flowers every day after school that he was so proud that he picked himself. He won't talk about how he loved to play soccer and how he kicked that winning goal in first game last year. He won't remember how much he loved your mother's sundae's.

You are one of the strongest women I know 'Rissa and I'll be with you the entire time. I'll be right beside you holding your hand. I'll be there to wipe your tears and hold you while you cry. You need to do this baby not just for you but for AJ to. You need to show everyone what a sweet loving boy he was."

Bianca could see the tears flow freely as Marissa took in everything Bianca had told her. Marissa knew Bianca was right she needed to do this for AJ, for Babe, for herself as hard as this would be.

As Marissa's tears subsided Bianca stood up and offered her hand which was readily accepted. The two women walked hand in hand toward the funeral home.

"Binx?" Marissa said as they walked together.

"Yeah 'Rissa?"

"When we're done I think it's time we tell the girls." Marissa knew it would be easier to let Bianca do that on her own but they were a family and with Bianca by her side she could tell those innocent girls about the boy that was supposed to be their brother.

In the house an older woman watched the two women finally make their way inside. She had known from the moment Bianca had called her to tell her they wanted to use her funeral home. Funerals were never easy but when it was an older person there was some comfort knowing that the person had lived a long and happy life. When it was a child such as now the pain was raw. The woman opened the door for the two women warmly welcoming them in and helped them find the best way to remember the little boy whose life was tragically cut short.