Ryan leaned back onto the couch laying the phone down on the coffee table. The news that JR had made bail spread through Pine Valley. It seemed like the hits this town kept taking would never end. He had kept Emma home from school today with every intention of telling her about AJ but when Opal called and invited the little girl over for a tea party with Jenny and Kathy he had jumped at the chance to delay the seeing the heart break on his little girls face.
The mid afternoon shadows moved across the apartment as he thought of what he would say to Emma when she got home how he could comfort her after the loss of her friend and almost brother. He leaned forward resting his arms on his knees as the front door swung open.
Bianca held tight to Marissa's hand as the two women sat on the dark brown leather couch in the Slater home. The meeting with the funeral director had taken a lot out of the young couple. Marissa wanted nothing more than to climb into bed and sleep for a week. If it weren't for their girls she would have done just that.
Marissa couldn't tear her eyes off the front door. She willed the door to open and the girls to walk in. She didn't want to tell them about her son but Bianca was right it was something she needed to do. With every tick of the clock she was losing her courage to face the look in their eyes.
Bianca squeezed Marissa's hand tightly as they heard the laughter of little girls on the front porch.
"DADDY" Emma ran across the room throwing herself into Ryan's open arms. Ryan pulled the blonde girl close to him savoring this moment holding his daughter. He never wanted to let her go and was disappointed as she pulled away.
"Look what I made Daddy!" She threw a large white paper in front of him with a picture covering the front.
"What's this pumpkin?" he asked as he looked at the picture.
"Miranda and Gabby came over for our tea party and they wanted to draw pictures for AJ." Opal's sweet southern drawl interrupted.
"I drew this picture for Greenlee." Emma announced proudly.
"Oh ok. Well sweetie why don't you run up stairs and hang up your coat up and then come tell me all about your picture."
Emma nodded her head excitedly turning to run up stairs. Her bright pink winter coat sliding off her shoulders as she stomped up the stairs.
"MOMMY! MARISSA!" Miranda screamed as she threw the door open. It had been days since she had seen either of them and couldn't hold her excitement of having them home. She pulled Gabby's arm as the smaller girl tried to keep up with her big sister.
Bianca pulled her girls into her arms, "Oh baby I've missed you." She breathed in their scent like Ryan savoring having her girls with her.
Miranda threw herself into Marissa's welcoming arms. As she hugged the little girl that was the smiting image of her mother her eyes closed tightly. With her eyes closed Marissa imagined it was AJ in her arms hugging her tightly before leaving for school in the morning.
"How's AJ?" Miranda's innocent voice cut through Marissa's day dream.
Bianca and Marissa looked at each other both trying to find the right words to say to begin this difficult conversation.
Dixie's voice gave them a brief reprieve from answering the child's question. "Don't forget your picture's girls." She held out the hand drawn pictures for Gabby and Miranda.
"Miranda had a great idea for everyone to draw pictures for AJ after the Tea Party." Dixie explained to the two mothers. She knelt down in front of the girls as they took their pictures. "It was great having you two over for a Tea Party thanks for coming over."
"You're welcome! Thank you!" both girls said in unison.
"Can we come over again?" Gabby asked.
"Of course you can. We'll figure out a day real soon. Now I have to go home can I have one of your famous hugs before I leave." She stretched arms out as both girls wrapped her arms around her.
"Thank you again girls!" Dixie turned to their mothers, "I'll let myself out. I'll see you two later." She nodded knowingly at them.
Gabby ran over to her mother, "Mommy look at my picture!"
Ryan closed the door as Opal stepped into the elevator pressing the button to the garage. He heard Emma's voice calling to him to come look at her picture.
Emma climbed into Ryan's lap as he sat down on their couch.
"Wow Emma look at that. You did a good job." Ryan praised the little girl's latest masterpiece.
Emma began pointing out all the details of her picture, "This is our building" she pointed to the red square with smaller white squares in it. One square at the very top was yellow Emma explain that was their floor. "And this is Spike." Her finger pointed to the small figure standing next to a blonde girl.
"And who's that?" Ryan asked pointing a tall figure wearing what looked like a blue suit.
"That's you Daddy!" Emma squealed!
"So it is. I think the picture is much better looking."
"You're silly Daddy!" Emma laughed as she pointed at the last figure standing between Ryan and her. "This one's Greenlee. Daddy?" The girls voice questioned.
"Yeah honey?"
"Do you think Greenlee hates me?"
"Why would you ask that?"
"I wasn't very nice to Greenlee because I was sad that mommy was sick and couldn't take care of me."
"Oh Emma honey Greenlee could never hate you. She loves you just like she would if you were her own daughter."
Emma seemed relieved by his assurance, "Daddy do you think we could take this picture to Greenlee tomorrow? I bet she get's lonely in the hospital this will make her happy!"
"Well how about instead of taking the picture to Greenlee we bring Greenlee home to see it!" Ryan said smiling down at her.
Emma's head shot up, "Greenlee's coming home?"
"Yes she is sweetie. I talked to her doctor today and she says Greenlee is ready to come home with us. We have to be very gentle with her though."
"Can we have a party to welcome her home? We can invite Aunt Kendall and Uncle Zach! And Greenlee's Daddy will want to be there. And we can invite Miranda and Gabby and their Mommies!"
Ryan looked sad as the little girl go more and more excited about having a party. "Oh honey I don't think that's a good idea. Greenlee's still going to be very tired why don't we have Aunt Kendall and Uncle Zach and Greenlee's dad come over for a small welcome home dinner?"
"OK!" she said brightly "We can have a big party when AJ get's to go home!"
Ryan's eyes clouded over as he realized now was the time to break the news to her.
Bianca smiled down at Gabby as the little girl explained that her picture was of them at the park and they were running around playing tag. Bianca marveled at the little girls imagination as all she could see was scribbles of red, blue, yellow, purple, and pink crayons.
Miranda excited for her turn pushed her picture on top of Gabby's. "Look at mine Mommy!"
Bianca looked down at Miranda's picture, "Wow look at how good you've gotten Mimo!"
Miranda's smile grew as she heard her mother's approval she quickly grabbed the picture and handed it to Marissa wanting her to see the picture she had drawn for AJ.
Marissa looked down at the picture that lay in her hands. Marissa to was impressed by Miranda's drawing. She had colored the bottom of the paper green for grass. On each side of the paper were soccer goals. In the middle was a soccer ball. On one side stood a girl in a pink soccer uniform. She had long brown hair and a big smile on her face. On the other side was a taller boy with a orange soccer uniform his hair was yellow and his eyes the brightest color of blue that crayons were made of. The smile Miranda had drawn stretched across his face. On the boys uniform in place of a number was a sticker of a heart. Across the top Miranda had written 'GET WELL SOON! WE MISS YOU!'
"I put a heart sticker on there because Mommy told me that AJ's heart was sick so this will help his heart feel better right?" Miranda asked her two Mommies.
The happiness in the room seemed to be sucked out with that one comment. Both Marissa and Bianca's faces softened.
Marissa put Miranda's picture on the coffee table. She patted her knees motioning for Miranda to sit on her lap.
"Mimo. Gabby your mommy was right AJ was very sick. His heart was sick most…" Marissa delicately started.
"And the Doctors had to fix his heart?" Gabby asked?
"That's right honey. The doctors had to fix his heart quickly because if they didn't he would have gotten sicker. Aunt Kendall's friend Griff and AJ's Grandpa David worked very hard with another doctor to fix his heart. But…." Marissa struggled with the words that needed to be spoken.
"…but girls the doctors they tried so hard to fix AJ's heart but it was so….he was so weak that they couldn't fix him this time." Marissa finally let out chocking back a sob.
Miranda looked between her two mothers knowing from the look in their eyes what they meant but didn't want to believe it. It couldn't be true. AJ was going to be ok he had to be. They were going to be a family just like Mommy promised.
"Are the doctors going to try and fix his heart again?" Miranda asking almost pleading with them not to tell her the truth.
Marissa wrapped her arms around the little girl. "Mimo the doctors can't fix what was wrong with AJ's heart. Honey AJ's gone." Marissa finally having said the words to the girls let the tears fall down her cheeks.
Gabby looked up her mother as she wiped her own tears from her eyes. She didn't understand why they were crying AJ was just gone. She looked over at her sister wanting to understand what was going on. Miranda looked upset like she wanted to yell at someone.
"Mommy?" Gabby looked up at her mother, "Where did AJ go?"
Bianca put her hand on the little girls back moving her hand up and down. It was an innocent question but Bianca knew Gabby wasn't understanding what they meant when they told her her brother was gone.
"Honey AJ went to heaven to be with God and the Angles." Bianca explained hoping it would make sense to the little girl.
"Can we go visit AJ?" Gabby's innocent words brought a fresh round of tears to her mother. The little girl didn't understand the tears. It seemed like a easy thing to do they could just get in the car and drive to Heaven and see AJ. If it was a long ride she could take a nap that would make the trip faster.
Miranda felt the anger inside her grow as her sister asked stupid questions. She jumped off Marissa's lap, "No stupid! You can't go visit AJ in heaven!"
"MIRANDA!" Bianca yelled at the girl.
Gabby looked even more confused. Her sister never called her mean names. She was a nice sister she played games with her and taught her things but now she was being mean and would let Mommy take them to see AJ."Mimo we could take AJ our pictures." She hoped this would make her sister happy again.
"You're so dumb Gabby! You only go to heaven when you die. AJ's dead and we'll never see him again." Miranda saw the colorful pictures on the counter. "AJ will never see our pictures Gabby and we'll never see him again." Miranda shouted as she tore up both hers and Gabby's pictures.
Gabby started to cry as she realized what Marissa meant when she said AJ was gone. She didn't want him to be gone she wanted him to come home with them. She wanted him to come back from heaven. And now her big sister was angry and doing mean things.
Bianca sat Gabby down on the couch next to her. She grabbed Miranda pulling her close to her, "Miranda stop honey."
"NO! You promised me mommy you promised we were going to be a family this time. You said the doctors were going to fix AJ and we were going to move into our new house and we were going to be brother and sister for real. You lied Mommy you lied!" Miranda screamed at her mother her anger overtaking the grief.
"Miranda honey. It's ok to be mad…"
"I HATE YOU!" Miranda spit at Bianca. Pieces of paper suddenly covered Bianca's lap as Miranda threw the torn up pictures at her. Bianca called out for her daughter as the girl ran out of the room.
As Bianca stood to go after the girl Marissa rested her hand on the other girls arm. "Bianca she doesn't mean that. She's just angry…I can relate. Let me talk to her."
Bianca could only shake her head and sit back on the couch pulling a crying Gabby into her arms.
Ryan held Emma as the little girl cried. He had tried to tell her as gently as possible that AJ was in heaven with Mittens and her mommy's babies. As much as he tried to soften the blow he couldn't take away his daughter's pain. Annie had promised Emma that one day AJ was going to be her brother and now he was gone.
Ryan rocker her back and forth as her tears subsided. He gently wiped the tears from her cheeks kissing her on the forehead.
"Daddy?" her small voice finally asked.
"Yeah sweetie?"
"Is AJ in Heaven like Greenlee was in Heaven? Is he going to come back one day like Greenlee came back?" Emma looked up at Ryan with hope in her eyes.
He took a deep breath in trying to find a way to explain Greenlee's miracle to the little girl and why they wouldn't experience the same miracle with AJ. "No, honey I'm sorry AJ won't be coming back like Greenlee did. Honey Greenlee went over a cliff and fell into a river…" he tried to explain the accident without scaring her. "Greenlee's Daddy and I and a whole bunch of people looked for her and we couldn't find her. When we did think we found her it was too late it turns out that wasn't Greenlee we found. David found Greenlee and kept her safe until she could come home to us."
"David is AJ's Grandpa right Daddy? Maybe he's taking care of AJ until he can come home to."
Ryan shook his head at the little girl, "No honey I'm sorry. David was at the hospital when we lost AJ with two other doctors. I wish AJ would come back like Greenlee did but honey AJ's gone."
Marissa knocked on the door to the Slater's playroom. Just moments before she had heard Miranda slam the door shut in anger. When she didn't hear Miranda's soft voice she pushed the door open.
"Miranda?" she found the little girl sitting on the bottom bunk looking at a picture frame trying unsuccessfully to keep her tears in.
Marissa sat down on the bed next to the girl placing an arm around her shoulders. She pulled the girl closer to her offering her comfort.
"What picture are you looking at Mimo?"
Miranda turned the frame so that Marissa could see the children staring back at her. Both AJ and Miranda stared back at her. The picture was taken on the last day of baseball season for the kids. Before their games Bianca had driven their family to their new house to show the kids where they would live as a family. Miranda and AJ had insisted on taking a picture together since they were 'Birthday Twins'. AJ's bright blue eyes pierced through Marissa as she looked at the little boy. His blonde hair covered with his Green A's hat. His smile stretched from ear to ear it was the famous AJ smile that Marissa loved to come home to. AJ had his arm around Miranda who in turn had her arm around him. Miranda looked so grown up in this picture. Her hair pulled back on a pony tail a Phillies hat covering her hair. Marissa couldn't get past how happy the children looked.
"Remember how mad AJ was when we found out I was on the Phillies and he was on the A's?" Miranda asked with a laugh.
Marissa nodded her head she remembered her son pouting around the house disappointed with the green and yellow uniform he had been assigned. Having Miranda get his favorite team to play on had made him even more disappointed.
"I had to go online and find out as much about the A's as I could and tell him all the cool things they had done." Marissa laughed.
"The only thing he cared about was that the A's used play in Philadelphia he used to brag to everyone that he played on the first team in Pennsylvania so he played for a real team." Miranda paused for a moment before looking up at Marissa, "Is it okay to laugh?"
"Oh Mimo of course it is. It's ok to laugh or to cry or to be mad. You want to know something honey?" Marissa watched as the little girl nodded her head, "When my Dad told me about AJ I was really mad. I was mad at my dad and the doctors but most of all I was mad myself. And then I got really sad. I'm still really sad. And that's ok. Honey I loved AJ very much and I'm going to miss him very much but I have to remember all the good things because if I don't I'll let the sadness take over and I won't be able to live my life. I won't be able to love your Mommy or move into our house or become your other Mommy.
AJ wanted those things for us as much as we wanted them. I know he would want us to become a family. So we'll cry and we'll be sad but we'll remember all the good times with AJ and how he made us laugh. You can't ever be afraid to tell you Mommy or I how you feel."
"Marissa I didn't mean what I said to Mommy. I was really mad. When you told me that AJ was gone my heart hurt really badly and I wanted someone else to hurt to."
"Honey your Mommy knows you did mean what you said. She's just as sad as you are. But you know we can't push each other away. If we're going to be a family we have to stick together and help each other." Marissa pulled the girl into a tight hug and held the girl as she finally let the tears out.
Marissa held the girl close and let her cover her shirt in tears. She cried with the little girl as the let the hurt take over them for a moment. With their tears lessening Marissa looked down at the child, "Mimo what do you think should we go tell you Mommy how you feel so we can go through this together as a family?"
Marissa nodded her head and stood up with Marissa. Marissa took the small hand into her own and lead the girl to where her Mom and sister were waiting.