19
Hawkeye dragged himself into work. The night before had been horrible. No fighting, no screaming, just simple betrayal. The pained expressions and regret. He wished he had known what had really happened, but he didn't. Everything that he had never wanted to see, was happening. He had deeply hurt her, and he didn't even know how.
He sat down at his desk and stared down at the paper work in front of him. That was the last thing that he felt like doing at this moment. All he wanted to was to sleep. Last night he had given Margaret the bed and went down and slept on the couch. They both knew that it would be difficult to be in the same bed, but then again, it went more like she kicked him out.
There was a knock at the door. It made him jump as he was pulled out of his trance like state.
"Come in," he said. Michelle walked in and looked around. She could tell by just the tone of his voice that something had gone wrong.
"Hello Dr. Pierce," she said as she walked over to his desk. He could feel the happiness in her voice, and for some reason it bothered him.
"What is it Michelle? I've got a busy day," he said. Hawkeye slowly started to sit back as Michelle climbed up onto his desk and sat before him.
"Do you?" she asked as she leaned in towards him. Hawkeye was now getting nervous. He slid the chair back away from the desk and watched her. The way she sat, the same way that she had always sat when she wanted a boy. Propped up on her one arm while the other hand was busy twirling her hair. It was working, he hated it, but, it was working. He wanted her right now, but every time that he thought about that, he remembered the way Margaret had been hurt last night. He never wanted to do that again.
"Yes I do," he said nervously looking around the room. Michelle stood up and walked over to him, which caused him to quickly stand up and step off to the side.
"What the hell are you doing?" he asked getting mad. Michelle gave him a pouty face as she walked over to him.
"What ever happened to your little angel face?" she asked.
"I'm married!" he snapped.
"I thought you could never be tied down," she said. She put her hands on his cheeks.
"Besides, it was me that you were supposed to marry. Remember?" she asked. Hawkeye suddenly realized what she was talking about.
It was 1951 and Hawkeye stood with Michelle at the airport in Maine. He was in his uniform as they stood at the gate. They were holding hands as they faced each other.
"Now Michelle, I promise you that no matter what, when I come back I will come and get you and we will get married," he said. He lightly kissed her on the lips that started to quiver as he backed up.
"You promise?" she asked.
"I promise," he said.
"That was like ten years ago," he said.
"A promise is still a promise," she said. Michelle removed her hands and then just stared at him. Hawkeye sighed. He had forgotten about that from the minute that he arrived in Korea. The honest truth was that he hadn't even given her a single thought. The only one that he did think about was Carly, but that was only because she had shown up there. Now his heart belonged to Margaret, the one that he really felt he loved.
"Look, Michelle," he said grabbing her shoulders and pushing her back.
"Is it really fair to you that I dump her and just come back to you because you said you wanted me to? Wouldn't rather have a man that would at least have remembered to come and see you when he got home?" he asked.
"When the heart wants, the heart waits," she said.
"You're telling me that you would have wasted your life waiting for me?" he asked.
"I wouldn't consider it wasted," she said. Hawkeye just looked down at his hand with the wedding ring.
"Michelle, do you realize that even if I left her for you, that she would still always be on my mind? I care enough about you to have you wait for a better man," he said.
"Then where does that leave your wife?" she asked.
"I didn't think that mattered to you," he said.
"It doesn't, but you're trying so hard to make yourself sound so bad. Basically what you're saying is that if you truly loved your wife you would leave her," Michelle said. She knew what he was really doing and she also knew that what she had just was about as far from the truth as some one could get, but she had to do it. She had to play with his head. She could see it in his eyes that he was actually thinking that over and decided that there was no harm in taking it further.
"Now I don't know the entire story, but why did you two get married? You know, did you love her and she felt bad? Was there maybe a kid that you were responsible for? I know that would often bring people who don't actually love each other together now wouldn't it? Did you have to ask her more then once?" she asked. With every word that she said his eyes grew more and more regretful.
"Now, if you can honestly say no to all of that, then she has to love you, but, if there was a yes, I would reexamine your marriage." With that, Michelle walked out of the room leaving Hawkeye to stand there and think about what he had just heard.
Margaret sat on the couch in the living room as she stared out the window at the rain. She knew that the time would come when he would walk through that front door. She would have to face him again. There was really no reasoning as to why, but she felt horrible about herself now. Through out the night she kept looking at herself in the mirror wondering what it was that was wrong with her. Of course, it didn't take long to make a huge list. All she could was call herself ugly, fat, unattractive. Then she would think maybe it was that she cried too much, or that she was too emotional, or depressing, or was too much of a burden to him.
"I'm home," Hawkeye weakly announced. She waited for the sound of the door and then for the footsteps.
"Hi," he said standing before her. Margaret looked up at him. She hadn't decided whether or not she really wanted to talk to him.
"I found out about what had happened with the underwear yesterday," he said. This got her attention. She wouldn't believe it, but it would be interesting.
"Before I met you there was this girl, Michelle Brooks. She had started working with me. Now I didn't pay her much attention, but she sure as hell worked for it. She reminded me that I had promised to marry her when I got back. Now she wants me to leave you so that she can have me," Hawkeye said. She coldly stared up at him. It was a good story, and it did make sense, but he did also have all day.
Hawkeye just waited for a response.
"Come on," he said almost begging. She could see it in his eyes that he was truly sorry, but she just couldn't do it. She felt betrayed. Standing up, she shook her head and then went into the kitchen and sat down at the table. Daniel, who was at the counter reading over a newspaper, looked up and saw her.
"I heard Hawkeye walk in," he said.
"Yeah," she said sighing. Daniel put the paper down and turned his attention to her.
"Did he try to apologize?" he asked.
"He told me that he was set up by this one girl that he used to know," Margaret said. He gave her a sympathetic look.
"How do you know that he's lying?" Daniel asked. Margaret looked up at him.
"I don't know. But I have also lost trust," she said.
"That's understandable," he said.
"I mean, I'm sure that Michelle doesn't even exist," she said and then went back to playing with the table clothe. Daniel stood up looked to her with interest.
"Michelle?" he asked.
"Yep," she said without looking up.
"What was her last name?" he asked. Margaret looked up and thought for a moment.
"I don't know. Why?" she asked.
"There used to be this young who was obsessed with him. Michelle Brooks, I think it. He never knew it, but she really had something for him. Even made him promise to marry her," he said. Margaret just watched for a second. Maybe it was possible that he was telling the truth. Margaret got up and walked out into the living room. Standing in the doorway, she just stared at Hawkeye.
"Yes?" Hawkeye asked.
"I want to see her," Margaret said. Hawkeye looked up at her.
"Okay," he said.