He was choking, drowning in the pain and horror of it, he couldn't breathe and Loki struggled to keep sane. Fandral pushed his head back down against the pillow roughly and then, oh god, more of that sharp, piercing pain. It went on so long, and he could not scream out, he could not even breathe. But then suddenly the pain was over just as quick as it came, there were colors in front of his eyes that he had never seen before then pitch blackness and then everything was the same as it had been before. He could hear the pounding of that horrible music; he could feel the softness of the expensive sheets around him, and the blood and sweat and things much worse on him.

Fandral chuckled lightly in his ear and Loki jumped, he had forgotten that the nightmare still surrounded him, it was not over yet. "That good huh?" he murmured, stroking Loki's sweaty black hair and tucking it behind his ear. "Get the hell away from me" Loki said, trying to get back a semblance of his old self, he was unsuccessful; his voice was weak and brittle. His bright green eyes were narrow and so tired; Loki didn't know that he could be so tired. Fandral laughed and rolled away from him, raking his hair into a low ponytail. "So rude Loki" he said in a singsong voice "I have a devastating secret to keep remember, you ought to be nice to me." Loki pulled himself into a sitting position and gathered the blankets around himself, trying to cover up his too vulnerable body. Not that he could be broken any more then he already had been, he couldn't understand this, nothing made sense anymore. This was Fandral, one of Thor's best friends, how could this have happened to him? "Why did you do this?" he whispered, and oh god could his voice please return to its normal cold steel already, he sounded like a broken child. Fandral was pulling clothes onto his body and he glanced over his shoulder to grin at Loki. "Why do you lust after your brother?"

"Loki?" the headphone was pulled out of his ear with a jerk and the dark haired teenager was turning an ice cold glare to the person seated next to him. Rouge sat next to him on the bus, she grinned and twirled the headphone around her finger. "You seemed pretty into that song, mind if I listen?" Loki stared at her for a second, why was this semi-popular girl talking to him? And honestly did he care? No. so Loki shrugged and turned back to the window apparently Rouge took that as a yes because he felt a tug at the headphones as she inserted it into his ear. She hummed in surprise as the next song started playing and Loki felt a blush rise to his cheeks, he had forgotten that most considered his music odd, but then most people considered him odd as well. He lost himself in thought again, why couldn't he get over this? It had happened months ago, but Fandral was still here. In stories, in shows on TV the rapist was caught and put behind bars, the victim was put in consoling and slowly they recovered with the help of the best friends that were in love with them and concerned parents. But what happened when it was a lot more complicated than that? What happened when the one who raped you had a secret, so devastating that you would let them do it again if only they would keep that secret? What happened when the only thing worse than them raping you again was them telling what they knew?

The bus went over a speed bump and Rouge jumped slightly and fell against him, pressing Loki against the window. He sighed and gently pushed her back, tugging his headphone out and holding a hand out for the one that Rouge had, pressing pause on the MGMT song that was playing. "Cool song" Rouge said, tugging at a long lock of dark brown hair. Loki noticed that she had dyed two strips of her hair silver, it glinted in the sunlight and curled around her rounded chin, her eyes were dark but honest. Loki decided he liked this girl. He settled against the seat and started rolling his headphones around his iPod, if there was one thing that pissed Loki off to no end it was when his headphones got knotted up. "Thanks" he said finally, once his headphones were perfectly neat (can you see why Loki has only three real friends?) they sat there for a moment in silence as the rest of the bus screamed and pushed each other out of seats. "I hate teenagers" Rouge finally said, rolling her eyes at the group of idiots that sat all around them. Loki turned towards her, a slight smile working its way across his face, lighting up his eyes and making him look like a completely different person. "Same" Rouge giggled "oh so, your friends with Logan right?" Loki raised his already high eyebrows at the sudden change in subject, was he going to find out the real reason she was sitting by him?

"Yes" he said, Rouge's smile quavered a bit and Loki realized that he had only said 3 words the whole time that she had been sitting by him. And yes he prided himself on being an introverted mystery to the rest of the world but she was a friend of Logan's….he probably should make an effort. "Yeah we're friends, you are to right?" Rouge smiled in relief "yep he's been helping me out so much, you know showing me around school and stuff." Loki smirked down at this little freshman girl, the image of Logan being trailed around by this puppy of a teenager was hilarious; he would have to tease him about that later. "That's sweet of him" he said, pushing back his long black sleeves and adjusting the woven string bracelets that covered his wrists. "Are….are you two dating?" Loki's head snapped up, his eyes wide, his fingers tightened momentarily around his wrist but then he pulled that blanket of self control back over himself. He lifted up his hands to fold them in his lap; there were crescent shaped marks where his nails had dug into his wrist. "No…why do you ask?"

"Well it's just….I mean you two seem to flirt a lot, and he talks about you all the time. Maybe he likes you Loki."

He shouldn't have gotten as mad as he did, Loki knew that later. She was just an innocent little girl with a crush on his best friend. She was just using what she thought was a clever way to find out if Logan was gay or not. Honestly it was no big deal, he should have just brushed it off, he shouldn't be so sensitive. But ever since that party Loki couldn't help it, he couldn't stop it when his raw emotions took over, he would get so angry or so sad, and he would scream into his pillow or cry and cry for hours, cry until it was physically impossible to cry anymore. Today he felt this electric current of anger and so as the bus pulled to a stop, Loki grabbed his messenger bag, shoved her out of the way and with a horrid tone in his voice leaned to whisper in her ear as he moved past her. "Stay away from him whore" then he strode down the narrow walkway and exited the bus. Never mind that he was still a mile from his house, he could walk.

But then of course it started raining.

When Loki got in his house he was completely drenched, and wow did he just hate everything right about now. But then he saw Frigga sitting at the kitchen table, her slim hands wrapped around a mug of coffee. She smiled the sweetest, most maternal smile at him and Loki burst into tears right there in the middle of the kitchen. "Oh sweetheart" she whispered, his father must be home, he would be angry if he saw Loki sniveling like a little girl. She stood up and put a gentle arm around him then led him down the hall and into his dark, cool bedroom. Loki could hear the TV blaring some republican news channel, probably fox and his father shouting his commentary and he sunk a little further into despair. "Darling tell me what's wrong" she said, closing the bedroom door behind her. Loki wobbled over to his bed and sunk down on it letting his messenger bag fall from his hand and onto the floor; he grabbed his green slytherin pillow and wrapped his arms around it, getting some comfort from holding something close.

Fandral walked over to the bed, Loki lay there, crumpled and broken down to a shell of himself. The blonde man smirked and leaned down to where the darker teen lay. He moved a hand down to pull Loki up by the arm, Loki tried to pull away from him, but it was as if he couldn't control his movements. His limbs were shaky and uncooperative. Fandral moved his hand up into Loki's hair and tugged his face roughly up to meet his own. The way he kissed was less of a kiss and more of a claiming of property. Loki remembered the first kiss and how he had felt swept away, unable to think, now he knew that was just part of Fandral's manipulation. Make the victim feel as if they are everything when really you are just creating a slave.

"I refuse to be anyone's slave." He whispered, letting his head fall into his hands. He knew his mother heard him from her sudden intake of breath. She hurried to his bed and put an arm around him, he could tell that she was crying. 'What a wonderful son I am' he thought loathing himself; Loki wrapped his slender arms around her and could hear her murmuring so softly over and over again.

"Oh my sweet darling what has happened to you?"

When he woke the next morning Loki felt as if he was hung-over. His head pounded in time with his heart and as he pulled himself out of bed the room spun. 'That's what happens when you bawl your eyes out all night.' He thought to himself, he grabbed some grey jeans and a dark green sweater and wobbled off to the bathroom.

The hot water of the shower hit his body like tiny fingers, droplets running down, sweet pain. He leaned his head against the wall of the shower and let his eyes flutter shut. The water was too much like his hands, burning with a sick desire. "Sick desire" he whispered, and what was that he had done again that had spurred the assault? He had moaned his brother's name in a moment lost in ecstasy. "Disgusting" he muttered, pouring his vanilla shampoo into his hand and scrubbing it through his hair roughly, maybe the external pain would make the internal pain that was eating him up inside go away.

And then he was late to school. "Typical" he muttered, adjusting his leather messenger bag on his shoulder and tucking his iPod into the little side pocket. He pushed open the door and strode inside the office. Loki glanced around, the normal annoyingly preppy girls were there, flitting about and making copies for the overweight secretaries. There was only one other guy in the office, a tall kid with dark hair that was mussed around his head that was slouched in a chair, Loki purposely turned away. 'Probably some pothead that got caught smoking at school' he thought to himself, letting a smirk twist his mouth at the stupidity of some people and walked over to the desk.

"Can I get a late pass?' he asked in the most innocent voice he could muster, purposely making his green eyes very large and round. The obese secretary glared up at him, her eye shadow was practically up to her eyebrows and it was this horrible shade of purple. Loki could feel his skin crawling at how sloppy she looked (he was pretty sure he saw a food stain on her huge blouse). After staring him down for a few minutes she finally ripped off a pass from the stack and scribbled a signature on it.

"Thank you" he muttered and turned around, and almost ran into the dark haired kid that he swore had been sitting down a minute ago. "Hey there" he said, grinning, and what the hell was this knot in Loki's stomach? "I'm Tony Stark; can I walk you to class?"

My GOD that took forever, sorry guys. I've been super busy with finals and such. And well if I got a couple more reviews I defiantly would have been updating quicker, so come on its really not that hard. Anyways thanks so much for reading and I hope you will continue.