*~*~*~*~*~
It was the running that humiliated Callie more than anything else.
In elementary school the pretty blond girls liked to pull her black hair and call her a 'witch'. Mild as far as insults could go, the term eventually wore her down and she would run when she saw her classmates coming her way. They replaced 'witch' with 'scaredy cat' and 'wuss', but Callie ran anyway, going as fast and far as her Nikes and the teachers would permit. It was never far enough to escape their taunts, however, and she finally spent her recesses and lunchtimes hiding in the bathroom with her feet lifted so no one could see her.
In middle school, those same girls began to develop breasts and walked around the school looking like centerfolds. Callie's mother tried to take her to shop at Saks and Neiman Marcus for clothing, but Callie stuck close to Hot Topic and hid behind blacks and plaids. In seventh grade, the supermodels held her down and painted her face green like the wicked witch in the Wizard of Oz, but she refused to cry for their amusement. She ran down the hall during a class change and everyone saw her, everyone laughed at her.
Her breasts were slow to come, but Callie grew six inches between the seventh and eighth grade and towered over the girls who were suddenly too afraid of her appearance to taunt her in person and relied heavily on the slats in her locker to leave hurtful notes. When the cancer made her the sickest, they would sketch her, bald and hideous, and display their artwork prominently in the hallway. Being different was a punishable offense in school, but being ill was a death sentence. She beat the cancer, but her soul died in little pieces every time the homeroom bell would ring and she would head to her first class. If Callie's mother ever noticed the black stains on her pillowcase, where her dark eye makeup had run with her tears every night ... she never mentioned it.
Callie didn't run again until high school. Her parents decided that she was too withdrawn, too dark and depressed, and insisted on a sweet sixteen party that would rival anything that the senior prom could come up with. Her mother took it upon herself to invite hundreds of Callie's classmates and purchased the pinkest, frilliest, most frou frou dress ever to grace the window displays on Rodeo Drive. The bow on the ass weighed more than Callie's backpack. Her father rented out a hot nightclub in Miami for the event and was able to book Bon Jovi for an entire hour. Much to Callie's horror, the RSVP's began to pile in almost immediately. She tried to hide them, burn them, or bury them, but was always caught in the act. Being a social outcast was akin to murder in her family's eyes.
Her mother spent hours bemoaning the fact that she had put on the weight she had lost during the worst of her battle with cancer and when the horrible dress was cinched at the waist, Margie told her not to eat her birthday cake. Broken, Callie didn't put up much of a fuss when the tiara was pinned to her wig, making it uncomfortable, and didn't complain when the dainty pink slippers painfully reminded her that she would never fit the mold that her parents wanted to force her into. She smiled at her enemies, she engaged in conversations with the very people who had stained her face and soul and pretended to enjoy the canapés and pink cake. Inside she was dying.
Later, in the bathroom, after Bon Jovi had performed and everyone had eaten their fill ... the girls who had taunted her for most of her life attacked her. They ripped the dress from her body, made fun of the few extra inches of weight around her middle, slapped her belly to watch it wiggle and didn't stop until she ran, in her underwear, back through the club. Everyone saw it, everyone laughed and pointed and snapped pictures, shouting 'Titless Torres' in a horrific chant. Callie made up her mind in that moment to never be ashamed of her body again ... no matter how much extra weight she carried. She was so glad that she could finally eat again and not vomit it back up that every bite made her feel like she could win the battle against the cancer.
Later, Callie's mother told her that she was disgraceful and her father had accused her of rebelling against the party. She showed him the claw marks on her back, where perfectly manicured nails had raked her skin while they ripped her dress to shreds and her father had been enraged enough to want to withdraw her from school and send her to a different one. A private school.
But something had snapped inside Callie the night of her party and she knew that she would never run again. Instead, she got revenge in her own way and held her head a little higher when the taunts would become deafening. She graduated with honors as class valedictorian and the topic of her speech was how people who spend all their time and energy hurting others never really succeed in life. She had smiled bigger than she had ever smiled before when they all stood up and clapped for her --- they were too stupid, even then, to realize that she was talking about them.
She never ran again.
Until Mark had kneeled in front of her and asked her to marry him.
So great was her mortification that she stayed hidden away in the bathroom under the guise of getting ready for Miranda's dinner party. She eventually heard Jack laughing in the backyard and the unmistakable sound of the airplane that Cristina had given the tyke. Her heart ached the same way it had in school, when she knew that she'd have to face the day no matter how much it killed her inside.
Sitting in the floor, Callie took a deep breath.
"Yes," she said softly, the word that she had wanted to say bubbling from deep inside.
But no one was there to hear.
When she finally emerged, wearing fitted black slacks and a red v-neck sweater, Mark was helping Jack tuck his shirt in. She bit her bottom lip and waited for either one of them to speak to her. Jack finally took pity on her and told her she looked like a checker board because of the black and red attire.
She certainly felt like she had been playing a checker game all day.
One that had taken her months to lose.
*~*~*~*~*~
Miranda Bailey loved hosting Christmas dinner. She loved the hustle and bustle and the colorful faces that sat around her table. Diversity was a wonderful thing and embracing diversity was even better. As she glanced at her friends, she had to smile. Her husband leaned against her and asked what was amusing. Bailey looked behind her, where Tuck, Jack and her two nieces sat at a plastic picnic table just behind the grown up table and said, "Friends become our chosen family."
Later on, after desert had been devoured and far too much egg nog had been enjoyed, Miranda stood beside Callie at the sink. "Are you going to tell me why you looked like your dog just died?"
Callie sighed. "Mark asked me to marry him."
Bailey glanced down at her friend's left hand. "And you said no."
"I said no." Tucking the last plate into the dishwasher, Callie dried her hands and leaned back against the counter. "He asked me in front of Jack."
"Ouch." After she started the washer, Bailey nodded at the back deck, which was being kept warm with an outdoor fireplace. It was thankfully vacant and Callie sat down near the flames, gazing at the crackling logs. Miranda sat beside her. "You don't want to marry him?"
Callie pondered her response carefully, trying to find the right words. When Bailey put a hand on her arm, she said, "I didn't mean to say no. It just ... it came out."
"It came out?"
"He - he just shocked me. Seeing him on his knee and -"
"He even got on his knee?" Bailey gasped. "Girl!"
"I know. And he said everything that I could ever hope to hear, but as soon as he dropped to the floor ... all I could think was George had done the same thing and then I thought about the baby that I lost and -"
"Okay, you do understand that there are more than just physical differences between Mark and George, right? They're not the same person."
"I know."
"For instance ... you thought that O'Malley was your white knight and he turned out to be a cheating jester. And Sloan has only ever been cast as the whoring stallion and now he's prince charming and -"
"Uh, Miranda?"
"Shut up. Tuck's going through a phase where he only wants to watch jousting knights and lovely maidens."
"Oh! Tuck called me a saucy wench." Callie leaned forward, warming her hands. "I thought he called me a sucky bitch."
"What are you going to do, Callie? About Mark?"
"That's the million dollar question, isn't it? He's not talking to me, not even looking at me."
"Did you give him the adoption papers?"
"Of course I did," Callie said. "Would you believe he actually cried when he saw it?"
Miranda glared at her. "You know what? I never thought in a million years that I'd be championing Mark Sloan, but how would you feel if he had told you no when you gave him your son?"
Callie bit her bottom lip. "It's not the same thing."
"It's exactly the same thing. You're giving him Jack's life, but not yours. I'm the last person alive who would sit here and tell you that marriage is easy. It's not easy, but it *is* a bed of roses. You get the sweetest, softest petals and the roughest thorns in one spot ... but it's a beautiful thing. Something to be admired."
Derek stepped onto the back deck, smiling when he saw the two women sitting by the fire. "Sorry I'm late. Surgery went a little long."
"Is Meredith with you?" Callie asked hopefully.
"She's not. She got roped into working tonight by Cristina."
Callie looked confused. "Why would Cristina need tonight off? She hates Christmas."
"I don't know. Neither did Meredith," Derek replied, he pulled a chair up by the fire, gazing at Callie. "We need to talk."
"That's my cue," Bailey said, getting to her feet. She patted Callie on the arm as she walked past her. "Hang in there."
When the door closed behind her friend, Callie took a deep breath. "I didn't mean to tell him no, Derek. It just - it came out and then I couldn't take it back and -"
"You told him no?!" Derek looked appalled. "Callie! Why?"
"Wait, you didn't want to talk to me about Mark?"
"Not until right now! You said no!?"
"Off limits," Callie scooted her chair closer to the fireplace. "What did you need to talk about?"
"I got your test results back. Your scan was clean." Derek sat back, watching her closely. "Have you been feeling sick lately?"
"No," Callie replied. "I mean, the headaches make me nauseous and I feel lethargic afterwards, but - it's nothing new. I went through these things all through high school and -"
"Were you pregnant then?"
"Huh?"
"Because you're pregnant now."
Her mouth fell open. The words bounced around her head, not sinking in. She started to stand, but only made it halfway before she sat back down. One of the logs in the fireplace cracked loudly and she almost jumped out of her skin. Pregnant? Her hand went to her stomach and she shook her head. "No ... no, I can't be."
Derek enjoyed her reaction a while before he spoke again. "I bet you really regret saying no right about now, huh?"
She got to her feet and glared down at him. "Don't."
"I took the liberty of calling Addison. I'm hesitant to prescribe anything for the headaches so she's coming down tomorrow to see what we can do." Derek caught her arm as she started past him. "Are you going to tell Mark?"
"Not until I talk to Addison."
Jack opened the back door, his eyes finding Callie's. "Can we go home now? I'm tired."
"Me too, kiddo." She leaned down and scooped him up, carrying him back through the house.
Everyone noticed that she was close to tears.
Everyone except Mark.
And he'd had enough egg nog to not really know who she was at all.
*~*~*~*~*~
"I haven't told Mark," Callie informed Addison the moment she stepped into her arms at the airport. "So, don't mention it."
"You told him *no*?" Addison swatted her friend on the arm. "Dumb ass."
"Does *everyone* fucking know!?"
"Mark told Derek, who told Meredith, who apparently gossips more than she whines. Alex told me." Addy shrugged and pointed behind her. "And I brought reinforcements."
Callie smiled and hugged Pete, who was wrestling with Addison's Louis Vuitton bag. "I'm glad she dragged you along."
"I volunteered." Pete shrugged. "You need pain management and I can take care of it without the drugs."
"Lovely. A traveling witch doctor. Are you going to shake a rattle snake over me?"
"Apparently everyone from Seattle hates alternative medicine."
"No, honey," Addison replied, patting his arm. "All *doctors* hate alternative medicine because it fucks with real medicine."
"There are no snakes," Pete told Callie, ignoring his girlfriend. "How far along are you?"
"No clue." Callie sighed and pushed her hair behind her ears. "I don't think I'm pregnant. I haven't missed a period and -"
"That's not uncommon." Addison looped her arm through Callie's. "Morning sickness?"
"None."
"Tender breasts?"
"Not really."
"Let's stop by the hospital first," Addison said. "I want to get an ultrasound and measurements and -"
"I'm not pregnant."
"We'll see."
*~
An hour later, Callie casually reclined on a stretcher in the imaging center, grumbling as the red headed she-devil squirted ice cold gel onto her stomach. She crossed her ankles and pillowed her head on her arms as she waited for Addison to confirm what she already knew. She was *not* pregnant. The last pregnancy had caused projectile vomiting every time she moved. She had experienced every text book side effect and had not even needed the test she took. She had simply known.
"Okay," Addison said, sliding the ultrasound over her belly. She smiled and picked up the Doppler. A moment later the unmistakable sounds of a strong, glorious heartbeat filled the room. "I didn't know if seeing would be believing so ... the children of the night ... what beautiful music they make. Or whatever that movie says that you like."
Callie's eyes widened when Addison turned the monitor and she could see it. The ringing in her ears effectively blocked out the baby's heart beat and her eyes couldn't look at the little blip on the screen enough. Part of her was insanely happy that the baby's heart seemed to be beating hard enough to sustain her own lack of one. "Oh my god."
"Congratulations. Looks like Jack's getting a little Mallie."
Shaking her head, Callie swallowed back the bile in her throat. She had seen the monitor the night she miscarried. She had seen the still form of her child and had screamed long and hard enough to be hoarse for days. Mark had been beside her then, smoothing her hair back, whispering in her ear for her to calm down. He had taken her bloody hands in his and held them over her head when they performed the dilation and curettage to remove every trace from her that the baby had left behind. It had been Mark who insisted that they give in and let her hold the unidentifiable mass and Mark who had climbed into the bed and held her when no one else was there.
And it was Mark who had been left devastated by her refusal to give him the only thing she could keep him from taking. Her. He had offered her the world and she had thrown it back in his face, crushing him with the weight. Callie burst into tears and the nausea that rumbled through her came so swiftly that she vomited into the floor before she knew it was happening. "I can't do this. God - I - I can't!"
"Stop it." Addy wet a wash cloth and wiped Callie's face. "You want kids! This is all you used to talk about!"
"You don't understand," Callie sobbed. "Everything George took from me ... *everything* ... Mark gave me back and I told him *no*."
"It's the dumbass in you. I already confirmed that."
"He's not talking to me. And he got so drunk last night that he thought the ceiling fan was a helicopter landing in our living room."
"Two dumbasses under one roof then." Addison moved the ultrasound around a little. "You're about ten weeks along."
"Almost three months!? How!?"
"Well, the guy puts his thing in the girl's thing and they wiggle around until it's all happy."
"Fuck you."
"That probably would have kept you out of this. Unless I had a turkey baster and a whole bunch of sperm."
"I always pegged you for a lesbian."
"I always pegged you for one, too."
Callie's smile faded suddenly and she burst into fresh tears. "Holy God, Addison! I've been drinking all this time. I had plenty of nog on Christmas Eve. I was tipsy! What if -"
"Callie, people drink all the time before they find out they're pregnant. The fetus looks fine. We'll do more comprehensive tests tomorrow. It's okay." Addison tried to reassure her, but is was futile. The black haired woman continued to sob.
Cristina pushed the curtain back and gazed back and forth between the two women. When she saw the tears on Callie's face and the ultrasound, she crossed the short distance and took Callie's hand in hers. "I thought that was you crying. I - I heard it for weeks."
"I'm *pregnant*." Callie clung to her hand. "What am I gonna do?"
"You're going to stop crying because you and me ... we don't cry. We're not squeamish and we don't cry. We're cool like that." Cristina looked at Addison and said, "Is that freakin' dude with the potions and elixers one of your moon bats?"
"Excuse me?" Addison asked, eyebrow raised.
"Because if he's one of your California Crazies then you better go claim him. He just told Bailey's patient that surgery should be her last resort and that there were *alternatives*. Bailey will gut him. And I won't repair him so don't ask."
"Shit. Excuse me," Addison quickly replied, darting from the room.
Cristina picked up the ultrasound and slid it over Callie's stomach. She landed on the baby and smiled. "Let's hope it looks more like you than Sloan."
"He asked me to marry him."
"And you said no. Meredith has a huge mouth. Huge." Cristina set the instrument aside and picked up a towel, gently rubbing the gel off Callie's skin. When it was clean, she tossed the towel behind her and laid her palm over the spot where the baby rested. "If marrying Sloan is too much for you then don't do it. But if not marrying him is going to make you miserable again -"
"I'm scared."
"Of Mark? Screw him. You can tell him it's mine."
"Turkey baster?" Callie chuckled a little. "Addison has dibs on that."
Cristina reached down and smoothed her hair back. "This is what you want, Cal. You were put on this earth to be a mother."
"It's just so complicated now."
"Why did you say no?"
Callie took a deep breath and let Cristina help her into a sitting position. "I said no because I'm a coward. I love Mark. I'm so in love with him that I can't stand it. I never thought I'd feel this way again. And I'm terrified that wedding vows will make him insane. I've seen it happen."
"Because of George?"
"Who do you think?"
Cristina took both of her friend's hands in hers. "I have known George O'Malley a little longer than you and I can assure you that you're wasting your time judging other men by him. He is not a good scale for you to use because he is still a kid. Mark Sloan? That's a man."
"I know all this." Callie began to cry again.
"I know you do." Reaching up, Yang cupped Callie's face in her hands and leaned forward, kissing her on the forehead.
*~
Erica Hahn had been searching for Cristina for close to an hour and she chose that moment to open the door, having been pointed in that direction by Meredith Grey. All she saw was the woman she had been involved with for weeks kissing The. Other. Woman. Stalking forward, she pulled Cristina away from Callie and got into the Latina's face. "I don't know what you have going for you that makes people follow you around coddling you, but you stay away from Cristina."
Callie had stopped crying now. She hopped off the table, easily towering over Hahn. "What is it with blonds and their territorial bullshit? Can you only have one friend at a time?"
Cristina jumped between the two women. "Stop! Erica! She's pregnant."
"Oh, I bet you love that!" Hahn sneered. "Your dream girl is knocked up!"
"Wait - what?!" Callie cried.
"Yeah," Hahn snapped. "She's got a big old yen for you."
"Shut your mouth!" Cristina growled. "Now!"
Hahn ignored Yang. "Yeah! I spilled a drink on your stupid red pillow and she yelled at me for ten minutes."
Callie's eyes were like saucers when she looked at her best friend. "You're gay now?"
"She's bi-sexual!" Hahn corrected.
"I DON'T RECALL ASKING YOU!" Callie shouted. "Get out before I call security."
"You two deserve each other. Pregnant and Pompous. Oooh, or Pregnant and Pathetic." With that, Hahn yanked the door open and stormed out.
Cristina looked like she wanted to sink through the floor. Callie watched her for a few seconds and before she spoke. "You're sleeping with *Hahn*!? You hate her!"
"She's convenient."
"You're not - you don't - Cristina! How did I not know this!?"
"Which part."
"Any of it. All of it." Callie gasped. "Oh my god! You were with her for Christmas!"
"No. I was avoiding her for Christmas."
Callie chewed her bottom lip, tilting her head as she studied Cristina closely. "Why would you think that - that I - you kept my pillow?"
"I know it's crazy." Cristina shrugged. "You were leaving and I didn't know if you would ever --- be the same after you left. And I - I didn't know if I'd be the same either."
Grinning suddenly, Callie crossed her arms over her chest. "You have a girl crush on me!? You waaaaant me!"
"Shut up."
"I'm really hot, right? Even in my pregnant state."
"Shut up."
Callie punched Yang playfully on the arm. "You get that I like the boys, don't you? Well, one boy. Who's really a man."
"Stop talking."
Leaning forward, Callie kissed her friend on the cheek. "But you are the only woman I'd ever go gay for."
"Don't tell. Anyone."
"Our secret." Callie hugged her. "And I love you, by the way. In a 'you're my best friend with no benefits' kinda way."
"Shut. Up."
Callie's smile suddenly faded. She looked furious. "Wait ... did you get a crush on me while I was Chief Resident? Because you *are* attracted to power."
Cristina grinned. "Maybe."
"YOU DID!"
"Just a little, but not much because you sucked at your job."
"God, now I hate you."
Cristina leaned back against the wall, sighing. "Is it going to be weird between us now?"
"Is is ever anything but?"
"You have a point ... just ... I don't want it to be ... different."
"You are Jack's godmother. And you'll be this baby's godmother." Callie took Yang's hand. "And you will always be my partner in crime ... and my everything else."
"Okay, you're supposed to be making this easier to walk away from," Cristina pointed out. "You really love him."
"I really do."
"Then fight for the family, Callie. The normal family you deserve and ... be happy. Because Mark's a great dad and he made you smile again."
"Yeah." Callie nodded at her. "But you took me in when I had no one else. And I'll never forget that."
"Neither will I."
"HOW COULD YOU STEAL MY PILLOW!?" Callie suddenly shrieked. "You gave the damn things to Goodwill, 'stina. I should smack you!"
"Please don't. I'm into that. It'll just make me horny."
"Duly noted."
"Good."
Callie hugged her. "What the hell are you going to do about Attila the Hahn? She's freakishly scary."
"Yeah."
"I heartily disapprove."
"So do I. I think she's sleeping with me because my surgical technique is better than hers. She wants to keep me close. I keep thinking she'll break my hands in my sleep."
"Restraining orders really are a great and wonderful thing."
"I'll keep that in mind."
*~*~*~*~*~
Mark was in the driveway watching Jack ride his bicycle when Callie got home. He called the little boy out of the way and and picked him up when Callie eased into the garage. The minute Addison climbed out of the car however, Jack scrambled down and rushed into her arms. Mark's eyebrows went up when Pete slipped out of the backseat. "Hey," he greeted Addison.
"Mark, this is Pete. Pete, Mark." Addy glared at Mark, telling him with her eyes that her new boyfriend didn't know anything about their past.
The men exchanged pleasantries as they unloaded the luggage from the trunk. Mark showed Pete the guest room and exited quickly when Addison arrived and shot him a look that he neither understood or enjoyed. He found Callie in the kitchen fixing Jack something to eat. "Hey," he said quietly. "You were gone a while."
"Yeah," she replied. "Addy wanted to stop at the hospital."
Mark frowned when she turned to face him. "You've been crying."
"We need to talk."
His eyes found Jack, who was watching the adults curiously. Taking a deep breath, he said, "Can it wait?"
Callie was tempted to rush into his arms and announce her pregnancy, but she solemnly nodded instead. It was the first time Mark had acknowledged her. "Yeah. Sure."
"I told the Chief that I would help him install a dishwasher in his new place. So ..."
"Okay."
"I'd ask Pete to tag along, but -"
"No, it's fine."
"I'll see you later."
Callie nodded. He walked away without a backwards glance, oblivious to the fresh tears that stung her eyes. Jack looked up at her and said, "I don't think he loves you no more."
"Eat your sandwich," Callie replied softly, holding out his plate.
"Can I eat in my room?"
"Go ahead."
When Jack left the kitchen, Callie grabbed a paper towel and blotted her eyes. Addison appeared a moment later, took one look at her, and hugged her. "You gotta get it together, Callie. This is not good for the baby and -"
"He said he had to leave. I didn't get a chance to tell him."
"Then tell him when he gets back."
"What am I supposed to say, Addy!? Do I look him in the face and say 'Oh, I know you hate me right now, but guess what? I'm pregnant so get over it and pretend that I didn't kick you while you were literally on your knees' Yeah, that would go over really, really well."
"Mark wants a baby. I mean - he was devastated when I had the abortion."
"I don't know. I think he's -"
"Callie, this is his baby. And you're the woman he loves. He's going to be so happy that he'll forget all about you ripping out his still beating heart and squashing it. Like a bug."
She didn't laugh at her friend's humor. "I just - I cannot believe I'm pregnant. We're having a baby."
In the living room, Jack put his untouched sandwich down and wiped the tears off his face. People always gave the kids back when the babies came. Babies were cute and cuddly and were picked all the time. He walked to the front door and quietly slipped outside. Sprout would probably want to go away with him, but Mac had killed the other dog that Jack had found wandering around the yard so he left his puppy in the backyard. Gathering his bike from the stoop, he climbed on and looked back at the house.
Leaving hurt.
But it was better than being thrown away.
*~*~*~*~*~
"Where's Jack?" Pete asked, joining the women at the dining room table. "I'd love to see the plane that he told Addy about."
"He's probably watching a movie. He asked to eat in his room." Callie got to her feet and headed upstairs, calling for her son. The silence suggested that he was sleeping so she eased the door open and peered inside. The smile on her face faded when she saw the empty room. The movie had been paused and he was no where to be seen. She checked his bathroom, then her own for good measure.
"Come out, kiddo. I don't want to play games today," she called.
"Is he a hider?" Pete asked.
"We play Hide and Seek religiously. He can fit into the most unlikely places."
"We'll help you search for him," he replied, calling for Addison.
An hour later, the adults had turned the house upside down. Callie was a basket case and called 911, barely able to relay that there was a problem at her house. She called Mark next, but she was crying too much for him to understand her. Addison took the phone and explained, then walked into the front yard. When she returned, she said, "His bike is gone. We didn't even think to check."
"What!?" Callie cried, reaching for her purse. Her blood was racing through her veins so fast that it made her dizzy. "It's pouring rain outside and there's a freeze warning!"
"I'll go." Pete gently took the keys from her shaking hand. "You don't need to drive. The police will be here soon."
"You don't know the area."
"I'll find my way." Pete headed for the door. "I'll call you if I find him."
By the time the police arrived it was dark outside and so cold that Callie couldn't shake the chill, even when Addison wrapped her in a blanket. Callie found Jack's sandwich and realized that she had forgotten to cut the crust off. She did just that as soon as the police left with Jack's photo and clothing description. The bread was already hard when she cut the crust and she glanced at the clock, wondering how long he had been gone.
"I have to go look for him," Callie said, startling Addison by speaking up loudly in the deafening silence.
"You have to stay here. They told you to stay here."
"I can't just sit here and do nothing! This is my child!" The phone rang and Callie grabbed it. "Hello?"
"It's me," Mark replied. "Anything?"
"No."
"I'm going to go try the group home. He likes the playground there."
"Please find him. Please, Mark."
"I will, baby. It's going to be okay." Mark could hear her sobs. "Calm down, Cal. Kids do this. I did this a million times."
"Why would he leave?" she cried. "Why would he-"
"Shhh," he soothed. "I don't know. He seemed fine today. Did he say anything?"
"Just that you didn't love me anymore."
"Well, he was wrong about that," Mark assured her. "Listen, I'm at the home so I'm going to go look for him on foot. I'll call you if I find anything."
The phone went dead and Callie hung up. She sank to the floor where she stood, no longer able to hold herself upright.
*~*~*~*~*
Pete was empty handed when he returned. He had not seen the little boy anywhere, but the heavy police presence in the area reassured him. Everyone was looking for Jack. When he walked into the house, he heard the sounds of someone being sick and he took the stairs two at a time.
Addison looked up when he walked into the bathroom. She was holding Callie's hair back while she vomited. Her eyes filled with tears as he shook his head. "She needs something to calm her down. And for the nausea."
"I'm on it."
Less than fifteen minutes later, he was working his mojo and Callie was no longer sick.
She was a zombie, however, as she sat on the sofa gazing straight ahead.
The world was a blur around her.
She was vaguely aware that one of the officers had returned and was asking questions about Jack, about his bicycle, but she didn't open her mouth and reply. Letting Addison take over seemed natural and she allowed it without a word. Her hand rested on her stomach and she closed her eyes, remembering the way the tiny heartbeat had sounded. She concentrated on breathing, on living.
When all she wanted to do was give in, curl up, and sob.
*~
"Jack!" Mark called, walking around the group home for the tenth time. He had no doubt that Jack would return to the place where he had lived longest. Whatever had happened at this place ... Jack would still think of it as home. It was always the same for children in the system. Home was rarely anything but hell, but when it was all you knew ... you embraced it. As he headed back toward the playground once again, he saw that his instincts were correct. The blue bicycle they had purchased for Jack rested against the slide and Mark cupped his mouth, shouting for his son. "Answer me, Jack! Right now! You're not in trouble!"
The rain was falling so fiercely now that Mark's entire body was numb from it. He could only imagine how Jack felt. "Jack! Come on, kid!"
"Go away, Dad."
Mark spun on his heel just in time to see the little boy disappear onto the roof. Sprinting, Mark climbed the same haphazard trellis that Jack had scaled and carefully picked his way across the slippery roof. Jack was standing on the edge, which wouldn't have been very alarming since it was only one story, but the way he was crying certainly was.
Kneeling down beside his son, Mark took his jacket off and put it around the trembling child. He held onto him to keep him from sliding. "What's wrong, baby?"
"I AM NOT A BABY!"
"Okay, okay. I'm sorry. What happened?"
"Mom has a baby in her belly so she don't want me no more."
Mark almost fell off the roof. A stiff breeze could have sent him flying headfirst to the ground. He didn't know whether to laugh from the joy or cry because Jack didn't share it. Callie was pregnant? There was a light at the end of the tunnel after all. "How do you know?"
"Addison said so. And so did my mom," Jack wailed. "She don't want to tell you because you hate her."
"I don't hate her, Jack. I love her. I told you that." Mark picked him up and headed back the way they had come. Jack started to scream in agony, kicking and punching as they went. Thrown off balance, Mark stopped walking and grabbed Jack's arm. "Stop it! We have to get out of the rain!"
"Let me go! I want to stay here! I want my old room!"
Mark did something he had never done before. He set Jack on his feet and shook him, hard, getting in his face. "Jack, you belong with us! We are your parents! Your old room is gone!"
"Where is it? Where's Mac? And Emily?"
"Mac is gone for good. He's a very bad man and Emily -" Mark's brow furrowed as he remembered the little girl who had comforted him. "I don't know where she is. I'm sorry. But your mom is at home and she's worried about you and -"
"She don't want me! If she wanted me she wouldn't have no stupid baby!"
"Let's go." Mark moved to pick him up again.
"WAIT!" Jack screeched. "Who will watch her now if Mac ain't here no more?"
"Who? Watch who?"
"Jane."
Mark's stomach sank so suddenly that he could barely breath. "Where is Jane, son?"
Trembling from the cold and maybe something more, Jack lifted his small hand and pointed out into the night. "Mac put her under the tree so she could watch us in the playground. She comes out if someone is bad and takes them under the dirt with her. That's why I like the roof. She wouldn't never come up here to get me before she hid under the ground. She was scared of it."
Mark picked up his son again. He was trembling now as well. He had to make the little boy understand. "Listen to me, buddy, Mac can't hurt you ever again. And neither can Jane. They're gone and you have a new life with us. A better life. We're a family."
"You didn't kiss mom goodbye. I thought you was leaving forever." Jack hugged him. "Are you sure she won't give me away?"
Mark squeezed him tight. "No matter what you might think ... you are our baby. Our first baby ... and that's a special, special thing to be."
"It is?"
"No one can replace you. You're part of us. Your mom didn't carry you in her belly, Jack, but she carries you in her heart all the time. And so do I." Mark made it to the trellis and carefully climbed down. "Hang on tight now. We're going home."
When they made it to solid ground, Mark hurried to the car and strapped his son in. He hefted the bike into the back of the SUV and quickly started the engine in the hopes that it would still be warm. He made sure the back vents were pointed toward Jack before he turned and looked at him. "You're grounded, by the way. No bike, no television and -"
"Oh, hell! But I only just got my bike! And movies for my T.V. and -"
"Don't you *ever* leave the house without permission again!"
"Dad-"
"I mean it!"
"Yes, sir."
Mark called Callie as he drove the three miles back to their house. Addison answered, screamed that Mark had found him, and then Callie was on the line. She sounded strange, he thought, hollow. It was odd. If Jack was right, Callie was anything but hollow.
She carried their baby inside her.
He promised to hurry and hung up when he turned onto their street. A moment later, he pulled into the drive and saw her standing in the front door. His gaze instinctively went to her stomach and he had to stop himself from yelling when she raced down the stairs. If she fell ... his mind flashed back to the blood that wet her thighs when she miscarried with O'Malley's baby. That had almost killed Mark ... watching her suffer, watching a childless mother beg to hold what remained of her baby. He shook his head to shake the vision.
Callie snatched the back door of the vehicle open and gathered Jack into her arms. His skin was like ice against hers and when he buried his face against her neck, she could hear his teeth chattering. She nodded at Mark, who briefly cupped her cheek, then she raced up the stairs with her son. Addison already had the shower running to help warm the little boy up and Callie stepped inside with him in her arms, letting the warmth bathe them both.
Mark had followed and he looked at Addison. She squeezed his arm and left quickly. Toeing off his shoes, he stepped in behind Callie, fighting hard not to groan as the hot water finally chased away the cold. He pulled Callie back against his chest and felt her sobbing. "It's okay, Cal," he whispered, his face against her hair.
"Why? Why did you do this, Jack?" she cried.
Jack eased back, looking up at her. His eyes met Mark's over her shoulder. "You tell her."
"No. You tell her," Mark replied, his hands tightening on her hips. He wanted her to know that he knew ... that he was happy, that he was *there*.
The boy gazed up at her. "I got real upset when you told Addy that you was having a baby and I thought you'd make me go away, but I don't want to. I promise I'll be a good brother. Okay?"
Callie closed her eyes in embarrassment and ... fear. This time she didn't see any reminder of the past. All she could see was the future and it was breathtaking. Mark kissed her neck and prompted her to speak, "I will never want you to -"
"I know. Dad 'splained it. I'm sorry."
"You're in trouble," Callie said. "Big trouble. You scared me and -"
"He 'splained that, too. Do I really gotta be grounded?"
"Yes," Mark replied before Callie could. "You really do."
"Shit."
"Jack-"
"Mom! I don't even got no dollars to give you right now!"
Addison knocked on the door and walked in with three large towels. She pulled the curtain back and said, "Can I take him? Pete built a fire and we ordered pizza. I can get his pajamas on and -"
"Pizza!" Jack crowed. "Can I go?"
Callie didn't want to let him go at all. She was going to protest, but Mark scooped the child from her arms and handed him off to Addison, who hurried from the room with him. Callie started to follow, but Mark blocked her. Saying nothing, he pulled her into his arms and held on tight, rubbing her back. He breathed a sigh of relief when she wrapped her arms around his waist. "We're pregnant," he stated softly.
"We are."
"Baby, this is amazing." She didn't meet his eyes so he put his hand under her chin and lifted it. "When did you find out?"
"Derek told me last night. At Miranda's, but I didn't believe him. I - I haven't had any symptoms or -"
"What about the headaches?"
"My scan was clear," she replied, touched that he had asked about her at all. "Pete agrees that it's tension."
He reached up and rubbed her hair back, kissing her forehead. "And he's here to treat you for it?"
She nodded.
Mark slowly lifted her shirt, pulling it over her head. He let it fall behind him and kneeled down, kissing just below her belly button, then above it. His hands spanned her stomach as he peppered kisses over it and when he smiled up at her, there were tears in his eyes. "How far along are we?"
"Ten weeks." She put her hand on his head. "I - I'm sorry. I -"
"What!? Callie, this is great news! It took both of us and -"
"No, I mean - I didn't - I'm sorry that I said no."
"Oh." He glanced back down at her belly.
"And - well, if I said yes now you'd think it was because of the baby and I know that - but - well, I'm sorry. You just - you caught me off guard and -"
Mark looked back up at her. "It's not like it has an expiration date. It's a forever offer."
"Really?"
"Really. I love you, Callie."
"I love you, too."
*~*~*~*~*~