Based on Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's The Red-Headed League
Written for the Dreamwidth KakaSaku Adaptation Contest
Rating: T (for suggestive situations – mild, really)
The Spandex League
Chapter Two
"I'm sorry, but I have no more information. Everything else is classified," Tsunade's clipped tone tolerated no argument.
"Hai." In a swirl of leaves, Kakashi and Sakura disappeared from her office. Tsunade leaned her face in her hands. "Do you think that's best, leading them on like that?" Shizune asked. Tsunade looked up between her fingers at her assistant.
"No one else could get to the bottom of this," the Sannin muttered darkly. "We will just have to wait and see, and hope that Kakashi's sharp mind can sort this out before word travels that one of Konoha's highest level jonin was fired for making one mistake in copying a recipe after three weeks of perfect work! That would wreak havoc on our ability to continue to get A-rank missions."
Tonton whimpered in Shizune's arms as she closed the office door. She sighed as she heard the unmistakable quiet slide of a desk drawer. With sake in the picture, there would likely be no hope of completed paperwork from her employer today.
Kakashi's steps carried him to the empty Uchiha compound on the edge of Konoha. He sat down under a tree, pulled out his trusty orange book and an apple, and used a kunai to cut it in half. When he offered the second half to Sakura, she turned from regarding the abandoned buildings, and stared at him in surprise.
"You're wondering why I am resting, and appearing not to do anything," Kakashi said, munching on his apple. "This, Sakura, is a three chapter problem." With that, he tossed the remainder of the apple over his shoulder and appeared to concentrate on Icha Icha Tactics.
"I'll just walk around and see if I can spot anything, though I don't know what I'm looking for," Sakura thought. She'd worked with Kakashi enough to know that his mind was furiously running various theories with that knife-sharp logic of his. She walked around the compound, careful to stay away from paths and on the grass, but she didn't see anything that was apparent to her eyes.
"Good, you haven't been tromping over the evidence," Kakashi's voice interrupted her thoughts.
"What… what evidence?" Sakura sputtered. "I have been careful, true, but I don't see anything!"
Kakashi smiled and patted her shoulder. "Ah, but you don't know this compound like I do, my dear," he said. "Follow me. Quickly, and carefully, now. The game is afoot!"
As she followed Kakashi through the compound, Sakura snorted, as she thought Kakashi had been reading too many mysteries, though she didn't know his taste ran to anything but porn. She soon found her internal smirk turning into absent-minded admiration of her former teacher's form. Being a shinobi of his caliber kept him in tip-top shape, she mused, thinking she quite liked the way his posterior musculature worked under his jonin pants.
"Sakura, stop staring at my butt and come see this," Kakashi joked.
"But it's a very nice butt, clinically speaking, of course," Sakura jibed back.
Kakashi laughed outright at that, and considered ruffling her hair, as he used to. Somehow that fit more with the young student she used to be, not the twenty year old beauty next to him. What was he going to do with this new person who flirted openly with him?
"Thank you. Were the situation reversed, I would say the same about yours. But we have a job to do here," he finished quickly. Did those words actually escape his mouth? It couldn't be helped, he thought. Shoving the temptation to continue the conversation aside, he swiftly walked away, leaving Sakura standing there with a bemused expression on her face.
"We haven't got all day, come on!" he encouraged.
They swiftly examined the fence around the compound, and what looked like an overgrown track running to a shed. "Aha!" Kakashi exclaimed, hands flashing in a revealing jutsu. Shadowy lines of explosive tags appeared all over the building, as well as chakra trip wires glinting in the light.
Sakura's eyes grew wide. She knew they were likely investigating something dangerous, but this dangerous, inside Konoha? If any of these were tripped, likely half the remaining compound would blow up, and it might endanger the rest of the city.
Her inadvertent gasp brought a darkly muttered response from Kakashi. "It's as Tsunade feared," he said. Looking at the sun, he said, "Well, the coast should be clear by now. Let's head to Neko Onna's house."
"Why the Cat Lady's house?" Sakura asked. "She's our client!"
"Yes, but I surmise that Lee's job copying Neko Onna's recipes with her at the Konoha Library was a ruse by The Spandex League to get her out of the house. Now we just have to find out why."
They soon came upon Neko Onna's house, in the old district on the edge of Konoha bordering the Uchiha compound. It was easy to see why it was called the Cat Lady's house, and feared by all children in Konoha. The wind howled in strange places in the yard, and made odd whirlwinds of dead leaves. The house was old, yellow and faded, with tags of paint hanging off the walls. Cats roamed the grounds, some fat and sassy, some mere wraiths. Sakura guessed they were probably old rather than mistreated. Still, when she looked at the house, she suppressed an involuntary shudder. Curtains moved at the window on the upper floor; was that a person behind the dirty glass?
Sakura's eyes narrowed. Quickly, her hands formed the advanced seals, and she muttered a sharp, "Kai!"
The illusion dropped, and Kakashi said, "Good work. How long will it last?"
"I set up a genjutsu from the outside," Sakura said. "We are inside the genjutsu they put on the house, under the surface of it, as it were. But to anyone from the outside, the house appears just as it did when we walked up. Our chakra signatures are hidden, and they don't know anyone's in here. Even a Hyuuga would have difficulty seeing anything other than the tiniest of wrinkles in this genjutsu."
"Nice," Kakashi approved. "Now, let's get to work. You take the outside of the house. Look for any signs of entry. I'll take the inside. We have about an hour before Neko Onno is supposed to come home."
Sakura began her inspection of the area surrounding the house. She didn't have far to look; mounds of fresh earth greeted her as she rounded the corner of the house. Several shovels leaned against the wall, and the opening in the earth revealed a closed cellar-type door. Here was the source of the wind's howling, through the cracks in the door. Just as she was about to test the door, she heard sounds coming from beyond it. Knowing her jutsu rendered her invisible, she nevertheless stepped back behind the shelter of a nearby tree.
A weathered, bony hand poked around the door, as if to feel for something. It was pushed open, but not carefully enough, since it fell over with a loud thud and dust and dirt rose from the impact. Curses floated out of the opening. Presently, two men emerged. One man obviously belonged to the bony hand, as he was tall, skinny and skeletal-looking. The other was a short, fat, balding man with a face like a rat. These were their perpetrators? Sakura stifled the urge to giggle. They were definitely not shinobi. She sobered, though as she watched them move about. The tall one directed the short one to do some more digging, and they didn't say much.
As she turned to go back to the front of the house, she realized Kakashi was next to her. Mindful that she had dampened their chakra signatures with her genjutsu, Sakura only mildly started when she saw him. Kakashi whispered, "I know they can't hear us, but let's keep it down anyway."
Sakura nodded. "What did you find in the house?" she inquired.
Kakashi answered, "Not much. Whatever this is being used for, they want the outside, not the inside. I have an idea. I know this house is somehow connected to the Uchiha compound, but I need to do some research before confirming my suspicion. Let's head to the library."
Kakashi and Sakura quietly left the grounds and Sakura dispelled her covering genjutsu. They continued down the street, when Kakashi suddenly turned left.
"Where are we going? I thought you said," Sakura began.
"Quiet, and follow me," Kakashi said. "Someone may be following us. I need to throw them off our trail."
He quickened his steps, turned left again, then right; then, after a little while, entered the back door of a shop, and right into a closet. Sakura followed, glancing around with mild interest, until he grasped her arm, pulled her in and she realized he had shut the door. They were in the janitor's closet of the back room of the porn shop Kakashi frequented.
"Here?" she squeaked. "You had to come here of all places to hide out?"
Kakashi chuckled. "Game's up, Sakura. The shopkeeper here told me a long time ago that he admired the pretty pink-haired kunoichi who came in to read his books. He already thinks she's a dead ringer for one of Jiraiya's heroines."
Sakura opened and closed her mouth several times, and didn't know whether to be mad at the shopkeeper for outing her to Kakashi, or at Kakashi for treating the knowledge with such easy familiarity. She finally sighed and laughed. "There's no hiding anything from you, is there?"
"I like finding out that you are more real than you'd like to have people realize, Sakura," Kakashi said. "Perhaps we should get together with our novels and compare stories sometime?"
"Are you asking me for a date, Kakashi?" Sakura said, her eyes shining mischeviously in the dim light of the one bulb in the corner of the closet. She leaned coquettishly on the edge of the janitor's desk. "Because if you are, I can guarantee that my historical romances have more literary merit than that tripe Jiraiya wrote."
"Ah, Sakura, you wound me! Besides, how can you speak ill of the dead?" Kakashi protested, wincing as he remembered a particularly hot scene involving a janitor's desk in one of his favorite novels.
"All due respect to Master Jiraya, of course," Sakura laughed. "I stand by the rest of my statement. And you're on for that date."
Kakashi realized with a shock that he had actually asked Sakura out, that she had accepted, and that their first date was going to be a porn date. He was torn between elation at not having to pretend to be proper, and reeling from the prospect of a date with his former student. Emphasis on the word 'former,' he thought.
"Ahem, yes, we'll talk about that… date," Kakashi said, clearing his throat. "But now, I think we need to get out of Jiraiya's old office and head to the library."
Jiraiya's old office? Stunned, Sakura looked around. Yes, the hints were all there… a few old tattered sketches of Jun, a couple of old proofs of the cover of Tactics, and was that a marked up cover from the master's failed attempt at a book called Icha Icha Massacre? She would not, could not let on that she was a secret admirer of Jiraya's work, and that she had posed as Jun for one of his later books at his request. She knew that information would completely shock Kakashi. Maybe someday she'd let him know. Maybe.
Kakashi turned off the light, and slowly opened the door, holding it in that specific way so it didn't squeak. Then they quietly left again by the back door.