The Once & Future Captain

Part 6

Precisely thirty minutes before Alpha shift was due to start, Spock was pulling on his blue tunic when Nyota emerged from the bathroom. She pulled her hair up into her customary ponytail and checked the full-length mirror to make sure that her appearance was in order. Spock always thought Nyota looked pleasing.

"Spock, are you okay?" she asked, catching his gaze in the mirror.

"Define 'okay'." was Spock's non-answer.

"Spock." It was intriguing how one simple utterance of his name could make him comply.

"The logs the Captain made while on Tarsus IV-"

Nyota hung her head. "I should have left it alone," she whispered. "I can't believe I was so willing to invade his privacy like that. I should have just passed by and kept on searching for the device like the mission stated."

"A fool's errand, as the Captain already knew where Lieutenant Commander Sato's device was hidden," Spock said quietly. He lifted her chin with a finger. "I too regret my actions yesterday. And were I given to such illogical thoughts, I would believe that Commander Scott, Doctor McCoy, and Ensign Chekov do as well." He sat on their couch and Nyota sat next to him. "I have found myself troubled by what was said in the recordings."

"They were hard to listen to," Nyota agreed. "Even harder to watch."

"What the Captain said in his first logs, about adults yelling at him and mistreating him... I do not understand." Spock said. "Vulcan children are not mistreated by their elders. Among Vulcans, children are," he paused, searching for the right word. "Cherished."

Nyota said nothing and simply held his hand until it was time to report for their shifts.

For all that the crew were on tenterhooks around him, Jim didn't seem to pay any attention. He acted as if nothing had happened, conducting business as usual. He made his routine passes through the ship, offering a hand here or there. He signed off on the reports sent to him, and didn't once bring up the fact that his friends - the closet people he had to family - had entered his house, looked through his things, and invaded a very private and traumatic part of his life.

The reactions were divided. Sulu (who'd been on-ship the entire time), Riley (who'd done nothing wrong and had gleefully told Jim about the comics he'd snuck off the planet), Bones, and Spock seemed unconcerned with Jim's behavior. The others were a different story, all nervously waiting for the other shuttle to land. Uhura wouldn't meet his eyes, Chekov stumbled over his words more than ever, and Scotty seemed perfectly content to spend the rest of his tenure in Starfleet hiding out in Engineering.

To have said that Jim took a morbid sense of pleasure out his friends' reactions would have been an understatement. Bones had just shaken his head after seeing Jim's smirk when he'd encountered and chatted cheerfully with Chekov, who'd blushed furiously and stammered out an excuse to leave. "You're a damn sadist, you know that?"

Jim had merely grinned and saluted Bones before swaggering off to meet Spock for their daily Commander Ensures the Captain Hasn't Fucked Up meeting, as Jim liked to privately call it.

Bones wasn't sure how to react to Jim after that night he'd stayed with him. Jim had opened up to him and Bones was worried he was going to fuck it all up. Jim didn't open up to anyone. He skirted on buy past the issues and charmed people into forgetting that there was anything to discuss. But he'd opened up to Bones. That had to count for something. Right?

When everything had started Bones had been upset that Jim didn't trust him enough. Now Bones was worried that Jim was trusting him with too much. And it was hard knowing that Jim trusted him when he was feeling so guilty for having watched all those damn logs with the others behind Jim's back. The worst part was that even though Bones felt guilty, he didn't regret it. Watching those logs, seeing the boy Jimmy had been and what he'd gone through and then thinking about Jim and the man he'd become… Bones felt, well, honored (it wasn't the right word, but it would have to do) to know him. Something deeper, if he'd just let himself admit it.

He and Jim were… well he wasn't exactly sure what they were, but he knew they were something. The last thing he needed was for the crew to corner to him for help in dealing with Jim. So of course, that was exactly what happened.

Jim was with Riley in an empty conference room when they found him. They were looking over a stack of honest-to-Ferengi papers and snickering amongst themselves. When they realized they had company, they sat up and Riley hastily stacked the papers and turned them upside down so that nothing was visible.

"Did you all need something?" Jim asked, looking at them.

"Some of us felt it prudent to have a discussion with you," Spock said diplomatically.

Jim cast looks at Riley, Bones, and Sulu, who each shook their heads as if to say 'Don't look at us.' "Okay," he said finally. "By all means, conduct your intervention." He folded his hands on the table and smiled.

"We're not trying to intervene, Cap-" Uhura started. "Jim," he insisted. "Jim, we're not trying to intervene. We're trying to apologize."

Jim looked around at them; except for Spock (who never gave anything away), Sulu, and Riley, they all sported near-identical expressions of guilt.

"I appreciate it," Jim said slowly. "I'm just not ready to accept it."

Chekov's brow furrowed in puzzlement and Scotty and Uhura didn't look terribly surprised.

"I think one day I will forgive you guys for it. But it's going to take time and right now I have other things to deal with. What you guys did… there's no justifying it on your parts." He swallowed heavily. "There were things in those logs that I'd never shared with another living soul and now you know them. And I'm not okay with that and I don't know when I will be." He sighed. "That said, I'm not going to start acting like an ass over it, like you all seem to be expecting. Quit being so damn jumpy around me."

Scotty opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by the comm chiming. "Captain, we are approaching Gamma Outpost 4. We should arrive within the hour."

"Very good, Ensign Rhodes." He looked at them all. "I'm going to go sit on my bridge. Riley, I'll see you later." He left them all in that room.

"Well, that went just fantastic," Bones muttered.

Riley snorted. "Please. For Jimmy I know that was nothing short of miraculous."

His report was compiled. The translator was safe and sound in a protected case in his ready room. He was ready for this. The end of the mission. The end of this nightmare
"Captain, we have arrived at Outpost Gamma 4."

"Proceed with docking." He pushed himself out of his chair and retrieved his PADD and the device from his ready room. "Mr. Spock, you're with me." He called down to engineering. "Mr. Riley, please report to transporter room 3."

This was it, he thought as he beamed down, flanked by Spock and Riley. This was finally coming to an end.

Entering into Pike's temporary office, Jim wasn't surprised to see Number One in the room as well. She was sitting with utmost poise in one of the chairs, not a hair out of place. Upon seeing case that Jim carried, a small smile graced her features.

"I trust by your presence here that the mission was a success?" Pike asked.

"The translator was located and retrieved, Admiral," Jim said. "Everything is in our reports."

"No complications?" Pike pressed.

"None worth noting, Sir," Jim said evenly. He handed the case over and Pike opened it. He stared down at it's contents. "Such a big fuss over such a little item. Here's hoping it delivers."

"From what I know of Hoshi Sato, it will," Jim said. "It was her life's work towards the end."

"You knew her personally?" Number One asked.

Jim shrugged. "We lived on the same block. I'd see her tending her flowers. She taught me a few xenolinguistics lessons. Nothing life-shattering." His stomach instantly rolled and he could see her face as clear as day in his mind. Lying like that hurt. "She brought it up once or twice." He could feel Spock's eyes boring into his back.

"And where was it?"

"Right where she had me hide it," he admitted. "It was hard for her to move around fast, so when she started growing suspicious she asked me to hide it for her."

"And you didn't share this before because…"

"Because even if I told you guys where it was you wouldn't have found it." He smiled grimly. "I was ridiculously complicated in hiding it. If you don't know the terrain or how my mind works, you'd be there for years and still not find it."

"Couldn't make things simple even back then, could you?" Pike sighed.

"Why can't you just behave, Jimmy? Why do you have to make things so difficult for everyone else?"

Jim narrowed his eyes. "I promised her."

Pike seemed to realize that he'd said the wrong thing. "Well, what matters is that we have the translator and now we might actually stand a chance of not offending the hell out the Murcations or the Balgoths. He turned his attention to Spock and Riley. "Do either of you have anything to report?"

"No, Sir," Riley answered.

"Mr. Spock?"

"Indeed I do not. The mission was successful."

"Then you are both dismissed."

Slow to leave, Spock and Riley both shot Jim significant looks.

"Number One, would you mind?"

She stood up from her chair. "Not at all." As she passed by Jim, he stopped her briefly to whisper in her ear. "Thank you." She smiled in reply and Jim felt the tiniest bit better about the whole mission.

Alone at last, Pike surveyed Jim, who stared determinedly back. "You know, you did better than I thought you would."

Jim snorted. "Sometimes I surprise the hell out of people. If weren't so funny to see their surprise, then I'd almost feel insulted at their low expectations."

"Damn it Kirk, don't be like that. That's not what I meant and you know it. There was a reason that you had all those psych evals back in the Academy. I wasn't versed in the particulars, but once the mission details came down to me, I knew why. Your past situation on Tarsus IV was a hell of a thing to come through and there was some concern as to whether or not you'd be emotionally fit to carry out this mission."

"You still offered it to me."

"I had a hunch you'd pull through. Maybe get bruised up a bit, but pull through." He cleared his throat. "Starfleet is planning on giving you a breather after this. We'll have another mission for you within the next fortnight. You did well, Jim. You are dismissed."

"Yes, Sir." Jim made to leave.

"Are you ever going to tell me how it really went?" Pike asked quietly, surveying Jim, who faced him.

"No." With that, Jim turned on his heel and left, smiling grimly to himself. It had gone better than he'd hoped. He'd been making preparations since he'd beamed back aboard from Tarsus IV.

Oh, they were going to be so pissed with him.

Sure enough, it started as soon as he hit the bridge and ordered take-off. Once in his ready room, his senior bridge crew came piling in, worried.

"Captain, the ship is not responding to the coordinates I have laid in. It reads that there are already coordinates it must follow." Chekov looked panicked.

Jim shrugged. "That's okay."

"That's okay?" Uhura asked incredulously. "We've been locked out of the entire ship!" Her eyes narrowed. "What did you do?"

"Look, just sit back and enjoy the ride."

"Captain, I must protest-" Spock began.

"Spock, it's okay. Pike even told me that Starfleet won't be tasking us with another mission for a couple of weeks. Any messages that come in are routed straight to me. Just think of this as an adventure."

"Adventures are not logical."

Jim smiled. "But closure is."

"Should a distress call be sent out and we be the closest ship available-"

"Then we answer it. Period."

"And when the crew starts getting suspicious because their readings are off?"

"They won't be. As far as they know we're off to explore the Kasterborous System again. Did you think I wouldn't have thought of these things?" He smirked. "It's for a few days and then you can declare me emotionally compromised or whatever you want. But we're going back there one way or another." He looked around at them all. "I suggest you all just proceed as normal and not worry the rest of the crew."

"Dammit Jim! Why the hell is Spock calling me in the middle of my shift to tell me that you've gone off the deep-end?" Bones came storming into Jim's ready room, looking more than a little disgruntled. He surveyed Jim. "Did you finally go off the deep-end?"

Jim snorted. "Trust me. If I go off the deep-end, there won't even be a need to ask."

"You've taken over the ship and locked everyone out! I'd classify that as going mad!" Uhura snapped.

"You locked us out of the ship?" Bones asked incredulously. "Are you trying to get court martialed?"

"The faith in me here is mind-blowing. I wouldn't do anything that would endanger the ship or the crew. All I did is ensure that no one is able to change course or contact Starfleet or let anyone know where we're going."

"And just where are we going?" Bones asked.

"Tarsus. I have some unfinished business there."

"So basically you're using the flagship of the Federation as a ferry to a restricted dead rock so that you can sort out your issues?"

Jim nodded. "Yeah, that's about right."

"You couldn't have let us know?" Uhura asked.

"Well, since you've all been so trustworthy..." Jim said sarcastically. He saw their expressions shift from outrage and concern into guilt and then sighed. "Just give me one day there. Just one. That's all I'm asking. One day and then except for the mapping systems, I put everything back to normal. Then you can mutiny, contact Starfleet, whatever. I won't care. Just let me have that one day."

"One day then, Captain, and then I will be contacting Starfleet and assuming command of this ship." Spock said, a surprisingly hard edge to his voice.

"Fair enough."

Bones stood outside Jim's door and debated on whether or not to even bother trying to reason with Jim. He paced back and forth a few times, had even left that corridor entirely before stomping back, muttering under his breath. He was just about to ring the chime when he heard "Just come on inside, before you traumatize anyone trying to get through the corridor."

With a muttered "Unbelievable," Bones went into Jim's quarters. "How do you do that?"

"No one else could turn the atmosphere so grouchy," Jim said carelessly. He was lounging on his couch, wearing a pair of black patched pants and an old Academy t-shirt. He looked much younger than he'd seemed in his office the day before.

Bones raised an eyebrow and Jim smirked. "Ensign Linn commed to ask if my door was malfunctioning, since you didn't seem to be able to open it." He grinned. "She sounded like she thinks you're a real dish, Doctor. There could be possibilities."
"The pretty dark-haired pilot on gamma shift?" Bones queried.

"Yep. You might wanna jump on that. At your age you can't be too picky."

Bones tried to recall what he knew about her before he realized what Jim had said and glared. "I'm hardly into my dotage. Anyway I'm pretty certain she's seeing some ensign down in engineering. And quit trying to distract me. We need to talk."

Jim motioned for the chair that faced the couch. "Then let's talk."

He decided to be direct and honest - Jim deserved that much, and so did he. "This thing that's between us?" Jim nodded in acknowledgement. "We need to take a break. There's a lot going on right now and you've flat-out said you haven't forgiven us for what we did back on Tarsus-" "I've forgiven you, Bones!" "No, Jim, I don't think you have. And I'm okay with that. No one's going to push you to forgive anyone if you're not ready. We understand."

He sighed. "But until that happens, if that happens, this thing between us can't work. We can't deal with that hanging over us. I'm not saying this to manipulate you or to force you into doing something you're not ready to do. I'm just letting you know how things stand." He ran a tired hand through his hair. "When all this is over and the dust has settled, then we can give it a go. But you have to be ready for it. I care too much about this to screw it up."

Jim nodded quietly.

"I have shift in five hours. I'll see you tomorrow." He stood up and stretched while Jim remained sprawled on the couch. Bones paused at the door "I love you, Jim." and then left.