Hello darling readers! Now I hope this chapter will answer a few of the questions that you may have had. And also it will get just a bit incestuous but somehow I doubt any of you will have a problem with that…. ;) oh and because I like telling you guys what I'm listening to….at the moment its love between the sheets by Cuban cigar crisis….um listen to it while your reading this….it just makes me think of this chapter in a whole new way..
The next day was a Saturday. Thanking whatever god/goddess/higher power there was Loki turned off his alarm and burrowed under a mountain of blankets. He was just falling back asleep when his door slammed open.
"Loki!" Ahh that would be Thor, he had gone off to a party last night and was probably just getting home, probably still drunk to. "Piss off" the younger brother muttered, pulling his green quilt over his head.
"Thor, you home?" and that was his mother, about to discover just how wasted the perfect oldest son had gotten.
"Shit" Thor whispered and stepped into Loki's room, closing the door behind him. "Yeah mom, just talking to Loki for a few kay?" his mother's footsteps stopped, she was much too trusting. "Alright then, play nice boys."
"Loki, I'm fucked" Thor said as quietly as he possibly could (which still was pretty loud, Thor was lucky that his bedroom was far away from the main rooms of the house). Loki sat up in bed and glared at him, ugh how was it that even drunk his brother was so perfect? His golden hair was tangled around his broad shoulders and his blue eyes were so earnest and sincere. Maybe he would help…..but only if he got something out of it.
"Fine, come here" he murmured, dropping his voice down to a husky whisper, Thor stepped forward, his shoulders drawn in as if here, in Loki's kingdom, he had to make himself as small as he possibly could. He sat down gingerly on the bed and Loki grabbed his arm pulling him down so they were lying down facing each other.
"What are you doing?" Thor asked and if Loki wasn't mistaken his voice was a little unsteady.
"Sleep it off" he whispered "if you leave to go to your room mom will see you. And oh how disappointed would she be to find out that the perfect son has been drinking?" he smirked but there was a bitter edge to it the he knew Thor could see.
"Please" Thor muttered, avoiding Loki's to keen gaze "I'm not that perfect"
The darker boy laughed "oh but you are Thor, your real and whole and un-spoiled. And then there's me…corrupted and weird and fake all the time. I don't blame anyone for liking you better. I like you better." He trailed his fingers down Thor's shoulder, toying with the end of his t-shirt sleeve.
"Loki….what…what are you doing?" the older brother's voice was defiantly shaking now and oh did Loki want to press himself flush against Thor and touch him until all their morals and ideas of what was right flew out the window. But no…..they were brothers, no matter how long he lingered on the idea. No matter how badly he wanted this man there was that unshakable truth. They. Were. Brothers.
"Nothing" he muttered, pulling his hand back and twining his skinny hands together. Thor glanced away and the silence in the room was suddenly thick and terrifying. And Loki knew that Thor sensed something was off, no matter how buzzed he was he still sensed the desire that was almost tangible in the room. And because he was Loki and he was about as destructive and chaotic as you could get he moved a bit closer to Thor and bit his lip.
"Have…" he whispered, drawing Thor's gaze back to him "have you noticed anything different about me…since…..since….that day?" The blonde's stare was startled; Loki hadn't spoken of the night of the party since that horrible ride home.
But Thor was dutiful if he was anything so he answered, though slowly, as if picking and choosing his words. "You've been angrier….before you always hid the way you felt; now you get angry all that time. And you never talk to me anymore; I don't think we've had a real conversation in months. And that guy you always hang out with….he seems so predatory with you and you encourage it now, you act like your dating!" Thor's voice had risen considerably and Loki watched him in shock.
"Logan and I aren't dating" he said quietly and Thor's lip curled "Well you sure act like it. Everyone has seen the way that guy looks at you; he acts like you're a piece of meat."
Loki felt his skin prickle at the hatred in Thor's voice "Logan likes me Thor, he protects me, and I need someone who will always be there for me"
The older man's blue eyes narrowed and he grabbed Loki's arms, tugging him even closer "I could be there for you"
Loki laughed bitterly and pulled away from him (imagine that, Loki pulling away from the man that he wanted more than anything else in the world!) "No, you can't, because look at who your friends with! Look at the people you love, the person who destroyed me! How could I ever rely on someone who chooses such a person for their friend?"
Thor's eyes got huge, no one, not even someone as thick as Thor could not see what Loki had let slip.
"Wait…..Loki….it was…one of my friends?" his voice was so broken, as if the anger had been sucked out of it, as if he was so shocked and scared now that he couldn't feel anything except that soul sucking sadness. The surge of emotion in the room cut through any influence alcohol may have had over the older brother; he was all sober desperation now. The smaller teenager stayed silent, horrified with himself, what if Fandral found out what he had let slip? What if Thor talked about it around him?
Then the man would find him….and corner him and…he would be violated and broken down again. Torn up and thrown away, used by Fandral, not even because he had really wanted Loki but because he was sick. Because Fandral wanted to ruin someone and watch them suffer; he got off on the suffering and anguish he caused. And he got off on the fact that everyone thought he was normal, that only Loki knew how twisted and dirty he was on the inside.
"nothing" Loki muttered "ignore me, I'm just tired" Thor's expression remained shell shocked but he stayed silent, because he knew from experience that forcing Loki to talk would only end in screaming and more desperation between them.
"Brother" Thor whispered "I love you, you…you know that right?"
"Yes Thor" Loki murmured, there those words were, hanging in the air between them. Those lovely, so wanted words, he could say it back but Loki hadn't told Thor he loved him for so long. Not since the word love started to mean something very different to him. Now love wasn't just that funny feeling in his stomach anymore, it was desire and sweat and hidden meanings. And Thor….he was so pure, still so innocent on the inside that Loki just couldn't say it back. If he muttered those three life changing words then his brother would know, his words would be drenched in the lust that he felt and Thor would realize.
So he retreated back into his shell and smiled at the blonde man. Oh he was so wonderfully cunning and manipulative, not even Thor could find a flaw in that smile. "Come on now you drunken buffoon go to sleep." Thor raised his eyebrows at the teenager, causing his forehead to wrinkle adorably
"But I'll get hung-over"
Loki smirked "Not if I'm waiting for you when you get up with gallons of water, Advil, and junk food."
Thor laughed and hugged him briefly, still obviously worried but allowing Loki to change the subject. "You'll make a wonderful wife one day"
The darker brother snickered "as if" then he curled up under his deliciously warm covers and Thor swore that in less than a minute he was asleep.
The blonde stared at his baby brother for a long time after that, fighting sleep desperately, because he had to think right now. He had to ignore the pounding in his head and the beer still in his system because someone he knew had done this to his brother.
'But who?' he wondered 'who possibly could have done this?' despite what Loki had said that night about it not being rape Thor knew that it had been. His brother had been protecting that person for some reason.
"Not exactly" Loki had whispered "I….I wanted it at first."
So someone had seduced his brother the night of the party and brought him up to a bedroom…..and then….then it went too far for Loki. Thor knew his brother; he was not one to simply take something, he would have fought back.
Thor felt hurt course through him as he gazed down with wide eyes at Loki. He was so small, his black hair was curly and spread out on the pillow, he was curled up into fetal position under the mountain of blankets, and….and he was shivering. His eyes darted around under his closed eyelids. His mouth opened and closed like a baby bird gasping for food.
Thor wrapped his arms around Loki and smoothed his hair down, running his fingers through it as gently as he could. 'What if he had screamed out for me?' Thor thought, feeling himself free falling into a pit of despair 'what if he tried to run away, I wasn't there to save him….and its all my fault he went to that party. I'm the one that convinced him to go.'
"Shush Loki, everything will be alright" he muttered as the smaller boy nuzzled into his chest, only in sleep allowing himself to utterly needy. 'I promise, that I will find who did this to you' he thought 'and I'll make sure they pay.'
Well readers I did not get those five reviews so no drunk Loki for you this chapter…though I must say…sentimental, drunk Thor is pretty nice as well. I hope you liked it and any criticism, questions, comments would be much appreciated!