Disclaimer: The characters of Inuyasha are owned by Rumiko Takahashi, but this story (and Hikari and all Kouga's kids) belongs to me.
I HATE YOU!
Dear Hikari,
One important lesson in life we all need to remember, is that words can hurt. Long after physical pain may be a memory, words will still haunt and hurt.
When I was younger, I was careless with my words, and didn't know just how much they could hurt the ones I loved.
I will always love you.
Your adoring Mama
"I HATE YOU!"
The world stopped spinning and came crashing down around her as Kagome's heart broke. She had no breath as looked down at the stormy eyes, more gray than blue at the moment, and filled with fury. Her daughter's fists were clenched tight, her ears flattened back, teeth bared.
Her daughter hated her?
"HIKARI!" Inuyasha's tone was sharp as he dropped down from who knows where right behind Kagome, immediately wrapped in red as his arms protectively went around her. "Apologize. NOW."
Hikari's mouth snapped shut, teeth hidden behind tightly pressed lips. But her chin was raised defiantly.
"She doesn't mean it, Kagome," he whispered into her hair, but not letting her go.
She nodded, but couldn't get the words out. Biting her lip she tried to keep it from trembling. Kagome couldn't risk speaking, otherwise she would burst out crying. Her fingers shook as she held on to Inuyasha's arms. In her heart she knew that when they are young kids felt one emotion at a time. But nothing any "professional" could say could stop the pain.
"Look for the issue," Inuyasha quoted quietly.
For once, Kagome was glad that he had practically memorized that stupid parenting book. It meant she didn't have to talk. She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Tears however, trickled down her cheeks. Her heart seemed to be beating too hard. She felt him kiss the top of her head.
"You were racing with those wolves again," he said, using the word "wolves" like a swear word. "Weren't you?" To Kagome he whispered, "She couldn't keep up and tripped."
"Ban helped her up... I saw. She was mad at him. Then he ran off."
"She told him she hated him, too." Then he quoted the book again, which made her smile a little. "Help your child recognize anger."
"I. Hate. Them." Ever word was a snarl. Then the little girl suddenly dropped into a squat, wrapping her arms around her legs and hiding her head with her knees.
Kagome tapped Inuyasha's arm gently. He loosened his grip so she could sit beside her daughter.
"Sweetie... you don't hate them."
"Yes. I. Do."
"You are angry with them. You're frustrated. I know how it feels to have everyone faster than you. I know what it's like to have my friends stronger than me. It..."
Hikari burst out in sobs and threw herself into her mother's arms. "Too slow! Too weak! NOT A BABY!"
Kagome couldn't help it, she started crying too. Inuyasha knelt beside them. "Give her the right words," he said. "I would but... well..."
"Not your forte... yeah, I know." She smiled at him, then smoothed her daughter's wild hair. "Hikari, its okay to feel angry. And it's okay to feel frustrated. But it's not okay to tell people that you hate them. Those are hurtful words."
"They used hurtful words first," growled Inuyasha.
Kagome took a breath. In her world, she would probably need to explain the importance of getting along and playing nice. But in this world... in this world where so many hated her precious daughter just because she existed... there had to be a balance. Inuyasha was right. Sort of. It was important that Hikari show no weakness, but also important that she learned how to behave properly to fit in BOTH worlds.
Why didn't anyone write a book on raising a child who time traveled and was part demon?
"The boys were wrong to tell you that you were too slow and too weak. They called you a baby because they knew it would hurt your feelings, which was not very nice of them. I know you are upset that they are faster than you. But you know what..."
Hikari looked up at her with watery eyes, now more blue than gray now that the storm had passed. "What?"
"...You have your own special gifts. Gifts that are amazing. Gifts that make you, YOU." She kissed her daughter's head. "And you will get faster and stronger as you grow."
"Wanna be faster now."
"I know, baby."
Inuyasha scooted closer. "Provide the child with calming techniques," he quoted. Then looked at Kagome with mischievous golden eyes. Yeah, calming techniques weren't his forte either. Then again, she had a temper herself.
Hikari looked from her father to her mother. Kagome sighed.
"When you feel angry, instead of saying you hate someone, count to ten, take a deep breath, or sing a song. Focus on something besides what is making you so angry so you can calm down. Then we can focus on figuring out what to do about what is making you so upset."
Hikari looked at her fingers and tried counting them.
"In this case," Kagome said as she frowned at the three young wolf demons who were watching from the woods. She made sure her voice was loud enough to be heard. "In this case, you could have told the boys that they were being very mean and rude. And that they should be ashamed of themselves."
Hikari stood up and dusted herself off. Kagome could tell by the gleam in her eyes that she was about to go challenge them to another race.
"Not so fast, kid," Inuyasha said as he towered over Hikari. "You owe your mother an apology. You hurt her feelings."
Hikari's eyes opened wide in horror. She spun around, as if just realizing that her mother had been crying. Her face crumpled as she burst into tears again and reached for Kagome. Kagome smiled as the little girl clung to her, crying that she loved her mommy and that she was the best mommy and that she was so so so very sorry.
Kagome was getting a bit concerned that the little girl was going to cry herself sick when she suddenly went silent. She leaned back in her mother's arms, looking into her eyes with a haunted look in her eyes.
"Ban... I said... I hurt Ban… his feelings..."
Inuyasha sighed then grumbled. "I'll go find him, then you can apologize to him too."
ooOOooOOooOOooOOooOOoo
ooOOooOOooOOooOOooOOoo
The last thing he wanted to do was to encourage the little brat to play with his little girl. But Hikari seemed to prefer to play with the wolf cubs rather than the village kids. He understood why though. To the cubs she may be too slow and too weak... but to the human kids she was too fast and too strong. She had to be too careful when playing with the humans.
Finding the cub wasn't hard. All he had to do was follow the sniffling.
Great.
Wouldn't it just be easier to let Kouga handle this? Or Ayame? Or better yet, let the cub's heart break so he and his mangy wolf family would stay away. He never was too happy with having Kouga's spawn as his baby's playmates. What if they gave her fleas?
"Sh... she hates mmmm mm meeeeeeeeee!"
The wailing had to be stopped. Really it was the only reason Inuyasha decided to plop down next to the kid. The sound turned to disgusting wet sniffles, but it was better than the wailing, as soon as he noticed he had company.
"Hik... Hik... Hikari hates me..."
Inuyasha rolled his eyes up to the heavens and leaned back. He stared at the tree tops while he spoke. "A long time ago, someone I cared for very much told me that she hated me. She was very angry. And ... and it hurt."
It had hurt so bad he thought it might actually kill him. The fight had something to do with Kikyo. Of course, most of their fights in the beginning had really been about Kikyo one way or another. He never really did figure out what it was about that particular fight that made Kagome so angry. After all, she was the one who saved Kikyo.
"What... what happened?"
Inuyasha almost told him how he had demanded that Kagome take it back, but decided he probably shouldn't give the cub any ideas about being pushy.
"We made up," he said instead. "And were friends again by..." he bit off the words 'before we went to bed', because regardless of how innocent it actually was... it didn't sound like an appropriate thing to say. "...by the end of the day."
Ban sniffled again, this time wiping his eyes with his forearm. With as grubby as he was, it just made him look a little muddy. What, were the kids rolling around in the dirt? "I told them to stop being mean to her," he said sadly. "I tried to help her up. But she said she hated me." He looked up at Inuyasha with pleading eyes. "What did I do wrong?"
Inuyasha really wished Kagome was here to answer questions. He hated this. Besides, he had no idea. Women were a mystery. Even tiny young ones.
"I don't think you can talk them out of being mad," he admitted. "I think you just have to wait for them to be done being mad and hope she doesn't sit you."
"Huh?"
"Hikari doesn't hate you, kid. She's just mad and doesn't know what to do with all her anger. You were there, so you got blasted with it." He sighed heavily. Then reluctantly he stood up and grabbed the kid by his collar and drug him along behind him. "C'mon kid, Hikari has something she wants to say to you."
"She... she does?" Ban let himself be dragged, with made Inuyasha roll his eyes.
Inuyasha all but tossed the wolf demon cub at his daughter's feet. Unfortunately, before Hikari could get out her very contrite "I'm sorry", the brat launched into his own sobbing apologies. The dog demon covered his eyes as the moment of confusion passed and Hikari patted him on the head and accepted his apology with all the sweetness of the very angel of forgiveness. She then squat down beside him (he was still sniveling at her feet) and used the tail of her grubby shirt and wiped his face, then asked if he wanted to go play.
Inuyasha looked at Kagome, and she shrugged.
Before she could say anything, he took a deep breath and put his hands on her arms to turn her to face him.
"I love you, Kagome." He looked down at his wife, feeling slightly insulted at the startled look he got. But his heart warmed, as always, when he saw her smile. "I know I said a lot of terrible things to you when we first met. I hope you know that I never meant any of them."
"Inuyasha..."
He held her at arm's length when she tried to hold him. It was important to him that she knew he was serious. He wanted to look her in the eye and tell her.
"From the first day I met you I knew you were someone important. Your scent was unlike anything I've ever known. Yeah, we fought. But mostly because I was confused. You were confusing. I had never known anyone like you before. You accepted me. You didn't hate me or think I was some sort of freak. You trusted me. I didn't know what love was before you, Kagome."
"But... but...Ki..."
"No. I thought I did. But that's only because I didn't know what love was. What it really was. I protected you because instinctively I knew you were mine. I'm sorry for the terrible things I said to you. Sometimes I said them because I didn't know how to deal with my feelings. Sometimes I said them so you'd go home so you'd be safe. Sometimes I said them because I never had to worry about people's feelings before and just said whatever it was I was thinking. I'm sorry, Kagome."
He let his mate hug him close. "I'm sorry for the terrible things I said, too," she said. She stood on tip toes and raised her face. He kissed her gently. "I love you."
"I love you, too, Kagome. Forever."
She made a happy humming sound and put her head against his chest. It almost felt like purring when she did that.
"Well..." said Kagome as they watched the two kids go back to playing as if nothing had ever happened. "Do you think she learned anything?"
"Keh... yeah... that she has way too much power over that runt."
"Inuyasha!"
Hey Pup,
I love you more than you can ever know. But you aren't allowed to say "I hate you" anymore. Especially to your mother. It upsets her. That can't be tolerated.
Though... the wolves might deserve it...
Daddy
ooOOooOOooOOooOOooOOoo
ooOOooOOooOOooOOooOOoo
Author's Note:
With only a few chapters left I had to decide which parts of Hikari's life I wanted to share. Several ideas were started and discarded. Then I remembered one big traumatic event in a parent's life... the first time their child said they hate them.
There are only two chapters left. I already have them mostly plotted. Thanks for everyone's wonderful suggestions. I wished I could have used them all, but there weren't enough chapters. I am, however, thinking of doing a couple of one-shots involving Hikari if anyone is interested.