Just a note to let you guys know that anyone who wants to request word/pairing combinations which I haven't covered yet can drop me a line in comments.

Edit: One of these days, I will remember what information I've already posted here and what I haven't.

I have already chosen 26 crack pairings to write about, which are the 26 F/F Alpha/Beta/Troll pairings tagged 5 times or less on AO3. This list is pretty arbitrary, but I'm sticking to it. If you have a favourite pairing you think will be on the list but not yet covered (Jane or Roxy/Anyone but each other is guaranteed, for instance), I am happy for you to request a word to go with it beginning with a letter not yet covered. Otherwise, I'm picking pairings with a random number generator and choosing what words and situations I think fit best.

Kanaya/Vriska and Jane/Roxy are both in the top five most popular F/F pairings - not exactly crack, so they won't be appearing (in this collection). Nepeta/Terezi kind of is, but just avoids the criteria I'm using, so I'm afraid it isn't getting a story here either.

A sudden noise behind her makes Jane start. She turns, stirring solution in hand, ready to fight off more of these dratted imps which have been pestering her ever since she arrived in this strange place.

There is no imp behind her. Instead, a wall of stone is lowering over the mouth of a nearby cave. As she watches, a figure ducks through the gap, barely making it through before the stone slams against the ground.

The stranger sighs.

As the mystery girl gets to her feet, Jane finds herself staring. She looks nothing like anyone Jane has ever seen, in real life or the movies. Her skin is gray, enormous curved horns grow from her head, and the blood trickling from a scratch on her arm is a deep, unnatural maroon, as are her – wait are those wings?

"Sorry," she says to Jane. "It just isn't the same without the hat."

"Excuse me?" Jane asks, utterly bemused.

"You must be Jane," the girl says. "I'm Aradia. I hope you don't mind me exploring your planet a little?"

"Not at all," Jane's mouth says reflexively. Her brain has decided to take a brief vacation from everything which keeps happening, but that is no reason to neglect her manners.

"Oh, good!" Aradia smiles. "I never got much of a chance to excavate the ruins on LOQAM. I was always too busy worrying about the timelines! But now the humans are in charge! Well, Dave and Rose really, we're still waiting on the other two..."

Aradia trails off, looking a little concerned at Jane's silence. Jane nods vaguely, in what she hopes is an encouraging fashion, but probably looks more like confused panic.

"I hope you don't mind me sealing this one up." Aradia sounds apologetic. "Only I don't think you'll have time to explore much more. As soon as someone else Enters, you'll have plenty to do. A Maid's work is never done!"

She laughs. The sound is very human, and it wakes Jane from her shock enough to form a question.

"Excuse me," she asks politely. "But what happened to your hat?"

"Oh, I lost that when I died." Aradia shrugs. "I didn't mind the dying so much, but I do miss having a real archaeologist's hat. It just doesn't feel like exploring without one!"

"Well..." Jane is hardly sure what she's saying by this point, but after the day she's been having, perhaps it's best just to go with it. "You could come exploring with me. I have a hat I could lend you."

She retrieves it from her sylladex. Aradia's smile looks like it might split her face.

"I mean –" Jane stutters. "If we aren't going to be too busy with what you said before."

"Don't worry." Aradia dons the hat with a wink. "We have plenty of time."