She made it from the gas station to Raintree in record time. Ignoring the looks from ranchers and staff members she strolled past everyone and into the barn, whistling for Wildfire. Entering his stall, she couldn't help but smile. "Hey, buddy" she whispered rubbing his head as he neighed in excitement. "I know I haven't been around lately, but I have missed you so much," she told him kissing him on the nose. Leaning against Wildfire, she sighed, "where do I begin" she mumbled.
"I can't believe he's gone, it just doesn't seem real," Kris started. "I miss Junior so much; it just feels like there is this huge chunk of me that's missing that I will never get back." Kris picked up a brush and began to brush Wildfire while she talked. "Everyday I wait for him to walk through the door, and everyday he doesn't. There are a million things I want to tell him, show him, and ask him." Kris could feel the tears prickling at her eyes, as she continued to speak.
"I picture him holding Jason, playing with him, kissing him," as tears fell she continued "he never even got to know that he had a son, Wildfire, how is that fair?" Sighing she threw down the brush and sat on a stack of hay that was in the corner of his stall. "You know, I haven't been back to our house since the accident, how's that for screwed up." She could feel the corners of her mouth twitch as Wildfire stomped his foot.
"Yeah OK, way screwed up." She could feel herself laughing slightly as she got back up and began to rub him again. He groaned in appreciation and she smiled to herself kissing him once again on the nose. "What would I do without you?" she mumbled.
She had been talking to Wildfire for quite a while when she heard a nock on the stall. Looking up, she found Matt standing there watching her intently. "I saw your car, I figured this is where you would be" he stated. "Want to go for a ride," he asked. Looking back at Wildfire she knew what she had to do.
"Not right this second, but I do need a favor."
He looked at her questioningly but simply nodded his head. As she exited the stall he grabbed her in a hug and held her longer than she thought he would. Laughing slightly as she pushed him away, she wondered if she was really going to do this. Grabbing onto his arm she led him out of the barn.
As they walked she looked around the ranch noticing how much things had changed. Dani sat on the porch of the bunkhouse reading a magazine and she smiled thinking how perfect she was for Matt. Waving as Matt ran over to talk to her Kris jumped into the car and started it up. Watching Matt talk to Dani made her miss Junior.
She wondered if she would ever return to the person she was before the car accident. She had once heard someone explain the loss of someone so precious to them. That after such a sudden loss all the world was viewed as black and white instead of color. She felt that way now and wondered what it would take for her to get her color back.
Hopping into the car Matt looked at her and said "so where are we going?" Shaking her head she shifted into drive and began the long trek.
As they rode in silence Kris had a million thoughts going through her head. Matt didn't pressure her to talk about Junior or Jason but she could feel the tension between them about the conversation that needed to be had.
"Matt," she sighed. He looked at her intently, patiently waiting. "I'm sorry," she whispered "for taking off like that, I just didn't know how to handle things and I needed to get away." Looking at her he silently nodded before responding. "I understand that you were going through a lot Kris, we all were. But we could have been here to help you. Dani, mom, Pablo, me, we all care about you Kris."
She looked out the window, trying to find a way to explain everything as he continued to talk. "You wouldn't even let us see you in the hospital Kris, god, and to find out from a nurse that you were pregnant." His voice seemed to rise as he continued to speak "do you have any idea how much that hurt Kris. I thought we had gotten past the secrets. I thought we were friends again."
She could feel the guilt begin to rise in her again as she looked at him intently. It had been too much all at once, taking off seemed like the only way. She knew now though, that even when you ran, your problems always caught up with you. Always.
"I truly am sorry," she whispered "I just, I thought that if I disappeared, if I just took off that somehow it would make it easier on everyone." He seemed to get angrier as he replied "Easier for everyone else or easier for you?"
Her stomach seemed to lurch and she could feel the tears rising, making her angry. "Matt," she stated and he seemed to realize that he had hit a cord. "Kris we had no idea where you were, no idea if you and the baby were OK. We were worried about you." Kris nodded her head as she turned and looked at him, "I'm a big girl Matt, I can take care of myself."
He looked at her and seemed to smile "You are so damn stubborn," he mumbled under his breath. She smiled and let out a brief chuckle. "Me stubborn, you're the one that tracked my butt down." They both smiled at each other and let out a laugh.
Matt seemed to understand that she needed to think because the rest of the car ride was completely silent. As they reached the building neither said a word as they both got out and silently stood in the driveway. Walking up beside her, he put his arm around her. "Are you ready?" he asked.
Looking at him, taking a deep breath, she replied "As ready as I will ever be."