Chapter 7: Confessions

2.5 years Later

Pasadena, California

The church was decorated like a scene out of fairy tale. Bales of taffeta were hung with care along the pews and pink and white roses decorated the sides of the grand old church.

The ushers were dressed in gray tuxedos with long tails and crisp white ties. Outside there were groomsmen hanging cans off the back of a waiting limo and a lone groomsmen was carrying a cage of white doves into a side room within the church.

The wedding was on a cloudless day and the sky was a bright blue. Musicians played Pachelbel's Canon on the balcony and the church was overflowing with guests and well wishers. There was a general excitement about the pending nuptials. No one seemed to mind the lack of seating, since the general consensus was that this couple had faced adversity and won.

-Groom's Waiting Room –

Devon paced around the small room nervously. His brother, Andrew, eyed him critically but remained silent. Andrew understood why Devon was so nervous, or at least he thought he did.

There were several other groomsmen in the room, but they were laughing and joking among themselves. Most ignored or were unaware of Devon's unease as they waited for the ceremony to start.

Striding in front of a full length mirror, Devon suddenly stopped and moved anxiously to the mirror. He eyed his tie critically and then decided to straighten it in an effort to assuage his nervousness.

Glancing up in the mirror, Devon saw the worried look upon Andrew's face. Feeling guilty, Devon tried to lighten his mood and gave Andrew a small grin through the mirror. The young doctor knew it wasn't right to allow his inner demons to mar the happiness of this day.

Devon snorted loudly when he thought about the ridiculousness of 'Devon Woodcomb' having inner demons. His life, up until eighteen months ago, had been nearly perfect. But then fate had thrown him the biggest curve ball of his life.

He still had nightmares about that day. Devon had received a short message from Ellie saying that she was investigating some trouble that Chuck had gotten involved in.

In true Captain Awesome fashion, Devon had absently listened to her message and deleted it, as he focused on a patient's medical records. Ellie was so overprotective of Chuck; Devon never considered that she might face real trouble. Naively, it never occurred to him that life could be less than awesome.

But to Devon's horror everything changed and suddenly everyone that he held dear was simply gone. Ellie, the love of his life, had disappeared without a trace. His happy joyous home turned into a tomb. Adding to his misery was that Chuck, Sarah and even their neighbor John had also simply vanished.

Devon had not believed it at first. Nothing bad had ever really happened to him. So Devon had waited three days before calling the police.

He spent a year regretting that decision. He had seen the rebuke in the police officer's faces. It felt like they were silently saying that he hadn't loved Ellie and his friends nearly enough. Over the course of that year without her, Devon often wondered what would have happened if he had contacted the police sooner. The thought haunted him.

-Outside the Bride's Dressing Room-

John Casey felt like his insides were going to melt. He hated this day and he worked hard to breathe normally. His heart was breaking.

But she needed him to be here for her today, so it didn't matter how he felt. He would do anything for her. Even if it meant being bearing witness in front of the church as she married another man. He grunted as he felt another pang of acid in his stomach.

Doing a last minute patrol of the church out of habit, Casey noticed several bridesmaids huddled outside the Bride's Dressing Room. They looked upset.

Alarmed, Casey asked, "What's going on?" He tried not to hope that she was calling off the wedding.

A blond hair woman, whose name he barely recalled from the rehearsal dinner looked up at him with the softest doe eyes he had ever seen. "She's locked herself in the dressing room. I think she's crying."

His breath hitched as he worked to control his raging emotions. Once he was satisfied that he was again under control, he began to gently push aside the bridesmaids until he was outside of the dark wooden door.

With less courage than he would have liked, he knocked.

"It's John. Is everything okay in there?"

-Bride's Dressing Room-

The bride sat upon the settee in the bride's dressing room and stared listlessly at the ornate stain glass window along the wall. This was supposed to be the happiest day of her life. But instead, she felt like a fraud.

She had asked for a few minutes of solitude from her bridesmaids. They had happily agreed, assuming that she was having a few pre-wedding jitters.

Once her bridesmaids had evacuated the room, she had rushed to the door and locked it. With a sigh of relief, she had collapsed upon the settee and had begun to examine her life.

She knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he didn't deserve a wife like her. She was broken. She hurt the ones she loved. She knew that Devon would no longer love her, if he knew what she had done.

Her blue eyes filled with tears and she began to sob. She ignored the gentle knocks on the door until they were replaced by the pounding of a strong hand on the door.

Instinctively, Ellie knew who it was even before she heard his deep booming voice.

"It's John. Is everything okay in there?"

She cringed knowing that Casey was once again witnessing yet another low point to her life. When would her fall ever end?

-Outside the Bride's Dressing Room-

Casey knocked more insistently upon the door and tried to bat down the irritation he felt at his own inner voice. It told him that she wasn't his business anymore. But he just couldn't let her go quite yet. Casey told himself that it was because he still owed her for saving his life. He almost believed it too.

Turning to the bridesmaids, he told them to give him a few minutes alone with the bride. None of the women agreed until Casey stood up at his fullest height and stared at them with his most intimidating stare.

It was more than enough. The women scampered out of the hall quickly. It caused Casey to chuckle a bit. He wished that he could have gotten rid of his ex-wife as easily.

Turing around, he made a fist and pounded fiercely on the door. He made sure the room's occupant knew that he meant business.

"You open this door right now or so help me I'm going to break it down!" He kicked the door to emphasize his point; it shuddered against the frame.

He heard movement behind the door and then the clicking of the door being unlocked. The door swung open and he looked at her face. He noted the red eyes and the tear stained cheeks. He sighed.

The bride uttered painfully, "John…I can't do this."

Casey opened his arms and she fell into his embrace. He fiercely whispered into her ear.

"It's okay, Ellie. Everything will be okay."

-Groom's Waiting Room –

Devon remembered the night eight months ago when he returned to the apartment and had found John Casey sitting on his sofa in the dark. It had been over a year since everyone had disappeared.

Immediately, Devon had taken John as a threat.

He no longer believed in the goodness of people. A police woman had disabused him of that fact when she had told him of her suspicions that Ellie's disappearance was connected to the government and the mysterious death of Bill Tanner.

Speaking off the record in nervous, hushed tones, the woman had explained that the police had found that Devon and Ellie's apartment had been bugged by military grade surveillance equipment and that it was being maintained in John Casey's apartment next door. Devon was never told because some high level government types ordered the LAPD to cover it up.

It had shaken Devon to the core. What had John Casey wanted with the love of his life? Why would he have bugged their apartment? None of it made sense and it had caused him endless nightmares as he pondered numerous horrific explanations. It had eaten at Devon.

Then suddenly a year after everyone disappeared, Devon walked into his apartment and found Casey in his living room. The man's presence crystallized all of Devon's uncertainty and frustration. There could only be one explanation. With all of his pent up emotions spilling out, Devon attacked Casey screaming, "You killed her!"

Casey was startled by Devon's frenzied attack, but his training automatically kicked and he was able to deflect the doctor's fists before the younger man wrestled him to the ground.

Devon slammed his fist into Casey's spleen making Casey grunt painfully at the jab to his old wound. He couldn't help thinking of Chuck as the pain coursed through his left side.

"Ten years of studying tae kwon do, asshole. I'm going to wipe the floor with you and make you pay for what you've done to her," seethed Devon as he broke Casey's nose with a head butt.

As blood started to flow out of his nose, Casey became angry and he let himself fight without restraint. The men fought viciously, breaking furniture as they hurdled around the room intent on hurting the other.

After several blows, Casey's superior training prevailed and he was able to pin Devon in a wrestling hold.

"Knock this shit off now. I didn't kill Ellie," commanded Casey in exasperation.

Devon struggled against Casey's strong arms. "Why should I believe you," howled the doctor angrily.

Casey sighed and softened his hold as he replied, "Because I can arrange for you to see her again."

-Bride's Dressing Room-

Casey stared at Ellie as she sat on the settee with a forlorn look upon her face. Even with tears on her face and red swollen eyes, Casey thought she was vision.

He took a long moment to compose himself, and then asked, "What's wrong?"

Ellie frowned at him and shook her head. She was unable to talk to anyone about the guilt and self-loathing raging inside of her – least of all John Casey.

Casey gave her a slight shrug and asked, "Come on…are you really going to hold out on me after what we've been through?"

The young doctor smiled slightly before she turned and left him at the door. The agent quickly entered the room and closed the door.

"John, it's not a matter of me holding out on you. It's what I'm hiding from Devon. I can't marry him knowing that he has no idea what I've done."

Tears started to flow down Ellie's face and she tried to wipe them away. But they wouldn't stop and she finally lowered her head in defeat and just stood with her back to Casey as she cried.

Casey went to her. He was angry at her attempt at martyrdom.

"Did you do what you did maliciously?"

She had faced a decision few in the world would ever be forced to make. It angered him that she would question herself now after she was finally starting to heal. She deserved more than this…even if she didn't believe it.

Startled by his question, Ellie turned and looked at him with wide eyes. "No, John. I…I know it was a screwed up thing to do…and I'll regret it for the rest of my life."

Faltering, Ellie looked Casey in the eye and replied, "But I did it out of love."

-Groom's Waiting Room –

Devon's mom was attaching a white rose to his lapel when heard a knock at the groom's waiting room door.

In best man mode, Andrew went to the door and started talking animatedly with one of Ellie's bridesmaids. Sensing something was amiss; Devon watched as Andrew nodded several times and sighed heavily before closing the door.

Puzzled by the look on Andrew's face, Devon asked, "Bro—what's going on? Why the sad face?"

Sighing, Andrew went up to Devon and whispered in his ear, "He's with her again."

-Bride's Dressing Room-

Casey was hunched down on his knees in front of Ellie as she cried on the settee. He was handing her some Kleenex when the rectory door slammed open with a large bang.

Devon strode in with a stormy face followed by his brother Andrew. It was obvious that he was ready to fight. However, seeing his bride-to-be in tears, the blond doctor stopped in mid-stride.

He had stormed into the room in a jealous rage at John Casey's continued proximity to his Ellie. But as he entered the room, he saw that the big man was there attempting to comfort his despondent bride.

Devon's anger dissipated immediately. He sighed sadly. He had hoped that the happiness of their wedding day would ward off the bouts of depression that seemed to be a constant presence in Ellie's life since her return.

Her emotionally fragileness frightened Devon. It was so unlike the confident doctor he knew prior to her disappearance.

Devon took in the Casey's presence with irritation. He knew the hulking man had feelings for Ellie but he ignored it.

The young doctor knew he would never be allowed to know the origins of Ellie's depression due to security clearance reasons. It was apart of his fiancé's life he could never share, but he was okay with it…as long as he had her.

He tolerated Casey's presence because Ellie needed someone to talk about that time period. So he let John Casey have that part of her. He would deal with it, as long as Devon had the rest of her. It hurt him but he couldn't chance losing her again.

Devon turned to Andrew and asked, "Bro, give me a few minutes?"

His brother nodded and exited through the door after pausing to look at the trio for an extended moment. Devon couldn't help but note that there were numerous sets of curious eyes watching from the doorway.

Devon sighed in resignation. He knew that once again they would be forced to lie to their friends and family regarding what was happening in their lives. It was one more thing that had changed since Ellie's return.

"John, can I speak to my wife-to-be in private please," asked Devon.

Casey and Ellie exchanged a look that held volumes. Finally the hulking government agent stood up and distanced himself from Ellie. He moved to the far side of the room and said to Ellie, "I'll be right over here."

Devon's eyes narrowed and he felt a sudden burst of jealousy. He hated the feeling that he sometimes had to share. Incredulously, Devon began to wonder if his fiancé was finally going to leave him for the agent.

Seeing the sudden pained look in Devon's eyes, Ellie stood up and shook her head. "No, Devon, you're wrong. There's nothing between me and John," explained Ellie. Tears started to run down her face. She knew that she would hurt the ones she loved.

Devon's eyes softened as he saw the horror in her eyes at his pain.

Ellie loved him, but she was so troubled. Devon's heart hurt for his fiancé and the terrible things that she must have faced. It haunted her. Like countless other days since her return, Devon held out his arms to comfort his bride-to-be.

Ellie immediately sailed into his arms and buried her face in his chest.

After several minutes of loud sobs, Ellie calmed down and just basked in the security of his arms. "Devon, I know we're not allowed to talk about what happened during my time away…but what I did…I am a monster."

Devon seized her shoulders and made her look at him. "Ellie, for the last time…you are not a monster!" admonished Devon. This was not the first time that he had heard this. He hated when she started with her self-loathing.

In exasperation, Devon looked at Casey who was also dismayed by Ellie's admission. Exchanging looks with Devon, Casey replied, "He's right. You did what you thought was best. No one thinks that you are a monster."

Ellie just shook her head despondently. She knew that wasn't true. Her shoulders sagged and she hung her head dejectedly. Her body language clearly indicated that she didn't believe the two men.

Devon seeing that he was losing his argument grew desperate. Lowering his head so that he could look into her eyes, he declared, "You're wrong. I don't care what happened. Whatever it is, I would never love you less. I only care that you came back to me. You, Ellie Bartowski, are the love of my life. I can't live without you."

Ellie averted her eyes. "No, Devon, you don't understand. You wouldn't love me if you knew what I did….you wouldn't want to be near me. You would hate me…even more than I hate myself," cried Ellie as she pulled away from Devon's arms.

"You deserve far better than me. I'm sorry, Devon…but I can't marry you."

Devon's heart stopped. He was losing her just like he had before. But this time it was even worse. This time she still stood before him. He cried out in agony. He couldn't do it again.

Devon fell to his knees and embraced Ellie's waist with his arms. Holding his head tightly to her stomach, he cried, "Ellie, please don't…."

Author's Note: Thanks for Sharp & Brickroad for doing a beta! With those two...who could go wrong. All new errors are entirely my own!