In only a few months, the Council declared there was no more that Ahsoka could learn from Obi-Wan, and declared her a knight in earnest. She returned to the war, even in a relatively distant role, helping the new clones on Kamino learn how to operate under a Jedi's command. Obi-Wan did exactly what a Master needed to do for a Padawan... no less, and no more.
And that left Obi-Wan alone.
Luminara Unduli was the first to go to him directly, expressing concern. Even Yoda came and meditated with him awhile. As usual the minute Jedi Master did not speak his mind, but merely observed, noting how Obi-Wan was focusing merely on existing. Quinlan Vos outright cornered him after seeing the spiral continue. In whispered voices, he urged Obi-Wan to do the unthinkable - to break the Jedi Code and go to his lover outright.
Obi-Wan thanked them all, and told them that he was fine.
After all, if he told himself that, perhaps he would start to believe it. The day was simply going through motions. Meditation. Combat practice. Physical training. He survived, trying to block out the entire world. It was a disinterest that settled in over him, into every aspect of his life. The way he held his lightsaber became mechanical. He recited the meditation chants by rote. He even switched from enjoying the prepared meals to simply existing off of pre-packaged, bland nutrition bars.
Sometimes, he wandered out into the city. Coruscant was so large that sometimes he would simply be gone for days, barely sleeping, barely eating. The movement and flow of the crowd was intoxicating. He let himself be carried by the tide. Businessmen pushing along onto the train. The labyrinth of various complexes. Plaza to plaza, through tunnels and skyways. Everyone had their own business to attend to: a flood of different emotions, some happy and some sad, each of them driven with purpose.
He watched them come and go, and he wondered how he could manage to be so terribly lonely when surrounded by a multitude.
And while he tried to forget himself, there were duties. He was the very model of a Jedi's impartial justice and peaceful countenance, but always in a distant sort of way. Each day had a surreal quality, as if he were increasingly not himself, but merely someone passively observing what Obi-Wan, the model Jedi, should be doing.
Today's task did not make it any easier.
"...The number four holds special significance in Naboo culture. I appreciate that this must be difficult for you, Master Kenobi." Senator Amidala was gracious as usual, sweeping around her office in heavy makeup and an elaborate headdress. She had been an active voice and a friend to the Jedi in the Senate, so it was only polite for them to return the favor.
The senator's office was very plush and comfortable, Obi-Wan had to admit. It was tastefully decorated, and the view of the city was beautiful through her window. It was a luxury rarely seen in the Jedi temple - not reserved for individuals, at least. He was content, for the moment, to let her explain, and he merely nodded. "It's fine, Senator. I am happy to be of service."
"We would like the chance to perform a memorial ceremony for General Skywalker. As an appreciation of his service, of course, along with all the other Jedi who have helped Naboo through the years." He looked at her face, but not in her eyes, looking over the makeup. The design was intricate - he knew there was an entire coded message in Nabooian culture that he could not read. But there was something... something else...
"By we, of course, I mean the people of Naboo. But instead of a small statuette, as is traditional, I would like to propose an exchange - a sapling from the Tree of Peace from Theed, planted in the Jedi botanical gardens, and a seedling in return, to be planted in a plaza in a riviera city who wishes to thank Anakin Skywalker for his contribution in stopping the Blue Shadow Virus..."
He watched her as she spoke, the lips moving, the way her hands moved just so. Every little sweeping motion of the fingertips. The way her eyebrows twitched gently in thought.
"The ceremony would require minimal disruption at the Temple. An hour, at most. Of course, the city would also like you to be honored. The Mayor of Peran would like me to ask you perhaps what you would like your contribution to the plaza to be, as it is for all the heroes who helped prevent the Blue Shadow Virus outbreak. Myself, I have chosen a small water feature, but if you have a favourite plant, or similar..."
"You're not Padme."
He spoke clearly, and the words were out of his mouth as soon as he realized it. A small spark lit in his eyes again - something to finally pique his interest. She said nothing, merely staring him down for a long moment, expression inscrutable. Silently, she turned to a side table, picking up a beautifully cut crystal bottle full of some expensive, slightly opalescent liquor. In the sunlight, with her ornate dress, she almost glowed - ethereal yet earthly.
"I'm honestly surprised nobody has noticed sooner," she said smoothly, pouring one drink and then pouring another for herself. She offered one out to him, and he took it warily. There was something very long here. There was something that called for more than just the regular rote duty of a Jedi. "Well done, Master Kenobi. I trust that you will not share this information with anyone."
He leaned forward. "Who, exactly, are you? And what has happened to Padme?"
"That is none of your concern," she answered sweetly. "I can tell you that she is well cared for where she is. She is happy, healthy, and loved. That is all you need to know." Her back was turned to him as she talked, cutting off further questions. "There is a long tradition of the use of proxies in Nabooian government, so do not worry yourself over legal matters. As far as the Senate is concerned, I am Senator Padme Amidala, even if she is here in absentia."
But Obi-Wan had already raised his head, squinting like an old hound-dog who has caught scent of a fox after thinking his hunting days are long over. It was an itch, an anomaly. It was something that he had to chase and set right.
The liquor was pleasantly fruity and a tiny sip packed quite a punch, making his throat burn; she also took a sip before staring him down. He cleared his throat before speaking, something in his tone seeming to be more like himself instead of simply a nameless and faceless generic Jedi. "You realize I'm going to look for her, now."
"Oh, of course."
"And I will likely succeed."
"And I will try to prevent you every step of the way." She smiled benevolently at him. It was a very peaceful type of adversarial pact. They understood each other perfectly. And they toasted to it, glasses klinking together before Obi-Wan finished the shot of heady liquor and went back out into the city.
Parts of him he had tried to ignore were finally starting to breathe and stretch again. It was a question that demanded answers. Truthfully, the Jedi had no reason to ask about where Padme really was. It was legal and just in the eyes of the Republic. He had even been assured that she was happy and healthy. But something was out of place. He would poke and pry, trying to tease the truth out where he could. It was something that only he could do instead of just another Jedi. It was a taste of meaning.
His feet seemed to do the walking of their own accord, but this time instead of aimlessly wandering, he had a destination. Dex's Diner was just past its lunch rush, the waitresses busy clearing tables. But Dex himsef came out from the kitchen to greet Obi-Wan with a large hug. "Kenobi! You haven't been here in... in years! Come, sit down, have a cup of ardees and some beignets, I'll get them right out for you - but first." Dexter gestured widely before lowering his voice. "Come on, back here." He motioned to the kitchen, and Obi-Wan followed.
"I'm not that picky about how the beignets are cooked," he joked weekly, smiling somewhat.
"No, no, it's this. Had some courier come through. Strange attitude, Rattataki I think, came in all pomp and circumstance. He said to deliver this to you, by hand. He's on Coruscant. Said if you wanted him to take anything back, he'd check in with me every so often." Dexter pulled out a plainly wrapped package, and handed it to Obi-Wan. "Didn't say who it was from... he said you'd know."
He gently ripped open the plain paper, peeling it back to reveal what was underneath. The horn was beautiful, different stripes of brown in a magnificent banded symphony. It reminded him of how Asajj had told him one of a canyon, and how she could see the lines of different rock for miles. But it was more than just a gently curved horn from a beautiful animal. It was carved - holes down the middle, and a mouthpiece at top... a gemshorn, able to be played.
For a moment it looked as if Obi-Wan had been moved to tears, but he was very quiet, holding the package with a reverence that impressed Dexter in some base way. This went smoothly into something that was almost like panic as he dug around in his bag for something, anything to send back - his hand finally went to his throat, digging underneath his tunics to pull out a simple necklace. It was a flat, rough wooden charm on a leather cord. It had been a gift from Qui-Gon once, a reminder that beauty was in all things, even the most humble. He wore it in earnest after his Master's death, and it had become a habit - something done simply because it needed to be - the meaning forgotten. But now...
He pressed it into Dexter's palm. "Send this back with them. And... I think I'll take the beignets to go."
Later in the evening, a small, stumbling melody whispered through one of the dormitory halls in the Jedi Temple. Obi-Wan had some pride in the fact he had an ear for music, but picking out the notes initially was difficult. But it was soothing. Soon it was something to do while his mind chewed on the problem of where Padme truly was. But eventually that melted away into the joy of playing the simple gemshorn. And he played Asajj a lovesong, knowing that she would never hear it, but the act itself was worth doing, soothing his spirit in some way he didn't understand.
For the first time in a very long while, Obi-Wan felt like himself again.