The Bunkhouse
A/N- WOW 30 chapters already!! Once again thanks for your loyal reviews :)
They sat together in the bunkhouse, quietly contemplating the night's events. He looked at her and she could hear a gentle sigh of content escape his mouth.
"This is the first time, in a long time, that things just feel right."
She could feel her arms yearning to hold him, but her outburst earlier had been too soon and she realized it the moment their skin lost contact.
"I'm sorry about jumping on you out there," she stated as she pointed towards the road.
He looked at her and smiled "believe me," he said "you so do not have to apologize for that."
She could hear a laugh escape her lips, and it felt good. She had missed this, their late night talks when all the rest of the world was asleep. She hated that things felt strained, that they couldn't just easily fall back into their old pattern.
"Tell me," he said.
"Tell you what," she asked.
"What it was like," he replied "what this past year has been like for you."
She really didn't want to tell him, to make him feel guilty about all of the pain he had caused and things that he had missed. She shook her head no silently looking away. She couldn't do that to him.
"Please" he begged "I need to know."
She turned and looked at him and knew that he would not give up until he had gotten what he wanted.
"Junior," she stated as she looked into his eyes "I don't want to hurt you."
"But I hurt you?" he stated already knowing the answer.
She could feel a deep sigh escape her lips as she looked at him and then focused her gaze on her hands.
"I missed you, probably more than you will ever begin to understand. I missed feeling your arms around me, so strong and protective. I missed your kisses and your caresses, your voice as you called my name. The way your eyebrows raised mischievously whenever you got a crazy idea."
He nodded his head quietly as she could feel the tears slowly tumble down her face. She didn't want to continue but she had to.
"I missed hearing you tell me that you loved me, that you needed me. I would sit in the bathroom in the morning, and would imagine you showering and getting ready for your day. When Jason was born you weren't there, which was probably the hardest thing of all."
She looked at him again, and she could see the tears slowly falling down his face as well.
"I would find myself curled to where you used to sleep. My hands ached to run my fingers through your hair, but I couldn't. You weren't there to tuck me in anymore, to lie next to me in bed and keep me warm. I missed the feel of your kisses, the strength of your hugs, your laughter."
Her voice was breaking and she held up her hand to signal that the conversation was over. She could hear his sniffling as he wiped tears off of his face and looked at her.
"I am so sorry that I put you through that," he stated and his voice wavered as he spoke.
She nodded her head as she wiped the tear streaks off of her face. She couldn't change the past, but the future was still theirs.
She watched him get up and sit next to her gently pulling her against him.
"I want to remember." He stated quietly and she could hear the doubt in his voice. "But," he continued, "it has been over a year and my memory still hasn't come back."
She quietly digested what he was saying, contemplating what she thought he meant by it. "Are you saying what I think you are saying?" she asked.
He looked at her for a moment before a small smile fell upon his face "you know me too well," he stated.
She looked at him smiling "Maybe we both know each other too well."
She couldn't help but remember the night they had run into each other in the bar; it was supposed to have been her last night in town. She had told him she was looking for a home and he had stated that he was as well. That was the night she had told him all she really wanted or needed was love.
She instantly felt the need to be closer to him, but she knew that she should give him some time. Everything seemed so new to him and rushing things was not going to make anything easier or better, especially in the long run.
Standing up and pulling away from him, her body instantly felt cold in the places he had touched. "You can take the bed out here," she stated "and I will sleep on the couch in the main house."
He shook his head and quietly stated "you should have the bed."
She looked at him and smiled before replying "The Ritters are like my family, I've slept on the couch numerous times before. They are still strangers to you," she continued "It will be more comfortable for both of us this way."
He quietly nodded his head and as she walked to the door she turned and looked back at him. He sat on the trunk at the foot of the bed looking around the room. She couldn't help but notice how completely lost he looked and she had to force herself to turn and leave, before she changed her mind.
"Goodnight." She whispered.
He turned and looked at her for a moment before getting up and walking over to her. Pulling her into a hug he replied "thank you for everything, and goodnight."
She couldn't stop herself and the next thing she knew their lips had met in a kiss, which he quickly deepened. She could feel the frame of the door being pushed sharply into her back as he pushed her backwards, but she didn't care.
After a few minutes they pulled away from each other, both of them gasping for air. They quietly looked at each other, neither one of them saying anything. She could feel a blush rise on her cheeks and she momentarily wondered what the "new" Junior thought of her.
"I'm sorry" she stated.
He looked at her for a moment before replying "don't say that."
She turned and walked out the door, but instead of heading to the house she slowly made her way to the barn and Wildfire's stall.
"Hey buddy," she stated as she walked up next to him and quietly made her way into the stall. "Thanks for coming and getting me today."
He neighed in response as he brushed his head against her arm, asking her to pet him. Her hand immediately rubbed his soft spot on his head and she heard him groan.
"What do I do Wildfire?" she asked. "He doesn't remember me. I don't want to get hurt again, but I can't seem to control myself around him."
She could feel a smile fall on her face as she remembered the time they had snuck away from work and "had a meeting" in the barn. That was one of many times he had been there for her and it had led to something else.
She continued to rub Wildfire's head as she talked to him. "Then again," she stated "we never were good at controlling ourselves around each other, Flame is proof of that."
She could hear a sigh escape our lips "our baby, well your baby technically. I guess," she continued "Jason is as well."
"I miss him Wildfire, and now that he is here it is so difficult not to fall back into the old patterns. I want him to hold me, kiss me, and tell me he loves me. It's too soon I know, but I can't help the fact that my heart aches for the old days."
She could feel her eyelids drooping but she wasn't quite ready to go to bed just yet.
"I keep having these dreams," she stated "and Junior and I are together. It's not like they are bad dreams. Usually we just sit and talk, but still its torture. I promised him I would wait for him Wildfire, for as long as it takes. Is that crazy?"
He stomped his hoofs at her and she slowly sat down on a bale of hay lying in the corner of his stall.
"I love him," she continued "but this waiting is killing me. I know I can't push him, that I need to be patient, but what if he is right? What if his memory never comes back? Will I be able to handle it?"
Wildfire came over next to her and nudged her again with his nose. She felt her hand instantly tangle in his mane.
"I pretend I am so tough," she continued "but I don't know if I could handle losing him again."
She let out a deep sigh as she realized that she had voiced her biggest concern to Wildfire once again. He was always there to listen and to comfort and she quietly stood up and kissed him on the nose.
"Thanks for listening buddy," she stated "I love you too."
As she made the short trek from Wildfire's stall to the front door of the Ritter's house she couldn't help but look up at the stars. Stopping in the driveway she slowly closed her eyes and turned her face towards the stars. 'Remember the good times,' she told herself, 'things will get better.'
She turned and looked at the bunkhouse one last time, noticing that the lights were all turned off. She pictured Junior lying in bed, his hair tousled from the pillow it lied on and the sheets hiked up around his legs. He would have his arms curled around an extra pillow and a blanket bunched at the end of the bed.
She pictured herself lying next to him and her heart ached at the image she longed for.
"Come back to me," she whispered "please, come back to me."