The rest of the team turned to Hetty. Kensi, asked, breathlessly, "Wait- you knew about this? Why didn't you say anything?" The other three agents and Nell shifted nervously, waiting for Hetty to reply. She was not used to being questioned and the look she was giving the group, Kensi in particular, could have turned lava to ice. "Of course I knew, Miss Blye. And as I just stated Mr. Beale asked for privacy in addition to the time off. Of course, had you respected what I told you, or heaven forbid asked Mr. Beale why he had been so off task he no doubt would have told you on his on terms and in his own time. However, dragging him here seems to have rushed things along for Mr. Beale."
Kensi and Deeks started to apologize but were silenced with a look. "Your sentiments are best directed elsewhere; but not until some time has passed. Am I clear about this?" Hetty said. They nodded in reponse. Turning to Callen and Sam, Hetty continued, "This goes for you two as well. And Mr. Callen, you will please keep in mind that I do not give time off lightly, especially on short notice. Be aware it is granted for exceptional cases and you should therefore not direct your team in a way that will affect it." Callen nodded, suitably chastised, still damning himself for making Kensi and Deeks get Eric to Ops.
As Hetty pivoted away from the team and walked out of the bullpen, the team sighed collectively and looked at each other, not sure what to say or do. Deeks, of course, was the first to speak. "I can't believe he didn't say anything. I mean, how do you hold that in?"
"This coming from a person who can't hold anything in.", Sam retorted.
Kensi intervened, "Eric doesn't usually talk about himself much, at least not to me…You guys?"
The agents shook their heads. "Usually if he says anything it's at a bad time and Sam scares him out of it." Callen replied.
Nell spoke for the first time since Eric had left. The agents jumped when they heard her, having assumed she went up to the ops room to think on her own. "I can't believe he didn't tell me." she said softly, clearly on the verge of tears. "I was so mean to him when he asked for the favor I was so mad about something else I yelled at him." Nell continued, speaking more to herself than anyone.
"He'll hate me. I mean he will be mad at you guys but he…he won't talk to me anymore. How could I be so stupid?" Now fully in tears, Nell was unrecognizable, face red and hands shaking, a far cry from her usually unflappable presence that the team didn't really know what to say to her. They looked at each other, silently motioning for somebody to say something. All eyes finally came to rest on Kensi, the only other female when Sam spoke up, "He doesn't hate you Nell. Just give him some time. We all have amends to make here. I'll be okay."
"No, you don't understand. We're…we're…we talk, you know? I need to go see him." Nell replied, still in tears.
"Maybe by the time he comes in, he will have forgotten about it." Deeks said hopefully, desperate for the crying to stop. Women in tears always reminded him of his childhood, memories he'd rather not have.
Kensi punched him in the arm as Callen and Sam looked at him, willing him silently to just shut the hell up.
Nell gave a small jerk as if coming out of a deep sleep. "I'm going to talk to Eric." The team made noises of protest but Nell was deaf to them. She didn't even turn back or slow down as she marched out of Ops, heading to her car and to Eric.
"I just hope Hetty doesn't find out about this." Deeks said.
Nell had managed to stop crying in the short time it took her to get to Eric's street. She marched up the walk and knocked insistently on the door, still not knowing what she would say or do when Eric opened the door to his place. If he opened the door.
Eric looked through the peephole before opening the door, still pissed and in no mood to talk. "Look Nell-"
Nell shoved passed him and walked into his living room. She had never been to his apartment before and had imagined it would look like Eric: casual, geeky, and a little disheveled. However, she was momentarily stunned at the tidiness of his place. The couch and chairs, walls, and rug all matched. Eric's book collection was surprisingly large and neatly on shelves. Glancing in to the kitchen area, Nell noticed there were no dishes in the sink or food boxes left out. He was actually a better housekeeper than she was.
"Nell!" Eric jerked her attention back to the fact she was standing, uninvited and unannounced, in his home. "I really don't think-"
Nell cut him off. "I'm sorry for what I said earlier. I didn't mean it like that you know I didn't. And we are partners. You caught me by surprise I had no idea what…about your mom. And I should have let you switch weekends with me when you asked I didn't notice you were not acting the way you usually do. Can you please, please talk to me?" Nell spoke rapidly, not wanting Eric to say anything until she finished, worried that she would lose her chance to say what she so desperately needed and wanted to say.
Eric looked at her blankly, not showing that he had heard a word she said. "Are you going to tell Hetty I suck at my job or not?" he asked coldly.
Nell was taken aback. He was never cold to her, not ever. Not even when he got mad at her for being stubborn or for taking over. After a beat, Nell responded, obviously hurt, "No, Eric, why would you think I would do that?"
"Good. I really like my job and kinda want to keep it since it's all I've got right now."
Nell reached out to touch his arm but he pulled away. "Why would you say that? You are amazing at your job, the best tech operator I've ever seen. I can't imagine how much it must hurt to lose your mom… that way. But you still have plenty left."
Eric just shook his head. She didn't get it. "That's not what I mean."
Nell answered, clearly confused, "Please talk to me, Eric. Let me try to help."
Eric turned to her, suddenly angry at her words. "I lost you. Don't you think I tried to talk to you? I even started to tell you what happened last Friday but you cut me off and yelled at me. All I have wanted to do for the past few days is be able to talk to you- nobody else, just you- but you are so mad at me that I can't. I got yelled at. And I don't even know what I did to upset you so I've been wracking my brain, trying to sort through all this shit and trying to figure out what to do with you on top of what to do with me. So right now, I don't want to talk to you because I can't handle having you get madder at me."
Nell waited before speaking, wanting to make sure that her words were right. Eric waited in the tense silence while Nell concentrated. He was too exhausted to speak anymore and was frantically hoping Nell would just tell him why he made her mad so he could fix it. He hated Nell not talking to him. Their conversations and the easy way they got along were what he depended on for more than he ever thought possible.
Nell took a deep breath and locked eyes with Eric before she began. "I was never mad at you. I honestly wasn't. I was mad at me for going on a third date with a guy that was obviously not right for me. I was so sick of this string of guys not being what I want that I lost my patience with you, which wasn't fair. And I should have let you explain what was going on. I would have been there for you, you know that. And earlier, in the bullpen, I was not expecting what you said. Not in a million years did I think that had happened to you. And I'm sorry you had to go though it alone; nobody should have to carry that without help. I panicked and blurted out something that I shouldn't have because I didn't think to organize my thoughts; I just wanted to talk to you and ended up making you feel worse. I'm so, so sorry for that."
By the time she finished, Nell was in tears again and Eric looked like he was about to cry as well for relief. If Nell was talking to him, he would be okay. He knew that not it the pure release of pressure was insurmountable. He smiled at Nell and she managed a watery grin in return.
"Okay, partner, I'm glad we got all that out. Now, what's with you dating a lot all of a sudden? Is there no man in Los Angeles without a criminal record that can see what a catch you are?", Eric said teasingly. He was back.
Nell laughed and replied, "I guess I can't find what I'm looking for."
"Well maybe you are looking too hard." Eric answered. "What's wrong with these guys anyway?"
"They aren't you."
A tense silence reigned. Eric could not believe what Nell had said. Said what he had wanted so badly to hear for such a long time. Nell could not help but wonder at her own nerve…or stupidity for blurting out what she had been trying to hide for so long.
Nell looked up from the place on the hardwood floor where she had been drilling a hole with her stare. Eric looked away from the wall and focused his eyes on the woman standing before him. Desperately hoping he wouldn't ruin everything, Eric took a step forward, leaning down to meet Nell's lips just as she was standing on her toes to reach his.