Time seemed to pass quickly after that. Weeks went by and Gwen was in a sort of daze. She was totally and completely happy, until a month or so later, when she was totally and completely sick. And not just a cold sick, but a fever sick. She woke up to what felt like someone hammering inside her skull. She was just thankful it was a Saturday. Every time she stood up she would get dizzy, and walking to the kitchen had become perilous. She was currently on her couch, trying not to throw up as the room spun around her.
Arthur usually took Gwen to breakfast every Saturday morning, and when she didn't meet him in the lobby, he got worried and came up to the door. "Gwen. Gwen...?" Arthur gently knocked on the door.
Gwen groaned and rolled off the couch. She had to wait for a few minutes before she was sure she wasn't going to pass out, and she stood up. It seemed to take her hours to get to the door, but in reality it probably wasn't that long. She opened it slowly, leaning against the doorway. "Arthur." She said with a tired smile, "Sorry, I should have called."
"No, no, lay back down." Arthur gently ran his hand over her soft face, and kissed her forehead. "I am at your service, darling."
Gwen smiled, still leaning on the doorway. Her forehead was hot with a fever and her eyes were slightly unfocused. "Lying down seems like a good idea." She said in an absent sort of voice.
"Do I to take you in?" He helped her relax onto the couch, and ran to the small kitchen, ringing out a wet cloth to place on her burning forehead.
Gwen closed her eyes to lessen the pounding in her head. "Thank you." She said as she felt the cold cloth on her forehead.
"You just relax, and I'll carry you." Arthur draped a soft blanket over her shoulders, and scooped her into his arms. "I'll even drive, so we don't look...funny."
"Where are we going?" Gwen asked in a dazed sort of voice. She felt very much like a child.
"Do the doctor's office." Arthur said calmly, opening the door, and strapping her into the passenger's seat. "Maybe even try to sleep. You'll be alright, Gwen."
Gwen was already partially out of it. Her head rested against the cool window, the blanket wrapped around her shoulders. Tremors ran through her body as she lay half awake and half asleep.
It seemed like it was forever that Arthur waited in the small room of coughing, sick, and shaking people. Gwen's head rested on his shoulder, and tried to comfort her, and fill out paper work that was stuffed at him, realising he didn't know some of what he was supposed to right down. "Gwen. I need you to wake up. I don't know all of this."
Gwen woke up, looking at Arthur with glassy eyes. "Which stuff?"
"Never mind. Never mind. It's alright. I'll just honestly say the boyfriend didn't know..."
"No, no, I can do it." Gwen said, trying to take the pen from him.
"Shh. Just lie down." Arthur soothed, and gave the papers pack as her name was called. "Can you walk?"
Gwen nodded, standing up and leaning on him slightly. "Let's go then." She said.
Arthur helped her lie down on the bed, and took the chair across from, wowed at what his day was turning out to be. Was this what it would be like to be a husband someday? He wondered.
Gwen looked over at Arthur, "Thank you for doing this." She said, her voice slightly cracked, "You didn't have to."
"Yes," he sat up straighter to look into her eyes. "I did because I love you, and when someone loves someone else...they don't leave."
Gwen smiled, "And that is why you are perfect." She responded.
"That's where you're wrong, Guinevere. I have many flaws." Arthur nodded, but came to hold her hand.
"Not to me you don't." Gwen responded with a tired but sweet smile.
"Nor do you. Now lie still, and I'll talk to the doctor." He left, quietly closing the door behind him.
"Alright," Gwen said, closing her eyes. Concentrating seemed to drain her of energy, and she just wanted to block out the world for a while.
"You've got the flu, darling." Arthur said quietly, as he entered again a few minutes later. "But with some good care, you should be back on the road to health. I'll be there the whole time."
"Oh good." Gwen said, "For a moment I thought I was going to die." She was joking, clearly."Can I go home now?"
"Of course. Let's go home." Arthur picked her up, kissing her softly on the cheek, and a half an hour later she was softly settled into her bed.
Despite wanting to sleep, Gwen couldn't. She was restless. She tossed and turned, her head pounding. She had the covers on, and then off. She was using a pillow, and she had pushed it to the floor. There was no sleep that wanted to present itself to her.
"Gwen." Arthur had been in the living room, but came to sit on the bed. "Gwen. Wake up." He couldn't help himself, and began to tidy up the room a bit, placing the rest of the pillows under her head, and straightening her blankets.
"I'm not asleep." Gwen mumbled. "I can't sleep."
"Sleep is what you need." He kicked off his shoes, and lay down beside her. "If I'm right here, then can you sleep?"
"I don't know." Gwen said with a smile, "You're so distracting." She closed her eyes, moving closer to him.
Arthur smiled in contentment, and pulled her closer. "So are you. Now. Sleep, and when you do..." He didn't finish aloud. 'I can clean up the house, get dinner, and run over to work and hope they haven't missed my extra day.'
"You're going to leave." Gwen mumbled, "And be back later, because you're a wonderful person." She rested her still hot forehead against his chest and felt sleep start to envelop her.
He chuckled. "I most certainly will." With her finally asleep, Arthur shoved his feet back into his shoes, left a note, and headed over to the office in his tennis shoes, jeans, and hoody - hoping they wouldn't mind.
Gwen rolled over, sleeping on her stomach. She slept for hours and thought of absolutely nothing. Perfect.
Later that evening, Arthur slipped in the door to leave her some breakfast out for the next morning before heading back to his own flat.
Gwen woke up in the middle of the night. She still had a headache, but she felt a lot better than she had the day before. She was sure another few days and she would be fine again.
The next morning turned around bright and sunny and Arthur blinked as light poured through his curtains. "Gwen. Must go take care of Gwen." He mumbled, and got out of bed.
Gwen was already in Arthur's flat. Mostly because she hadn't been able to sleep after she'd woken up. Also because the two had exchanged keys a few weeks ago. She had arrived a few hours ago and was sitting on his sofa, wrapped in a blanket, watching television. "I don't get cable at my place." She said when he entered.
"Ah." It was still a little surprising to see her there. "Good morning. Get my note?"
"I did." Gwen nodded in confirmation, turning off the television. "My eyes wouldn't focus on the words though." She smiled apologetically, "I wanted to thank you though, for taking care of me."
"You're very welcome, darling." Arthur sat down next to her, and slid his arm over her shoulder. "We'll get you feeling better."
Gwen smiled, putting her head on his shoulder, "I already do." She said with a happy sigh.
"Hey, I know this might sound weird, but it's Sunday. Would you like to come to chapel with me? Downstairs...I used to go every week." Arthur smiled. "If you're not feeling well, I can just be gone for maybe fifteen minutes."
Gwen shifted uncomfortably, "I think I'll stay here." She said, "If that's okay."
"That's fine. I can skip." He shrugged, and settled closer.
"No, Arthur if you want to go, go. Really, don't worry about it." She looked at him seriously, "Really."
"If you don't like someone that was raised that way...I'll drop it." Arthur nodded. "It's seriously fine."
"It's not like that." Gwen said, "Everyone is free to believe in what they choose."
"I'll take care of you today." Arthur decided. "And I would kiss you, if I didn't want to get sick."
Gwen shrugged to herself, "If you want to spend together, that is totally and completely fine by me." She smiled, then winced as her head pounded. "And I don't want you sick either."
"Maybe you should go back to sleep?" Arthur hinted. "You look like you could use the rest."
"I can't sleep anymore." Gwen said, "I don't feel tired at all." Her head pounded and she blinked rapidly, "It's just a headache."
"You need to be lying down." His enforcement was still gentle as the volume on the screen slid to zero. "What is your favorite food? For lunch...it's almost noon. And I'm really hungry."
"You can't even cook." Gwen said, laughing, "Besides, I'm not hungry."
"Gwen. I'm just trying to take care of you. And, what about ice cream? That's...great for sick people!"
Gwen smiled tiredly, "Ice cream is good." She said, kissing him on the cheek.
"Alright. I'll be back." He slipped his feet into shoes, and slid his keys into his pocket.
"Thank you darling." Gwen said with a smile.
"Your welcome." Arthur nodded, not mentioning how tired he was himself, then left.
Gwen cuddled into her blanket, blinking her heavy eyelids. Her head pounded and she rubbed her temples gently. "I'm sure I'll be fine...tomorrow." She said.
When Arthur returned, she was softly asleep on the couch. After placing her ice-cream in the freezer, and leaving a note where it was, he went down to the chapel.
Gwen slept soundly, her eyelashes fluttering gently. It was an hour or so later when the nightmares started. She hadn't had them in so long she'd thought they had finished. Apparently she was wrong. She tossed, calling out in her sleep, unable to wake herself. She looked terrified.
"Gwen...Gwen, wake up. It was a dream." Arthur soothed. He'd come back from the chapel to find her in that state. His fingers ran ever so softly across her forehead, and still she didn't awake. "Guinevere."
Gwen's head turned and with what seemed like effort, her eyes opened. It took a few minutes for her to focus on Arthur, partially because she was dazed from the dream, and partially because tears were welling up in her eyes. She breathed heavily, as though she'd run a long way. "Just a dream?" She asked him, as though for confirmation.
"Yes." He nodded, using his sleeve to wipe some of her tears. "A dream. Only that."
"It seemed so real though." Gwen said, blinking back more tears that threatened to spill over. Without thinking she moved her body forwards, wrapping her arms around him. She just had to know that he was real.
"Shh." Arthur held her close, and rocked slowly. "You're sick. That's all." A slight kiss on the forehead, and then he was gone into the kitchen. Arthur couldn't help but wonder if he'd disturbed her by leaving for church that morning. Lying wasn't his thing, eventually he'd needed to say something. He came back with a bowl of chocolate ice-cream. "I've also heard, that girls love chocolate when upset."
Gwen smiled, taking the bowl gratefully, "I believe you heard correctly." She said.
He quickly occupied the other side of the couch, stretching his legs out onto the ottoman. "I thought so. So much alike..."
"Gabby?" Gwen asked gently. She had come to recognize when he was remembering. She didn't mind. It was just a thing that happened sometimes. She was used to it now. She ate the ice cream slowly, waiting for a response.
Ouch. The name still hurt, and he couldn't admit it. "No. Uhm...just...girls in general, right?"
"It's okay." Gwen said, looking at him, "I don't mind."
Arthur still couldn't do it. Even after he'd kissed Gwen, let her into his home, and heart, he couldn't let go of the past. "I need to take a walk. Enjoy your ice-cream."
Gwen nodded. If he needed to be alone, that was what he needed. She clutched the bowl and watched him with worried eyes. She couldn't help it.
On the way out, Arthur grabbed his soccer ball, and ran, down thirteen flights of stairs. He didn't even know why he didn't take the elevator. But once on the field, he pounded the ball into the net, harder, and harder, and harder. Little did he know that he could be seen from a window, thirteen flights up.
Gwen sat at the window, cross legged, watching him. Her ice cream was done and now she just watched. She pressed her forehead against the window, enjoying the coolness it delivered. But concern filled her eyes.
Arthur's ball finally hit the post as he missed, and as it bounced back, he managed getting hit in the stomach. "Ow."
Gwen bit her lip, wishing there was something she would be able to say, or do, that would make him feel better. But she didn't think there was, nor would there ever be. The only thing she could do was be there for him.
Finally, after an hour of getting beat up, or beating up himself, Arthur headed back all thirteen flights.
Gwen had fallen asleep again, curled up at the window, blanket wrapped around her, using her arm as a pillow. She looked peaceful, childlike.
"Sleep well." He bit his lip, and fell onto his own bed, exhausted beyond belief. "God knows you need that much, darling."
Gwen wasn't woken by nightmares this time. And when she woke up the next morning, her headache was completely gone. She was slightly confused as to why she was lying beside the window in Arthur's flat at first. But she remembered and sighed. She hoped he was okay.
Arthur opened one eye when she peeked in his bedroom door, which he'd left unlocked on purpose. "Feeling any better?" The bed was a mess, and it was obvious he hadn't really been asleep. One shoe was near the door, and the other was next the window, tossed askew.
Gwen smiled, nodding. Her hair was completely tangled around her head, but she looked a lot better than she had in a few days.
"That's good." Unfortunately, he had seen better days. "I'll order some dinner in a bit."
"Arthur..." Gwen said uncertainly, before pushing the door open more and taking a step in, "Are you alright?"
"Exhausted and in need of a shower would sum it up." Arthur stood. "Maybe you should go home, and we can meet up later."
"Are...are you sure?" Gwen asked. She didn't want to pry but she hated seeing him like this. It seemed like it was tearing him apart. Whatever it was.
"Gwen. Just give me a chance to clean myself and the house up. I'll be fine...okay?" Arthur shook his head. "You don't want to hang out with me when I'm like this, really. I'll force myself to cheer up."
Gwen shook her head, "That's not what you do." She said, "You shouldn't force yourself. If you need to talk...Arthur, you know I'm here."
"Uh-uh. Not when Arthur is such a mess." He flopped back onto the bed, halfway tempted to throw his pillow over his blonde locks. "Please just come back later."
"Arthur, please, talk to me." Gwen said. She wasn't going to let him push her away. Not this time. "You can't keep this to yourself. It'll drive you mad."
"I'm not being driven mad, Gwen. Just having some time and space to myself. Like a grown up person...it's normal." He said that, then realised it might make her upset. "I'm sorry, but sometimes we won't be able to see heart to heart. It just won't work..."
"I'm not giving in on this one." Gwen said. "Arthur, I know you. That sounds ridiculous but I do. I mean, it's been two months since we met and I already feel like I know you better than anyone else. And I can see that whatever it is, whether it's about Gabby or something else, it's eating you up."
"Guinevere." Arthur chuckled. "I am not being eaten by anything." Then the pillow went flop, and flip, and was over his head.
"Please." Gwen said softly, walking to sit near him, "Just...talk to me,"
"No." He continued stubbornly, not wanting to talk to anyone, especially not Guinevere. "Sorry?"
"I'm not leaving until you talk to me." Gwen said. Maybe afterwards, he would figure out she was doing this because she cared about him.
"At least let me clean up!" Arthur pleaded. "I'm a mess. I haven't slept in 24 hours and I haven't showered in that long. Face it, Gwen, I look terrible. Even me doesn't want to talk to me."
"Good thing I'm not you then." Gwen said, raising an eyebrow, but still not moving from her place on the bed.
"I had no idea you were so stubborn." Arthur took the pillow away from his face.
"Likewise." Gwen said, sitting cross legged, "Take your time though. I can wait all night if I have to."
"Gwen. Why are you doing this to me?"
"Because I care about you Arthur!" Gwen was getting exasperated, "I don't know if you can't see that, or if you just don't want to, but I care about you, and I'm worried about you."
"And when a fellow hasn't slept in a day, that really isn't the best time to try and get him to talk." He argued, and stood by the window, thankful he hadn't changed it pajamas. That would have only made the situation more embarrassing.
Gwen covered her face with her hands and started talking again, though her voice was muffled, "Arthur, you're scaring me." She said, "Seriously. I'm tired of playing games with you, pretending you're okay, and that nothing has ever been wrong."
"There is nothing wrong with that!" Arthur exclaimed. "Please, just let me be the one that does the care taking. I don't need to think about the past, let alone talk about."
"But that's the problem!" Gwen said, putting her hands down, "You do need to talk about it! And you can't even admit it!"
"No. I've been this way for a year, nothing-nothing will get me to talk about that day. I can't. Guinevere, you've said that you love me...why cannot you accept that some things are better left hidden?"
"Because when you love someone, you don't hide things from them." Gwen said, tears shining in her eyes, "Because that's how people get hurt."
"I haven't told anyone about that." He said quietly, while thinking. 'Don't cry.' to himself on repeat. "Surely you understand how that feels? Not even my parents know the details of what was going on."
"Which is why you need to tell someone." Gwen said. "Because if you don't it will live inside you like a demon, and it will stay there. And you will never, ever be able to get rid of it." Her voice shook but she kept her composure.
"Gwen, please, don't cry." Arthur came a step closer, and curled his fingers softly around her arm. "Not for me. Come morning, I'll be fine. Everything could be forgotten. Just-don't make me talk." Seeing her cry made him hurt, and he felt like he was leaving her in the dust without even trying.
Gwen stood up, pulling away from his grip. "Whatever." She said, "You want to drown in your own sorrows, fine." She walked to the door, "Just don't expect me to stand around and watch."
"Gwen-" his voice broke. "Why are you doing this to me? No one has ever made me...choose before." His love, and his privacy? How could she want them to be one thing?
"I'm not making you choose." Gwen responded, "I'm trying to help you." Her hand was on the doorknob.
"How is it helping me to tear out my heart by leaving because I don't want to relive the past?" Arthur had thought that some things were better left buried with the person who had died.
"I've already tried to tell you." Gwen said, "It lives inside you and it eats away at you until there is nothing left. Believe me, I know." She pulled open the door, "Call me when you decide you need my help."
Arthur waited, all night, and the entire next day, without gathering the nerve to pick up his phone. Nightmares flashed across his sleepless eyes, until he dialed without knowing what he was doing. "I need a friend."
Gwen was at Arthur's flat within minutes. She wore jeans, a blue top and a shawl wrapped around her shoulders. She knocked on the door and waited.
If he had thought he looked terrible before, now was a waking nightmare. "You do have the key, you know." Arthur nodded.
"I know." Gwen said, "I thought it would be more polite." She walked in and turned to face him, "So talk." She said. The words would have sounded harsh had she not used her gentle tone. She wanted him to talk, and she wanted him to do it quickly, but she also didn't want him to be hurt.
"It was a year ago. She said those were the best three days of her life. They were worst of mine. I thought I died, when she died. The thought of any self harm had been...foreign to me. Especially the idea of someone like Gabby...getting it...to die. It hit me in a blur, and I thought I'd never be the same again."
Arthur had led her to the couch, and when he looked up, he wasn't ashamed to say that he had tears in his eyes.
"But then I met you, Guinevere, and it...was so real. I had never met anyone like you, since her. You were so much alike, that-it both broke my heart and..."
Arthur stopped, feeling like he couldn't continue, and there were a few moments of silence. "But at the same time, it was so- I loved you. Like I did her."
He found himself lost in thought for a moment. "I was going to ask her to marry me, Gwen. I even had the ring."
Gwen had tears in her eyes by the time he was done. She blinked them back though. Just this once, she wanted to be strong for him. Gently, she placed her hands over his. "Arthur." She said gently, "I know this is probably the last thing you want to hear at the moment but...you have to know that it wasn't your fault. No matter what you did, it probably wouldn't have changed anything. She'd probably already made up her mind by that point." She closed her eyes, biting her lip, "I know that probably doesn't sound very comforting."
"No, no." Arthur pulled his hands away. "It was. I wasn't enough for her, or she wouldn't have done that. Everyone says someday I'll have to accept what happened, and move on, but...I can't. And, Gwen, I don't know what's stopping me."
Gwen shook her head, "You have to believe me." She said, "Once someone has made up their mind about something, nothing anyone says can stop them. I know."
"I love you, you know that right?" Arthur said quietly.
Gwen smiled sadly, nodding, "Of course I do." She said, "And I love you."
"But something in me, still loves her Gwen, and I can't go on with you because you're too...perfect." He admitted. "Like a china doll that I don't want to break."
Gwen laughed, "Perfect." She echoed. Standing, she put her hands to her waist and pulled up the hem of her top. Along her stomach lay a line of perfect, straight cuts, "No one is perfect."
"I know. I just wanted to believe that you were, because of everything I've done." Arthur sighed deeply.
Gwen dropped her top, hiding the slices of remorse again. "Everyone is broken inside." Gwen said quietly, "Just...some more than others."
"Some are better at hiding it than others too." He nodded, then looked up. "I have something I need to show you."
Gwen nodded. He knew everything about her. Or almost everything. She figured it was time for him to share something else.
"Just, let me get something first." Arthur disappered into his room, and after changing clothes, dug deep into his drawer. His fingers clenched around the box he'd kept there for a year, without the courage to throw out. For just a bare moment, he opened it, and looked at the ring that glistened inside, then shut it, shoving it into his pocket. "Let's go." He was out the door, feet barely into his shoes. Arthur had needed to do this for a very long time.
Gwen pulled her shawl tighter around her and followed him. She didn't know where he was taking her, but she didn't know what to think.
The car pulled up silently by a graveyard, just as the sunset was appearing in the sky. It didn't take Arthur long to find the right stone, and it was obvious he'd come here often. "Here."
Gwen stood next to Arthur, staring at the stone. Gently, her hand reached out and found his, and she held on gently. She would be there for him.
"Gabriella Mansfield. Beloved daughter, and friend." Arthur read quietly, then knelt down, and reached into his pocket, removing the ring from the box. He gently buried it in the grass, then stood again. "Goodbye."
"Are you okay?" Gwen asked gently. Maybe this had been what he needed all aong.
"I'm fine." Arthur nodded, his voice husky, and tightly squeezed her hand. "I have to be."
Gwen nodded, "As long as you're sure." She said.
He didn't reply, just stood still, and silent, watching the sunset.
Gwen stood beside him, her hand gently on his.
"Let's go...home." Arthur took a deep breath, and began to walk away, almost feeling at peace, for the first time.
Gwen nodded, walking in step with him. She was so happy that he had been able to do this. Maybe now he could begin to move on. If that wasn't with her then fine, but she cared about him enough to want what was good for him. She hoped he would want her to be with him, but if he didn't, she would still stay near him. Be there for him. Always.
Arthur unlocked the door to his house, feeling glad about what he'd done, but somehow lonely after buring his memories and saying goodbye. His voice was quiet when he spoke again. "Make yourself comfortable, darling."
Gwen nodded, sitting down on the couch and pulling her feet up under her as she normally did.
"You alright? You seem quiet." Arthur noted, taking the other side of the sofa, casually. "Really...quiet."
"I'm fine." Gwen said, "I'm happy that you were able to...begin to let go at least." She said. She knew it would take time for him to fully move on.
He nodded. "Yeah...It'll take time. But, you know, maybe-"
"I'm proud of you." Gwen said, smiling. She folded her hands together, looking at him, "I really am."
"I have to leave." Arthur said suddenly. "For work. It will just be temporary. I'm sorry." Feeling bad for how he'd broken it to her, he took up her hands softly.
"It's fine." Gwen said, "I'll probably be back at work tomorrow anyway."
"I was hoping, you know, my assistant-slash-girlfriend would come."
"Or that too." Gwen said, smiling, "Let me go home and get changed."
"I'll be getting ready, by tomorrow." Arthur leaned in and kissed her softly. "Thank you...for everything."
"Don't mention it." Gwen said, smiling. She stood, pulling her shawl around her. It was almost like a comfort blanket now. "I'll be back in a bit." She said.
"Thanks Gwen. For everything." He knew he'd already said it, but felt he couldn't say it enough.
Gwen smiled, turning back briefly to hug him tightly, "You're welcome." She said softly.
"I'll pick you up in the morning, and we can head to the airport. Pack some cool clothes. It might be a bit chilly." He softly kissed her forehead, before letting her go. "You're going to London, Gwen."
Gwen looked ridiculously surprised, "Why am I going to London?" She asked, confused, then suspicious, "Am I missing something here?"
"No, silly. " Arthur laughed. "My father is the English Ambassador to America. I was born there. And that is where our business leads us."
"Ooh!" Gwen said, before smiling happily, "Lovely, I've always wanted to go to England."
"Well, I haven't been there since I was five, but my family has always stressed it that I keep my native accent. I have no idea why, apparently they didn't approve of American...talking." Arthur tugged one of her curls. "Cheerio. I'll see you in the morning."
Gwen smiled, "Night." She said. She went to her flat happily. This was turning out to be a good day after all.