My friend Gina (fanfiction name F.T.L Everdeen-Holmes) has made a youtube video for my book I currently have the on the Kindle - Poppy Girl. It's really good and really funny, so please check it out! :D Her youtube name is ginaiswin :)

Anyway, I hope this update is ok, thanks for all the reviews for the last chapter, please keep them up! :D

This Is It

There's a strange chill in the air, and yet the whole world has fallen still, as if waiting. I realise I've been holding my breath, and let out a deep sigh, but there is no one to hear it. Of course, anyone with some sense in their heads would be indoors and in bed at half three in the morning, but I think I've lost all sense.

It must be cold, but I don't feel it, I don't feel much anymore, even now I don't feel any fear. The only thing I do feel though is the dull ache slowly creeping into my arms as I hold onto the side of the bridge. Thank goodness no one is around to see me do this, no one deserves to see someone take their own life. Believe me, I know.

I've finally reached the end of my tether. I tried to keep on living, I tried to keep going, but there was no point any more, I didn't have anything left to live for. I just couldn't keep going the way I was, I was just a machine, doing nothing more than breathing, simply existing without a purpose.

It was a few days after I had spoken to Harry that I decided to come to the bridge. I hadn't heard from her since, I hadn't heard from anyone, I think I'm dead to the world. The day I was spoke to her was the day I snapped, but I tried to keep myself going for as long as possible, thinking that surely there was a better way out than death.

I have found no other way out.

The image of the bridge at Regents Park kept on appearing in my mind. I kept on thinking about the calm, peaceful water far below that I could just disappear within forever. There was a sudden certainty in my mind when I gave up trying to sleep and made my way to the bridge again.

I know some people might be upset or angry to find out I have done this. Mrs Hudson, Lestrade, perhaps even Harry. But in the past twelve weeks I have changed so much I might as well be dead to them already, and I can stop weighing down on their minds and they can move on with their lives. I just hope they understand why I am about to do this, and I wouldn't do it if there was another way out of this hell, but there is none.

I climb over the side of the bridge, so I am almost directly above the water, now there is nothing between me and oblivion but the sides of the bridge behind me and a few inches of concrete beneath my feet.

I'm not scared, I wish I was somehow, but whatever the afterlife is must be better than how I am living now.

To think that once I begged to live, and now I am purposefully taking it away, it seems like such a waste, but I feel it would be more of a waste if I kept on living as this empty shell, not going anywhere, no aim, no reason, just sitting all alone with my broken soul and my nightmares.

A gentle breeze brushes past me, the leaves rustle and whisper, as if daring me to jump. Or maybe the world is bidding me farewell. I am certain that I will die tonight, but the world will just keep on spinning as if nothing has happened. It doesn't seem fair in a way, but I also feel like I have thrown away my life, so I shouldn't feel selfish and don't deserve to keep on living on this earth.

Twelve weeks ago, I never thought I would end up doing something like this, but a lot can change in a short space of time.

The dead eyes of Sherlock Holmes staring up at me still haunt me, even now.

I take one final look into the night, as if uttering my own farewell, before I close my eyes and let go of the sides of bridge, letting gravity take control. I tumble through the air towards the water.

I feel like I am falling through the air for quite some time, my arms and legs flailing as if I am a bird desperately trying to fly. The wind whistles past me, it sounds like a cry in my ears, like a man crying out my name.

I hit the water.

All of a sudden my dead senses come back to life. The first thing I feel is pain as I fall into the river at an odd angle, then I feel the sudden, terrible cold of the water. It's such a shock my eyes jerk open, but I see nothing but endless blackness all around me. Instinctively my body tries to swim away from this darkness, trying find the surface of the water.

However when I realise what I'm doing I manage to calm myself down and hang limp in the water, allowing my body to be pushed down to the bottom of the river where I shall lie, finally in peace.

I feel myself growing weaker the longer I stay under the water, my lungs burn for air but after a while my senses die down again. I don't feel the cold, I don't feel the pain.

Black spots start appearing in front of my eyes, which surprises me, as I thought nothing could be any darker than the water I am in. It leaves me disorientated so I close my eyes, knowing that the end is coming, and yet still I am not scared, it seems welcoming in a way.

No more sorrow, no more hatred, no more regrets, no more nightmares. No more pain.

This is it.