Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Nurarihyon no Mago
...
Rikuo: Mothers
...
It wasn't long before after the fight with Seimei in Kyoto that Rikuo had this conversation with himself.
That night the moon was particularly cold and white, and he, his night self, was perching on the bloomless old weeping cherry tree, contently sipping sake and admiring the empty sky.
Or so it appeared to anyone who chanced to come by and see anyway.
No, he was neither content nor calm. Since that day, he knew his yokai self had been thinking of something. Something that even he, despite being his other half, wasn't allowed to know. But since they shared the same body and most of their thoughts and emotions, he could tell enough that he was thinking about that sad yokai, one who had been used by Seimei, one who had protected them from the fatal blow, and one who once was their father's precious person.
Yamabuki Otome.
To the crisp night air, Rikuo the Nurarihyon spoke lightly. "Isn't it considered bad manners to snoop around looking at other's thoughts?"
The human Rikuo flinched inside of him.
I'm not snooping, he said, I'm just…trying to find out what I'm thinking.
Technically speaking, they were one and the same person, so he wasn't lying.
His night self chuckled. "Is that right? So, you know what you are thinking yet?"
Rikuo was quiet.
A cool breeze rustled by. He took another sip of sake, then said, "You're worried me thinking about Yamabuki Otome."
It wasn't a question but a simple, knowing statement. His consciousness shifted nervously, Rikuo retreated a little from the formless wall that separated them.
His lazy gaze fixed on the moon, the Nurarihyon asked. "Why?"
Even though the yokai blood made up for only one forth of him, his other self seemed to hold the greater power over the mind that they shared and now he was held in place, unable to close himself off or slip away.
Still nervous but more irritated, Rikuo looked straight at him. It's not that I'm worried. I just don't understand the emotion from you that time when she—before she—that is—what I'm trying to say is—
The yokai halted the confusion and forced him to be still.
You don't make sense, he said into his mind and Rikuo winced. But I know what you are talking about.
Rikuo blinked. You do?
You're just easy to read.
Looking up at the moon, the Nurarihyon recalled the unsteady steps and her cold hands that had reached out, touching, and cradling his face.
The infinite gentleness, the sad longing, and the dream that had never been realized, all were so painfully clear in that last caresses and wistful words.
"The splitting image…of that person..." she murmured, red tears tracing down her pale cheeks. Then, as though dreaming of that one wish that couldn't be granted, she smiled. It was the first gentle smile that had ever graced this face, and the most gentle smile he had ever seen from anyone.
"If I could have had a child… surely, it would have been a child like you…"
Temperature seemed to have dropped all of a sudden, and the shadows about the tree seemed to grow darker and larger in that one instant.
The hanging branches swayed restlessly as intense fear rippled out from him in waves of sharp blades. Crimson eyes flashed bright and cold in the light of the moon as he stared ahead.
Rikuo was stiff and still inside their shared consciousness. This wasn't the first time that this happened but this must the clearest time that his other self had shown his feelings so far. The sheer amount of rage and desire to kill in that fear was enough stop all sounds and movements inside the mansion and further. He prayed that none of the subordinates would come and approach them at this moment. He wasn't even sure if his grandpa could stop him this time.
Rikuo.
Rikuo jumped.
...What is it? he asked, carefully.
A slight pause. Then, Yamabuki Otome… if she could have had a child, she could have been my mother.
Shock, anger, guilt, confusion, all came in one flooding torrent at that admission.
The yokai bore his human counterpart's emotions calmly. He waited, sipping and enjoying the last of the sake.
After a while, his feelings calmed, Rikuo spoke to him. I don't understand why you feel…so much for her. We saw each other only once and that wasn't even you that was with her. Is it because she was whom father had loved?
You really talk like a human, the Nurarihyon thought back at him, watching the rippling moon slowly forming its perfect disc in the cup. Were you worried that I should feel for her more than our mother?
That's not quite the case but… he thought hard of how to put it. Failed, he finished lamely. Maybe...a part of it. Somehow all this doesn't seem quite fair to mother.
And has anything been fair to father and Yamabuki Otome?
…No.
There's nothing that you need to worry about. Nura Wakana remains our mother and nothing will ever change that. She is very important to the both of us, however…
He downed the sake in one gulp and threw the cup to the ground, shattering it.
As you are the human aspect of us, you will feel a certain connection to your human mother in a way that I, as a yokai, cannot understand. The same can also be said that you, as a human, will not be able to sympathize with how we, I and she, have felt at that moment.
The rest of the conversation was cut off when he forced Rikuo to sleep. He didn't want to talk about it anymore. Not when it would stir him up unnecessarily and cause his well-intentioned but nosy subordinates to worry and come bothering him after.
Sighing, Rikuo leant back against the tree, letting himself be drowned in the memory of that time once more.
He had seen it with her. He had seen her and his father's dream together. Their shared wish of a future that never happened. How wonderful it would have been if it could come true for the both of them.
Rikuo closed his eyes, remembering the poem his father often recited every time he took him to see the yamabuki flowers blooming at that rundown shrine.
"Nanae yae hana wa sakedomo, yamabuki no mi no hitotsu da ni naki zo, kanashiki…"
"If I could have had a child… surely, it would have been a child like you…"
The impulsive thought that he had felt that time came back. It was strange, as Rikuo had said. They barely knew each other and yet... for that all-too-short time together, it made him really wish that the thread of thoughts that connected them would be something more than just thoughts. He couldn't have voiced it out loud out of consideration for his human self and his current family but…
If you could have had a child by my father, surely, you would have been my mother.
To the indifferent moon and the passing night breeze, he murmured.
"Nanae yae hana wa sakedomo, yamabuki no mi no hitotsu da ni naki zo, kanashiki…"
It's not the season for the yamabuki flowers but tonight he would dream of a sea of golden flowers blooming endlessly, its petals coloring the wind brightly.
And there, in the garden full of light and warmth, standing beside each other and smiling, were his parents.
"Our child will become the next leader of all ayakashi far and wide. That's why I'm making the clan as big as I can in preparation."
"Eh?"
"We will be together forever…by each other's side."
"Yes, Rihan-sama."
...