Chapter 55-The Letter
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Kris walked out of the stall and gently rubbed her cheeks, trying to un-etch the tearstains that streaked her face. She quietly nodded her head to him, signaling that she was ready. After they had buried him, they all stood silently next to the grave.
Kneeling down Kris took off the small horse necklace she was wearing and laid it across his grave.
"Where is your locket?" Junior asked softly, speaking to her for the first time.
"In my jewelry box at home," Kris replied just as softly "I figured it was time for a change."
"So, what?" Junior asked anger evident in his voice "You just move out and move on all in the same day, how convenient for you."
Matt could see the hurt on her face and he instantly wished he was inside, away from them and away from everything. It was a hard enough day for them all, and he didn't think fighting was the best idea with emotions high.
"Is that what you think?" Kris asked the hurt seeping through in her voice. "I think it was you Junior who moved on a long time ago."
He felt a sigh escape his lips; his shoulders tighten in anticipation of the fight to come.
"What exactly is that suppose to mean?" Junior asked throwing his hands in the air.
"I thought we weren't going to do this," Kris replied as her voice broke "I thought we agreed not to air our dirty laundry, not in front of our family Junior."
"Lets," Junior replied his voice rising "I don't care if the whole world knows. You lied to me, you kept secrets, and you pulled us apart. This is your fault."
The tears started to fall down her face and he was mesmerized by the way she gently reached up and brushed each of them aside.
"YOU LIED TOO." Kris screamed throwing her hands in the air in frustration "I take responsibility for the fact that I kept things from you, but you told me you trusted me. Apparently not enough."
Junior looked at her anger evident in his face not saying a word.
"I waited for you," she cried "I waited for you for over a year, longing for you, crying for you. I waited for you when you needed time, time to rebuild the memories. I waited for you my whole life." Her voice broke as she spoke, "But you couldn't even wait three months for me."
She looked away from him and at the group of people next to them who stood silently watching.
"I'm sorry," Kris whispered in their direction "that you had to witness this."
She made her way towards the car, brushing past them, the pain evident in her eyes.
"Kris," Junior called and she turned stunned to look at him.
"I'm sorry," Junior stated softly, "I know how much Wildfire meant to you."
Matt watched as their eyes met and connected in a way he had never shared with her before. As briefly as it happened, it had passed and she turned her head away looking off in the distance. They stood for a moment, shuffling their weight between their feet. The unsaid words left a bristling tension in the air.
"Well, I should be heading back." Kris stated softly.
Junior nodded his head quietly, softly in resignation. He leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on his son's head before handing her the carrier. Junior, not willing or able to watch them leave again made his way into the bunkhouse and out of sight.
--
Junior had fallen asleep sometime shortly after they had left and only woke when his hands, reaching through the air for her, came up short. It was then, lying in bed staring at the space where she used to lay that he saw the letter.
He recognized the scrawl immediately, Kris' delicate letters looped together. He reached over holding the letter in his hands, shifting it from one to the other. He wondered what else she would have to say, besides what had already been said.
As he gently tore the envelope open, he silently wondered if their relationship would make it past today. He scorned himself for getting so worked up about her necklace, she had still had her engagement ring on; he had noticed almost instantly.
He gently traced over the scrawl of his name once before pulling the letter out. It took him a moment to get up the nerve to read it, but once he did he couldn't put it down.
Junior,
If you are reading this, then it means that Jason and I are gone. I'm not quite sure where we went wrong these past few months, but I need to tell you that I love you and I am sorry. I can't help but feel like our lives are constantly leading us on different paths.
Can I tell you a secret? The moment I saw you, standing on the track, arms on your hips I knew you were the one. Call me crazy, call me silly, but there was something in the way you looked at me, even then that told me I could trust you.
You were there for me when I needed you most. You put a claim on Wildfire, you took me to meet my mother at the train station, and you kissed me first.
I remember the exact day that I found out you were getting married to someone else. I fought back the tears, and remained strong knowing somehow that it would work out and it did. You pursued me and won me back, my ever-loving prince.
Do you remember our wedding? The way the lights twinkled like stars around the tent? The way you held my hand in yours, and we kissed beneath the twilight? I had always pictured what my wedding would be like, and honey you surpassed my every expectation.
On our anniversary, we made love in the hallway. A fleeting goodbye, a last goodbye. I would play the memory over and over in my mind, remembering you and the way you were. You gave me Jason, but in the process I lost you my love. I waited for you, yearned for you, and mourned you.
I had imagined my life and every minute with you in it, until the day you returned. I waited patiently as the memories slowly came back to you. Clung to you and yes I did cling. I was afraid of losing you again, my love, and it looks as if my fears have come true.
I'm not quite sure if I can ever describe the feeling these past few months, but I know you understand. I ached for your touch, but you were distant and cold. I'm not blaming you love, but you need to know. I yearned for you.
I spent so much time crying over our relationship deteriorating that I did nothing to help fix it. I hold that blame as solely my own. You and I both know that I kept things from you, drawing a wedge between us, pushing us apart.
I think it is time I shared what has really been going on and let the skeletons in my closet free.
That day, when I was whisked away from Raintree, I met an old friend, two old friends. I never mentioned the fact that Wynn was my driver that day, whisking me off to an unknown place. A place that would eventually bring happiness into my life and surprising me in a way that shook me to my core.
He took me to Tina that day and as we sat in the warehouse sipping tea, I felt so out of place. I had made a promise to Tina a long time ago, for a single favor no questions asked. Her favor was for me to race a fairly unknown horse, with huge potential.
As you now know, I agreed. Firefly was amazing, bringing me to life again in a way that I cannot describe. I never really knew how much I missed horse racing until I felt the rush of wind in my hair that first day.
As part of the agreement, I was to tell no one what I was up to and I was not allowed to ride for anyone else. While these restrictions seem steep, I understood. Each time I road Firefly, I felt a rush of adrenaline. We became one.
I wanted to tell you, my love, about this new exciting thing in my life but I could not. I struggled each day watching you pull farther and farther away knowing that you would not approve. After all the last time I was involved with Tina, I got hurt.
Then Sheik Omar came into the picture and I knew that I couldn't tell you. How was I going to tell the love of my life that the man that helped in tearing us apart now had such a pivotal involvement in my newfound joy? I couldn't do that to you, or to us.
And so the gap between us grew, and by the time I realized it was getting out of control it was too late. I saw you pulling back, slowly at first. You avoided touching me, talking to me, kissing me.
I started to notice the look in your eyes change from love to resentment. Do you resent me my love? Please understand that I had no choice. I take responsibility for putting the wedge between us, but how easy it was for you to make it grow.
I waited for you my love, through everything, through all our ups and downs. Yet you couldn't even wait a month before you grew tired of waiting. You and I both know that it is true. You were always the one to pursue me, to pick me.
This time I am picking you. Understand that I love you, but we need time apart. Time to let the growing resentment settle and time to dust off the recesses of our hearts and be ready to truly be open with each other.
I hope that in time you will understand why I did what I felt I had to do, for us, and for our family. Until then I will wait for you.
Kris
He sat in bed, staring softly at the letter, comprehending its words. His hands shook as he took it in and he gently laid it on the bed running his hands through his hair.
He was so stupid and officially a jerk. He could feel the guilt rising in the pit of his stomach. She had waited for him and would continue to wait for him. She loved him despite his faults and despite everything they had been through.
He could feel his legs moving, lifting him out of bed. Everything made sense, everything was clear. She needed time and he would give it to her. He would wait for her as she had waited for him, still waited for him.
His legs moved with purpose, leading him away from his bed and on to a new day with new tasks. He was on a mission and he would not stop until he succeeded.