"speech"
"radio, feline language, or telepathic speech"
thoughts
Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any other manga, anime, or other pre-existing setting that may crop up..
Warning: There will be some OOC. It is an AU though, so that can almost be expected.
Any wizard worth his beard can tell you about magic. Real magic that is, not the stuff done in Vegas or on television. One of the most important lessons about magic is that it is alive. One can harness it, guide it, sometimes even force it to do what you want. But in the end magic has a will of it's own. The more powerful the spell or artifact, the more self willed it is. The best magus are more akin to diplomats then the common man might expect.
Another thing that any skilled spell caster can tell you is that magic has a sense of humor. It also does not like to be abused. The problem then becomes the question of 'what does magic consider abuse'? No two wizards will give the same answer. If one were to ask a three hundred year old woman named Cologne she would tell you that only alchemical potions are reliable. Another person of extreme old age would swear up and down that only scrolls and talismans are safe to use.
While it's little known, it is a fact that wish granting talismans are some of the most potent items of magic. They have to be to remake reality at the wisher's request. Of course, this also means they are sentient. It is for this reason that wishes are rarely granted exactly the way the wisher intended. Rarely is it someone makes a wish that isn't self gratification. And this annoys such talisman to no end. The more self serving the wish, the more likely it is to be messed with.
Another thing wish granting talisman hate is someone using their power to try enslaving another. Such wishes always backfire, if they are even granted in the first place. And when dealing with djinn or other actual entities that are granting the wish it can be suicidal. Not always, it depends on the mood of the djinn. It also depends on how long the entity had been sealed in a container fifty times smaller then it's self.
With all this in mind, one could safely say that a teenage boy named Tatawaki Kuno was in serious trouble. For the second time in a single year he had acquired a wish granting object. The first time it had been a magic sword that could grant three wishes. This time it was in the form of a small blue bottle. The curio salesman said this bottle would be able to grant Kuno anything he desired.
There had been rules which the salesman tried informing Tatawaki. Too bad the Kuno heir hadn't paid attention to what he considered a waste of time. Nor had he stayed long enough to have what to do explained to him. Surely, he thought, one of his nobility didn't need a peasant to tell him how to make a wish. As they say, pride comes before the fall. And none had more undeserved pride then the Kuno family.
An hour later he stood in his room, examining the bottle. He'd tried rubbing it. He'd shaken the bottle, but it appeared to be empty. Finally Kuno pulled out the stopper. When he did so a light green mist flowed from the now open bottle. The mist filled the room, obscuring vision and disrupting spacial awareness. There was the distinct feeling of being observed, yet no one could be seen.
"By the contract of Solomon I come to thee," a sensuous female voice spoke. "Three wishes, three desires, three chances I give. By thy summoning my terms hath been confirmed. Tell me oh mortal, what is thy first desire?"
There was little need to think of what to wish for. With the wishing sword Kuno had wished for his pig tailed goddess to date him. At the time Kuno had thought it would be enough to break the spell Saotome had her under. But it had clearly not been enough. No, it would take the final defeat of Saotome to break the spell. Thus he knew exactly what to say this time. He'd known the instant he'd heard what the bottle did.
"I, Tatawaki Kuno, the Blue Thunder, wish the foul sorcerer Saotome was dead, and the pig tailed goddess was free to show how much she loves me."
The mist seemed to eye him with disgust. This mortal disregarded the rules of the contract. And what's more, he was trying to compel another person's emotions. It also sounded like he was trying to double the number of wishes by disguising some of them. Very few things annoyed her more then such attempts to cheat. So she ignored the first wish, as was her right. The mist started to growl angrily.
"Thy first desire is null and void. Requesting the slaying an innocent violates the terms of thy contract. Thy second shall be considered. What is thy final desire?" The mist demanded.
Being told 'no' and 'maybe' came as a shock. His wishes were suppose to be granted immediately, not rejected and deliberated over. And what was this nonsense about a contract? He'd signed nothing, agreed to nothing. That Kuno had ignored the man trying to explain the rules regarding his wishes didn't register on the teen's mind. After all, how could one possibly be at fault when they are of noble blood?
"Then I want to defeat the foul sorcerer Saotome in honorable combat!" He proclaimed.
"Fine then," The mist said in it's sultry voice. "I have heard thy desires. In one weeks span I shall act." The mist then vanished.
XxXxX
The day had been pretty typical. It started after being thrown out of a second story window while still asleep. Lunch had consisted of the latest toxic creation of one Akane Tendo. Followed by a trip through the district by way of an uppercut after getting sick from the so called cashew chicken. The landing had been in a water fountain, of course. On the way to Doctor Tofu's clinic a mentally imbalanced gymnast named Kodochi had attacked for reasons no one could possibly understand.
So one could fully understand why Ranma Saotome was worried when a beautiful girl with long blond hair stopped 'him'. The girl stood about five foot five inches tall. She was wearing a pair of hip hugging jeans with a white belly tee which had 'Magic' written in green letters across the front. Her feet were encased sensibly in tennis shoes which looked rather comfortable for distance walking or any other physical activities that required cloths to be on.
"Are you the one sometimes called the 'pig tailed goddess'?" The woman asked Ranma.
Ranma rolled her eyes as she answered. "Only one nut calls me that. Who are you?"
The unknown woman smiled warmly. "Call me Jeanie, it's as good a name as any. I take it you know Tatawaki Kuno then. Care to tell me your thoughts on him?"
Jeanie motioned Ranma to follow along while she fished for information. This isn't her birth gender. Interesting. Ranma quickly took the lead, escorting the woman towards the Tendo dojo while they spoke. So far there had been no mention of the usual words when a new girl entered Ranma's life. Those words were 'challenge', 'fiance', and 'revenge'. Too often new girls had shown up with valid claims of engagement.
"I hate him, the nut keeps trying to kill me, or marry me depending on the water temp. Wont listen, keeps claiming I'm some kinda sorcerer. Whatever that is."
Jeanie blinked. The 'foul sorcerer' and 'pig tailed goddess are the same? Interesting indeed. "What do you know of magic?"
Ranma thought long and hard. They were almost to the dojo when she finally had an answer. "Don't trust it. Magic's done nothing but cause trouble. Cursed mirrors, love potions, possessed swords, cursed bras, all magic does is try ta kill me or force me ta marry a stalker."
Jeanie's surprise at the words was mild. By his own admission Ranma had encountered magic. Yet didn't trust it. No one who distrusts magic would ever use it willingly. Or at least not if they knew they were using magic. The woman had the feeling the 'pig tailed goddess' was a mage, but not like any encountered before. It was entirely possible the young mage didn't even know she was one.
"Even if it could remove a curse?" Jeanie asked.
"There ain't no cure. I know that," Ranma told her. "Sides, bein a girl ain't that bad. Not like I turn into a pig, or duck."
As if mention of ducks summoned one, a white mallard with really thick glasses charged through the air while quacking. A flap of the duck's wings sent a dozen daggers flying towards the two pedestrians. Jeanie waved her hand, causing the blades to turn into feathers. With a broad grin she turned back to her companion. Her expression made Ranma shudder. It promised mischief.
"Thanks for the walk. And now I must go. 'Foul sorcerer' indeed. This will be fun." The woman vanished in a cloud of green smoke.
XxXxX
If anyone had asked, Elder Cologne couldn't have said why she felt compelled to check the family lineages of Shampoo and Mousse. She'd long known that Mousse was a cousin to her great granddaughter. It was one reason why the elder had subtly discouraged Shampoo from associating with the boy. What came as a surprise though was that the shared ancestor was an outsider by the name of Torsho Saotome.
This discovery caused her to look into the ancestry of her future son-in-law. It lead to another shock. Torsho was related to one Ranma Saotome too. He in fact was the great grandfather of Ranma Saotome, as well as both Shampoo and Mousse. It was so improbable that it just had to be true. Nothing in that boy's life ever was normal. But if true, it meant the outsider laws had never applied. And that meant...
"It means I have a headache," the elder muttered.
Her entirely too bubbly grand child bounced over to Cologne with an expression of boredom. "What Great Grandmother do? Why no help Shampoo catch husband?"
The old woman groaned. "Shampoo, do you know why I never endorsed Mousse?"
"Shampoo no know," the teenage girl said with obvious confusion.
"Child, it is for the same reason why Son-in, I mean Ranma, is now off limits. You are cousins."
The silence was so complete after this deceleration that one could have heard a pin drop. Or a thought flit through Mousse's brain if that were to actually happen. If anyone had been paying attention to the cabinets they would have noticed a six inch tall blond woman wearing jeans and a white belly tee shirt. The diminutive blond woman was trying hard to contain her mirth. It was her doing after all that made the two related to the 'pig tailed goddess'.
XxXxX
The morning started like many do for Ranma Saotome. He woke up sailing through the air moments before hitting the koi pond. That was where the normal routine ended though. Instead of emerging from the pond and sparring with his, now her, father the koi pond started to emit a bright green glow. Along with the glow came a feeling of peace. The teenager's mind felt like it was expanding.
New ideas flooded Ranma's consciousness second by second. New senses could be felt as well. Suddenly Ranma could feel everyone within a six block radius. She also found something else within her mind. A name had appeared. I am Ranko, goddess of protection? What the? The glow died down, and the newly christened 'Ranko' emerged from the pond. Her sleep cloths had been replaced by a light blue body suit and red robe.
When Jeanie appeared with a bow Ranko blinked. "Did you do this?"
The blond woman smiled mischievously before saying "Of course. I am contractually bound to, let's see here... how did he word it? Oh yes, it was 'make the 'pig tailed goddess free to show how much she loves me'. Congratulations on your accession. May I ask what you're the goddess of?"
"Protection," Ranko muttered. "I'm not locked am I?"
Jeanie's smile never faded as she answered "No, but your mortal side will eventually die."
XxXxX
The sun shined upon his noble head. Today was the day the foul sorcerer would be vanquished once and for all. In honor of the momentous occasion Tatawaki Kuno had brought the Kuno honor blade instead of his wooden training sword. Truly he could not fail. It was his destiny to end the fiend's tyrannical grip upon Kuno's loves. The fierce Akane Tendo would be arriving soon, and with her would come his most hated foe.
And there he was, reinforcing the evil spell! "The wraith of heaven is slow but steady. The gods have blessed me this day. I, the Blue Thunder shall smite thee Foul Sorcerer!"
The reaction of his hated foe was not quite what Kuno had expected. Instead of engaging in noble combat, the sorcerer vanished in a sudden shower. But hold, here was the pig tailed goddess! The problem was that his love was in the deadly path of his sword. Quacking distracted Kuno as a myopic duck charged the pig tailed girl with daggers held in it's wings somehow. The pig tailed girl's eyes shot wide open in horror.
No one watching could say how it happened. But just before the duck was cleaved in two Kuno's sheath appeared on the sword. Instead of bisecting, it merely knocked the duck senseless. Some would argue the duck couldn't be knocked senseless since that would imply it retained some sense to begin with. His pig tailed goddess was scowling at Kuno. A fact which confused him greatly.
"Tatawaki Kuno, you have attacked an innocent while claiming to serve Heaven's justice for the last time. For a year now you have falsely accused my mortal form of sorcery and enslaving others. You have broken the martial artist's code and dishonored your clan. I despise everything you represent. If ever you threaten an innocent again you shall learn what the wraith of heaven feels like." With her pronouncement Ranko, Goddess of Protection entered the school.
Green mist flowed into the school's courtyard as Kuno stared blankly ahead. The mist coalesced into the form of Jeanie, the blond woman who had been seen around Nerima for the last week. She looked extremely pleased with herself. Jeanie conjured a glass filled with warm water and approached Kuno and the duck. When Kuno didn't respond to her presence she slapped him across the cheek.
"My job is finished. The pig tailed goddess has expressed how she feels about you, and you've defeated the one you desired. May I present to you Mousse Saotome, the fowl sorcerer." Jeanie then dumped the water on the duck, turning it back into Mousse's human form.
Author Notes:
I have to apologize for the horribly bad pun. It occurred to me while working on Of Fish and Ponds, and just wouldn't leave me alone. So I had to figure out how the pun can be used in a way that makes at least a little sense.