Into Her Blood
1 rose in her hand
1 rose that cannot stand.
1 rose falls into her blood.
1 last rose, drowned in her flood.
Today is the day. The last day. Today is the day that I am scheduled to die. And I don't know what I am feeling. I just feel... numb. I held my last rose in my hand as I walked to the hospital. Syd had tried so desperately to come, but I refused. I didn't want her to see me die. She is too young and innocent. Lynn told me that the hospital had called and visited almost everyday while I was gone. So I guess I should go back. The walk there seems too short. The walk to the check-in desk seems too short. The day seems too short. My life seems too short. But only because it is.
The secretary checked me in after I had filled out some forms and my doctor came immediately. He started questioning me as he led me to a hospital room. He stopped when he realized I wasn't going to answer. He just gave me the white hospital gown and left me alone to change. I sat the rose down on the side table and switched clothes. After about fifteen minutes, the doctor came back and informed me that he would be using pain killers and anesthesia so I wouldn't feel anything for about the next twenty hours. As he put the plastic mask on me and told me to count back from one hundred, I gripped the rose's stem as tight as possible until the thorns drew scarlet red from my hand. A puddle of blood formed on the sheet around the rose. I didn't focus on the pain though. My only thought was that I will never wake up. I will die during this sleep that is being forced upon me. That was my last and final thought as I slipped into unconsciousness. For later that very night, I lost the war against myself, and passed. I had died.
My roses are gone. They have been spread to every important aspect of my life. They showed where I had been and who I was. Those roses are a part of me. And just like me, they are gone.