Marauders 101
By: neen
Okay, I fibbed. These are going to be shorter than my usual length…But better, I hope?
It's supposed to be funny…let's see how you guys like it!
Reviews, please.
Thanks!
Part One.
Marauders 101:
An Inside Guide to The Way of The Four Gods of Hoggity Hogwarts
I: Wormtail
Um, hi there! I'm part of the group called the Marauders, and my name is Wormtail. We're currently writing this book for our fangirls…and…Prongs?
Well, apparently, Wormtail can't think of much more to write, so we will resort to this fixed survey-like thing to allow you to get a much better and complete grasp at what he has to offer about himself…
THE SURVEY
Name: Wormtail. That's all I can give. My mommy told me not to give out my real name in these types of things to strangers, so…I'm sorry!
Nicknames: Wormy, Rat-boy. I think Padfoot called me…Earswax once in our second year?
Birthday: February 18th.
Hair Color: I think it used to be this washed out blond. Or maybe it looked more like a pale brown. I dunno, it was so very long ago. Prongs experiments on me for Snivellus's new hairdo of the day, so, it's currently a pale purple with spiky braids. Lilac. It's really pretty!
Eye Color: Watercolor Blue. I like to think they're my best feature—they're always so watery!
Height: 5' 1'', I think. Unless I'm in high heels, then I'm about 5' 4''. Those shoes really do make a difference, don't they?
Favorite Color: Yellow, hands down. It's the color of the best things this world has: daisies, the sun, Snitches, and best of all--forgotten pee droplets on the toilet rim.
Favorite Food: Pickled pig tails. With olives. And a dash of cream cheese on the side. Mm.
Favorite Phrase: Umm…I like Padfoot's trusty pick-up line, "You're hot, I'm hot. Let's snog."
Favorite Sport: Quidditch…that's the only sport wizards play, right? Besides, I like watching Prongs play—he's so good at everything! Even Seekering, which he's not even supposed to do.
Pets: Umm, I think I had a frog once. Maybe I ate it when I was sleeping.
Piercings: Nope.
Tattoos: I have a merperson on the right side of my back. It even sings when I'm in the shower.
Broken Any Bones: No.
Been Shot/Stabbed: Padfoot's accidentally shot me with something from Zonko's…and Moony's repeatedly stabbed me with his pointy eagle quill that he threatened Padfoot with.
Girlfriend: No one right now, but since I've heard that all of the girls like the Marauders, I guess I'm a hot item, right? Maybe I can finally ask out that cute Gryffindor girl that's sometimes here…I think Emilie was her name. She's really pretty. She could pass for Padfoot's sister—that's how pretty she is. That means I think Padfoot's pretty too, by the way.
Likes To: Watch Prongs play with the Snitch he stole from the Quidditch cupboard on March 29th. It's so cool! Umm…doing Dark Arts on the side and betraying people…ha, ha. Just joking, of course.
Favorite Marauder: Ooh, that's a toughie. I think probably Prongs, because he's so cool with the whole Snitch catching thing! That is amazing. Padfoot's cool too, and so very handsome. Moony is very nice and lets me copy his homework. I like them all.
Funniest Marauder: Padfoot? He guffaws in a way that's quite amusing, I must admit.
Prettiest Marauder: Ooh, Padfoot!
Most Handsome Marauder: Ooh, Padfoot!
Loudest Marauder: Ooh, Padfoot!
Craziest Marauder: (Prongs said if I wrote 'Ooh, Padfoot' one more time, he was going to stab me with his finger which is covered with some weird substance that I'm not quite sure what it is, so…) Oh, Padfoot!
Most Shy: Me.
Most Loving: Um, Moony?
Most Understanding: Moony.
Most Boring: Probably me. I don't have any maddening skills, so..
Richest: Prongs, most likely, with a close coming with Padfoot.
Most Athletic: Prongs. Padfoot still has a bit of pudge on his sides (but he's still very handsome!)
Most Cocky: Prongs and Padfoot, when they're surrounded by girls.
Biggest Sex Icon: Padfoot.
What Do You Think About When You Hear…
Cucumber: Pickles.
Cupboard: Prongs nicking that Snitch.
Collar: Padfoot desperately needs one.
Catapult: Please don't use me as a flinging object..
Cat: Padfoot's dinner. (Why are all these 'c' words?)
Corn: Cornbread.
Chocolate: Moony's indulgences.
Chiropractor: Er, what?
Chipmunk: Cute, fuzzy animal.
Cookies: Stars.
Most Embarrassing Moment: Ooh, I think it'll have to be that time I let out this huge, massively watery fart in the Great Hall in front of everyone. Even worse, James was experimenting with the Sonorus spell and the sound of my squeaky, high-pitched, and liquidy fart could be heard all around the room…
Murdered Anyone Lately: Er, I dunno. I think I squished a water bug with my purple high heel (it matched my hair) when I was frolicking outside, looking for purple-colored flowers. I'll hold a funeral for it later, honest.
Anything Else You'd Like to Add: That was fun! Can I do it again?
I'm afraid not in here, Wormtail. We've got a good idea about you now. You can do that on the parchment lying underneath Padfoot's bed with mold-crusted corners while we add in our comments to your survey.
Okay!
Author's Note:
Well, I updated! Next will be the commentary by the Marauders for this chapter…
IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE INCLUDED IN THE NAMES SECTION IN THE BACK OF THIS 'BOOK' (READ THE PREFACE IN CASE YOU HAVE NO EARTHLY IDEA WHAT I'M GOING ON ABOUT), PLEASE LEAVE THE NAME YOU WOULD LIKE TO USE IN A REVIEW. I WILL COMPILE THEM, AND IT WILL BE IN THE LAST ENTRY OF THIS STORY. AFTER I HAVE POSTED THE FINAL ENTRY OF THE STORY, I WILL NOT ADD ANYMORE NAMES TO THE LIST. Sorry.
Thanks to HawnPotter for this lovely idea! Hopefully, it'll be a success.
I accept anonymous reviews!