Chapter Six: Just Forgot Romance

Suzaku sat back and watched as Lelouch was put through another recitation of the children of Charles zi Britannia, finding that he was smiling the longer Lelouch went on without a mistake. Part of him insisted that it was common knowledge; there was no real skill other than memorization needed. But part of him was watching Lelouch's facial expressions and noticing the small changes.

During one of the recitations Lelouch had looked a bit disgusted as he mentioned Clovis' name. It could have been an indication of a dislike of the prince from what he had learned in history, but Suzaku was willing to pretend that it was because Lelouch remembered how Clovis had annoyed him as a kid.

Then there was the fact that the door between their rooms had yet to be shut. Lelouch still said it was to get used to having a guard around, but Suzaku was willing to believe that it was also for companionship. He was sure that Lelouch would have called on one of the other knights if he had preferred their company but Lelouch turned to him.

He knew that the evidence for his conclusions was flawed, but he had stopped fighting the part of him that kept insisting that this man wasn't Lelouch. After all, he had admitted to liking having Suzaku around and even Euphemia had agreed to help them on looks alone. Then there were his mannerisms, Suzaku smirking as Lelouch got angry with something that Milly had said, turning away from the blonde and flicking his wrist in a dismissive motion. There was no way a person could imitate Lelouch so perfectly and not be him.

Suzaku was sure that Gino and Kallen would want to run interference at this point. They had only put him with Lelouch to keep him happy, or that would have been Gino's plan. Kallen probably wanted to prove that this wasn't his Lelouch and break him of his obsession, to show that he could live without Lelouch. Suzaku would have scoffed at her logic, because he was managing to fall deeper in love with Lelouch after being around him for four days straight.

Or, he had fallen in love with this version of Lelouch. But even this Lelouch wasn't much of a change from the old Lelouch that Suzaku remembered.

Lelouch was still a bit of a brat, although he had mellowed with age, his distaste kept to his expressions and the way he held his body instead of childish fits. He was still as skinny and delicate as ever, but still as intelligent, to the point where it made up for his fragility.

Suzaku tried to hide his fond smile as Lelouch looked over his way, standing immediately as Lelouch gestured for him to come over. Suzaku took his time walking over to where Milly and Lelouch were, tensing as Milly glanced at his neck. It only took a look from Lelouch to get him to relax again, Lelouch's easy acceptance of his tattoo enough to get him out of the habit of wearing shirts with high collars in private. Suzaku was comfortable in his skin for the first time in a long while and strangely relaxed. The constant urge to find Lelouch was gone because they had found him.

"Listen, I've done this perfectly five times."

"Then you can do it a sixth."

Lelouch shot Suzaku a pleading look, Suzaku just shrugging. Lelouch narrowed his eyes and turned back to Milly. "I'm sure that there are other things that I need to make it through this little interview. Since I already know this, why don't we move on?"

"Well, Kallen isn't going to be getting her for a while, and we need her if you want to learn to dance. Unless you'd be willing to take Suzaku as a dance partner."

Lelouch glanced back at him, Suzaku startled by the split-second hopeful look in Lelouch's eyes. He stared at Lelouch, even when the man turned back to Milly with a derisive snort. "What about you?"

"Oh, I'm just here to correct your position." Milly grinned and gestured to the chairs in the library. "You two get comfortable and I'll see where our knights have gone off to."

"Maybe we can avoid another dance lesson."

Suzaku smiled at Lelouch's grumbling, remembering the awkward lesson yesterday when Lelouch had been forced into position. He and Gino had been laughing on the sidelines as Kallen and Lelouch had tried to dance while touching each other as little as possible. Despite his protests, Lelouch had been passable at the end of the hour, which had finished when Lelouch had stumbled; stepping on Kallen's foot and Kallen had stormed out. It had probably taken Gino a long time to get Kallen to agree to come back.

He automatically took the chair across from Lelouch, a habit from their nights where he would keep Lelouch company as he read or recited bits of history. There were some nights where they would just talk, sometimes about the royal family and what would be expected of Lelouch and sometimes about completely inconsequential things. It was almost like how he and Lelouch had gotten on before their separation, like they had just picked up where they had left off.

That realization had, more than anything else, made him drop his barriers and just let him love Lelouch.

It was probably the worst thing that Suzaku could have done and he was probably going to be heartbroken if any part of their plan failed, but he considered it worth it if he got to have a few glorious days with Lelouch. Here and now, he had found Lelouch. He had fulfilled his promise to Lelouch and all that was left to coax Lelouch's memories back and return his pin. Then he could actually begin to live.

Suzaku leaned forward, abandoning the proper posture for comfort and the ability to be closer to Lelouch. The corner of his mouth twitched up as he saw that Lelouch had settled in a relaxed state of alertness, his legs crossed. Suzaku shook his head, trying to keep the fondness out of his voice.

Apparently, he hadn't been quick enough to make sure that the fondness was gone from his face.

Lelouch snorted and rolled his eyes. "What?"

"Nothing. Just wondering how I could help, your highness."

As usual, Lelouch bristled at the title, sitting up a little be straighter and glaring at Suzaku. There was a kind of pleasure in seeing Lelouch react to the title, seeing as he didn't care when anyone else called him that. In private Suzaku would never address him formally. Between the two of them, it had become more of a taunt than a title.

Lelouch quickly got his annoyance under control, his smirk coming back. "The ever helpful Suzaku Kururugi."

"I live to serve."

Lelouch chuckled, shaking his head. "Seeing as I only have you to ask about my childhood, I suppose I could learn more about that." Lelouch leaned forward, abandoning his good posture. "And you were my best friend when I was a kid, so you would know me better than anyone."

Even though Suzaku knew that Lelouch was still essentially playing a part, hearing him talk as he imagined the lost prince would made him smile. Maybe, if Lelouch had time to get used to the idea, it wouldn't be just a role to him, it would be real.

Suzaku chuckled, tipping his head to the side. "Well, we met when we were four and absolutely couldn't stand each other for a year."

Lelouch stared at him for a moment. "Spoiled brat?"

"You were. You were constantly ordering me around and lecturing me on the proper way to do things. Eventually I got fed up and punched you." He noticed Lelouch rubbing his jaw and ignored it. "You went back to Pendragon for a few months and, when you came back in the summer, we were best friends. I like to think I punched some sense into you."

"You would." Lelouch dropped his hand from his jaw, staring at Suzaku. "And that was just it. Our parents allowed us to be friends."

"Well," Suzaku swallowed, "my father was the viceroy of Japan at the time and he was especially close to your father during that time because of the unrest in Japan."

"But that stopped long enough for my mother, my sister and I to live in Japan since Aries Villa burned down."

"Yeah, there was a replica built in Japan. The three of you lived there until…" Suzaku trailed off, looking away.

Lelouch let him sit in silence for a moment. "That doesn't tell me a lot, actually talk about our childhood."

"Would that help your memories?"

Lelouch shrugged. "I'll listen and see what comes up. And, if nothing does, it will get me out of another set of dance lessons with Kallen. Either way, we get something out of it."

Suzaku swallowed at the mention of we, deciding not to question it. He was sure that Lelouch knew what he was doing; the man was far too smart not to notice that Suzaku liked spending time with him. Suzaku was far too weak to deny Lelouch. Even if this wasn't his Lelouch, he couldn't deny him.

He didn't want to classify it as love, it was too soon and to admit it to himself would be too painful. He still loved his Lelouch, he knew that for sure. But, now that he had someone who looked like Lelouch, he was falling in love with them too. Was it just because he liked the way that this Lelouch looked or was it this Lelouch's personality? And what did that say about his love for his Lelouch, was it just a combination of a past friendship like the therapist had said or was it real? It was too complicated for Suzaku to think over. In fact, he preferred not to think about it. It was much easier to just let himself go along with whatever was happening. Right now, he had all he wanted. He had Lelouch and his undivided attention, which was more than he had hoped for.

Besides there was no pressure to think about which Lelouch this one was and his attraction to him. Lelouch had given him permission to talk about their childhood, something Suzaku was completely willing to do. This moment was completely about friendship and nothing more. Suzaku would save the agonizing decisions for when he couldn't sleep or when he wasn't needed. Until then he could just be content in the knowledge that Lelouch was there and safe.

Gino laughed and poked Kallen's shoulder as they walked into the Ashford mansion. "Come on, it can't be that bad. After yesterday I'm sure he's improved."

She shoved his arm away, Gino amazed that he had gotten away with only that. He was been expected a full on punch. Kallen was never one to pull her punches, especially when they were directed at him. It was an honor, in a way, to know that Kallen thought him strong enough to take whatever she threw at him.

When she refused to mean his gaze again, Gino gently rested his hand on her shoulder. "Hey, did hanging out with the princesses exhaust you that much?"

"It's not that and it's not Lelouch's dancing either. He's better at it than you are." The glare that she shot in his direction make him smile, the expression disappearing a moment later when Kallen looked down at the floor again. "It's a lot of things."

"Is your mother alright?"

"My mother? No, she's fine. Naoto would have called if something had gone wrong." Kallen let him take her coat, Gino suspicious of the easy acceptance of his chivalry.

Usually Kallen would insist on doing things herself. Gino guessed that it was just a habit of independence than anything else. After struggling by herself for so long, Kallen would look at help suspiciously, no matter who it came from.

He supposed the fact that he was a noble of Britannia just complicated the problem. Kallen hated the nobility for hurting the Japanese people when Japan had still been under Britannian control. But most of the nobles in power now were those that wanted the liberation of the Ares, like the Maldini family, or had been given their noble status by Schneizel for their help, like Baroness Nu. But Gino supposed that it was hard for Kallen just to let go of her hatred so easily, especially when there were still nobles who hated her merely because of her nationality.

He took her coat to the rack to one side of the hall, strolling back to her side with his hands in his pockets.

So, if what had Kallen distressed wasn't her mother, then it was something closer to home. Kallen didn't care much for the current affairs or gossip of the court; she just wanted Evelina off the throne. And he had just seen the princesses and Lady Marianne earlier, and they were all fine.

He tipped his head to the side. "Was it something they said yesterday?"

She shot him a look, obviously trying to get him to back off. Gino merely smiled and gestured for her to go ahead.

Kallen huffed and crossed her arms. "Unless you count talking about lingerie disturbing, no."

"Then it's back to Suzaku." Gino grinned, proud that he had managed to come to that conclusion without Kallen getting angry at him. He leaned closer to her. "You know, a guy could get jealous hearing that you're worried over another man."

"You should be too!"

"Nope. I trust Suzaku."

For a moment, Kallen looked like she wanted to strangle him. It passed surprisingly quickly, Kallen grabbing his arm and pulling him toward the library.

Gino went willingly, even snapping his mouth shut when Kallen gestured for him to keep silent. He allowed himself to be pushed into place, staring through the barely open doors into the space beyond.

It didn't take him long to spot Suzaku and Lelouch, the two of them leaning close to each other as they spoke, and Milly was nowhere in sight. Gino couldn't make out what they were saying, but he suspected that he would have been able to get closer to them without a problem, they were that wrapped up in each other; both of them were smiling and laughing. Gino was surprised that Suzaku could laugh like that, like he was actually happy instead of faking it for someone else's sake.

He looked away from the doors, shrugging at Kallen. All he got in response was a groan, Kallen shaking her head. "Why don't you understand how bad this is?"

"Because I trust him."

"But he's falling in love with that guy just because he looks like Lelouch."

"Maybe that's what he needs, just to fall in love with the wrong person and then have to work it all out. Maybe this will turn out to be alright and he'll be able to move on after this."

"But it isn't fair to just use Lelouch like this."

"Then you can warm him." Gino shrugged and leaned against the wall. "Honestly, I think that they both knew what they are getting into."

Kallen threw her hands into the air and stormed off, Gino watching her go. "You can't keep him safe all of his life, Kallen, he's not like you."

"Then who's he like?" Kallen turned to stare at him, walking backward. "You?"

"He's like himself."

She shook her head at him and turned around. "I'm going to find Milly."

Gino watched her go, mentally preparing for her to mad at him for the next few days. But he intended to get rid of her need to protect Suzaku like this. Suzaku would never live up to what Kallen demanded of him, Gino hadn't seen anyone keener on staying anonymous, save for Rolo. Suzaku knew how to take care of himself, they would be there for when he needed them.

Gino pushed himself away from the wall, scratching the back of his neck. The only thing they did agree with Kallen on is that they would have to watch Suzaku carefully when he did hit one of his lows. Gino wasn't sure how much it would take for Suzaku to snap and decided to kill himself instead of continuing to move forward. That would be the point where they interfered. In the meantime, Gino would continue to be there to cheer him up.

He glanced back into the library, not surprised to see Suzaku and Lelouch still completely absorbed in each other. He smiled to himself, giving them a wave before going on his own search for Milly.

Nunnally looked up from her book at a knock on her door. Before she could put her book down, Rolo was opening the door. She blinked in surprised as she saw her mother standing out in the hallway.

She saw the distressed look on her mother's face and stood up. "Rolo, you are-"

"Let him stay." Marianne walked into the room, sitting in the chair that Rolo pulled over to Nunnally's chair. She whispered her thanks to him before focusing on Nunnally again. "It's nothing that he won't hear soon enough anyway."

Nunnally watched Marianne take a deep breath, frowning to herself as she tried to figure out what could have caused this reversal in mood. Her mother had been fine that morning at breakfast, listening to the stories that Euphemia had been telling and sympathizing with Cornelia over the lack of fashionable practical clothing. Marianne had almost seemed cheerful, like when she had heard that another person had claimed to have found Lelouch. Nunnally swallowed and reached out for her. "Mother?"

Marianne looked up at her, standing up abruptly and hugging Nunnally. "Everyone is fine, nothing happened to them."

Nunnally relaxed at that, letting out a sigh of relief. When bad news came in, it was all too easy to imagine that another body had been identified as a member of the royal family or that Schneizel and his family were dead. Nunnally flinched at the thought, not wanting the image of her smiling nephew marred by death. She couldn't even begin to think of people who would want to kill Prince Simon.

She carefully let go of Marianne, taking a deep breath. "Then what's the news?"

Marianne was slow to answer, Nunnally only then noticing the piece of paper that she clutched in her hand. "The group that was in charge of the massacre, the one with all the members of Genbu Kururugi's government, they're all dead." Nunnally sat up straight, Marianne not noticing. "They were found in a secret base in Narita, all of them shot. There's an investigation going on and arrests of a few of the still living members."

Marianne took a deep breath, glancing at the paper in her hand. "They found a bunch of cells in the complex as well, so now we know where Suzaku was kept."

"Have you told him?"

Marianne shook her head. "I don't want to ruin his week of leave. Despite the fact that those men were in the group there were people involved that knew nothing of the real purpose of the group. Someone that he may have known or had helped him may be dead." She shivered as she spoke, finally unfolding the paper in her hand and smoothed it out over her lap. "My friend was killed as well."

Nunnally sat back in her seat. She knew that her mother had friends outside of the aristocratic class that she kept up with, but she had never thought that any of them had belonged to the group that had killed their family.

Marianne went on, not noticing Nunnally's reaction. "We weren't close friends exactly, but we were both forced into the world of the imperial court with no real desire to be there. We supported each other, both of us doing things our way and expecting the rest of the world to change around us. She just joined so she could disappear from the world. She's the one that found Suzaku." Marianne crumpled up the paper again. "And she was the one looking for information on Lelouch."

Nunnally stared at her mother, unsure of what to day. She barely remembered the woman who had brought Suzaku to them, just the vague memory that the woman had disliked her. Then again, her focus had mostly been on Suzaku at the time.

She glanced back at Rolo, watching as he digested the information. He wouldn't give her his opinion of the situation for a while, and only when she asked. But she was sure that it would be like her view. Rolo hadn't been a part of the panic at the time; he had been safe in England, but she couldn't blame him for that. Nunnally didn't want to imagine what Rolo would have been like if he had lived through the massacre.

Nunnally swallowed and reached out to touch her mother's hand. "At least they're gone now. We don't have to worry about them anymore. We'll issue a statement about those that were involved with the massacre." She hesitated for a moment before squeezing her mother's hand. "We'll make sure that your friend will be treated properly."

Marianne nodded, standing up. Instead of looking as worn and worried as she had before, she looked like her old self again. "I'll inform the others. Although, I'm sure that Jeremiah, Dalton and Guilford will be disappointed that they didn't get their chance to regain their honor."

Nunnally laughed, waving at her mother as Marianne left the room. She hid her smile behind her hand, waiting until her mother had shut the door behind her before she turned to look at Rolo. "Are you disappointed that you didn't get the chance to avenge the wrong done to your family?"

Rolo looked panicked for a moment, staring at her before shaking his head. "No your highness."

"Nunnally or Princess, if you want to use a title." Nunnally corrected him gently, hating the shame that crossed his face.

"No princess, I'm more worried about protecting you." He shifted nervously before lowering his voice. "Lady Marianne said that only a few were killed and caught, that means more are out there."

"Not all of them want to hurt us."

"But not all of them are like that either!" Rolo took a step back from her. "I'm more worried about your safety now. There's no point to any of this if you're dead!"

Nunnally stared at Rolo in shock, watching as he came back to himself. The guard came around to the front of her chair and bowed to her. "I'm sorry, princess, that was out of line."

"No." She rested her hand on his head. "That was just what I needed. I can't forget that there are still people out there that would harm us. But don't forget that there are an equal amount of people who wish us no harm."

"Yes, princess."

Nunnally smiled and lifted her hand from his hair. "Now, I want you to go to Jeremiah and tell him to keep gathering information on this. We'll be sure to watch for those people deemed dangerous. And don't include Suzaku on that list."

She gave him an even stare, glad that he nodded without an argument. He bowed to him and left the room. Nunnally could hear his voice outside, probably ordering guards to watch her while he was gone. Nunnally shook her head and picked up her book again.

The order about Suzaku had probably been overkill, but she had wanted to make sure that this was not a chance to continue his paranoia about Suzaku, not that he had pursued that in years.

Rolo had gotten better about his suspicions of Suzaku being a spy for the group that had killed the royal family. He had stopped insisting on seeing Suzaku's ID and questioning him about his time with the group. Apparently Suzaku had finally proven himself trustworthy, which was a relief to Nunnally. She had not once doubted Suzaku's loyalty. And, if she could have gotten the idea that Suzaku was Lelouch's knight out of her head, she would have made him one of her guards.

She sighed, trying to focus on her book, but her mind was on how everyone would react to the news. She was sure that most of the staff and the imperial court would be overjoyed at the news. Suzaku and Rolo would be the only ones who would think about the continued threat. Nunnally couldn't help but laugh, Rolo and Suzaku were more alike then either of them would probably was willing to admit.

She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, staring at the wall. Maybe with the end of this group they would get the final bit of evidence they needed on Lelouch. While Nunnally wanted to know if he was still alive, she would be content with any evidence, even if it showed that he was dead.

Nunnally tried to swallow around the obstruction in her throat. She didn't want her brother to be dead, but she didn't want to spend her days dreading the moment that the news would come. She preferred just knowing and beginning to move on.

She set her book aside, scrubbing her hands over her face. She couldn't be seen crying by Rolo, the guard would panic and then blame himself. She had to be presentable by the time that he got back because keeping Rolo comfortable was important. Keeping Rolo around was important. Nunnally stood up and walked across the room, taking deep breaths so that she was calm when Rolo walked back through the door.

"Nunnally?" It was a sign of his worry that he forgot to add her title.

Nunnally took a final deep breath before turning to face him with a smile on her face. "I'm fine, Rolo. Really."

He gave her a long look, but didn't argue. When she moved to return to her chair and her book, Rolo moved back into his place by her side without a comment, and Nunnally was thankful for that. She could speak to him later about her fears about her brother when the situation arose. Now she just wanted to enjoy his presence and the calm that it brought her.

Lelouch quickly released his hold on Kallen at the order from Milly, both of them shuffling back from each other. Lelouch expected Kallen to be the first to abandon the ballroom to seek out Gino, like she had the other time they had practiced dancing. She also had been the one to step away from him, putting distance between them as quickly as she could. Today, she remained behind, even when Milly left the room.

He glanced at her, shrugging and walking away. If Kallen wanted to stay behind it was none of his business. He had other things to do, like more memorization that Milly had assigned him.

Lelouch was surprised when Kallen grabbed his arm and pulled him to a stop. More pressure on his arm encouraged him to turn around. He winced as she gave his arm a particularly hard pull, forcing him to look at her. He met her gaze, expecting that she would want him to be intimidated, but not willing to give her the satisfaction. If he really was a prince then he outranked her.

Kallen didn't seem to notice, glaring at the door before speaking to him in a whisper. "Be careful around Suzaku."

"Why?" They wouldn't have left him with an unstable guard and Suzaku had shown no signs of wanting to hurt him or of breaking down. Just the opposite in fact. He fought down a blush, trying to keep his poise. It was the thing that Milly kept drilling into him; he couldn't show his emotions unless he wanted to be taken advantage of.

His attention was pulled back to the conversation when Kallen pulled on his arm. "Just listen to what I'm saying instead of asking questions."

"Then say what you want to say and get on with it."

"You…" Kallen reached up with her other hand before dropping it back to her side, glaring at him. "I'm only going to say this once, so pay attention. Suzaku thinks he's in love with Lelouch."

"I am Lelouch."

"But you're not our Lelouch!" She dropped her hold on his arm and stepped away. "I know we promised to help you but that doesn't automatically make you the lost prince. Even if everything goes right you won't be the same Lelouch. And that's what I'm warning you about."

Lelouch opened his mouth to speak but thought better of it. It wouldn't do to just go charging in without all of the facts and right now Kallen had the advantage on him. She had information where he did not. And there was a small chance that this warning might be worthwhile instead of idle talk. He snapped his mouth shut and motioned for her to continue, ignoring the angry look on her face.

Kallen pushed her hair out of her eyes, shaking her head. "Listen, Suzaku's been looking for his Lelouch since he got here, looking for the eight year old Lelouch he knew. It's been ten years and he hasn't given that idea up. He's done all he can to make sure that he doesn't have to give that idea up. So, I'm giving you a fair warning, watch yourself with him. You may be the right person, but you won't be his Lelouch. If you don't want to get yourself into that mess, I suggest that you keep away."

Lelouch tipped his head to the side with a smirk, trying not to show how thrown off he was. "And what makes you think that there's anything between us?"

"I have eyes; I can see the two of you just fine." Kallen jerked her head toward the doors. "I think this is the first time you've been without him this week. I could ask Milly to be sure."

"You said I had to get used to a guard following me, so-"

"But there was nothing about making him fall in love with you!"

"I'm not!" Lelouch stepped around her, turning sharply when he heard her move. "Thank you for the warning Lady Kozuki, but I can assure you that I can handle myself."

Kallen's outstretched hand clenched into a fist and dropped back to her side. She looked away from him, shaking her head slowly. "You can ignore me if you want, but don't forget this." Kallen turned to stare at him. "Suzaku will go chasing after the Lelouch he remembers no matter what. If you are Lelouch, then you might have a better chance of holding him. But, if you aren't Lelouch, then you're going to lose him because you're not really the one he's fallen in love with. Either way, you are going to hurt him and I don't want to see the fallout from that. He's barely making it along as it is. Think about that."

Lelouch let her walk to the door and open it before getting out his parting shot, barely keeping himself from screaming it at her. "What makes you think that I will let it get to that point?"

Kallen glanced over her shoulder at him before walking out of the ballroom and slamming the door behind her.

Lelouch shook his head, straightening his sleeve. As a knight of the family and a friend of Suzaku, he should have been able to trust her advice. But he was more annoyed than grateful. He was annoyed at her need to warn him away from Suzaku like he would purposefully hurt him. Suzaku was the closest thing that Lelouch had to a friend, if Lelouch had been willing to let anyone close to him.

Although, in retrospect, it was probably too late to think about keeping Suzaku away. They already spent most of their time together and Lelouch suspected that he knew a bit more about Suzaku than the others because he was constantly encouraging Suzaku to talk about himself. Suzaku obliged because he thought that it would bring Lelouch's memories back, and Lelouch would sometimes get the impression of a voice or a feeling that something was familiar. But Lelouch liked listening to Suzaku talk, mostly because Suzaku talked to him like he was the lost prince, not in the half believing way that everyone else did. Suzaku spoke to him like he had been there, like he had been a part of Suzaku's life.

Lelouch brushed off the sleeve of his shirt with a wry smile. At this point everything was given to him with the expectation that he would do as they wanted, that he would not fail in proving that he was the lost prince. Suzaku's stories were just given with the expectation that he wouldn't act around Suzaku. The request was far easier to fulfill than to wrap his mind around the idea that he was a prince. Despite all of their assurances, it felt a bit too far fetched, except when Suzaku said it. When he was talking to Suzaku it was easier to believe he was Prince Lelouch vi Britannia instead of just another orphan named Lelouch, and that made it easier to talk as if he was the lost prince. Maybe that was why Kallen had warned him off, but it made no sense because they wanted him to be that Lelouch.

He rubbed his forehead, fighting back the groan that threatened to escape. He wouldn't torment himself by agonizing over what Kallen had said. Lelouch sighed and started toward the door, smiling when he saw Suzaku open the door and peek in. "Lelouch?"

"Don't worry; I haven't died in the middle of the waltz. I'm stronger than I look."

That got a laugh from Suzaku, the guard holding the door open for him. "You're braver than I am to dance with her."

"I'd rather it be Milly or Gino. I'm sure that either of them would be suitable." Lelouch snuck a glance over at Suzaku, quickly pushing the comment about Suzaku being a more than adequate dance partner away. Just because Kallen had told him not to push didn't meant that he had to immediately ignore her warning. It was probably best that he scale back on his relationship with Suzaku, especially with the interview with Princess Euphemia coming up. The problem was that he didn't want to.

Maybe there was something left of the spoiled brat he had once been, prince or not, that made him not want to let Suzaku go. In fact, Lelouch was almost taking Kallen's warning as a challenge. It wasn't the smartest idea since he had no sure chance of winning and there was a larger chance that he would get hurt himself, but the urge was still there. So, if he couldn't take Kallen's words as a challenge, then he would take them into consideration.

He was pulled out of his thoughts as Suzaku brushed against him. "Does Milly have anything planned for you?"

"Aside from another stack of books, no. We ate while you and Gino were doing…whatever you two do together."

Suzaku shrugged. "He fills me in on the stuff going on in Pendragon. I shouldn't really care about it because I'll never go to Pendragon, but it's important to know, or at least to guess who will come to visit next."

Lelouch noticed that Suzaku's hand had strayed towards his neck while he spoke, only to jerk it down again. So the mark was something important, enough that Suzaku preferred to stay away from Pendragon, but that was all Lelouch could guess at.

He raised one shoulder in a shrug. "That's the imperial court, impractical at times but important. At least Emperor Schneizel takes more of an interest in the affairs of the empire instead of letting them slip."

"Emperor Charles did the best that he could."

"He could have done better. If he had paid attention then maybe he would have seen the signs of rebellion or he could have prevented the massacre." Lelouch winced as soon as he had spoke, glancing over at Suzaku. From what he had heard, Suzaku had suffered just as much as the royal family, losing his best friend and his father in one night.

Suzaku looked frustrated for a moment, but just shrugged. "Sometimes you see things better in hindsight."

Lelouch hummed softly, not sure if he wanted to agree entirely. The books that he had read seemed to hint that the signs were there before the massacre happened, but Suzaku was right too, sometimes things didn't add up until the end. He bit his lip, moving his hand so his fingers brushed gently against Suzaku's as they walked. As expected, Suzaku blushed and apologized, Lelouch automatically waving him off.

They continued in silence down the hallway, Suzaku carefully to keep distance between them. Lelouch pretended not to notice, heading right to his room and picking up the book on top of his stack. Per their usual pattern, Suzaku sunk into the chair opposite his, apparently content to sit for the few hours that Lelouch would read before getting bored. Then he was more than willing to quiz Lelouch.

Lelouch settled into his chair, fighting the urge to stare over the top of his book at Suzaku. But, even with that limitation, Lelouch found it hard to concentrate

If Kallen hadn't brought up how close they were getting, Lelouch would have never given much thought to him and Suzaku. He would have considered the two of them to be good friends despite the fact that they hadn't known each other long. Lelouch was willing to believe that, in spite of the circumstances, they could have been friends on their own merit. And, if he took into account the fact that he might be the lost prince, they had been best friends for three years previously, so it was only right that they felt comfortable around each other.

Lelouch would have been happy just with that, but now he couldn't stop thinking about what would happen if they pushed further.

He had never gone after anyone with the intention of dating before; he had hardly been interested in anyone at the orphanage. There had been Shirley, but that had been different because he had known her. But it had never gone anywhere, she was too shy to approach him and Lelouch had no idea how to approach the subject. Besides, Lelouch had no idea if he would have been adopted at the time, so there had been no point in starting anything. But he had liked her for the kindness and bursts of intelligence, the others had just been pretty but of no interest.

Suzaku was definitely attractive, Lelouch would admit to that, with his perpetually messy hair and his green eyes. Lelouch had never been partial to muscles before but, then again, he had never looked at guys before, he didn't have a basis to go off of. So Suzaku essentially became a measure for himself.

In the end, it was Suzaku's personality that had drawn Lelouch in. Suzaku could be a bit dense, but he could also be insightful and intelligent. Then there was the fact that Suzaku just gave without any expectations of payback. He was the one who would spend the most time with Lelouch of his own volition and he wanted Lelouch to succeed, not matter if he turned out of to be the lost prince or not.

All in all, the essential parts of Suzaku hadn't changed. He had grown up well.

Lelouch smiled fondly to himself, the smile disappearing a moment later. The thought had come from out of nowhere, a completely sincere but random thought. Lelouch had heard about Suzaku's life before he had become a guard but that was from listening to Suzaku. That wasn't enough for the emotions behind that one stray thought.

He frowned and put his book down. He wouldn't be able to concentrate until he figured this thing out, which was probably better done when he was alone. The problem was that he didn't want Suzaku to leave quite yet.

He looked up when he felt Suzaku's stare on him, quickly cutting off the question that Suzaku was going to ask with one of his own. "What did you think about your Lelouch?"

"I…what?"

Lelouch sighed and leaned back in his chair. "I know that you two were good friends and that you want to find him because of that. But why haven't you-" Lelouch cut himself off before he could say 'give up like the others', clearing his throat and starting again. "Of course you would look for him, but you could be in Pendragon with more power to back your searches. You could have other people looking in separate places. Why are you doing this yourself?"

Suzaku blinked rapidly, mouthing the final question before he smiled. "Because I don't want to be stuck there when he's finally found. I want to be able to be there for him."

"Why aren't you with your father?"

A shrug. "Because I want to be here with you."

"Idiot." Lelouch tensed at the sound of his own voice, unconsciously repeating the word from his memory. He blushed and looked up at Suzaku.

The guard looked startled, Suzaku already partially out of his chair. After a moment of silence Suzaku got to his feet.

He went to walk past Lelouch and into his own room, but Lelouch reached out to grab his hand. To Lelouch's surprise, Suzaku let him; their fingers sliding together to the point where all Lelouch had to do was curl his fingers down to slide them together. He swallowed and looked back up at Suzaku, fumbling for a way to apologize.

Suzaku beat him to it. "He would have said that too. Lelouch was always calling me an idiot, but I don't think that he ever meant it. Maybe it was his attempt at a term of endearment. He was never good at showing his emotions without getting flustered." Suzaku chuckled and took a step back, meeting Lelouch's gaze. "I know that I've probably ruined my career by doing this, but I want to be there when they find him. I've spent every day since the massacre regretting that I didn't go with him, because I could have done something. This is my way of making sure that I don't lose anyone important to me again."

Suzaku took another step away, their hands sliding apart. He didn't shut the door between their rooms when he went into his room and Lelouch didn't think that he could go near the door without asking more questions. He had understood what Suzaku had said, but he wanted to push now to see if Suzaku would even consider him in any sort of capacity other than a friend.

He let his head drop into his hands, closing his eyes. Suzaku had said that he didn't want to lose anyone important to him. If he and the lost prince had just been friends, or Suzaku still thought of him as only a friend, Lelouch was sure that he would have used a different word. And that would end up being the problem.

On one hand, Lelouch wanted desperately to be proven the lost prince. He wanted something to his name other than a handful of scattered memories. He wanted to have something to call his own that meant something, something that gave him what everyone that already had.

On the other hand, Lelouch knew that it was a slim chance that he would turn out to be the lost prince. He was a logical person and it was too much of a stretch that it would come out exactly as he wanted. He was just an orphan from Japan in the end. If he was lucky he would be the bastard son of some lesser prince, but that was all that he could hope for. And, in that eventuality, he wasn't anything that would get him what he wanted.

Lelouch reached up, playing with the chain of his locket, slowly pulling the charm out from under his shirt. He stared at the locket for a moment before letting it drop back to his chest. The locket was the only thing that threw off his calculations entirely.

It was obviously worth something and the people running the orphanage said that he had been found with it. He couldn't remember stealing it, but Lelouch doubted that he would have still had the locket if he had, someone would have come looking for it. Besides, it was obviously a girl's locket. Lelouch doubted that a boy would have wanted a locket like that.

He pulled up the charm and cupped it in his hands. He couldn't remember who had given it to him or where he had gotten it from. He just knew that he was attached to it, that he had to keep it close until…something, but he had to keep it safe until then.

Lelouch tipped his head back, staring at the ceiling. Now, more than ever, the holes in his memory were annoying. He wanted to be able to remember so he would have a firm assurance that he was in the right place and he wasn't wasting everyone's time. Most of all though, he wanted to know for Suzaku's sake, because Suzaku had suddenly become important. Very important.

It was hard to separate the vague emotions from his past and his emotions now, to the point where they blended together. He just knew that he trusted Suzaku and enjoyed his company. The attraction was new, definitely something that came from spending time with him. Except that didn't make sense either, because it had been about a week at most, usually it took longer. But it had been so easy just to interact with Suzaku, like he was coming back to a friendship.

Lelouch pushed himself up, wanting to pace but stopping himself when he realized that it would bring him in front of the door. He began playing with the chain around his neck again, trying to calm himself down. Working himself up about the situation wouldn't help at this point. He would just have to deal with on his own. But that didn't mean that he would just let this thing with Suzaku go. Even with Kallen's warning, he would pursue Suzaku because he wanted to, because Suzaku had suddenly became important to him.