Marauders 101
By: neen
It's supposed to be funny…let's see how you guys like it!
Reviews, please.
Thanks!
Part Three.
Marauders 101:
An Inside Guide to The Way of The Four Gods of Hoggity Hogwarts
II: Moony
Hello there! I am Moony, part of the group known as the Marauders. I am well-known to be very studious, quiet, sensitive, observant, and aware of other people's moods and feelings. (And he's extremely intelligent. If he didn't have such high regard for books, he would be using them to wipe his buttocks with. That, is how smart he is, young one.) Don't mind Prongs, he's just babbling. (Ever the gentleman, our Moony. And with his sandy brown hair and twinkling clear blue eyes, what girl can resist?) Stop it, you two, you're making me blush. Aww. Anyways, I have an uncanny knack for picking out grammatically incorrect sentences, and I'm also known as the advice-giver of the group.
Enough of this introduction. Let's proceed with the survey, shall we?
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Name: Moony.
Nicknames: Loony Moony. Moon Me! Mr. Moony. Moonster. Moony-poo. Ketchup. And of course, courtesy of Padfoot, Party Pooperanza.
Birthday: November 4th.
Hair Color: Just a simple sandy blond/brown. It's hard to see the discrepancy between the two.
Eye Color: Blue. I think my answers are quite boring compared to Wormtail's, aren't they?
Height: 5' 7''. Okay, by now, I think I've been seriously boring you guys. My apologies.
Favorite Color: Hmm, I do not necessarily like any of the color spectrum, but if I must choose, it would be blue. It has a rather calming effect.
Favorite Food: Er, when I have a certain craving, it'd be steak. But when I'm not in that particular mood, it'd have to be chocolate. I know you are all staring at me thinking, chocolate is not a food. It's a snack or sweets or sugary substance. However, let me ask you a few questions. Does chocolate not give you calories? Calories, in turn give off heat energy to the body so it can carry out the processes needed for everyday living. Therefore, chocolate is a food, since food has calories. As a result, chocolate is a necessary and essential part of the human diet. I am passionately in the mind that chocolate needs its own food group.
Favorite Phrase: Eloquently speaking, it would be… "There isn't anything stuffed mushrooms can't do." Just kidding. It's " Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back." But when I'm talking in conversation, it would be, 'arrogant prats'. Do not let Padfoot read that line, or else he will launch into the 'Moony's phrase of the day!'.
Favorite Sport: I suppose Quidditch, though I don't play it much.
Pets: I have a very badly behaved rabbit. He's such a 'furry little problem.'
Piercings: Not that I'm aware of…though Padfoot probably has pierced something of mine while I was asleep.
Tattoos: I'm afraid I don't want a maniac to carve something into any part of my body, thanks.
Broken Any Bones: Yes. Padfoot's quite rough sometimes. The canine prick.
Been Shot/Stabbed: Loads of times. When the people you hang around with include Padfoot and Prongs, you get tested a lot for future pranks. It's a dangerous life I lead.
Girlfriend: I am not gay. However, I do not go out with anyone. Perhaps one day, you will find out why.
Likes To: Play around with dogs, stags, and rats. It's quite fun instead of being alone all the time. I also like to read, and yes I'm a dork, but I love to learn about new magic. There's something fascinating about using a wand..
Favorite Marauder: Oh dear. Must I choose? Well, I'd have to say, Prongs. He's usually the most level-headed, excluding me, and he does strain quite a bit to make Lily notice him. Padfoot, I am going to say, can be a tad bit annoying. Funny, yes, but quite irritating at times. Wormtail…is too quiet. I don't really notice much about him. Correct me if I'm wrong, Wormtail.
Funniest Marauder: Padfoot. He does deliver the best lines, although he tends to act stupid most of the time.
Prettiest Marauder: Seeing as none of us are girls (though I admit, sometimes I wonder about Padfoot and his liking of heels…Wormtail as well), I will say no one.
Most Handsome Marauder: Because I am straight, and do not wish to have accusations hurled at me for thinking one Marauder is more handsome than the other, I will also omit this question.
Loudest Marauder: Padfoot. I am sorry to say that his raucous roars and shouting have caused partial deafness in my left ear.
Craziest Marauder: It seems that Padfoot is clearly the lucky winner once more. There is nothing that Padfoot wouldn't suggest or do.
Most Shy: Wormtail.
Most Loving: I am not the most loving creature inhabiting this surface, but judging out of us four Marauders and seeing that they care almost nothing about wasting parchment or recycling plastic, I would say me.
Most Understanding: Me, I suppose, since no one else seems this willing to give out free advice. Though no one takes them, really.
Most Boring: Sigh. Me, I think. I rarely make people laugh, since I'm so serious. Sorry.
Richest: Er, I'd say Prongs now, since Padfoot just got chucked out of his house…that was a sad time. He's still quite rich with his uncle's inheritance, I believe. (Don't let Padfoot read that, please.)
Most Athletic: Prongs. He does fly around every day and work out for at least three hours, so. Maybe lifting a couple of weights (one hundred pounds) each night for five hundred times will do the trick, Padfoot. I know how you like to think you're more athletic than Prongs, but..
Most Cocky: There is a reason why I say 'arrogant prats'. The two 'P's of our group. Not that I'm naming anyone, of course..
Biggest Sex Icon: I am not saying any names, in case some certain people get another dangerous swelling of the head region.
What Do You Think About When You Hear…
Fruit: Strawberries covered with chocolate.
Foghorn: Quite similar to the sound of Padfoot erupting flatulence from his lower back region.
Firetruck: Ahem, a muggle red truck that comes to the aid of people regarding fire-created disasters. I do not see anything in bold, so…AHEM.
Food: Like I said before, chocolate.
Flying: Oddly enough, James and his prized broom zooming around the Quidditch pitch.
Flaming Fire: Padfoot is a pyromaniac. I do not think I need say anymore.
Fart: Padfoot has mastered the many different sounds these things can make simply by coming out of his buttocks. He'll tell the story of how he noticed that on different types of surfaces…I'll say no more. Sigh.
Feudalism: A political and economic system of Europe from the 9th to about the 15th century, based on the holding of all land in fief or fee and the resulting relation of lord to vassal and characterized by homage, legal and military service of tenants, and forfeiture.
Flagpole: It reminds me of the time Padfoot saw one of these in a muggle town and proceeded to fly up there and sit on it. The poor muggles…
Fat: Padfoot. I can see the look already. Please excuse me as I bolt out of the room as soon as I have finished this.
Most Embarrassing Moment: Mm, not sure. Probably the one being chased out of the library for bringing some chocolate to eat inside while thumbing through books. I can't live without the two requirements of my life…why do they deny me so?
Murdered Anyone Lately: Sometimes I have bouts of impulsiveness thrown upon me that tell me I would very much like to murder Padfoot. But I haven't. Yet.
Anything Else You'd Like to Add: Er, that was quite random, I must admit. I hope I will find myself not brutally murdered and clawed beyond recognition by the time the rest of the Marauders are through with the commentary business. Wish me luck.
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Ohh, the commentary's next. Let's give dear ol' Moony an extra hard time, eh? I can't wait to read it. Sounds fun!
Har, har!
Author's Note:
Well, I updated! Next will be the commentary by the Marauders for this chapter…
IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE INCLUDED IN THE NAMES SECTION IN THE BACK OF THIS 'BOOK' (READ THE PREFACE IN CASE YOU HAVE NO EARTHLY IDEA WHAT I'M GOING ON ABOUT), PLEASE LEAVE THE NAME YOU WOULD LIKE TO USE IN A REVIEW. I WILL COMPILE THEM, AND IT WILL BE IN THE LAST ENTRY OF THIS STORY. AFTER I HAVE POSTED THE FINAL ENTRY OF THE STORY, I WILL NOT ADD ANYMORE NAMES TO THE LIST. Sorry.
YOU MAY ALSO ADD WHOEVER YOU LIKE THE MOST ALONG WITH YOUR NAME, IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY. PLEASE KEEP THIS VERY SHORT. MAX OF 10 WORDS. THANKS!
Thanks to HawnPotter for this lovely idea! Hopefully, it'll be a success.
I accept anonymous reviews!
By the way, Kyiana Shadowwisper, you have my permission. Please tell me when you've posted the story! I would love to read it.
And if you haven't already, please check out my first one-shot, A Newt, Anyone? It's not as funny, but I wrote it anyways. Please give feedback. Thanks!