A/N: Thank you all for the reviews on the last chapter! I will try to respond to all your reviews before I leave Friday morning, but if I don't, know that I really do appreciate it! I'm anticipating that I'll be able to get up one more chapter before I leave, but if not, I guess this isn't too bad of a note to leave you all on for a little while (although the next chapter ends much more happily, I think, so I'll work extra hard to get it up tomorrow!).
"So, are you deliberately ignoring the family again?" Mark asked as he flopped down on the couch in Derek's office and began working on the charts he had brought with him.
"You know, the hospital gave you your own office to do those in," Derek pointed in.
"Yeah, but they gave you the comfortable couch," Mark said. "And I certainly can't be expected to do work at a desk, or on the rock they've tried to pass off as my couch, which means the only place left is right here. Now, can we get back to you ignoring the family, please?"
"I'm not ignoring them," Derek insisted. "I've just been busy."
"I'm busy too," Mark said. "And yet, I've had the time to take three calls from Mom, two from Beth, one from Kathleen, four from Abby and even one from Nancy. All of them wanted to know if you were dead, because apparently you haven't called home in three weeks."
"I told you, I'm busy," Derek said.
"And cranky, apparently," Mark observed. "Grey not putting out like she used to?"
"You're a pig, Mark," Derek said. "I don't know why I keep you around."
"I'm too charming to kick to the curb," Mark said. "So, the sex not as good as you remember it? Is that why you're cranky and avoiding the family?"
"You don't know what you're talking about," Derek insisted.
"So enlighten me," Mark urged.
"You really want to know, fine. I don't call home because every time I talk to Mom she wants to know if I'm bringing Meredith home for Thanksgiving and I just don't feel like explaining, yet again, that I don't know if we're at that point in the relationship."
"And your sexually frustrated anger stems from…"
"I'm not sexually frustrated," Derek argued. "We're waiting. She's not ready for that step, so we're taking it slowly."
"You've been back together for two whole months and you're still not getting any?" Mark asked in shock.
"I waited seven months without her, Mark," Derek said. "I'll wait as long as she needs. Another few months aren't going to kill me."
"I still haven't slept with Derek," Meredith said as she walked into her therapist's office that afternoon.
"Is he pressuring you to?" Karen asked.
"No, he's been really great about it," Meredith said. "My friends are teasing me about it, and I'm sure Mark is giving Derek a hard time. I know Derek wants to, he's definitely ready, but he says he'll wait as long as it takes for me to be ready."
"And what is it that makes you feel unready?" Karen asked.
"I don't know," Meredith admitted. "I mean, it's not that I don't want to sleep with him. That was always the part of the relationship we were good at, no matter what else was going on. That was like the one thing that held us together."
"Are you afraid to go back to that?" Karen asked. "Do you think that if you sleep with him, you're risking going back to a relationship defined solely by sex?"
Meredith sighed. "The thought has crossed my mind, yes. We've made so much progress lately. I feel like we're connecting on so many different levels – we can talk about anything, and he's so supportive of me. He's the only one who hasn't once questioned my decision to take the job at the children's home. I think we've talked more in the last two months than we did in the entire two years before."
"Do you think physical intimacy will replace this emotional intimacy?" Karen asked.
"Honestly, I don't think it will," Meredith said. "I guess there's always the risk…in my life, I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop, so I guess I can anticipate that risk…but I don't think that'll happen to us."
"So what's holding you back?" Karen asked.
"It's just…I can remember the last time we did it," Meredith said. "I can still see the way he looked at me, the way his hands slid over my body in that way that made me feel like I was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen."
"And you're afraid that it won't be the same," Karen filled in.
"It won't be," Meredith said. "There's no way it could be the same…I mean, everything has changed since then."
"What's changed, Meredith?" Karen asked.
"Just, everything," Meredith said.
"Let's get specific, Meredith," Karen insisted. "I need for you to tell me exactly what's changed."
"I'm not the same person I was the last time we were together," Meredith said. "I don't have the same job, I don't have the same family, I don't look the same, I don't act the same…everything's different."
"Are you concerned about how you look?" Karen asked. "We've had a few discussions in the past about how your scars affect you…is that part of what's holding you back?"
"People cringe when they see the scars on my neck," Meredith said. "Derek says he doesn't care about those, but he has no idea…no clue how bad they are in other places. My back, my leg, my stomach…he doesn't know."
"Are you worried that he'll think differently of you because them?" Karen asked.
"He'd never say anything," Meredith said. "It's just, it's his eyes."
"His eyes?" Karen asked in confusion.
"The way he looks at me, he's always had this way of making me feel like I'm the most beautiful woman in the world just by the way he looks at me," Meredith said. "Even if he says the scars don't bother him, I just want to hold on to that look a little while longer. I'm scared that once he sees the scars that'll go away. That last little bit of how everything used to be, it'll go away."
"Whatcha doing?" Izzie asked as she walked into Meredith's room and flopped down beside her on the bed, straining to see the laptop balanced on Meredith's stomach.
"Working," Meredith said distractedly, not looking up from her screen.
"On what?" Izzie asked.
"Don't you have somewhere to be?" Meredith asked.
"Nope," Izzie laughed. "It's Wednesday night, Alex and Lexie are on call and you are not with McDreamy. That means I get to hang out with you. So stop working and hang out."
"I can't, I have to finish this by the end of the week," Meredith said.
"What is it?" Izzie asked.
"I'm writing a grant proposal for the community outreach program," Meredith said. "I want to start a course that we can offer to organizations that might come into contact with foster kids, so that they can have staff that are equipped to better interact with the kids."
"What sort of organizations?" Izzie asked.
"Oh, you know, schools, hospitals, places like that," Meredith said. "We need the grant money to get the program off the ground in terms of getting materials ready, and then the next step would be to sell it to the organizations. The hope is that at some point the class becomes profitable, because the children's home can use all the extra income it can get."
"Well, I'd take your course," Izzie said.
"Thank you, Izzie," Meredith smiled. "I'm glad you feel that way, because once I get the grant, my first stop is going to be a meeting with the board of trustees at Seattle Grace to convince them that they should pay to send all hospital staff to my class."
"Yay us," Izzie said, hoping her fake enthusiasm was enough for Meredith.
"Yeah, yeah, just try not to fall asleep when you're in the program," Meredith laughed.
"So, my mom called last night," Derek said nervously as he sat across from Meredith in the hospital cafeteria the next afternoon.
"Oh, that's nice," Meredith said, not quite sure why that would make him so nervous.
"Yeah…she um, she said to say hello to you," Derek said.
Meredith looked up from her sandwich, unfazed by Derek's statement. "Oh, well, tell your mother that I say hello back."
"She sort of wants to say it in person," Derek admitted.
"She what?" Meredith asked.
"She wants to meet you," Derek said.
"Oh," Meredith said, pausing for just a moment. "Well, I guess that might not be so bad. Yeah, that could be nice."
"You're not freaked out?" Derek asked in shock.
Meredith smiled. "She's your mother, Derek. We're in love, we're building a relationship with a definite future. I've got meet her at some point, and I'm sure she's eager to meet me."
"I just thought you'd freak out more," Derek marveled. "She'll be thrilled when I tell her."
"So, when is she coming?" Meredith asked.
"Coming?" Derek repeated.
"Yes, when is your mother coming to visit you?" Meredith asked. "How else do you expect me to meet her?"
"Oh, um, well you see," Derek stuttered. "She wanted…well, it just seemed like it might be a good idea…I know it's only late September, so we've got time to work on travel plans, but, well, she thought maybe we could go to her place for Thanksgiving."
"With the whole family?" Meredith asked.
"Yes," Derek said.
"Your four sisters, including the one who hates me?" Meredith asked.
"Yes, and Nancy doesn't hate you, Meredith," Derek assured her.
"And your four brothers-in-law?" Meredith continued.
"Three," Derek corrected. "Nancy's getting a divorce, so her husband obviously won't be around."
"And the fifteen nieces and nephews?" Meredith asked.
"Seventeen now," Derek said. "Beth had her twins last week. But it'll be eighteen by Thanksgiving…Abby's due in three or four weeks."
"Any aunts or uncles coming to this family Thanksgiving?" Meredith asked. "Any cousins to add to the family count?"
"Not this year," Derek said. "At least, not that I know of. You never really know in my family, though. As far as I know, it's my family, Mark, and hopefully you and I."
"Well, I guess it might not be that bad if you and Mark are both there to run interference for me," Meredith admitted.
"You won't need it, they'll love you, Mer," Derek insisted.
"Twenty-six people, Derek," Meredith reminded him. "Someone's bound to not like me."
"I promise, I will disown anyone who doesn't love you by the end of the weekend," Derek assured her. "So, will you come?"
"I don't know, Derek," Meredith said. "There's just so many of them, and I…I don't really know how to do big families. What if I forget someone's name?"
"You'll be fine," Derek insisted. "It'll be fun, even. I can ask the chief for a few extra days off, we could spend a few days in the city, see a few plays, I could show you all my old haunts…we could fly out on Wednesday and stay a whole week if you wanted."
"I…I don't think I can, Derek," Meredith said, her face paling several shades at Derek's last statement.
"Meredith, I know you're nervous, but we…" Derek began, reaching out to grab her hand.
"No!" Meredith exclaimed, shaking off his hand. "I can't…Derek, I can't…I'm sorry, I just can't."
And with that, Derek watched in stunned silence as Meredith stood quickly up and rushed out of the cafeteria, grabbing Izzie as she walked into the room and dragging her back out with her.
"Easy, Meredith," Izzie laughed as Meredith grabbed her by the elbow and dragged her into the hall. Looking over at her friend, she noticed the tears streaming down her face and heard her labored breathing. "God, Mer, what's going on? Are you alright?"
"Are you off?" Meredith asked, noting the street clothes Izzie was wearing.
"Yeah, my shift just ended," Izzie said in confusion. "Are you okay?"
"I need you to drive me home," Meredith said, moving toward the exit with Izzie in tow.
"Did you and Dr. Shepherd have a fight?" Izzie asked, her voice full of concern. "Because I can go all trailer park on his ass if you need me to."
Meredith shook her head as they walked in silence out into the parking lot.
"Are you sure?" Izzie asked, glancing over her shoulder as she pulled open her car door. "Because he's following us, so if you don't want to talk to him, you might want to hurry up and get in the car."
"Drive," Meredith instructed as soon as they were both buckled in.
"Are you sure you don't want to talk to him?" Izzie asked. "I thought things were going well between you two."
"They are…or they were," Meredith said sadly. "It's complicated."
"Well, as much as I think you should just face whatever's going on and talk about it as soon as possible, as your friend it's my job to point out that if I take you home, he's going to be there minutes after we get there, banging on the front door and bugging the heck out of Lexie," Izzie said. "Do you want to go somewhere else? Cristina's, maybe?"
Meredith thought for a moment, trying to think who she could go to who would understand what was going on in her head. "Molly," she said finally. "Take me to Molly's."
"Dr. Shepherd?" Lexie asked in surprise as she opened the door and found Derek standing on the front porch.
"Lexie," Derek said, feeling guilty as he noticed just how tired she looked. It was only then that he remembered Meredith telling him that her sister had been working a thirty-six hour shift. "I'm sorry to bother you, I just need to talk to Meredith."
"Well, call her, then," Lexie said. "I'm sorry…that sounded mean. I didn't mean it that way. She's not here. Actually, I thought she was having lunch with you."
"She was," Derek sighed.
Lexie instantly wakened at the look of guilt on Derek's face. Putting her hands on her hips, she stared intently at him. "What the hell did you do to her, Shepherd?"
"Nothing, I swear," Derek insisted, taking a quick step backward.
"What happened?" Lexie asked.
"I think I said something that freaked her out, and she just rushed off," Derek said. "I don't know…I thought she was ready, I really did. Maybe I just pushed too fast."
"What did you say?" Lexie asked.
"I asked her to come home with me at Thanksgiving to meet my family," Derek first. "She seemed fine with it at first, but then she just flipped out when I mentioned that we could stay an extra few days and explore Manhattan."
Lexie sighed. "That doesn't sound like something that would freak her out," she said. "What exactly did you say? I mean, what were the exact words?"
"Um, I think I said something about how we could fly out on Wednesday and stay for a week," Derek said.
"She flipped out right after you said that sentence?" Lexie asked.
Derek nodded as Lexie sighed and leaned heavily against the door frame, thinking for a moment before realization seemed to dawn on her. She stood upright immediately and smacked her forehead with the palm of her hand. "Of course!" she exclaimed.
"What?" Derek asked in confusion.
"This has nothing to do with her wanting or not wanting to meet you family, Derek," Lexie said.
"So what's it about?" he asked.
"Flying."