Guess who finally decided to write this story?

Yakko: Ehhh….Rush Limbaugh?

Dot: The Olsen twins?

Wakko: Me?

Never mind just… enjoy okay!

(As all great fics start: I own nothing…except my pride. Oh, and my characters too :D)

Royally Insane Chapter 1

Val woke up to an ordinary day at the castle. It was scheduled as usual. Being a personal guest of the royal Warners, Val didn't have to put up with the daily etiquette courses or anything that the kings and queen had to go through. But it did leave her very bored in the morning time.

She decided to make her rounds and say hello to every friendly face she saw. She walked to the stable, deciding to give Pinky and Pharfignewton a quick visit.

"Hiya Pinky!" Val grinned widely at seeing the royal stable mouse busy tending to his beloved horse.

"Poit! Hello Val. How are you?" "Couldn't be better."

"PINKY!"

Val and Pinky's pleasant conversation was cut short by a very short little mouse with a very short little temper.

"Narf! Hello Brain, we were just talking about you!"

Val raised a brow. "No we weren't."

Pinky scratched his head. "Oh right, my brain was talking about you inside my head narf!"

Val shook her head, smiling kindly. "I gotta go. See you guys later." she left the stable.

Brain hopped up onto the stool beside the taller, bucktoothed mouse. "Pinky, we must plan!"

"For what?"

Brain crossed his arms and stared at Pinky for a few moments. "Guess."

"Um…plan for when we take over the world?"

Brain blinked. "I can't believe it. The ONE TIME we aren't planning to take over the world, you guess that?"

Pinky frowned. "S-sorry Brain."

"Never mind. We have planning to do. Come Pinky."

…

Val continued on through the garden, occasionally glancing down at her watch to see whether or not Yakko, Wakko, and Dot were done with their lessons.

She turned to the audience. "I'm not obsessed. I'm just curious." She frowned. "Okay, I'm obsessed. Why isn't there something to do?" Then a light bulb beamed over her head which she then proceeded to unscrew and place in a convenient recycling bin.

"Remember kids, always recycle and never waste good electricity. Even for a good idea." She winked and continued on her way mumbling, "I can't believe the pay I get for this kind of work. Unbelievable."

…

While Val was walking and talking to an apparently invisible audience, the Warners were plotting a way to get out of their classes early. And what better way to do that than to be themselves.

Helga Pinkbutoon, the Warner's giant etiquette instructor, was busy writing on the chalkboard, her boulder-sized back turned to face them.

Yakko leaned over in his chair until he could reach Wakko. He whispered, "Emergency Warner meeting. Pass it on."

Wakko grinned and leaned over to Dot, repeating the message. Dot nodded and wrote the message on a paper airplane before tossing it at Helga.

Yakko and Wakko gaped at their little sister. "What are you doing?"

Dot shrugged. "You told me to pass it on."

As her brothers shook their heads at her, the airplane hit Helga's back. They all turned to look at Helga who froze mid-word. She lowered the chalk to the board and slowly turned on her heels until she was face to face with the Warner trio.

Yakko grinned. "He he…"

She held up the paper airplane silently, Helga's way of asking a question.

Yakko and Wakko immediately pointed at Dot who glared at her big brothers.

Helga unfolded the airplane and glanced at the note. She eyed Dot, then the note, and then Dot again.

"Talk about suspense." Dot muttered.

Helga suddenly stuffed the note in her back pocket and pulled out her cell phone.

Wakko grinned, his tail wagging. "Oh are you ordering a pizza?"

Yakko nudged his happy little brother. "Not the time."

The Warners watched in silence to see what Helga was going to do next. She punched in a phone number, and took a deep breath…

…

The gardener of the week was busy pruning petunias, enjoying the beautiful warmth of the day. He hummed a sweet tune as he worked, happily engrossed. He was a new worker, having been hired only the day before. It had to be the oddest interview the man had ever had

…"Excuse me." The happy young man stood nervously in front of the secretary of the castle. She looked up at him, heavy bags under her eyes from apparent exhaustion. 'I wonder why everyone here looks so run down?' He thought. 'It must be hard competition for a job.'

"Can I help you?" She twitched slightly. The man frowned. "I would like an interview. I heard about the new gardening position and-"

"RUN!" She screamed suddenly, making the man leap in fright. "RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN!"

"Uh…"

Just then, King Yakko himself came in , a big grin on his face. "Hi there! Welcome to the castle family! And please excuse Rosy." Yakko glanced towards the terrified secretary who was making wild hand gestures at the young man. " She's a few french fries short of a happy meal if you catch my drift. Now you may start immediately!" he had then hugged the gardener, a very mischievous grin on his lips.

…

The gardener was still completely confused as to why in the world no one would want such a wonderful job. The king seemed very kind. As he continued his blissful duties, his cell phone buzzed in his overalls pocket.

He took it out and put it to his ear. "Hello?"

"EMERGENCY WARNER MEETING PASS IT ON!"

"AHHHHH!"

…

The Warners and Helga were laughing hysterically back in the classroom.

"Oh Helga we have taught you well." Yakko wiped away an imaginary tear.

Helga grunted happily.

Wakko giggled. "And to think we were gonna drop an anvil on your head!"

Everyone stopped laughing at once. Helga glared at Wakko and pried the chalkboard off the wall, turning to throw it at the middle Warner.

Dot face-palmed herself. "Way to go Einstein!"

Wakko whimpered, shrinking three sizes. Yakko pulled out a tranquilizer dart and, using perfect precision, shot the dart into Helga's meaty arm.

She then slumped to the ground, the chalkboard crumbling at her feet as she sucked her thumb, sleeping soundly.

"You're lucky I'm so amazing. Now, we are three hours ahead of schedule which means we have some serious work to do. Come on!" Yakko and his sibs toon-sprinted to the next unknown destination.

…

As the Warners were leaving their classroom, Val made her way to her very own destination. She climbed the castle stair case, hating each step as she dragged herself upward.

"I…really…need to…work out…more." She panted as she made her way to the top. "WOO! Feelin' the burn!" She proceeded to knock on the big wooden door of the class instructor's door, Mr. Mousy. Val could only grin at the absurdity of the name. No one really asked him what his real name was, because this one just fit him so much better.

As she stood waiting outside the door, Mr. Mousy was attempting to tape up a very large present, taping his hand to his foot in the process. "Who is it?" He stumbled and tripped, falling on his butt.

"It's Val. Can I come in?"

Oh fudge nuts! "No -I -need -you -to -go -away -now -thank -you -come -again -bye -bye!"

Val frowned outside his door. "Why? Don't you miss me Mr. Mousy?"

Mr. Mousy sighed in frustration. He absolutely detested that name. "Of course I do my dear but-"

"Well then miss me no longer for I shall visit you most kindly!" Val grinned. "Don't you like my accent? It be an impression of you!"

Mr. Mousy frowned and threw himself against the door so Val couldn't enter. "You can't come in!"

Val's ears drooped. "Why not?"

"Because…b-because…"

"If you haven't got a reason then I'm just coming in."

"I'm pooping!"

Val blinked. "Uh…"

Mr. Mousy blushed. "I am using the facilities and can NOT be disturbed. Now away with you!"

Val rested her hands on her hips. "You're going to the bathroom in your office? You don't even have a toilet in there!"

"It's newly installed!" Mr. Mousy fumbled with the key to lock the door and Val heard the click from the outside.

"Well…whatever! I'll go say hi to someone who isn't having bowel movements then. Bye." Val stormed down the stairs. I can't BELIEVE all the exercise I just put myself through for that guy!

Mr. Mousy looked at the taped up massacre at his feet. "Well that was almost too close for my comfort level I do say!"

…

"Alright we got balloons?" Yakko looked at his list.

"Check!" Wakko held up the mass of balloons before floating away with them.

"Cake?"

"Check!" Dot wheeled out the cake from the kitchen.

"Guests?"

"Check!" Everyone shouted at once.

Yakko nodded. "Great. Kay so the birthday girl is gonna be here in just a few minutes so I need everyone to settle down."

The birthday party was almost ready to go. It was set outside with decorations hanging from the trees and party performers doing tricks on unicycles. Guests were laughing and flirting as they waited for the birthday girl who was currently in a very bad mood.

…

Val stomped down to the classrooms, not really caring whether or not classes were done. She wanted to see the Warners and come up with a clever and wicked plan to humiliate Mr. Mousy.

She kicked open the doors with an overdramatic flair, walking inside.

"Alright guys I need your-" She stopped talking when she saw the broken chalkboard and sleeping Helga on the floor. She glanced around and didn't see much out of the ordinary. No paint on the walls, no monkeys running around. Strange…

Val decided to risk losing her life and wake up Helga. She walked over, braced to run if the need should arise.

She nudged Helga's shoulder with her foot. "Helga? Nappy time's over time to get up now. Helga?"

Helga didn't move.

Val then decided a new tactic was in order and she pulled out a trumpet from her back pocket. "It's just something I always have on me. Now Helga I don't want to do this to ya girl but I need to know where my friends are okay? If you understand, don't move at all." Val paused a second. "I knew you'd see it my way!" She leaned closer and smacked Helga over the head with it, hard.

"Bet you all thought I was gonna play it huh? Funny little joke there!" Val grinned to herself proudly but her victory was short lived when Helga opened her eyes and turned to look at Val, a mean animal-like glare over taking her face, her unibrow furrowing, her eyes BULGING!

"Hurt Helga!" Helga began to cry, causing the room to fill up quickly with big Helga-tears.

Val patted Helga's shoulder as she was washed out of the room by the river.

"I'm sorry Helga I didn't mean it. I just need to know where my friends are. Here, have a bunny."

Val gave Helga a fluffy white bunny which Helga happily hugged, making the poor creature's eyes bulge.

"A bunny! I shall pet it and love it and squeeze it and call it George."

Val smiled to the audience. "Of Mice and Men reference. Ask your parents." She turned back to Helga. "Can you tell me where my friends are?"

Helga sniffled and nodded. "At party."

Val frowned. "Party?" She blinked. "They didn't!"

…

Yakko grinned proudly, his chest puffing slightly. "Val is gonna love this. She won't be able to keep her hands off me for the rest of the night!"

Dot rolled her eyes. "While we're making impossible wishes, can I have a unicorn?"

Wakko raised his hand. 'Can I have a hotdog?"

Yakko gave his little sister a glare. "She will too. Just you wait."

"YAKKO!"

The trio turned to see a very angry Val come stomping towards them. Yakko rushed over quickly and turned her around, covering her eyes with his gloved hands. "Pay no mind to the party behind you! It is only an illusion!"

Val pulled his hands away. "Save it. I know you threw me a surprise party."

Yakko blinked. "Wha? Well, I would never….yeah you're right I did. Who spoiled it?"

"Helga."

"That cave girl never was good at keeping secrets."

Val punched Yakko in the arm.

"OUCH! What ever happened to 'thank you Yakko for this wonderful gift you handsome hunk of Warner'?"

Val gave him a warning look. "I didn't want a party."

"Well too bad you got one. Get used to it."

Val threw another punch at him, this time his gut.

"Ugh! Stop it!"

Dot appeared out of nowhere. "Well, I stand corrected Yakko. She really can't keep her hands off you!"

Wakko snickered and Val sighed.

"Can't you just call it off?"

"No way! I went though near death to set this up to tell you how much I care about you. Now suck it up, buttercup."

Val frowned.

Wakko crossed his arms. "Why don't you want a party?"

Val sighed. "I just don't like surprises."

The guests all happened to look over at that moment and see Val standing there.

"SURPRISE!"

Yakko shook his head. "Way to play that at the worse possible second guys."

Dot grabbed Val's arm and tugged her towards the festivities. "Come on enjoy the party!"

Val was whisked into a world of games and laughter. After a few minutes of smiling faces, Val began to cheer up and laugh along with them.

The presents were a big hit with everyone. Val got a taser gun from Pinky and the Brain, a new dress from Dot, some fake vomit from Wakko, and a paddleball from Mr. Mousy.

"Aw and here I was about to torture you senselessly for ignoring me! Thank you Mr. Mousy!"

She hugged the skinny man and was tapped on the back by a familiar hand.

"Aren't you forgetting something?"

Val turned to see Yakko holding out an envelope with a sly grin on his lips. She opened it slowly, glancing up at him curiously as she pulled out the card.

"One free make-out session with Yakko Warner."

"That is renewable at anytime, and can be upgraded if you play your cards right." Yakko winked at Val.

"Um, g'night everybody?"

"Pretty much."

Val sighed, rolling her eyes. "Well…thanks I guess." She turned to walk away and was caught by an outstretched hand. "Hold on there's a part two to your gift."

"Oh? Let me guess, is it an oil massage? Or maybe a low cut dress?"

"More like this." Yakko pressed a tiny red box into her hand and smiled.

Val opened it, expecting another crude joke and literally gasped out loud when she saw what was inside.

Yakko's grin widened when he heard her gasp, knowing she would be thrilled.

Val pulled a silver chained diamond pendant from the box. It wasn't over flashy, which Val loved, and it was the prettiest thing she had ever seen.

Yakko took it from her and placed it around her neck, admiring the way it sparkled on her.

"You know how much I care about you Val."

Val looked up at him with sparkling eyes before throwing herself into his arms, hugging him so tightly he went purple.

"Oh Yakko!"

Yakko grinned at his little siblings. "What did I tell ya? She can't keep her hands off me!"

Dot smirked. "Yeah well I have a part two to my gift too!" She pushed a button. "Say hello to the boys!"

Yakko frowned. "Who said you could bring boys?"

Dot grinned smugly. "No one. Come on out boys!" She turned to the big cake. It was quiet. "Um, hello?" She turned to Wakko.

"You baked the cake BEFORE you put them inside it right?"

Wakko opened his mouth to speak then quickly ran the other way.

"Um….oops."

Two hours and one hospital trip later…

Val smiled. "Well that was interesting. But I hear that the boys will be okay. Thank goodness Wakko forgot to turn the oven on."

Dot crossed her arms. "Yeah, just like how he forgot to put air holes in the cake."

Yakko hugged Val tightly. "That doesn't matter. All that matters is that we had fun, and I got you to smile on your birthday." He kissed her cheek. "You are so beautiful."

Val looped her arms around his neck. "Come here you!" She pulled him into a long, passionate kiss that could have lasted forever if it weren't for a tap on Val's shoulder.

She pulled away from her boyfriend. "Do ya mind? Kinda busy."

"Well, happy birthday to you too!"

She turned around and gasped. "Keenan?"

Yakko frowned. "Keenan? Who's Keenan?"

"I'm Keenan." A handsome 'toon stood beaming at the two. He had wavy brown hair, blue eyes, and his fur was the color of the sun. He wore baggy blue jeans and had a red nose surrounded by a white face, much like the Warners. Did I mention he was handsome?

Dot gasped. "HELLLLOOOOO Keenan!" She flew into his arms and he chuckled.

"You must be queen Dot. You really are as cute as everyone says you are."

Dot sighed. "I'm in love."

Yakko rested a hand on Val's shoulder, almost protectively, eyeing this new guy's obvious good looks. "Any particular reason you're crashing this party?"

Val shot him a look. "Yakko don't be rude. Keenan's an old friend. I used to work with him at the bakery."

"And at the jewelers, and the pet store." Keenan laughed. "We always seemed to end up together. Kinda like fate."

Yakko's eyes narrowed. "Uh huh."

Wakko stepped forward. "Name's Wakko, put her there."

Keenan shook Wakko's hand, only to be shocked by a joy buzzer. He laughed. "You are one cool kid. You must be Wakko huh?"

"Pleasure to make my acquaintance." Wakko grinned, his tongue hanging out.

"Right back at ya! Anyways, I came to give my old friend a visit. I knew it was your birthday and I just could NOT give up this chance to see you again. You look great Val."

Val beamed and gave him a hug. "You do too."

Yakko stood frowning as Val and Keenan hugged. I'm sensing a new special friend in the making.

And…that's it! FEW! I'm exhausted. Anyone else?

(Everyone asleep)

I knew it. Well, I hope you enjoyed it. Read, review and have a pleasant day. Toodles!