Title: Careers, spouses, babies, and houses.
Author(s): Megan Stack and Caitlin Higgins Copyright June 2003
Disclaimer: The characters you recognize are JK's the ones you don't are original
A/N: Well, this came to Megan while she was at work and then evolved into a group effort. We hope it turned out as well as we planned.
A/N 2: We originally started posting this June 2003 and only posted four chapters because we became lazy and busy and lost a lot of our notes. We've been talking about reposting these and finishing it off (so we hope!). Now we're no longer little fan-girls, we are in fact in college, but this story's special to us, so we're going to ignore the fact that this makes us extremely lame and continue with it. Enjoy!
Chapter 4: Picture Frames, Babies' Names, and Quidditch Games
Lily and James were walking down High Street once again searching for furniture. They had already purchased their bedroom furniture and were hearing over to Stork Dork for the nursery as they were "expecting" their children in two days.
Just as James was telling Lily about his brilliant plays for the Quidditch game, him being captain, one of the Gryffindor beaters and his wife were walking towards them. Sirius was talking excitedly about the Arrows when Sam turned to him, annoyed.
"If I throw a stick, will you go fetch it?"
Sirius flow of speech stopped and he grinned at her and said, "Whatever are you implying Sam?" Sam just smiled and continued walking while Sirius walked along behind her, head down, still muttering something about stupid Falcons and amazing Arrows. As he was walking absentmindedly, he slammed right into Lily, knocking her to the ground.
Lily sat up, took the hand James offered to pull her up and said, "God, Black, want to watch where you're going?"
"Sorry, Lils."
"Where're you headed?" James asked as Lily brushed herself off.
"Stork Dork," Sam replied and Lily looked up.
"Oh, good, we get to hear you two bicker some more."
IIIIIII Stork Dork IIIIIII
"Oh, James, don't you think this is just darling?"
"Um…yeah…sure. Are we gonna be much longer?"
"Oh, hush up you ninny. Here, hold my purse."
"But…I…purse…I don't…not here!"
"Aw, James, finally coming out of the closet, are we?" Sirius asked with a grin as he walked into the décor isle, playing with one of the baby toys.
"Shut it, Padfoot."
"No, really. I support you, Prongs. I do. Don't be ashamed, my good man!"
"Sirius, you are seriously the biggest dolt in the world."
Sam came up behind Sirius and rammed a stroller into his heels. He wheeled around to face her and yelled, "What the hell do you think you're doing, woman?"
She smiled with mock sweetness. "Oh, honey, I thought you might want to help me out with the shopping! I'm not doing this for my health, you know."
"Oh, James! We must get these picture frames! They're oh, so, perfect for the nursery!"
"Lily! We haven't go the money to spend on frivolous things such as picture frames!"
"Ooh, is Prongsie learning big words like 'frivolous'?" Sirius taunted, still rubbing his heel. James just whacked him upside the head. "Like you can string two words together, Padfoot. C'mon, Lily, lets check out. McGonagall wants us back in fifteen minutes." Lily and James waved and left the other two to their last minute shopping.
Sam gave Sirius and withering glare, "Let's go you! We still need to pick out a crib and a rocker. And would you put that damn stuffed tiger down! You cannot bring back Mr. Fuzzles, he's gone!"
"Yeah, well he would still be here if it wasn't for you! And besides, I'm a grown man! I can do whatever I want- and I want to play with this magenta tiger like he was my long-lost childhood friend!"
"It's pink. Let's GO!" and to emphasize her point, she rammed the stroller into his heels again and stalked over to the crib section.
He yelled at her retreating form, "HE IS NOT PINK!" And then in a whisper he said to the tiger, "It's okay, Mr. Fuzzles," stroking the doll. "Don't worry. She can't hurt you now."
IIIIIIIIIIIIIII
The next day, McGonagall stood in the common room once again with announcements. "Now, you should all have planned your honeymoons, and 'bought' all of your furnishings. Tomorrow, you shall receive your children. Now, some of you may have one child while others may have multiple children. You do not get to change the number of children nor their gender, but you do decide their names.
"We have taken baby dolls and placed animation spell on them. What that means is, these babies will act as if they're alive. They will cry, they will eat, they will sleep, they will need attention, and they will make messes and generally behave as babies do. They must never leave your sight. Gentlemen, you are to help your wives." Some groans could be heard. "This is a group project. You will grade each other on your capabilities on raising a child.
"There is also a tracking charm placed on the babies so we, the teachers, will be informed of any negligence. Any questions?"
James sighed. "Man, this is gonna be harder than I thought…"
"Yes, Mr. Potter, raising children is not an easy task. However, we decided we should give you children a break and there is a ball planned for the seventh years on Halloween night. It is only opened to seventh years so you may not ask underclassmen to the dance. Your children will be placed under the care of our resident day-care worker, Professor McKinley."
"Oh, no," Lily mumbled so that McGonagall wouldn't hear. "No way am I leaving my child in the care of that…woman!"
IIIIIII McGonagall's Classroom- next day IIIIIII
"Now, I will call you up, couple by couple. You will come up to my desk, and I will inform you of the sex of your baby. After everyone knows what they will have, I will hand out your charges. Mr. Black, Miss Potter."
Sam and Sirius approached McGonagall's desk as if it may swallow them whole if they got too close.
"Congratulations! Twins. A boy and a girl."
Sirius jumped back. "Twins! That's an insult to my masculinity!"
Sam whacked him while the class laughed. "You dolt! It's not an insult!"
"Oh, right…I knew that."
McGonagall rolled her eyes. "I certainly fear for any child that may happen to find its way into your care."
Sirius looked proud. "Why thank you!" Then his face fell as he registered her words. "Wait, that was insult!…wasn't it?"
"Yes, Mr. Black, it was. Now, please, for the love of all things holy, sit down…Mr. Lupin, Miss Humphreys."
IIIIIII Common Room IIIIIII
"Why do we have to have one of each?"
"Oh, please do shut up, Padfoot."
Sirius crossed his arms and pretended to pout, but stopped when Sam threw a pillow in his face.
"Come on! We have to name them. And quit whining."
"How about Spam and Spearius!"
"Spam and Spearius? Adding 'p's to your names doesn't count as 'naming.'"
"Oh really, Prongs? Well it says so in the 'Big Book of Nomenclature!'"
"There is no such thing as the 'Big Book of Nomenclature!'"
"Then I think I shall write it!"
Needless to say the Gryffindors were having quite a time of providing names for the 'children.' Most of the boys weren't helping, providing silly names such as Spam and Spearius. The girls were becoming quite annoyed. Well, except for Gwendolyn whose husband had provided quite sensible names such as Joseph, Robert, and Brian.
"Lily, how about Tawanda?"
"No, James, Maura! I want to name her Maura!"
"Oh, come on, how about…Pencilia? Or Cupola! Or maybe Puppy!"
"I am not naming my daughter Puppy!"
"You know, I wish we had a boy! Cause then we could name him James Junior!"
"Hahahahaha, then he'd be JJ!"
"Shut up Sirius! No way, James, if we had a boy I would never name him James Junior!"
"Why not?!"
"Because I wouldn't. If we had a boy, we'd name him something… regal. Something…enduring. Something like…Harry!"
"Harry?! Ha! You must be joking! Harry Potter? No, no, I'll take Maura any day!"
"Fine then. Maura it is."
James glared at her for having tricked him and she simply smiled in triumph.
On naming their triplets, Lauren had given up with Eamon and had agreed to Spartacus and Felix if he let their daughter be named Morgan.
Remus and Gwendolyn had settled on John after Remus' middle name and Peter's daughter became Pandora.
Alice and Frank had named their son Gregory. Mundungus insisted his son be named Binster but Sarah had taken to calling the child Matthew. And though they fought for nearly two days, Sam and Sirius' twins were named Maggie and Ryan.
IIIIIIII Great Hall- Breakfast a week later IIIIIII
Sirius was trying to put eggs on his plate while he held Maggie on his lap. Lily was happily feeding Maura some applesauce, clearly taking well to motherhood despite her prissy nature. Sam, however, was not faring as well as her friend; so much so, Lily sometimes 'baby-sat' the twins at odd times to relieve their poor mother. The surprising thing was how well Sirius was taking to being a father. He changed diapers without complaint, something most of the guys weren't too keen on doing; he also fed the babies and loved entertaining them.
It seemed as though Sirius and James had switched bodies for the child-rearing part. James was a very attentive husband and did everything efficiently. Unfortunately, he was no more competent in being a father than Peter was at brewing potions.
Ryan has stuck his hands in the applesauce and Sam was completely oblivious.
"Oh, Ryan, honey, get out of there!" Lily was cleaning up the mess as Ryan giggled, bringing Sam back to earth.
"Oh! What are you doing you baby?" She whined. "Did your father teach you that?" Sam began to help Lily, whipping down the table as Lily worked on Ryan's messy hands and face. "I'm a useless mother!" Sam declared, throwing down her napkin.
Sirius looked up from where he was feeding Maggie bits of eggs. "Oh, come on Sam, no you're not!" Ryan pulled her hair and giggled as she managed a half smile at Sirius. "They aren't dead yet!"
It was Saturday and the seventh years were sprawled all over the common room trying to finish their homework while keeping an eye on the babies. Sirius looked up from his spot on the couch where he and Sam were working on their Care of Magical Creatures homework together and getting along quite nicely. "So, James…you gonna try that new move at the game tomorrow?"
"Well, I've been thinking about it."
Lily turned her head to look at James who was perched on the arm of her chair. "So, do you think we may get the cup this year?"
"I think we just may steal it from those slimy gits."
"They'll never know what hit 'em if you implement that "Superduperawesomegreat Flippy Doodle!"
"Yeah, I know. But remind me again, why I let you name the moves, Padfoot?"
"Oh, that's just because I'm superduperawesomegreat."
IIIIIII Breakfast – the next morning IIIIIIIII
"Come on, Jamsie! You need to eat something!"
"Lily, I'm fine! I'm fine!" She had been bugging him to eat for a half an hour. "And don't call me Jamsie!"
"Yeah, Lily, shouldn't you really be feeding Maura?"
"Thanks, Remus. Thought she'd never leave me alone." James smiled and Lily playfully smacked him in the arm before turning back to her daughter.
Sam was sitting opposite James with Maggie and Ryan in her lap. She looked quite lost. Ryan was pulling Remus' tie and Maggie had spilt a goblet of pumpkin juice. Just then, Sirius came in as Remus wrestled his tie out of Ryan's vice-like grip and Sam let out a yell of frustration. Sirius sat down next to Sam, grabbed Maggie, mopped up the spilt juice and gave Ryan his peas and carrots like a pro.
Remus looked a Sirius and with a small smile said, "Thank God you're here. I've had peas flung at me left and right."
"I'm a complete failure," came the mumbled statement from behind Sam's hands.
Sirius pulled her hands away from her face and looked her in the eyes. "You're not a failure, darling, you're very competent." Sam smiled. "…At hexing me."
James stood up quickly before Sam could whack Sirius with Maggie's bottle. "Come on, I think we'd better get to the pitch." The team stood up and moved out the door and when Sirius looked back, Sam was, oddly enough, smiling at him.
IIIIIII Down to the Pitch IIIIIII
Sam handed Remus Maggie and Ryan so she could go commentate the match.
As he was walking away with Gwendolyn, Lily turned to Sam. "What was that about?"
"I have to commentate and I can't have the twins-"
"No! Back in the Great Hall. With Sirius."
Sam smiled and turned to walk towards the commentator's box. "I'm not entirely sure I know what you're talking about…"
Lily smiled, "Yeah, that's what I thought." Sam, still smiling, shook her head and walked to the box.
IIIIIII Gryffindor Locker Room IIIIIII
The team was busy putting on their gear when James stopped a rather cheeky looking Sirius. "Well, now, how'd you manage to not get yourself hexed back there?"
"I'm not quite sure, but whatever it was, I'm glad I did it."
James shook his head and smacked Sirius' shoulder. "Whatever, mate." Then he addressed the team who was done suiting up. "Now, let's go kick some Slytherin ass!"
The crowds cheered as the team walked onto the field. Sam's voice thundered through the stadium. "And now! The Gryffindor team! Captain James Potter, Chasers Beth McDermott, and Sarah Adams, Seeker Joshua Mills, Keeper Mia Turkey, and our Beaters 'Ole Dungy, and my dolt of a husband, Sirius Black!"
Sirius looked up and waved to her and she returned the gesture before continuing half-heartedly. "And now, the Slytherin dirtballs!"
"Potter!" McGonagall sat in the box with Sam making sure she kept it clean.
"Okay, Okay, I take it back, they're not dirtballs…they're just not too familiar with the showering process." McGonagall glared at Sam as she grinned and continued, "Captain Malfoy, Chasers Zambini, Snape, and Sam Foote, Keeper Johnson, and Beaters Parkinson and Abernathy."
The captains shook hands, if somewhat grudgingly, and the teams mounted their brooms.
"And they're off! Potter's got the quaffle! He passes to Adams. Adams flies up the field. She shoots…
"Come on Sarah! She SCORES! Wahoo! Gryffindors up 10 points to nothing! Haha! Take that you dirtballs! I mean, um…you…unclean things!
"McDermott takes the quaffle…Parkinson whacks the hell outta that bludger…Damn it! Beth drops the quaffle and Malfoy takes possession…And…
"Woah! Where the hell did that come from you cheating piece of shit?!"
McGonagall was too concerned with what had happened to reprimand Sam. Tracy Abernathy had hit a bludger directly at Sirius causing him to fall off his broom. The whole stadium watched with bated breath as he hit the ground with a sickening thud. Sam was wildly yelling obscenities as McGonagall went down to lead him off the field. The game continued with a vengeance from the Gryffindor side.
IIIIII 3 Hours Later IIIIII
The score was 190-140 Gryffindor ahead. Sam's voice was growing hoarse. Sirius was back in the game only suffering from a broken arm and a few bruises, which were quickly healed by Madam Pomfrey.
"Zambini goes in for another goal…he shoots but Mia blocks it! Potter in possession again, but wait! –Is that the snitch? Yes! It is! Foote dives for it, but Joshua Mills of Gryffindor is way ahead of him!"
The whole stadium was on its feet watching in anxious anticipation when suddenly-
"Mills catches the snitch! 150 points to Gryffindor! Gryffindor wins the game!"
Sam and McGonagall jumped up and hugged each other while the Gryffindor team did victory flips before landing on the field while the whole school flowed out of the stands.
Sirius yelled out, eyes bright with happiness, "Party in the Gryffindor common room!"
McGonagall didn't even bother to object.
IIIIIII Gryffindor Common Room- later that night IIIIIII
After the Quidditch game, the Gryffindors were having quite a time of celebrating their victory with a party.
Sirius had gotten out some butterbeer and with a yell of glee, he shook a bottle and the amber liquid sprayed all over the nearest person, which happened to be Sam. After a few moments of spluttering and wiping her eyes, Sam jumped up and began chasing Sirius around the common room laughing and shouting. Sirius ran towards the portrait but before he could get there, Sam tackled him and they both fell to the floor laughing.
Once they were able to stand, Sirius led her out of the common room without a word to the rest of his housemates who were too caught up in their partying to notice the absence of only two other people.
"Sirius- what are-"
He turned towards her with a very solemn face. "Sam, will you go to the ball with me?"
Sam looked as if her answering pained her. "Sirius, I can't-"
"I promise not to buy anymore alien dishes if you go with me."
She looked at him with a serious face and replied, "Well…"
A/N: We're working on a short little vignette titled, at the moment (this may change) 'The Iron Chef' a nice little short piece over Christmas break with the gang that we hope with produce a few laughs.
Before the idea for this fic was even conceived, we started a Marauders singing contest. We've written a hilarious chapter and have a few ideas. So, any suggestions for songs will be appreciated and considered (we can't guarantee to do all songs
REVIEW, PLEASE?!!?
Thanks! Hope you enjoyed!