Author's Note: Gosh, I haven't updated since last year! Hardy har har. Just pretend that joke isn't played out. Hope everyone had a good holiday! And- um- Last episode? What is going on with the CW world? Isn't it a little too soon to throw in such wild twists? Shouldn't they at least wait for the second season for this intensity? Oh well. This chapter is going to be a very anti-Serena. This character is great and everything in the show, but in order for this story to work, she has to be a wench. Get ready. Get set. DAIR! (If that's even what we're calling them.)

Chapter Five
"It's like a perfect picture
Of ordinary life
You hit the bottom
To see if you're alive
You'll be here sometime
Traces in your eyes
Bending backwards to look behind
Pushing forward, killing time."
-Great Northern

Dan wasn't exactly sure what to wear to the anniversary party. It wasn't everyday he went to a supposed casual affair on the Upper East Side, an affair in which his possible future girlfriend and closet muse were attending. And it wasn't like he often thought about his ensembles for hours on end, so he was lacking in the experience department. But everything he picked out seemed inadequate. Every outfit option seemed like it wasn't good enough. He needed help. And he didn't like asking for it, but he was desperate.

"Jenny!"

It only took a few moments before his small, blonde-haired Freshmen sister entered the room. Dressed in pajama bottoms and a huge sweatshirt, Jenny was enjoying her usual Sunday night ritual; watching Desperate Housewives and giving herself facials. Lucky for Dan she hadn't gotten up to the second part yet, so her face was its normal color, and she didn't look too annoyed, which meant he hadn't disturbed her.

With half her body engulfed in her sweat shirt, she said, "What is it?"

"I need your help."

She rolled her eyes, "I'm not a psychiatrist, Dan-"

"No," he said, as she was turning to leave. "I need help picking out an outfit for the anniversary party Serena invited me too."

His sister's eyes seemed to light up as she began scouring his closet for something suitable, "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" she demanded as she tossed aside shirt after shirt.

"I didn't know I was supposed to tell you."

She threw a white button-up shirt at him, "This- Of course you're supposed to tell me! Things like this don't happen every day, Daniel- And these," she threw a pair of faded, but nice enough for a party jeans at him.

"That's it?" he asked, feeling unsatisfied.

While walking out of the room she said, "Put those on and I'll be back with one of Dad's jackets."

One of his dad's jackets? Dan felt a trickle of panic wedge itself in his brain. I'm going to look like shit, he decided. Serena's going to be embarrassed by me and Blair won't even give me a passing glance she'll probably make a bitchy comment about it or something. He groaned, but changed into the clothes his sister had handed him.

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Blair knew exactly what she was going to wear to Mr. and Mrs. Archibald's anniversary party. After she had left the odd conversation where her mother seemed to know just about everything, she had gone to Saks and bought a new black, beaded, lace cocktail dress. She knew it would be considered a little dressy for a 'casual' anniversary party, but she also knew that casual meant nothing on the Upper East Side, and bought knew Jimmy Choos to go with the dress instead of even considering it.

A few hours before the party she showered and prepared her hair, pinning it half up. She meticulously applied her make-up, adding a little smoky touch to the eyes, knowing Nate wouldn't be able to resist her.

At the time the party was beginning, Blair had only just slipped into her dress and was fumbling into her shoes while her mother told her to hurry up. As she finished with the straps on her shoes she stood up and made her way over to the dressing table. After popping a mint and giving herself a sprits of her favorite perfume, she felt she was ready and she met her mother in the foyer.

They weren't the first people to arrive at the party, by any stretch of the imagination. The Archibald penthouse was already crawling with impeccably dressed, well-bread people.

Captain and Mrs. Archibald came over and greeted them politely, making small talk and chattering away. Nate made his way over as well, looking nervous, but this went unnoticed by Blair, as did the look that passed between Eleanor and the Captain, and then Nate and his father.

When he approached her he kissed her on the cheek, which disappointed Blair. She thought a simple kiss on the lips wouldn't have been too much for the parents, but she didn't say anything.

"Look at the two of you," Eleanor smiled. "You are so perfect together," she said pointedly.

Mrs. Archibald nodded, "We'll have to have the family ring resized soon," she teased.

Blair felt her heart flutter. Wouldn't that be amazing, to be Nate's wife? It wasn't like she hadn't thought of it before, but the fact that his mom had mentioned the ring- it made it seem real, and that made her feel weak and happy. She laughed softly as the adults chuckled.

"Honey, we should introduce Eleanor to Monty- Eleanor, he's a great agent for this incredible modeling agency," Captain Archibald said, and began to steer his wife away from Nate and Blair.

His wife called, "Have fun kids!" and she, her husband, and Eleanor disappeared into the crowds.

"Did you miss me?" Blair purred, wrapping her arms around Nate's neck.

He smiled at her, "I just saw you yesterday."

"But I missed you," she pouted.

Clearing his throat, "I missed you too," he conceded, but he was nearly cut off by a familiar voice echoing in the entrance hall.

"Blair! Natie!"

Blair pulled away just as Serena engulfed her in a hug, and then swept away and embraced Nate as well.

Nate was smiling widely now, "Hey Serena," he said. "What's up?"

"Nothing really," she replied. "I brought a date!" she pointed out, and grabbed Dan Humphrey's hand, pulling him into their circle.

Blair looked at him and felt her long-spun hatred for him burning. He didn't belong with them at that party, he didn't belong in Nate's house. But he looked like he did, dressed nicely, clean shaven, looking a little annoyed and a lot unperturbed. And the fact that he looked this way made something else burn inside Blair, something she couldn't quite figure out.

"Let's sit down," Nate decided, and he led them all to a couch against the wall, under a large window. "I'll get us all drinks- What do you guys want?"

"Nothing," Blair and Dan replied at the same time, sitting down at least a foot apart from one another. Blair glanced at Dan and he quickly looked at her, before they both avoided their eyes.

Awkward.

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"Well, I'm gonna get myself something- Serena?"

"I'll come with you," she volunteered, and they walked through the crowd and to the kitchen.

Dan sat beside Blair Waldorf, feeling his patience wearing thin. Serena had invited him to a party, she had talked nonstop about seeing Nate and Blair in the cab, without allowing him to speak a word edgewise, she had ignored him since they had gotten there, and now she was leaving him with the best friend he didn't even know. His jaw tensed and he leaned against the back of the couch. What a mistake this is, my seeing Serena van der Woodsen, he thought to himself, she's nothing like I imagined.

And if being ditched by his date wasn't bad enough, Dan was sitting only sixteen inches from the girl he hated, the girl he abhorred and openly bashed. He was just over a foot away from she who had haunted his dreams- the Victorian-Marie Antoinette that flitted around his nightmares and caused him to write absurd poems, poems that described this same 'supreme bitch' he couldn't stand. But the second he had walked through the front door of Nate Archibald's penthouse, he had spotted Blair, and he felt his throat close up and his stomach drop. She looked beautiful, as was to be expected, in a pretty black dress, with smoldering eyes and wild hair. Dan tried his hardest to suppress line after line of poetry that entered his brain, convincing himself that once Serena returned everything would be fine. But as they waited in silence, Dan felt her natural body heat beside him. He smelled her sweet, flowery scent and saw out of the corner of his eye, the peeved look on her face. Everything about her made it hard for him to think of her anything other than his muse, and it made him feel guilty.

In a sad attempt to chip away at the awkwardness, Dan said, "So, do you know how long Nate's parents have been married?"

She glanced at him, with a smirk on her face, her eyebrows raised, "No, do you?"

"No," he laughed a little. "I can't say I do."

She turned her attention back to the crowd ahead of her, a crowd that had thinned out considerably since they had sat down. He tried to think of something else to say, something she would actually say more than a few words about, but nothing came to mind. For a brief moment he wondered what would happen if he announced, 'I had a dream about you the other night.' But he refrained himself from doing so. He was about to bring up some sort of aspect of school when he noticed she physically tensed beside him. He looked over and saw that her teeth were clenched tightly together, and her lips were set in a sort of disgusted frown. Her eyes were narrowed, but still big and doe-like, and she didn't blink.

Dan turned, trying to see what had upset her, but when he saw it, it only made his blood boil as well.

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Blair was only faintly aware of Dan's attempt at conversation. She listened halfheartedly and replied sarcastically, but he was a good sport and he laughed at her vitriolic responses. She was a little miffed that Serena had so quickly offered to join Nate to get drinks, and she was a little more pissed off by the fact that Nate had so eagerly agreed. But she tried to not let it bother her, she tried to not think about it too much and watched the crowd mingling in front of her.

It wasn't until the people she was watching moved out of the way, that she was given a superb view into the kitchen. In the kitchen, by the island counter, pouring drinks, were Nate and Serena; but Serena had her hand on Nate's arm, and their faces were close together, and they laughed and talked like they were dating, as if it was all natural to them. Blair felt hurt, like Nate would rather get drinks and flirt with Serena than her, and she wondered briefly if she was overreacting. But when she saw Nate take Serena's hand and start swinging it back and forth, her hurt solidified and she clenched her jaw.

She felt Dan looking at her, but she ignored him and when he noticed the expression on her face, he turned as well. Beside her, she could feel him breathing heavily, clearly as angry as she was that his supposed date was flirting with someone she ought not to have been flirting with. And they sat silently, fuming. And when Serena headed out of the kitchen and the crowd before her filled up again, Blair stood up and said curtly to Dan, "Excuse me," and she swiftly stood up, making her way through the hectic crowd and into the kitchen. Serena passed, tried to say something to her, but she ignored her and moved on, wanting to have a word with Nate.

Once she got inside the kitchen, she found that it was empty, but she heard voices sounding from the breakfast room that branched off from the room she stood in. She moved toward them, finding they belonged to Nate and his father. Because their voices sounded angry, Blair was going to leave, but she decided against it when she heard her name. Her ears perked up and she hid behind the door, listening carefully.

"Nate, we've talked about this," the Captain said angrily. "Why do you have such a hard time following my orders?"

There was hardly a pause before he replied, "Dad, life isn't some big ship, and I'm not under your orders- You can't control my life like this!"

The Captain laughed bitterly and said, "I can when I control the money in your bank account. As long as you're in this family and under this roof, I control you, do you understand me?"

Nate didn't answer.

"Whether that means keeping up your grades because I said so, or helping me with Eleanor Waldorf's account, you'll do it."

Her mother's account? Blair knitted her eyebrows together, leaning her head closer to hear better.

"Why are you yelling at me?" Nate demanded, "I've been doing everything you asked me to!"

The Captain's voice grew quieter as he hissed, "Yeah, but fraternizing with Serena van der Woodsen like you were isn't necessarily helping!"

"What, so now you're going to tell me who I can talk to, period?"

"What if Blair had seen you?" he retorted. "What if she had taken it the wrong way?"

Blair's heart was pounding in her chest and her breathing had grown shallow, what were they talking about? How was Nate helping her mother's account? And what did Nate flirting with Serena have to do with it? Why had that made Captain Archibald so angry?

Nate shot back, "It's hard for her to take it the wrong way, since it was what it was- I like Serena Dad, and I don't want to hide my feelings for her just because you tell me to-"

"Would you shut up?" the Captain snapped. "Lower your voice!"

Blair felt her throat close up completely and her hands go tingly. None of it made sense. If Nate liked Serena why had he gotten back together with her? Had he just figured it out now, in the kitchen, while she was sitting with Dan on the couch, that he Serena was his one true love? Blair felt sick and angry, hurt and depressed, but she didn't know what to do about it. She wanted to inflict pain on someone. Nate. Serena. The Captain. Maybe herself, because she obviously wasn't good enough.

"Listen Nate, Eleanor mentioned your little fight with Blair, and because it bothered Blair so much it bothered her too," the Captain sounded menacing as he spoke. "We can't have anything like that happen again or she'll cut us off from the account forever, do you understand me?"

"No."

"Read my lips, son: As long as I need this account, you are going to do whatever Blair wants, if she wants you to hand-pick her a bouquet for your wedding, than that's what you're going to do- And only if she wants to breakup, then you can be with Serena."

"And what if I said no?"

Blair didn't stick around to find out what the Captain's answer was, she felt like she was choking, and her stomach acids swirled violently. Before she could throw up all over the Archibald kitchen, she fled the room, ran up the stairs and into Nate's parents' bedroom. She slammed the door behind her and wrenched the bathroom door open and lifted the toilet seat in a flash, feeling herself heave and gag. Nothing wanted to come up though, so she shoved her finger as far down her throat as necessary, and waited.

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Serena smiled at Dan as she approached him, but Dan just stared at her coldly.

"Having fun?" she asked.

He cut right to the chase, "No."

"Why not?" she sounded hurt.

"Serena, I saw you and Nate in the kitchen," he told her truthfully. "If you like him why are you playing these games with me?"

She looked a little guilty, but mostly surprised, "I don't like Nate- What are you talking about?"

"You had s-"

"Dan!" she cut him off. "That was a mistake, something that happened a long time ago... It means nothing now."

He shook his head, looking at his hands.

"Honestly."

"It didn't look like it means nothing," he said, looking up. "Look Serena, I won't be mad if you just tell me the truth."

She shook her head, "Nate's my best friend's boyfriend- Of course I don't have feelings for him."

"That didn't stop you before," he said harshly, feeling it was necessary.

She stared at him, anger etched across her face, but she didn't say anything for quite some time. The silence that passed between them was thick and tense. Dan stared at her anyway. He allowed his gaze to drill itself into her eyes until she had to look away. She didn't say anything still though, so he waited. As the party squirmed and shifted around them, he waited. He may have had a short resistance when it came to Upper East Siders and their drama, but he had patience when it came to his pride, and he wasn't going to jeopardize his dignity just because Serena van der Woodsen wanted to play some kind of game where she was the princess and he was her sometimes suitor.

Finally, she said, "Maybe I still have some feelings for Nate," and she quickly continued before Dan could respond. "But I want to get over him and I want you to help me get over him," she told him, placing her arms around his neck and pouting.

Dan took hold of her wrists and placed her hands in her lap, "I'm sorry, Serena," he stood up. "I don't think that's my responsibility," and he walked toward the door.

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Blair leaned against the porcelain sink in the master bathroom, staring at herself in the mirror. After washing her face and brushing her teeth with some toothpaste and her finger, Blair felt a little better, but she was still pissed.

Nate had only gotten back together with her because her mother had threatened the Captain, and the Captain had spoken to Nate.

As she let this set in she felt even more pissed off.

He truly liked Serena, he had never gotten over her and now Nate couldn't have Serena because she was with Dan Humphrey, but Nate wasn't even happy with settling for Blair. Well, she was just fine with that, because she wasn't something to be settled for, she was something to be prized and cherished. People settled when they couldn't get her.

Just like almost every other time Blair got hurt or depressed, she set her emotions into accomplishing something, and that something was revenge on Serena and Nate, and anyone else she could gun down on her way to her goal. It took her a moment to think of something, anything, but nothing seemed good enough- No, nothing seemed bad enough. She wanted Serena to cry, and she wanted them both to know what it felt like to be lied to and deceived. She wanted them to experience her anger and her feeling of a new all time low.

How did they do it to me? How did Serena and Nate hurt me so badly the first time? she asked herself. They betrayed me... Nate cheated on me and Serena stole my boyfriend...

Realization set in and Blair looked at herself in the mirror with wonder.

She would have to suffer quite a bit, and she'd have to lie to everyone, but she could do it, she could pretty much do anything to get back at those who had wronged her. So, before she could change her mind she hurried out of the master bathroom and bedroom and then practically flew down the stairs. She couldn't see Nate anywhere, but she spotted Serena's blonde head near the front door, looking pissed off.

Blair hurried through the crowd, but she casually walked up to her 'best friend.'

"Where'd Dan go?" she asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

Serena waved her hand toward the door, "He's leaving- I dunno," and she stomped through the crowd, away from her.

So Blair crept out the front door unnoticed, took the elevator downstairs and spotted Dan opening the door of a bright yellow cab. Before he could get in she called his name.

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Dan was surprised to hear his name being called. He thought Serena would be so pissed off at him that she would never speak to him again, and he was fine with that.

He turned, surprised to see Blair Waldorf running toward him.

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She pushed him into the cab, followed him inside and closed the door beside her. She gave the cab driver her address before Dan could even speak, and then, with all the passion and lust she could muster, she crawled on top of him and covered his mouth with hers. Underneath her she heard him make a sound of surprise, and he pulled away, looking at her as if she were insane. He almost couldn't speak.

"What are you doing?" he asked breathlessly.

"If you don't know, then we might be in trouble," she smirked, swooping down and kissing him again.

This time he didn't resist as much, he allowed her to poke and prod his mouth with her tongue. And at first, she didn't like it either, but after a few blocks she started to enjoy it. She ran her fingers through his short, dark hair, and he ran his hands up her lower back. He was a good kisser, and he was much more attentive than Nate had been the last time they kissed, and she found she didn't have to put so much energy into kissing him, thinking of it only as means of revenge, but it simply came naturally.

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He couldn't say that he wasn't surprised that Blair was kissing him, but he couldn't say he didn't enjoy it either. He had tried to stop her, but she had persisted, and now he just allowed him to enjoy himself. Having never made out in the back of a cab, it was a new experience. And since this was his muse he was kissing, he had no problem with it, it would make for a good poem... And it wasn't like he was any longer attached to Serena. So he kissed her back.

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Blair's plan was already set in motion, and she didn't even have to work that hard at it.

She had it all worked out already. She'd start some kind of affair with Dan, and be really hush-hush about it, dropping a hint to Serena and Nate here and there. She'd pretend to be busy all the time and she'd act like she was nervous other times. She'd buy a new cell phone and send herself suggestive text messages, and then she'd leave her phone around or ask Serena to check a message on her phone and they'd stumble upon it. But she'd never reveal the whole truth, not until the Constance Billard winter formal, where she'd unveil the affair, crushing both Serena and Nate in one punch. And before either of them could hurt her, they'd already be brokenhearted. Hmmm, when I'm good, she conceded, I am really good.

Author's Note: I know what you're thinking: This isn't romance between the two, this is psychotic behavior labeled fluff! I promise, they will truly like each other, but let's allow it to progress into that first, yes? I also know this chapter was kind of chopped up into sections but I wanted to show both their feelings and reactions, so if it is totally horrible and annoying this way, then let me know. Hope you liked chapter five! Next chapter is coming soon!