Title: Careers, spouses, babies, and houses.

Author(s): Megan Stack and Caitlin Higgins Copyright June 2003

Disclaimer: The characters you recognize are JK's the ones you don't are original

A/N: Well, this came to Megan while she was at work and then evolved into a group effort. We hope it turned out as well as we planned.

A/N 2: We originally started posting this June 2003 and only posted four chapters because we became lazy and busy and lost a lot of our notes. We've been talking about reposting these and finishing it off (so we hope!). Now we're no longer little fan-girls, we are in fact in college, but this story's special to us, so we're going to ignore the fact that this makes us extremely lame and continue with it. Enjoy!

Chapter 5: Frocks, Jocks and War-Locks

Lily and James sat in the common room a week after the Quidditch game, Lily trying to teach James how to change Maura's diaper.

"Lily, face it, I'm a terrible father!"

"Oh hush. Does whining about your parenting skills run in your family?"

"Considering how we were raised, yes."

"Well, fine. Now listen, first you place the new diaper underneath. Then you powder, but not too much. Then you take it like this and pin. Now you try."

The baby was now getting chaffed from so much powder and James wasn't faring much better.

"Can't I just duct tape it on?"

At that moment Sirius stomped through the portrait hole and plopped onto the couch next to them.

"She still said no!"

"Sirius, just give up!"

"No, I'm telling you! I will NOT stop asking her until she says yes! I mean it!" And with that he stomped out the way he came.

James shook his head, "I don't know who's more stubborn, him or my sister."

"Alright daddy, you still need to know this, duct tape or not."

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

The Gryffindors made their way to the dungeons for a double cooking class with the Slytherins. Lily shifted Maura on her hip, the duct tape crinkling. Sam and Remus walked ahead as Sam could no longer take Sirius and frankly, Remus couldn't either.

As they walked in, Professor McKinley swept her hawk-like gaze over them. "Stop dawdling! Take your seats so we can begin!"

Sam pulled out a chair next to Remus, "Jeeze! What crawled up HER butt and died!"

Remus chuckled to himself as Sirius sent a note flying towards him. His aim was off and it hit Sam in the back of the head. She turned around and gave him a death glare and Remus unfolded the note.

Moony!

Ask her again! Make her say yes!

"I am NOT asking her!"

Sam turned again, annoyed, "You twit! Stop dragging your friends into this! The answer is still no!"

McKinley chose that moment to walk over. "Even though your love life is so interesting to the rest of us, class must begin. Black, I guess you'd like to share with us the incantation for cooking meat."

"Um, no, not really. I mean, I would so love to, Professor! But I uh, broke my wand arm, uh, picking up your wonderful text book to study."

"And your broken arm prevents you from telling us… how?"

"Well, uh, you see," he started to whisper, "I have odd bouts of laryngitis. Quite unpredictable, you see. So sorry about that."

"I see. Detention tomorrow. Anyone else?"

Malfoy raised his hand, McKinley smiled, "Yes Lucius?"

"The incantation is Fair Viande!"

"Correct. 5 points to Slytherin. Now…"

"Stupid cock-knocker," Sirius muttered, his laryngitis clearly gone.

IIIIIIII a few moments later IIIIIIII

Sam and Remus were paired up trying to make meatloaf and were only succeeding because Remus knew what he was doing.

"Sam please! Just say yes! Go with me!"

Sam ignored Sirius and finished grating carrots.

Remus looked up with tears in his eyes. "You're breaking his heart! Why can't you say yes?" He wiped his eyes and went back to cutting onions.

She shook her head. "Breaking his heart? That's going a little far, Rem. Like he has a heart. Why won't I say yes? I'll tell you why I won't say yes! Oh I'll tell you! I'll tell you alright!"

"You really don't know why, do you?

"No! I know perfectly well why! It's because… because… okay! I don't really… know, per say."

"See! I knew it! Pass me that tissue? If you don't know why, why not say yes already?"

She handed him a tissue and added the carrots to the bowl. "Because… I'm scared. It's weird. Sirius and I have been torturing each other forever, ever since we could pour dirt in each other's diapers. We're not supposed to be civil let alone almost dating! It's against the laws of nature!"

"Samantha, times change. People grow up, even Sirius. You think- both of you think- you're hiding it but you're not! You like each other! You always have. Maybe even when you were pouring dirt in each other's diapers! I've known it, James has known it, hell, even Wormtail picked up on it! You're scared of something you've known your whole life? Scared of what we all think is your destiny? I thought you were smarter than that! Maybe not Padfoot, but you must be! Just say yes! For your sake, for his sake, for all of our sakes! James and I have lost nights sleep from all his complaining, our appetites from his grand schemes to win you over and we're frankly ready to kill him."

"You're right, Rem. You're always right. I AM smarter than him."

Remus shook his head. "Faire Viande!"

IIIIIIIIIII

They were walking out of cooking when Sam stopped Sirius. "Listen, Black, you stalker. I've done some thinking and Remus has done some crying and I'll go."

He cupped his ear, "What was that? I don't believe I caught that!"

"I said yes! Yes already, I'll go you prick." She started to smile despite herself.

"Say it again."

"No, that's enough."

Sirius clapped a frightened first year on the back. "She said yes!"

Malfoy and Snape sauntered over. "Aw, Black, spending time with you wittle girlfriend? Oh Potter! I wuv you! Will you go to the stupid wittle ball with me?"

Snape chuckled.

"Shove off, Malfoy."

"Oh! What are you gonna do to me, 'cock-knocker'?"

"Kill you, you mamby pamby suck up. What are you gonna do, bake me in a soufflé?"

"Oh you little Muggle-lover!"

"Oh, that hurt you slimy git!"

Malfoy swung at Sirius' head while Sirius got him in a headlock. They were yelling and throwing punches, Sam trying to break it up with a, "Get the hell off him, Malfoy!"

McKinley walked out hearing the racket. "Black! Malfoy! Detention! Now get out of my sight!"

Malfoy gave Sirius a last glare as he pinched his bleeding nose and walked away.

Sam helped Sirius up. "Let's get you to the nurse."

IIIIIIIIIIII

Lily was sitting on Eamon's lap in the common room giggling at Eamon's impression of a poor first year who had spilled his ink all over his robes. The poor boy, Mark, was scowling in the corner, wiping his glasses off to no avail. Sam stood up, shooting a glare a Lily and her meathead boyfriend as she performed a simple cleaning charm for Mark. He thanked her and still scowling at the giggling couple; he grabbed his books and stalked up the stairs.

Lily took no notice of either Mark or Sam and laughed even harder as Eamon tickled her. A few minutes later Lily fed him a chocolate frog and chuckled.

"Hey babe, you like my new product? It really gives my hair that suave look, yeah?"

She nodded, "Mhmmm. Much better than that War-Locks stuff."

Across the room, Sirius raised an eyebrow at Remus and whispered, "His hair always freakin' looks the same!"

Remus shook his head, "Got me."

"Yeah, babe, it like does this like, wave thing here, ya know?"

"Yeah, and that piece has like this flippy thing."

"Yeah! See, that's why I date you!" He kissed her.

Sam grunted, "One. Ew. Two. How is this conversation any bit interesting?"

James sighed, "I will never understand."

Sirius smiled. "That's 'cause your hair only looks one way- like it's never been brushed."

"Shut up, Padfoot."

"Alright, babe, I gotta work out." He stood up quickly and Lily fell to the ground in a heap. "Sorry, darling, should watch yourself." And with that he stepped over her to get to the portrait hole.

"Aren't you gonna help me up?"

"Sorry, places to be!" And he left without turning back.

Lily quickly stood up as James moved to help her. She flashed a weak smile at him and did a nervous chuckle. "Oh, I'm fine, heh. You know Eamon." She ducked around him and dashed up the girls' stairs leaving James standing in the middle of the common room.

IIIIIIIIIIII

"Jimmy boy, you NEED to get a date to that ball, man! It's next week."

James flopped onto his bed, "Stop it with the pet names, Sirius. And I KNOW already."

"Well then, who's it gonna be? Some of those Ravenclaw chicks are after you…"

James sighed, "Yeah…"

Remus broke in, "'Cause they aren't who you WANT to take."

James sat up, Sirius asked, "Well then, Prongsie, if you got someone in mind, why dontcha ASK her?"

"Lily! Why are you still with that dunderhead?"

"Sam, just SHUT UP, okay?"

"No! I will not! You… you… you're with him and you turn into this… snob!"

"Sam!"

"Let me finish! You sit there and laugh at poor Mark Guyly when he's done nothing! He's a first year! And that idiot bumps into him, sending his books everywhere and his ink spilled all over him! And you sat there and LAUGHED! You know, when I beat the crap out of you it was because I thought you were shallow and stuck up and then you weren't. You were funny and nice and now you're just what I thought of you in the beginning!"

"Sam, I just-"

"NO!" James yelled, "It's not Beverly Forge! I don't want to take that blimp to the dance! Just drop it!"

"Why 'ol Prongsie?"

Remus interrupted, "I know who he wants to take."

"Ergg! Why do YOU always get to know EVERTHING, Moony?"

"Because I actually pay attention, Padfoot."

"It's… Lily… Look, you can ruin your life all you want dating that jerkoff Eamon, but I'll be damned if you make other people feel like crap, okay? You could do so much better than that idiot, but whatever. Just don't make me beat the crap out of you again, okay? I don't need another detention."

Lily smiled. "No, you're right, and I'm sorry. And I'll apologize to Mark, I was being stupid. And I think you'd like Eamon if you just gave him a chance."

Sam shot Lily a look and went back to putting her clothes away. "Lil, I don't talk to anything with less intelligence than a banana peel."

"You talk to Sirius."

"Good point, James, Mandy Tonselbane DOES look like a flamingo with a snaggletooth!"

Remus shook his head and chuckled. Peter chose that moment to walk in. "Hey guys, what's so funny?"

Sirius walked over and put his arm around the shorter boy, "Wormtail, buddy, who do you think James should take to the dance?"

"Uhh... I dunno. How about that Belinda Miser?"

Sirius pulled a face, "A Slytherin? Pete, you nuts? No, I was saying he should take Penny Lonebungle. Now she's attractive."

"Who do you think James should take, Remus?" Peter asked bending over to look under his bed for his potions homework.

"I think James should take whomever he wants to take." And with that he walked out. James flopped backwards onto the bed.

"Dances seriously suck."

"Oh, you're just a party pooper, Prongsie."

IIIIIIIIIIII

"Padfoot, would you kindly GET OFF MY FOOT!"

"Whoops, sorry Prongsie, kind of hard to see since Peter broke the lamp!"

"Oh, do none of you have a working brain? Lumos!"

"And that is why we keep you around, Moony."

"Yeah, well, whatever, let's just get this over with, shall we?"

"Right. Pureblood." The four Marauders stepped into the Slytherin common room and tiptoed across the room. James put the cloak back in his pocket and tapped the map, "Mischief Managed!"

"Alright, everyone know what they're doing?"

"YES!" The other three hissed at once.

"Jeeze, don't get so huffy about it."

"You've only reminded us a dozen times, Padfoot."

"Can't be too careful with these things! Pranks can go awry easily!"

"Just shut up and get to it! You don't want to wake the gits up, do you?"

"Right then, man your stations men!"

Remus shook his head and started up the stairs with James while Sirius and Peter stayed in the common room.

IIIIIIIIIIII

The next morning, our favorite Gryffindors were sitting down enjoying breakfast when James looked up and almost choked on his eggs. Malfoy and Snape hobbled into the Great Hall. They were stuck together from the waist down as if they were competing in a three-legged race and they were covered with soot. They looked as if they were ready to murder a certain group of boys. They shuffled over to the Gryffindor table amidst the laughter ringing throughout the hall and stopped in front of Sirius who smiled winningly up at them.

"Oh hello there! My, I can see you two have gotten rather close! Haven't they become close, Jamesie?"

"Oh, quite right, Sirius. Why, you'd think they were attached!"

"Black…" Malfoy began menacingly.

"Yes, yes," he waved at them. "What can I do for you, gentlemen?"

Malfoy sneered down at Sirius. "Black, you four better watch your backs. A coughing fireplace and insulting couches in the common room are not-"

"Oh, yes, I noticed Slytherin looked a bit dirtier than usual. How unfortunate, you guys don't normally shower for another week!"

"Oh, Padfoot, I thought it was another two weeks!"

"Oh, yes, right you are, James. So sorry."

"You just wait, you four. We'll get you back for this."

"Yes, I'm sure you will, you and your little boyfriend there. Well now, carry on! Wouldn't want to miss breakfast!"

If looks could kill… Malfoy and Snape made their way over to the table, unable to agree on which direction to go. They ended up tripping over a table leg and went sprawling across the floor. This caused the Marauders to chuckle even more behind their toast as the two Slytherins stood up and bickered all the way over to their seats.

Sam looked more than annoyed, Sirius looked up at her and then frowned, "What in the world is your-"

Sam let out something between a growl and a yell. "You guys didn't invite me! I told you I wanted in on all your pranks!" She reached across and smacked James upside the head.

"Ow! You know we can't all fit under the cloak! God."

Sam stood up, clearly miffed and as she left she threw a jelly legs jinx at Sirius and a laughing charm at James over her shoulder.

James choked out from his fit of hysterics, "She's… totally…completely….the…mad…hatter…I…swear..."

Sirius looked up from his spot on the floor, "Right you are, Jimbo, a complete and total loony." And he looked lovingly towards the door through which she had left moments before.

A while later, after they had righted themselves and finished their breakfast, while they were heading out of the hall to class, they overheard Snape and Malfoy fruitlessly trying to tell their friends that it wasn't what it looked like.

"Are you two dating?"

"No, we're-"

"Like god, can't you leave Lucius alone for a minute, Severus?"

"Yeah, you're always up his butt."

"But I-"

The Marauders just chuckled silently to themselves as they set out for charms, nearly colliding with a soot-covered Slytherin first year who was muttering about a sofa and how it told him to lay off the chocolate frogs.

IIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Later that day, Lauren Carlson cornered James outside the Charms classroom.

"Hey James," she said in a weirdly thick voice.

"Erm, yeah, hello there." And he tried to move quickly past her.

"Oh, where're you headed?"

"Um, on to my next class. Er, do you have something in your eye?"

"No, what makes you say that?"

"Oh, er, nothing. You want something?"

"Why, James, can't I innocently stop you in the hallway to chat?"

"Er, well, seeing how you haven't ever done that in the past six years, and I'm late for Divination..."

"Oh, James." She swatted his arm and giggled nervously.

"So, I'll be seeing you?"

"Oh, well, you know, do you have a date yet?"

"A what?"

"A date. For the ball. On Halloween."

"Yes, I know when the ball is. Well, I, er, well, no."

"Well then, I guess you've just found your date. Lucky you." And she slinked off throwing him odd looks over her shoulder.

He stood in the hallway, quite confused, and then shook himself and went on to Divination muttering about weird girls and balls.

"Not a good sign to be talking to yourself, young squire!"

"Oh, shove it, Sir Cadogan. … Paintings! Think they can barge right in-"

"Mr. Potter, take your seat, I foresaw that you would be late."

"Loony old bat," he muttered to Sirius who chortled and passed him a tea cup.

IIIIIIIIIIII

"Uh, so, I've got a date to the ball…"

"Good on you, James!" Remus said smiling. "You finally ask her?"

"Erm, well, no."

Sirius cocked an eyebrow, "She didn't fall out of the sky, did she? How do you have a date if you didn't ask her?"

James sighed and threw his books on his trunk. "I didn't ask her, she asked me..."

Remus looked confused, "Well, that doesn't seem very much like her, I didn't think she'd be so forward, I mean Li-"

"…cornered me outside of Charms..."

"Wow, that's a side I've never seen of L-"

"Who IS it already?!" Sirius bellowed.

"Lauren Carlson, Padfoot."

Remus clearly was not expecting this answer, "What? But she- she's not-"

James sent Remus a glare, "Rem, you know as well as I that she's going with someone else."

"Lauren's going with you AND another guy? Talk about crowded!"

"No, Sirius, I thought he was talking about someone else asking him. I never, not in a million years…"

"So Jamesie's too much of a coward that the girlies have to ask HIM to the dance?"

"Stop calling me Jamesie! And I'm not a coward! You should have seen her though," he shuddered. "It was weird."

"Weird how?"

"I dunno, she was all like… looked like she had something in her eye, and she talked like this…said some weird stuff."

Sirius made a gagging noise. "I've said it before, I'll say it again. Girls."

IIIIIIIIIIII

"Dude, we will so beat those Hufflepuffs at the match in two weeks!"

"I dunno, James, Lawrence Niles said that Vanderis has been making them train pretty hard."

"Lil, there is no way they are better than us. Mills is way faster than Waldek! The kid could hardly catch the snitch if it walked up to him wearing Sirius' boxers on his head and said, "Booga, Booga!"

"Yeah! And I'll bludgeon the hell outta those Badgers! Wait, what do my boxers have to do with any of this?"

"Oh shut up, Sirius. Lily, Sam, would you mind if I came shopping with you today?"

"Not at all Alice!" Sam said smiling.

"Are you so excited to pick out an outfit? I can hardly wait!"

"SO ANYWAY," Sirius exclaimed loudly, "the cup will so belong to us this year. But seriously, James, why MY boxers?"

"Because they have little golden snitches all over them?" James asked innocently.

"James!" he exclaimed in shocked surprise. Then he hissed, "Not in front of the ladies."

James laughed, "Did you show Mundungus that Marley Dribble move we read about?"

"Oh yeah, he was all for it! It'll be amazing, I assure you."

Lily wrinkled her nose, "Is sports all you guys talk about?"

He mocked her in a high falsetto, "Is clothing all you guys talk about?"

She ignored him, "Come on, Sam, Alice, we'll head down to Hogsmeade to start shopping and leave these dunderheads to their sports."

Remus looked up from where he was reading Werewolves: Creatures of the Full Moon and said, "I sure hope you're not applying that to me."

"Not at all, Remus dear." And they disappeared from sight.

"Girls," Sirius muttered. Then in his high-pitched voice, "Eww sports! Oh, let's go shop-ping! Dunderhead boys! Blah, Blah, Blah."

IIIIIIIIIIII

The boys walked into Gladrags clearly not excited to be there. They could hear the girls giggling from another part of the shop.

"How can they like this stuff?"

"I dunno, Padfoot. Mum sent me money for new dress robes again. Not like I don't have ten pairs at home."

"Oh, that's 'cause you live the high-society life, Prongsie."

"As if you don't attend all the deathly boring parties hosted by families of only the purest blood," James said, not without contempt.

Sirius scowled, "Whatever. Let's get it over with, gents."

They all nodded grimly and stepped up to be measured.

IIIIIIII Meanwhile... IIIIIIII

Sam was laughing at the horrid prune-colored robes Lily had tried on and Alice was getting measured by one of the witches.

"Oh, Lily, really, get that OFF!"

"You don't think I'd actually wear this?"

"No, but still. Here, try this green one on."

"Fine, fine. You try this pale blue one. No, that one with the thingies on the sleeve."

IIII

"Alright, this one fits, no?"

"Yeah. Gah! These sleeves are… what ARE these?"

"I dunno. Here."

"Alright. Yeah, these are good."

"You set, Peter?"

"Yeah. You getting that one, James?"

"Eh, might as well."

"Frank, you sure you're not getting any dress robes?"

"Yeah, got my cousin's old robes. No big deal, guys. Really."

The boys all grabbed their things and paid.

IIII

"Oh, I just don't know. Do you like it in gold or blue better?"

"Gold, Alice, definitely gold."

"You sure?"

"Yes!"

"Okay. …. Oh! Or should I get this one?"

"Hmmm. Put that one on again. Let me see."

"Lily, should I wear the sleeves like this or like this?"

"No, Sam, I quite liked the first one."

"But it was all bunchy here. And what happened to that other dress you had?"

"Oh, it just didn't fit my hips right and the cut was all…. Wrong. Oh, yes! Get that one, Alice!"

"But what shoes would I wear?"

"Wear your strappy ones."

"But they kill my feet. Will the heels look right with this?"

"No, here, I have the perfect shoes for you!"

"Sam, try that dress on. I bet it'll look amazing!"

"But the color's wonky!"

And so an hour later the girls finally left the shop, pleased with their purchases.

IIIIII Meanwhile IIIIII

The boys spent twenty minutes in Zonko's restocking and planning their next prank. Then they headed over to Honeydukes where they all spent a good deal of money on their favorite sweets. Remus made them stop so he could buy more quills and parchment, James needed some more owl pellets and Sirius picked up some more polish for his broomstick.

They were just finishing their second round of butterbeers when the girls walked into the Three Broomsticks, exhausted from their retail adventures. The girls sat the table over from the boys and were joined by Gwendolyn and Rosy. The waiter brought them a round of butterbeers.

"Professor McKinley better not harm my child, I swear…"

"Relax, Lily. They're not actually real babies you know."

"Sam, that kind of attitude does not bode well for your grade."

"We all know I'm a failure anyway."

"This is true." Lily smiled and took a sip of butterbeer while Sam smacked her arm.

Alice piped up, "Hey, you lot seen the Daily Prophet lately?"

James turned around, joining in the conversation. "What of it, Alice?"

She lowered her voice to more of a whisper. "They say there's this wizard- bad lot he is. Gaining power an' supporters they say. Hear he might be the worst dark lord since Grindelwald."

Gwendolyn tutted, "Load of tosh it is, Alice, I don't believe in it."

Lily looked scared, "But… but what would that mean?"

James looked at her, "You don't know, but dark wizards- they're just evil. No rhyme or reason. They try to rule the wizarding world. Most of 'em just torture- 'specially Muggles for the fun of it- can be rough times."

Peter laughed nervously, "But it really isn't, I mean he couldn't-"

Sirius looked up from where he was staring blankly at the table. "No, Pete, he most certainly can and he will. S'not tosh, Ara. Somethin's going on, something dark. We all need to watch ourselves."

"Yes indeed," replied Alice and the group remained silent for quite sometime, each lost in his or her own thoughts.

Sirius, who couldn't stand sobriety for very long, smiled and stood on his chair and began to sing a rather bawdy ballad. Soon they all were hysterical mostly because of the gestures that accompanied the crude lyrics and thoughts of a dark lord moved to the back of their minds where they would remain until they could be pondered alone.

A/N: Ooh, ending on a somber-ish note. But hey! It's finished! Huzzah!!! Hope you enjoyed, of R/R! Next chapter is the ball! Yay! Should be a fun one!