Author's Note: I love watching the pilot episode over and over as much as the next Gossip Girl fan, but- geez, they sure hyped up an episode that wasn't worth being hyped up. Don't get me wrong, watching the cast being forced into talking about clothes and their characters and stuff is great, and they got some good shots of them laughing, but I was looking forward to a new, awesomely dramatic episode. And next week is going to be a repeat too? I wish these writers' strikes would just end already! Anyway... I hope everyone enjoys chapter six!
Chapter Seven
"Lift me up
on my honor
Take me over this spell
Get this weight off my
shoulders
I've carried it well
Loose these shackles of
pressure
Shake me out of these chains
Lead me not to
temptation
Hold my hand harder
Ease my mind
Roll down the
smoke screen
And open the sky."
-The Killers
"What's up with Blair Waldorf?"
Dan felt his whole body tense as the question left his sister's mouth.
He cleared his throat, trying to sound nonchalant, "What do you mean?"
"All everyone was talking about today was how she was being really nice, like- too nice," Jenny replied, sitting at the island in their kitchen, peeling an apple.
"How should I know?" Dan replied a little defensively. "Why are you asking me?"
Jenny eyed him suspiciously, "Wasn't she at that party you went to last night?"
"Yeah?"
"Did anything happen at that party that would make her so happy?" she asked. "Did Nate Archibald propose?" she giggled.
The suggestion was like a swift kick to the stomach, reminding Dan that Blair was still officially dating Nate. And jealousy oozed from the hole that this coup left to his body, making him clench his jaw and feel anger vibrate under his skin. What made his anger increase, though, was the fact that he felt jealous of Nate at all, that he felt so desperately possessive of Blair, a girl he wanted nothing to do with only several days ago. He felt like he was losing control of himself, forgetting everything he had initially wanted, everything he had so faithfully believed. He had promised himself that he would help Blair, but he had not agreed upon the equation that he would fall for her. And I'm not, he tried to remind himself, wanting to beat himself up over it. But he couldn't help relishing the tantalizing pleasure of remembering their time together.
Jenny broke into his thoughts with a simple question, "Dan? Are you okay?"
He looked over at her, away from the spot his eyes had relaxed on the floor.
"You kind of look angry... Or confused?"
He shook his head, "I'm fine- Just- uh- hungry."
He turned away from his sister, and made his way over to their refrigerator. Truthfully, food had not crossed his mind. The idea made him a little sick. Like his sanity and sensibility, his appetite had gone out the window following his encounter with Blair. But he couldn't bear to look at his sister and lie straight to her, especially when she could so easily read between the lines of his face. He didn't want to give himself away either, so he rummaged around the shelves and drawers in the fridge, trying to look as if it was a perfectly normal Monday afternoon.
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Blair paced around her room, feeling as if her head was going to explode.
After coming home from school to find her house empty and quiet, she put on a pair of her dark 7 for all Mankind jeans and a Stella McCartney floral halter under a long, open, matching brown sweater. Her hair had been in an irritating bun that had looked stunning, but had driven her crazy all day, so she pulled it out and let her hair wild, forgetting to brush it completely. Such was the level of her anxiety.
She walked back and forth for some time, and then she peered down at her phone and sighed. Depending on how you look at it, she either plunged into the problem headfirst, or she gave up. Either way, she scrolled through her cell phone and found Dan's number, and with one calming breath, she pressed send.
And after one excruciating moment, it rang.
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When Dan looked at his ringing phone, he saw a number that he did not recognize, but he answered anyway.
"Hello?"
"Dan?"
His heart sped up, the voice sounded familiar.
He put his emotions in check and replied, "Yes?"
"It's Blair."
"How did you get my number-"
She cut him off, "We need to talk. I sent a car to pick you up."
"Wha-"
"Please, I really need to talk to you."
He paused for a moment, looking up to find Jenny staring at him. His pride told him to say no to Blair, to walk away from her and the toxic relationship that was sure to develop between them if he didn't allow himself to intervene. How could he let it even get this far? But Blair sounded desperate.
So he gave in, "Okay."
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Blair was standing in the front foyer when the elevator opened and Dan walked in.
For a moment she was stalled, taking in his appearance. He was dressed in worn jeans, a long-sleeved gray shirt, and a black vest-cardigan with gray ribbing. On anyone else Blair would have automatically scoffed at the outfit. But on Dan it actually looked good. He looked so endearing and honest. So much so that she wanted to run up to him, throw her arms around his neck, and smother him in kisses. But she shook her thoughts away, remembering what she really had to do.
"Thank God you're here!" she nearly shouted, hurrying over to him. She grabbed his hand in hers and pulled him away from the elevator and toward the stairs. "Come on, let's talk in my room."
As they ascended the stairs Dan swallowed, "Are you sure that's okay with your mom?" he asked.
"She's not home," she replied, giggling a little.
Dan seemed like such a little boy to her, as if Brooklyn kept him sheltered from the truth of the world or something.
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When they were safely situated within Blair's room, Dan looked around. The last time they had been there together he hadn't been able to fully take in his surroundings, and he used this opportunity to do so.
Nothing about Blair's room was immature or childish. It was feminine, but it wasn't girlie. The whole room was a soft white, except her carpet which was a majestic purple. The curtains drawn over her windows were transparent and white, but lilac drapes sat atop them, pulled back to let in some light. On one wall she had neatly arranged and framed black-and-whites of Audrey Hepburn, Paris, London, and varying beautiful spots in the world. They all rested above her bed, and Dan imagined them looking over he sleeping form. On another wall she had a huge photograph of a field of flowers, the famous purple flowers of France. Except the picture was black and white, save for the flowers, which captured all the color they must have possessed in real life. She had black wooden night tables, a dressing table, and a desk, which held a sleeping laptop. Her bedspread was a soft gray, with pillows of black, white, and shades of purple resting at the head.
"Daniel, why did you end things with Serena last night?" she demanded, closing her door behind her.
He shook his head, "I'm sorry- What?"
"Serena told me you and her weren't together anymore."
"Technically, we were never together," he told her.
She had to remind herself to be patient, "I know, but you could have been something- Why did you end things with her?"
Dan hesitated, he didn't want to tell Blair that Serena had been using him so she could get over Nate. Instinctively, because Blair and Nate were still together, he didn't feel like she would want to hear it. But he reminded himself that it wasn't his job to protect Blair, no matter his promise to be her savior. He couldn't bear to hurt her either. Simply imagining the pain that could fill her big, brown eyes if he told her made him shut up all together.
But, if Blair wanted to be with him, why did she mind so much that he and Serena weren't together anymore? Shouldn't she be happy for this? Dan's sense of wanting to protect Blair half turned into anger and suspicion. So he turned on her.
"Why does it matter?" he asked in return.
Blair was slightly taken aback by this, but she was quick to respond.
"Because, she's really hurt by it!"
Somehow Dan didn't believe this. It was Serena, the girl who had been using him, the girl who could find another guy at the drop of hat to use.
He gave Blair a sort of, 'Are you kidding me look?'
This surprised her further.
She had been so sure that she had the upper-hand, that he would be easy to sway, but he was proving her wrong.
She kept going, "What's that look for?" she asked. "Dan, she was almost hysterical! She kept going on and on about how she wished you two could make up and be together again."
He chuckled sardonically, "I think she'll get over me pretty quickly."
"No! She won't!" Blair nearly shrieked. "Please, Dan, get back together with her."
He raised his eyebrows at her, "Are you kidding me?"
She shook her head, pushing the innocent, helpless look into her eyes.
"I thought you'd be glad we weren't together anymore."
She didn't blink, hoping she could dry out her eyes and make them tear. It worked, and she made herself look away from him, "She's my best friend, and she wants to be with you."
"And you want to meet me in secret-"
"She's miserable Dan!" she stammered. "She's going to be miserable until she's back with you. I can't bear to see her this way."
He narrowed his eyes at her, "Don't you think she'd be pretty miserable if she found out you and I were planning on meeting in secret."
She was silent. He had her there, and she wasn't sure how to reply.
"Let me get this straight," Dan went on. "You're asking me to get back together with your best friend so I can cheat on her?"
She licked her lips, "It sounds horrible when you put it that way."
She tried her hardest to make herself seem like she was about to break down in sobs.
"But if that's what it takes for both of us to be happy, then yes, that's what I'm asking you to do," she said.
"Blair, I'm not going to do that," he said. "Just so you can both be happy? It's only going to get screwed up."
She shook her head, "Please, Daniel!"
"It's Dan!" he shouted back angrily.
She felt he was tugging at the leash, trying to pull away from her restraints, "You don't understand-"
"No!" he retorted. "You don't understand! Just because you want something doesn't mean it's going to be done."
Blair's ears perked up, she was sure she had heard the elevator downstairs.
Dan went on, "I can't believe you would be so-"
"Shhhh!"
He stopped dead, staring angrily at her, "Are you really shushing me-"
"Please!" she hissed, hurrying over to him and covering his mouth with her hand. "Be quiet."
They both listened. But everything was silent, save for their own breathing. And in that brief moment of silent Dan breathed in deeply. Blair's hand smelt like lilacs and shampoo.
Blair was distracted from listening for a moment, as she felt Dan's lips under her fingers. But then, as her attention turned back to the task at hand and she was confident no one was in the house, she dropped her hand and heard a voice, just at the top of the stairs.
"Blair?"
Without saying anything, Blair pushed Dan backward, toward her closet. They stumbled over each other, hissing and shushing as they did so.
"Heidi said you were here."
Damn that German maid! Blair thought as Nate drew closer to her bedroom.
With much haste, she wrenched open the closet door and pushed Dan inside, stumbling in after him. Closing the door behind them both. They were drenched in darkness, save for the crack of light at the bottom of the door. They heard Nate's muffled words as they waited, eyes locked, pressed up against on another.
Blair's heart was beating uncontrollably as she heard Nate knock on her bedroom door, and then as he opened it. The look on her face must have been of pure terror, she was sure her eyes were wide and terrified, as Nate walked into the bedroom, because Dan took her hand in his, giving it a squeeze. She closed her eyes, trying to breathe and remain calm, but the smell of Dan's soap and body spray filled her nose and she felt her heart speed up considerably.
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Dan wasn't sure why he had squeezed Blair's hand for comfort in the closet, but he had done it.
Just seconds ago he had been furious with her, and he was a little annoyed at himself that they had to hide in the closet. He was better than this. He wasn't the type of person who hooked up with other people's girlfriends and had to sneak around because of it. He wasn't someone who would go out with someone when he knew he was going to cheat on them either. But something about Blair made him feel different and confused, like he wasn't really sure if he wanted to be who he was anyway.
The look of sheer panic and fear that had crossed her face had been upsetting, and because they were pressed together he could actually feel her heart beating violently against his. So he had grabbed her hand as they listened to Nate's footsteps entering the room, watching her close her eyes and breathe deeply.
He wanted instantly to kiss her, to take her in his arms and hold her. But he didn't, of course, especially when he heard Nate's voice again.
"Blair?"
Both Dan and Blair were deathly still as they waited.
Finally, after Nate walked across the room, toward the bathroom, he left, closing the bedroom door behind him. It wasn't until they heard the elevator hum to life downstairs that they even let a breath out.
"I'm sorry," Blair whispered, opening her eyes and looking up into Dan's.
He shook his head slowly, as if in slow motion, "It's okay."
Neither of them said anything, they only stared into each other's eyes. And then, without a word passing between them, they leaned forward.
Blair's lips barely touched Dan's, but he felt as if his mind was swirling. He wanted her, all of her, and he moved a half a centimeter forward, smothering her lips with his. She was slightly surprised by this, but in a good way, and she let out a little squeak. She stumbled backward, falling into a herd of shirts that were all lined up on hangers. Dan went down a little with her, but he braced himself with his hand against the wall behind the shirts, leaning into her even more.
Neither of them could deny the cozy privacy they felt as their kiss deepened between the shirts. All sound outside the closet was muffled, but the sound of their own erratic breathing and heavy sighs was magnified in the close space. As Blair slipped her tongue between Dan's lips he groaned a little, allowing one hand to find refuge within her soft curls. She giggled against his lips at his reaction, putting one hand on his chest, playing with the soft fabric of his vest.
They went like this for some time, teasing, sighing, laughing, stumbling, slipping, and clumsily exploring each other's mouths and lips in the darkness of the closet. The seriousness set in and Blair's hand slid to the waistband of his jeans. Dan's first reaction was to allow his hands to move from her hair to the area below her neck, the area that wasn't meant for boys to touch.
Instead, he stopped himself and pulled away.
"We should stop," he whispered, only a breath away from Blair's lips.
Her eyes remained closed as his warm breath tickled her face, "No," she pouted, letting her arms rest around his neck. "More."
"Blair," he said warningly.
She opened her eyes, "You're not like most boys."
"Thanks?" he chuckled, his hands on her hips.
She smiled, milking her performance, "You make me happy."
This made him stop for a moment.
"I'm glad," was his reply.
"But Serena..." she trailed off. "Daniel, please, just give her another chance."
The way she said 'Daniel' made chills run up and down his spine. No one called him Daniel, not even his parents, and when teachers mistakenly did he corrected them quickly. But when she said it he found that he smiled. He liked it. To his surprise, he really liked her.
He was shocked and disgusted as he heard himself asking, "Will it make you happy?"
"Yes."
He sighed, "I'll call her, okay?"
"Thank you," she hugged him, burying her face in the material of his shirt. "Thank you so much!"
He said, "Don't expect me to do things like this all the time though."
She smiled in the darkness, "I don't."
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That night, Dan sat on the fire escape outside of his window, holding his cell phone within his clammy hands.
He told Blair he would call Serena, and he intended to do it. And he decided he would do it that very night. Like ripping a bandage off, he would just get it over with. He sighed deeply, feeling his shoulders sag as he found her number and let it ring.
"Hello?" Serena's semi-cheerful voice answered.
Dan closed his eyes as he said, "Hey Serena. It's Dan."
"Dan!" she cried. "It's so good to hear your voice!" she cooed. "I was afraid you would never talk to me again!"
He could hear the pout in her voice, making him cringe a little. She had been using him. She hadn't truly liked him when she had made plans with him. She had only wanted to get over someone else, someone else who had a girlfriend. And he felt like he was turning over his dignity and pride to a butcher, a butcher who was going to dice it up and put it in a soup that was going to nourish the people he hated most. But he did it anyway. Even though he felt like he was betraying himself, he did it, because Blair had said it would make her happy. And for some reason that felt important to him.
He nearly winced as he said, "Yeah, I overreacted yesterday."
"No," she said. "I can totally understand why you'd be upset!"
Because I have a reason to be! he wanted to shout.
Instead, he said, "Yeah. Anyway, I was wondering if you wanted to go out this weekend?"
It seemed like he was digging his own grave.
"Sure!" she replied.
He nodded to himself, trying to put some enthusiasm into his voice, "Great. I'll talk to you about the details later, okay?"
"Okay!" she said brightly.
"I'll talk to you later."
She giggled, "'kay! Bye!"
And they hung up.
You promised Blair. You're doing it for Blair, he reminded himself.
This only led him to think about their afternoon in the closet, which, in turn, led him to a cold shower.
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That night, after halfheartedly working on her homework, Blair recalled the kiss in the closet with Dan. She wondered how far she would have gone if he hadn't stopped her. She wondered if he was turned off by her, and that's why he always made them stop. Or maybe he was just different from all the other guys, the guys she always had to stop.
Finding herself a little flustered by it, Blair hoped to rid herself of any romantic thoughts of Dan.
He was only part of her plan after all. And so what if she had fun with him on the way?
It's not as if she was going to genuinely like him.
She was slipping into some sweats when her cell phone rang.
Serena was calling.
"Blair!" she shrieked, only a moment after Blair answered. "Guess who called me!"
Blair knew.
"Who?"
Serena shouted, "Dan!"
"Really?" Blair smiled to herself, knowing full-well that her plan was working. "What'd he say?"
"He said he overreacted and that he wanted to go out this weekend!" she relayed.
Blair faked happiness, "That's great."
"I know! I'm so happy!" she laughed. "What do you think I should wear?"
The brunette rolled her eyes, as if I care, she thought to herself, but said, "Your new Marc shirt, you now, the blue one."
"Really?"
"Yeah- Listen, Serena, I'm really sorry, but I gotta go, my Mom's freaking out over something," she lied. "But we'll talk about it in school tomorrow, okay?"
Before her friend could reply, she hung up.
All romantic feelings had been replaced with feelings of depression. Whereas Blair was sure she'd be happy that her plan was working out, she felt solemn and confused, like all her thoughts were messed up and askew. She hated this feeling of uncertainty, and it made her anxious, bringing on an unexpected bout of nausea. Without even a second thought, she hurried to her bathroom, but found she could not throw up, no matter how far she shoved her finger down her throat. But the violence of her dry heaves had left her in a cold sweat and a terrible headache.
Feeling as if all her happiness had been misplaced, Blair took a cold shower, finding the violent shivers calmed her down almost as much as anything else would.
Author's Note: Oh... Drama. Hope you liked chapter six. It was a bit long, and a bit- er- romantic? But I hope that sits well with everyone! Let me know your thoughts!
