Author's Note: Oh revieeeeeeeeeeeeews! I love them to pieces! I'm glad you all liked chapter eleven, chapter twelve might just make the majority of you self-combust. Or at least squeal and giggle a little. Here is chapter twelve! Hope you all enjoy it!

Chapter Twelve
"It's so easy to see
Dysfunction
Between you and me
We must free up
These tired souls
Before the sadness
Kills us both
I tried and tried
To let you know
I love you but,
I'm letting go
It may not last
But I don't know
Just don't know."
-Maroon 5

Dan and Blair's relationship turned quickly physical. Not that they had ever had a relationship that was based on communication, or anything else for that matter, but now they hardly even spoke. They fell into a sort-of routine. Nearly everyday after school they would meet at Blair's house or Dan's loft, depending on whose parents were home or whose bed was available. They had no problem being together, especially when it came to physical contact, but they never went too far.

It was safe to say that they had crossed some major boundaries, but not the one boundary that they would never let themselves cross. Technically, they were both still 'pure.'

Sure, they were very serious when it came to their making out and slight groping, but at the same time they were always playful and always amused in their sneaky behavior.

Blair loved the secrecy of their relationship, it wasn't anyone else's business and no one else had to know. Of course, this was an advantage, seeing as everyone would judge her if she dated someone from Brooklyn. Not that she thought about actually dating him. But Dan, on the other hand, hated that he couldn't show off the fact that Blair liked him, that they were kind of together. He knew, however, that for Blair's sake, they needed to be a secret.

For now.

But, there was a slight problem. Nate and Serena were starting to feel neglected. So, after receiving multiple texts and calls one Friday afternoon, they agreed that they needed to start paying more attention to the other two or else they'd be found out. Dates were quickly made. And although Dan readily admitted his dissatisfaction with the whole situation, Blair actually had to convince herself that she missed Nate, that she truly loved him and couldn't wait for their date. Yet, she was left feeling entirely unsure.

&

Blair felt confused as she rang the doorbell of the Archibald home.

"Um-erm- I'm not exactly ready," Nate had said over the phone. "Could you come over and we'll leave from my house?"

Even if he wasn't ready, why did she have to come over and wait for him, why couldn't he just pick her up when he was ready like they had planned? A few extra minutes with Nate at his house before they left for dinner wouldn't kill her though. In fact, she told herself, it'll be even more time to spend with him.

Nate appeared, opening the front door with a smile playing across his lips.

The pretty brunette felt her stomach drop and roll around sickly, and it wasn't the feeling of butterflies, it was bile rising, trying to find an exit. Why didn't she feel the same flutter of excitement when she looked at Nate? Why wasn't the usually-ever-present urge to throw her arms around him, cover him in kisses, and tackle him to the ground overcoming her? She swallowed, trying so desperately to convince herself that she still loved Nate, that she was still hurt and pissed off that he loved Serena and not her. Surprisingly enough though, Blair thought of Nate talking to his father at the party, about his secret confession.

"It's hard for her to take it the wrong way, since it was what it was- I like Serena Dad, and I don't want to hide my feelings for her just because you tell me to."

The words were still etched into her memory, but right now, they didn't make her heart crash against her liver, they didn't make her kidney's twist, her stomach convulse, or her lungs constrict like they usually did. She found herself- almost!- not caring.

Presently, Nate held the door open for her and she daintily stepped inside, feeling foreign in a house that was just as familiar as her own.

"My parents are in Connecticut for the weekend and Elizabeth has the day off," Nate told her, walking up the stairs, Blair following timidly in his wake.

She wasn't sure why he was telling her this, why he was acting so strangely, or why she felt so uncomfortable in his home. Feeling as if the universe had shifted under her very Manolos, Blair swallowed, blinked furiously and tried to realign everything that had ever entered her mind. She loved Nate. She was using Dan. She felt comfortable in the Archibald house. Dan's loft was a hole in the wall, probably filled with termites and cockroaches. But even as she told herself these things she felt a guilty lurch in her stomach, a lurch she ignored.

Nate opened his bedroom door for Blair and moved aside so she could enter, when she did, and when she took in her surroundings, her breath caught in her throat and she nearly choked on her own gasp.

The room was dim, as it was going on five o'clock in the evening, and Nate's room was filled with small tea-candles, scattered around the place, casting it in a flickering glow. His normal sheets and comforter had been replaced with silky black ones and rose petals were strewn across it. All of Nate's boyish or immature things had been hidden or put away, and his room was, for once, cleaned immaculately. Nate was beaming with a proud glint in his eye, but as Blair took the sight in, she felt disappointed. The scenario that would usually have her melting at the knees suddenly felt corny and theatric, especially when Nate was probably threatened into doing it. Would Dan ever do this? she asked, and then silently berated herself. Who cares? But as she looked at Nate and put on a smile, she knew she didn't care half as much about this surprise as she would have a month ago and that made her anxiety multiply tenfold.

Blair cleared her throat, managing to say, "You did this for me?"

"Yes," Nate said, nodding. He took her hands in his, leading her toward the bed. "I've missed you recently, and I want to make up for our time apart."

He sat down on the bed and Blair collapsed into a sitting position beside him, gazing at the scene around her.

Nate swept the hair that was falling around her neck and against her chest, behind her right shoulder, leaving his hand to linger along her collarbone. Blair shivered, feeling strange and uncomfortable, while Nate smiled, probably thinking she was overcome with emotion. And while she had only sat down on the bed because she was so confused and so anxious that she couldn't stand, Nate probably believed she was interested in sleeping with him. This realization set Blair's heart beating faster, and not because she was excited, but because she was scared. This was something she had wished for, hoped for, for ages, and now that it was close to happening, she was angry and confused, disgusted and scared. But Nate leaned in and kissed the tenderest of spots below her ear, all along her jawline until their lips met. Going on autopilot, Blair went through all the actions of kissing him, she wasn't even thinking or feeling as his actions grew more intense. It wasn't until they were laying on the bed, clothes half-off, with Nate murmuring that he loved her while his hands roamed her body, that she realized she didn't want to do it at all.

I've gone crazy, Blair was convinced. How could I not want him to love me? to kiss me and hold me? What the hell is wrong with me? why am I being so ridiculous?

Serena's laughing face entered her mind and her confusion turned to anger again.

She could never be happy with Nate, not when he was kissing her, probably thinking of her blonde best friend.

Thinking of Serena, Blair remembered that she was currently on a date with Dan. And as Nate was being all romantic and wonderful, she found herself wondering what Serena and Dan were doing.

&

Dan knew. Of course he knew, that Serendipity's was a little cliche, a little corny, a little touristy, but he didn't care. This was Serena he was taking, not Blair. The attempt was halfhearted. Half-assed, was the word that kept coming back into his head, making him smirk. He didn't even care anymore, didn't even feel guilty. His whole love-life was so far gone, so screwed up, that he didn't even think twice about asking Serena on a date. Blair was going on a date with Nate anyway. So why not go on one with Serena?

He felt like Alice in Wonderland, like he had been shoved down the rabbit-hole. Everything was so topsy-turvy, so screwed-up and rearranged that he didn't even question anything anymore, he just accepted it.

Making out with Blair everyday after school? Of course.

Passing furtive glances in the hallways that were not going entirely unnoticed? No question.

Avoiding the subject of Nate and Serena all together? Duh.

Taking Serena on a date? Obviously.

Keeping everything concerning Blair Waldorf a secret? It bothered him, but it went without question.

Serena looked particularly beautiful that Friday night. Her golden waves were wild, but artfully so, and her skin seemed to shimmer under the many funky lamps of the ice cream shop. She was dressed in some bright blue t-shirt-dress, with black, opaque tights and flats, and a little jacket to go with it. Everything about her screamed confidence and perfection, but Dan just didn't see the appeal anymore. What had attracted him to her? Was it her Aphrodite-image? Her reputation? The mystery of the infamous Serena van der Woodsen? The hype? Her forced, giggly-shrill laugh? He found himself cringing throughout the date, he couldn't like her, even if he tried.

"I'll have the Forbidden Broadway Sundae," she had informed the waiter, before Dan had even decided what to get, without even glancing at the menu.

She ate the whole thing on her own, every bit of it. Dan was surprised to see her slurp up the whipped-cream and shovel all of the chocolate cake into her mouth. He wondered how she stayed so perfectly thin and beautiful, and how she was so confident eating like a pig in front of him. He didn't mind it, she could eat all she wanted and he would still feel the same way about her.

Blair would probably order a water and a salad.

Shut up, you're on a date with Serena!

But he couldn't help it, he thought of the disgusted face Blair would throw in Serena's direction if she could see the way she was eating. Blair would think it was a perfected sneer of revulsion, something that evoked feelings of hatred and fear. It only made him laugh though. It was Blair, after all. The face only made her look more adorably lovable to him.

"What's your favorite animal?" Serena currently asked, practically skipping down 60th street on a sugar high.

Dan was sort of thrown by the question.

Why did she care?

Did she know about his family? Did she know about the problems he had with his mom or the fact that he wrote? What did she really know about him? What did he really know about her? And she wanted to know what his favorite animal was?

He cleared his throat, "A wolf, I guess."

She pretty much ignored his response, asking, "What animal do I remind you of?"

A dolphin, with a high-pitched squeal and a need to entertain, he thought, but he didn't say that.

Blair reminds me of a cat, he decided. A slinky little house cat with a "hidden" agenda. A sleek but cuddly gray cat that could scratch you to bleed one moment and then purr against your legs, demanding affection the next.

"A gazelle," he replied, scrambling for an answer.

Serena gave him a funny look, "A gazelle?" she smiled brightly. "Why?"

Jesus Christ, Dan wanted to shout, because he really didn't know.

He made something up, "Because you're blonde, and you're always in motion, and you're fast," he said, and then he realized how that sounded. "I mean, you know, you're personality is fast-paced, and you're elegant," he threw in for good measure.

All of these reasons didn't seem good enough for Serena, after all, they probably weren't what she wanted to hear, so she pouted a little.

"Oh."

They walked in silence for some time. Dan was growing sick of awkward silences with Serena, but he endured them for his favorite catlike girl. To pass the time, and to keep himself from going insane, Dan imagined Blair and their last tryst. It had been at the loft, while his father and Jenny were at a meeting at the school for an art course she wanted to take. Blair and Dan had pretty much fed each other grapes, complaining a little about their mothers and school. But what had gone from a simple play-date ended up with Dan's hand up Blair's shirt, against the refrigerator. Until, of course, Rufus had called and said they were picking up Chinese food down the street, and did he want anything? Blair had to scurry toward the door, kiss Dan quickly, fiercely, deeply, heatedly, and then run outside, down the street, and into a cab, before the other Humphrey's could see her.

But thinking of Blair just then was dangerous, it only made him think of her being on a date with Nate.

It drove him crazy not knowing what they were doing. It would probably drive him crazier if he knew what they were doing though. Were they at a stiff restaurant, talking politely, falling into awkward silences too, daintily eating their food? Or was Nate touching Blair, the way he wanted to being touching her? He winced. The damn pothead just wasn't good enough for her.

"Hey!" Serena suddenly said, turning towards him with a bright smile on her face. "We should call Nate and Blair and see what they're doing."

Dan brightened up considerably, "That's a good idea!"

Anything to salvage the evening.

He decided, however, not to mention the fact that Nate and Blair were on a date as well.

&

Blair was honestly considering screaming rape. Their clothes were off, all that was left was underwear. She felt frantic, afraid that Nate honestly thought they were going to go all the way. He kissed, he grabbed, he groaned, and he breathed heavily. Blair just followed suit, acting and pretending. In order for her plan of breaking Nate's heart to work, she had to at least make him think she liked him. But she felt so scared. She didn't want to lose herself to Nate! She didn't want Nate to touch her the way he was touching her. Closing her eyes, she pictured Dan, feeling herself growing anxious and nervous. It scared her that she needed to imagine it was him that was touching her, murmuring in her ear, for it to be romantic. But it wasn't Dan's voice, wasn't Dan's body, weren't Dan's lips, weren't Dan's words. She could tell the difference, and she didn't like that it was Nate, didn't like that she wanted it to be Dan.

"Blair, I love you," he pulled away from her for a moment, managing to look into her eyes.

Like hell you do, she wanted to shout. What, did your dad tell you to say all of this, word for word? Did he script this whole damn scene for you?

Nate kissed her, lingering awkwardly before pulling away to say, "I want to do this with you Blair."

She almost wanted to ask, 'Do what?' Just to ruin the moment.

Instead, she watched him lean over toward his night stand. Just as he was about to open the drawer, to retrieve God-knows-what, she panicked, letting out a squeak of despair.

Nate jumped a little, turning toward her, "Is something wrong?" he looked almost concerned. "Do you want to do this?"

Without thinking, Blair replied, "Yes, but- it's just-"

Fortunately for Blair, Nate's phone rang and he slowly got up to retrieve it.

"It's Serena," Nate said.

She felt a peel of anger inside of her, but she said, "Answer it."

She watched as Nate and Serena talked on the phone for a few minutes, and then as he looked at her and asked, "Serena and Dan want to know if we want to go to some dusk to dawn flea market thing going on in Chelsea," he sort of frowned, as if the idea was totally unappealing to him. "Do you want to go?"

Not that the idea totally caught Blair's fancy- after all, a flea market all night? ew- but she was desperate to get away from Nate, out of his house, and most of all, near Dan,

She lit her eyes up, as if going to Chelsea was just as good as going to Paris, "Let's go!"

"You want to?" Nate whispered.

She shook her head fervently.

He spoke into the phone, "Okay, Serena, we'll meet you guys over there."

Blair immediately set about getting dressed, ignoring the disappointed look on Nate's face as he hung up. He got dressed, and together, they blew out all of the tea candles around the room. She didn't care if Nate's plan had gone to shit, or that he was definitely onto her losing interest in him. All she cared about was that the oppressive feeling that had settled on her chest since entering Nate's house had been lifted, and that was all that mattered.

&

Nate and Blair found Serena and Dan near a stall of "antique" brooches, silently examining the glittering accessories.

"Hey guys," Nate greeted them.

Serena whirled around and instantly leapt into Nate's arms, "Natie!" she cried. Then she turned and threw herself at Blair, "Bee!"

When she let go of her, Blair turned and her gaze met Dan's.

She pretended to be icy and condescending towards him, just like she had always been.

"Waldorf," he said, his tone hard and flippant.

She could tell he was trying to keep a straight face; his eyes were grinning.

Setting her lips into a dissatisfied frown, she rose an eyebrow and said, "Humphrey."

He could also tell that she was trying not to smile.

All their memories of kisses and heated breaths in secret places filled their minds. They always thought about their meetings, but now it was really as if their affair was forbidden, and it made them giggly. Besides, neither of them was a professional actor, and simply keeping a nonchalant front before Nate and Serena was difficult, but amusing. However, the evening wore on and they played it cool. Nate and Serena were flirting and blatantly teasing one another, and Blair and Dan shared glances over it. They didn't mind though, only enjoyed the furtive looks they could share, the looks that held so much meaning in them. Whether they meant 'I want you' or 'They don't want us' they both knew what the looks meant.

One might think it was difficult to slip away from Serena and Nate, but it was actually quite easy. While they laughed and began to, again, blatantly flirt amongst an array of stuffed toys, Dan and Blair sank into the shadows, acting as if they were sending each other hateful glares. Finally, when he was sure the other two weren't looking, Dan took Blair's forearm in his hand and guided her behind a stall of scarves. She smiled at him, her breath escaping her mouth in small puffs of steam. Making sure the cost was clear, Dan led Blair around several more stalls, ignoring bargains being thrown their way, making sure they were lost from sight in the crowd of shoppers. They hid themselves behind a stall at the outskirts of the whole flea market, a good distance away from the other two.

Blair found herself pressing her face against Dan's chest, inhaling his familiar scent. He wrapped his arms around her.

"How are you?" he asked into her hair, a simple question that sent chills up her spine.

She looked into his eyes, "About to blow my brains out with those two."

Laughing a little, Dan said, "Me too."

Her gaze shifted toward his lips and she stood on tiptoe, kissing him lightly, relishing the feel of kissing someone she liked, someone who actually cared about her because he could. No! she berated herself. You don't like him, Blair, shut up!

They pulled apart and Dan looked at her, "Why are we doing this Blair?"

She knew what he meant, the sneaking, the dating other people they didn't want to date. But because she couldn't tell him the truth, that she was just using him to hurt them, she said, "Daniel-"

"No," he cut her off. "I don't like Serena- at all- and you don't like Nate... I know you don't."

Her eyes bore into his, "Dan, we can't-"

She couldn't finish her statement, because Dan's phone began to ring. But he didn't reach for it, he didn't let go of the gentle grip he hand on her hands now. He only stared into her eyes, searching for an answer, wanting all of this complicated confusion to end. All he wanted was her, but she was denying him that in some small way.

"You should answer it," she whispered, pulling away. She folded her arms, shaking, closing in on herself, she looked toward the sidewalk, "It's probably them."

Dan didn't move until Blair glanced at him, and then he reluctantly took out his phone.

"Hello?" Serena's voice, too loud, too high, filled his brain. She wanted to know where they were. "Yeah, I was just going to call you guys- I think I got separated by the crowd or something."

Serena asked if he was with Blair.

He looked at her, standing there, insecure and confused, trembling, avoiding his eyes.

"No, I'm not with her," he said. "I thought she was with you guys."

"We're still by that stuffed toy display," Serena said. "Come over here and I'll call Blair."

Dan wanted to sigh heavily, instead, he said, "Okay," and hung up.

Blair didn't look at him, not until he said, "She's going to call you now."

"I'm sorry," she whispered on impulse, feeling as if it was really true.

She did feel bad that all this nonsense with Nate and Serena had to go on. She was even starting to regret her starting her whole plan to hurt them, with Dan stuck in the middle of the whole thing. But she didn't know what to do now. She was so far into it, why not finish what she started? And maybe she and Dan could even be together after she revealed their affair. Either way, her heart felt heavy and sorry.

He understood what she meant and reached up, gently stroking her cheek with his thumb, "We'll figure it out."

His words reassured her, making her feel as if they would be able to figure it out.

But would they, would they really be able to figure it out?

Author's Note: Hope you all liked this chapter! If this chapter didn't make you say 'Aw!' (which I'd totally understand) the next chapter is probably going to make you all squeal and freak out just a little bit! I will try to have the next chapter up before the new episode of Gossip Girl (squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!) airs, or at least right after that. I saw some intriguing pictures of Blair having yogurt dumped on her and Nate and Dan talking in the next episode. I could be wrong, but either way? I'm excited! Who is shaking with anticipation for this new episode, I believe is named, The Blair Bitch Project?! Okay, this author's note is turning into an author's rant. Thanks to everyone for reading! Reviewing is always appreciated!